Sunday, December 30, 2012

[Gerbil PoV] Freddie Squeaks.. er, Speaks.

I'm moving in wif Speedy!!!!111!!oneonone!
Oh, sure, she left the yucky "all in one" pellets she leaves hidden about for me to dig for and find and gnaw on .. but those don't count! They're bland and boring and tough and don't taste sunflowery AT ALL.
I could have STARVED.
First its pick me up, put me in the carry cage. Then its pick me up and put me back in my house. Then its all, pick me up AGAIN to put me in my carry cage ..a nd guess what? Repeats it AGAIN. THEN.. THEN!! she gives me subpar litter that doesn't fluff up AT ALL for building holes and hidies in!
To top it all off.. She left my bowl OF FOOD sitting on the ground under the table my house sits on!!
I bet SPEEDY would never, ever, EVER forget to let me gnaw from his bowl!
Humans. HMPH.
-Freddie Da Gerbil. The Starving.
(I would move in with Mick, but uh.. after the whole finking to Aunty Jade thing this morning, I'd probably best avoids him for a while.. Ooo.. Wait, Maddy has all that lovely fur to nest in.. Maybe I'll go visit her..)

[Gerbil Anger] I'm in the doghouse!

"I gots my eye on you, hooman!"

Mr Freddie doesn't like being picked up. He doesn't mind being held. He doesn't mind being put on shoulder and running around till he's tired and eventually just curls up in my hair to sleep. He just doesn't like being picked up.  I can't say I rightly blame him. I don't know how thrilled *I'D* be if this giant hand came out of nowhere and tried to catch me and then scooped me up. Poor little guy is half the size of my hand. He has the right to not like it!

Unfortunately for him, he got picked up *FOUR* times tonight. FOUR. That's beyond a sunflower fixable offence here, folks. That's straight to a pumpkin seed and a drop of apple juice just to get something other than a tail waved in my general direction.

I'd purposefully left half a bag of Carefresh litter at my parents place for my next visit. I forgot this when I cleared out his cage this evening and found myself without litter for him. Ruh-oh. So it was an emergency run to the stores. Of course, being 7.30pm on a Saturday evening, not much was open. I *normally* buy his Carefresh in Petsmart, but they close at 6pm on a Saturday as far as I recall. So I started searching for a store that was A) Open and B) Had Carefresh. It took me a few tries, but I ended up at Petcetra.

Some may remember Petcetra is on my no-shop list because they sell bunnies. Not even just that they sell bunnies for a horrifically overpriced amount, but they keep all their animals in nasty conditions. Their bunnies almost all have some sort of respiratory infection (they sneeze), no hay, and are on pine or cedar shavings. (Which also may be the cause of the sneezing.) Countless peeps have reported individual stores *and* the chain itself. Not much has happened because of it. Now we just hope we can drive them out of business due to lack of customers. But, the only other choice was Walmart.  So, I had to choose between a Canadian evil and an American evil. Both are on my no-shop list, but in the end, Walmart may not have had Carefresh, its on the other side of town AND it's not Canadian.

Of course, Petcetra don't actually carry Carefresh either, they carry a subpar clone for more money. Freddie gave me a "What is this sh!t?!" look when I put him back in his cage. I didn't know gerbils could even MAKE that look. He spent a good couple of hours giving me the "talk to the tail!" expression and sulks. He never chews on the bars.. but tonight, he'd chew on th ebars to get my attention and then turn his back on me. Oh, he wanted me to know how much scum I was in his world!

Fortunately, like human, like gerbil.. He has the attention span of a squirrel on crack.. so a few sunflower seeds over the evening and he's mostly forgiven me. The new litter doesn't fluff as well as the old, so he's having trouble building himself a burrow. I'll probably just give him extra newspaper and cardboard to chomp up.

But tonight, Freddie has whole new sympathy for bunnies and the trouble they have finding good help!

I am scum.

Monday, December 24, 2012

[Merry Christmas!] Look, one of Speedy's cousins is helping celebrate! :)

[Merry Christmas] Lorna gets mushy.

Merry Christmas to everyone and everybun from Me'n'Freddie!

I just want to say thank you to all my friends who have shared their stories and love through out the year and may the next year be even better than the one we're finished. May your days be filled with love, laughter, hugs, and happiness!

May you always find your family and home - just like Joey Kangaroo! ;)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

[Bunny Art] Kartz from deviantART

I was looking for bunny pirate pics (for obvious reasons ;) ) and I found Kartz's gallery. Here's a few of my favourites.

Beautiful, no?

[Bunny Pirate Stories] Captain Jack's Missing Balls.

Captain Ren was leaning on the gunwale looking up the beach thinking palm trees with tinsel looked very silly. Fortunately, this year the island's council had decided that after the candle disaster of last year they weren't putting 'coloured lights' in them. She rather missed the shade of the six palms by tailor's. Actually, she rather missed the tailor, come to think of it. But, all in all, a beautiful day in the French Carribean.

She looked down, Houdini was still hiding behind her legs. Mr Mick, new recruit, was trying to lure the shy white bun out to play tag with him and Speedy. Ren was fairly confident that Mr Mick was tired and wanted a nap and Speedy was still raring to go and so the lop was looking for a replacement. Watching Speedy 'sit and wait' was making her tired, did that rabbit ever just *stop* and rest? The latest recruits and part of her regular crew of the human sort were busy patching together material, grommetings and basically being good sailors as they replaced the torn and abused white sail with thick, pink, sheets to catch the wind. At least her ship would look pretty, she supposed. She couldn't help but wonder if people would run screaming from the colour of her sails or the colour of her flag.

"Permission to come aboard!" A cheerful, if slightly intoxicated voice called, "Permission never needed, ye handsome devil! I'm always be happy to see ye!" The same voice replied as he bounced up the last few feet of the gangplank and gave Captain Ren his most winsome smile.

"Jack.." Ren said, wondering if the island had any willow bark. She'd rather emptied the ship's stock the last time he'd been here. If he wasn't so *yummy* .. why, she'd just toss him right overboard, she would!

"*Captain* Jack!" He corrected happily.

"You only come here when Barbarosa's stolen your ship.. no ship, no Captain." She smiled sweetly. Houdini tilted an ear and peered around her leg up at the pirate. Mr Mick periscoped up and seemed to be taking notes.

"AH! But no, y'see, I went and bought meself a commission. Very kind of the King of Norway to be sellin' it so cheap. But, so I be being a Captain of RANK as well of ship!" He beamed happily. He ignored Ren's eye roll and looked about the Rumrabbit. "Ey, where's yer hat stealin' mate?"

Captain Ren shook her head, a little sadly, a lot proudly. "She and some of the other angel pirates decided to steal their own ship -- fortunately, not MINE this time -- and are up in Quebec trying to teach the fur traders how to catch catfish."

Even Captain Jack, captain of the non-sequitor, master of mayhem and nonsense had to blink a bit at that. Even he knew there were no catfish in Quebec. "Bloody rabbits." He finally muttered.

Ren couldn't help but agree with him. It had to be mighty chilly up in the northern colonies, no way they'd get her up there! Even if Cindy left half a rabbit's worth of fur behind daily post morning snuggle, it still wasn't warm enough!

"Anyway, Captain Ren, oh beautiful .. er, most beautiful of stars in the sky.."

"It's day."

"..The orb in which the universe resolves.."

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"..The calm wave in the storm of chaos.."

"Oh, so now I"m a becalmed ship."

"..The apple of the barrel who is the sweetest.."

"Because it's rotting and worm infested, generally."

"..The cool breeze on a hot day.."

"Oh, so I'm frigid?"

"Yes, but I loves ye anyway, darlin'" Captain Jack flashed her a gold capped tooth grin.

Ren rolled her eyes, not quite sure how she walked into that one. "What do you want Jack?" She finally asked.

"Ah, well, y'see, Barbarossa stole me balls."

A crew full of women turned to stare at Captain Jack. Even the rabbits looked rather jaw dropped.

"Your .. balls?" Captain Ren repeated, dubiously.

Speedy whisker-whispered to Mr Mick "See! Even humans get dragged to the vet!"

"Aye! Me brass balls!"

Janice snorted, "Mate, I've kicked your missin' knackers, and I be tellin' ye, they were never made of brass."

Jack spun in spot to stare at her and the yards and yards of pink would-be-sail. "Aye.. What.. Uh." He decided some things were beyond his universe and spun back to Ren. "Nono, me MONKEY's brass balls!"

"I've met that monkey, it tried to bite me!" Pearl scowled at him. "Damn zombie monkey."

Barb smiled to herself as she stitched, "Always treated me just fine."

"Nono, not Monkey-Jack!" He sighed the sigh of the hard pressed and misunderstood. "Look, Governor of Saint-Domingue's been busy sellin' stuff to raise money fer troops to deal with their latest slave revolt. One of them thingys was a brass monkey of treasure findin'. Not that he knew what it was o'course, and I wasn't about to be tellin' him.."

"So you stole it." Ren broke in.

"Aye, of course! Wouldn't be much of a pirate if I just went around payin' for things, would I?" He gave the Captain a dubious look before crouching down to look at the large white bunny behind her. Houdini shrunk back so only his ears and whiskers were visible on either side of her leg. "Ey there, matey. You the new cabin boy, then?"

Whiskers twitched and an ear cupped towards Jack's voice.

"Ye aren't about stealin' hats, are ye?" The pirate continued.

Houdini peeked around Ren's leg and shook his head.

"Well, there's a good lad then." Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a small white cube and blew fluff, fuzz and bits off it. "Sorry mate, no carrots, but ruin yer teeth on this, savvy?" He offered the bit abused sugar cube to Houdini who took it politely, if dubiously, before dropping it on the deck to lick at it.

"Where did you get a sugar cube?" Ren asked, boggled.

"Oh, well, the Governor had a daughter, didn't he?" Jack gave her another beaming grin as he stood up, hand to chest to proclaim his innocence. "Not that I, Captain Jack, swarthiest of swarthy, most noble of noble, must uh.. something of something.. would take advantage of a fair maid o'course." He paused dramatically, "Good thing she hadn't been a maid since she turned fourteen I be supposing."

Ren's eye twitched.

"Right then!" He clapped his head, startling half a dozen rabbits and getting glared at all around. "Whoops, sorry 'bout that mateys." He said to the rabbits. You'd apologize to any being that could gnaw wood and line as fast as they could, too! Besided, he never liked to find rabbit poop in his boots. "So, what do ye say we set sail and chase down that blackguard Barbarossa? Ye'matey Barb can go for dinner, I steal back me balls and we go find treasure and infamy!"

Ren licked her lips and thought of how to phrase the answer.

"I know y've always wanted to play with me balls.." He said, leaning in, trying for charming. Captain Ren couldn't identify which snickers and snorts came from which of her crew.  Even the ever polite Speedy ducked his head to hide a bunny smirk.

"Maybe after you've learnt how to bathe." Ren replied, primly. "There are a few problems with your plan."

"Aye?" Jack asked.

She stepped forward, Houdini hopping after her, putting her arm around Jack's shoulders to turn him to face the empty rigging. "See something missing?"

"They're on yer deck, mate." Captain Jack replied, giving her a look.

"And they're not done yet!"

"Oh. Well, hop to it, then."

"You think you're clever, don't you?" Ren muttered. She turned Jack around and guided him to look down in the hold. "See anything else missing?"

"No rum!" He replied in aghast at the mostly empty hold.

"Right. Its almost as if our Supercargo is above negotiating payment so we can have stock and supply to sail .. when we have sails once more!"

"But there's no rum!" He repeated.

"Yes, yes, the rum's gone. We drank it all. Pay attention, will you?" Captain Ren resisted smacking him.

"Right." Jack nodded, rubbing his finger and thumb along his chin before getting distracted to play with his moustache. "So what's the problem then? Besides the lack of rum, ye savvy?"

Ren couldn't help smacking the palm of her hand to her forehead. Some things were just automatic reactions.

"Look, the girls who aren't sewin' go get supplies on promise of credit.."

Ren smacked him upside the back of his head, sending hat and bandana askew. "I don't HAVE credit, after a certain someone claimed to be from my ship to outfit his own." She glared up at him. "THEN that certain someone didn't pay his bills!"

"That was right dastardly of that fellow!" Jack replied, looking properly aghast at that such could happen to the fair captain of the Rumrabbit.

Ren closed her eyes and took a deep, calming, breath.

She was more than slightly shocked when she felt Jack kiss her, rather roughly. "Tell ya what, love, I'll go find ye some cargo, you finish them sails and do yer nails or whatever it tis ye do, and we'll go find me balls, savvy?" Ren opened her mouth to formulate a reply, but was too late because the rogue had already bounced to the gang plank. "See ye in a few hours, then!" He disappeared down the wood.

Houdini gave his human an apologetic glance and scrambled after the pirate captain, obviously fascinated with the flamboyant, in slightly insane, man. Mr Mick and Speedy exchanged glances and went chasing after. Obviously the fun followed the trouble maker!

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

[Christmas] Speedy Christmas Pics.

Speedy Rabbit asked for pictures of our trees and us if possible. Getting Me, a tree AND Freddie in a shot proved impossible so I wore my "Swiss Cheese" shirt and stood by the tree.

I would like to add, the bunny does NOT have a branch up her butt as Cabana Boy would try and tell you. She has a branch up the back of her skirt. Much more ladylike!

And there we go, Me'n'Freddie!

We shall ignore the acne, shan't we? (cough)

I have a very bad habit that the more pain I've been dealing with due to back/leg, the more I pick at my skin. In winter all you'll see is the damage I do to my face, but in summer, you can see it on my legs, face, neck/upper chest. I'm TRYING to stop with support from Cabana Boy, it's really hard. It's basically my brain saying "This is something I CAN control." .. Irony at its best, really.. since, if I can't stop, obviously I can't control it..

Anyway! Hoppy Holidays from me and the gerbil :) Freddie says he got fed lots of sunflower seeds yesterday and more today for being a good boy and he's not nearly as abused as he tries to make out. :)

[A Challenge!] Saving Money.

The "Piggy Bank"

Blog friend Sue over at "Our New Life in the Country" had a brilliant post about how she and hubby (who has swanky taste in dressing gowns, don't let Sue fool you!) saved their coins for a year and then counted it up. I wandered over to the hostess of the challenge SFT's Blog and read about it.

Those who know me know I'm the world's WORST saver. I am horrible. Money burns holes in my pocket! I have so many wants! Alas, a limited income from disability means I often have to choose between doing without things like food or doing without the fun things. Of course, if I just saved X per month.. problem is, of course, I can SEE it sitting in the savings' account, so I end up transferring it out and spending it.

The magic here is I have to remove duct tape and admit I broke into the 'piggy bank' (aka the marge tub). So, I'm hoping to save up for a trip to Omaha. If for whatever reason Cabana Boy and I break up, then.. uh, I'll come up with a plan b. :D It's a year away, I'm sure I'll change my mind on what I want it for 500 times!

Right now I'm planning to toss all Canadian coins in there. That's twonies ($2), loonies ($1), quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies. (Not that pennies are being made anymore.) Right now that change typically gets splurged on a Tim Hortons extra large coffee. Time to put it to a less ephemeral use, right?

Freddie says I should spend it on an extra deluxe gerbil friendly running system. I told him to get a job.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

[Bunny/Gerbil Stories] Lost, One Human.

(I'm not actually sure I got the scale right..)

Speedy Rabbit was zipping between the bushes, hopping over the much slower moving Mr Mick Rabbit, kicking his heels up in the air and having a grand ole time when he suddenly skidded to a stop, his ears pivoting one way and then the other. Freddie Gerbil, was sitting up between Speedy's ears and peering around. 

"Do you hear that?" Speedy asked. 

"I hear traffic, and wind, and.." He paused, "I think a dog, somewhere.."

Mickey caught up and periscoped, his loppy ears lifting to try and catch what Speedy was hearing. "I hear it too. It sounds like a little two foot, crying." 

"I don't hear or smell a big two foot." Speedy said, periscoping up carefully not to dislodge his passenger. "I think its coming from that field!"

Mick hopped in the direction Speedy indicated, Speedy catching up and keeping pace with his friend. The trio soon came upon a human toddler sitting in the middle of the long grass, crying.  

"Why would someone abandon their two foot here? There's nothing for it to eat.. and they're helpless! They're not like the wild apes, they can't take care of themselves!" Mick thumped a foot in disgust.

Speedy chewed on his lip as he approached the two foot. "Well, even the apes' kids get taken care of till they can swing, don't they? I think its the same for humans.." 

"BUNNY!" The toddler suddenly exclaimed before stuffing two fingers in its mouth.

"Yes, bunny." Speedy agreed.

"You hug me kid, and you'll get a foot tattoo on your forehead." Mick grumbled.. He didn't have much use for grabby, sticky, hands.

"Where Mummy?" The toddler asked.

The two bunnies exchanged looks, Freddie cleared his throat. "Maybe it just got lost? We should take it home to your hu-Mum, Speedy, and she can put up those lost posters you see all over the place for dogs, cats and teenagers and stuff."

Speedy sighed, "You might wanna move to Mick."

"No way!" Said Mick. "I'm not having that foo' gerbil on me!"

"Its that or the baby.." Speedy said, trying to look like kale wouldn't disappear in his mouth.

Mick looked between Speedy, the baby and Freddie before lowering his head in defeat. "Fine, foo' gerbil can get a ride. This time only! And no fur pulling!"

Freddie scurried from Speedy to Mick and got comfortable on the lop's head. While there weren't ears to use for balance (and emergency hand holds), there was a more pronounced bump on Mick's head for him to sit between. Mick's fur was also more plush and softer to snurgle against.

"Hee, Hee!" Mick giggled as he got tickled, "Stop that!" He squirmed

Freddie looked up from where he'd been trying to burrow into the fuzzy fur and sighed. "Sorry! Force of habit!"

"Foo' gerbil." Mick muttered.

Speedy carefully approached the toddler. "Bunny!" He said.

"Oh great, now he's talking like one." Mick grumbled. 

Speedy ignored him. "Follow bunny!" He said, trying to think very loudly at the baby human. He wasn't quite sure if it was old enough to be in the day dreamer's scape yet. You had to be able to dream to hear rabbits.

"Fowwo!" The toddler said.

Speedy hopped a few feet away and looked back over his shoulder.

"Fumper!" The toddler cried and stumbled to its feet and tottered after Speedy.

Speedy continued the process, leading the toddler back towards his warren when the toddler sat down with a howl. "TI-ERD!"

Mick put his paws over his ears. "GAH!"

Speedy did similar. "Agree!"

"Now what?!" Mick didn't quite yell. He didn't even protest a gerbil ducking under one ear to muffle the howls.

"Now I get my Mum!" Speedy said, turning on his heel and dashing off.

"HEY! WAIT!" Mick called after him with no results. He thumped both back feet in irritation. "Great, I get stuck with the stinky human and the foo' gerbil." He then had to scratch at his ear because the hiding rodent was tickling the heck out of him. "Get outta there!" he finally said.

Freddie scrambled up onto Mick's back, settling between his shoulders.

Mick muttered and grumbled as he moved towards the furless two foot. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Foo' human. Foo' Speedy. Foo' idiots who release their pets in the wild instead of takin' them to shelters." Mick grumbled up at the toddler. "An' I know they have human kit shelters! I saw Oliver and Company!"

The toddler stopped howling to look at Mick with wide eyes. It stuffed a fist half in its mouth.

"Hey kid." Mick said and head butted the toddler lightly. "I am a bunny. I am cute. You want to pet me." He tried to sound more charming that put out, but he didn't really manage it.

"Bunny?" The toddler said around its fist.

"Yeah, bunny." Mick agreed.

The toddler did its best to pet Mick's head. "Pet nice!" it said. 

Mick tried not to squirm, apparently petting nice was enthusiastic. The kid was a most attractive sight with snot all down its lower face, red cheeks, tear tracts. At least its fingers weren't sticky. They were kind of slimy though, and he just wasn't going to think about that.

It seemed forever before Freddie and Mick heard a "Speedy! Stop it!" 

"Oh hallelujah!" Mick muttered, the kid had gone to stroking him from head to tail, dislodging Freddie. Maybe the kid wasn't all bad..

"Get back here you brat!" Speedy's Hu-mum called as Speedy burst into the grass.

"C'mon! You're not supposed to be here!" Speedy said, looking over his shoulder to see his Mum's progress before disappearing further into the grass, Mick stumbling to run after him.

"BUNNY!" The toddler protested and started to let up another howl.

"Speedy you.." His Mum broke off, "What the..? Now how did you get out here?"

From between the blades of grass of their hidey spot, they watched Speedy's Mum kneel down before the toddler and talk nonsense words at it. All she got for her efforts was "Bunny!" a few times over. With a sigh, Speedy's Mum picked up the toddler.

"I swear, its almost like Speedy led me to you. Good thing that brat is so fond of tall grass!" She turned back towards the house. "Well, lets just call the police and find out who's missing one child."

Freddie popped out of the grass between Mick and Speedy and scrambled up to Speedy's head once more. "Y'know," he said, "You'd think if they can't take care of babies, they'd get themselves spayed or neutered. Humans sure can multiple if they're not fixed!"

Mick shook his head, "Its not their fault they're just not as smart as us." He then looked at Freddie, "And by "us" I mean rabbits. You are further down the thought chain!"

"There's a thought chain?" Speedy asked, rather amused.

"Yeah, as in I don't think of gerbils much at all!" Mick stuck his tongue out and hopped back towards Speedy's, "C'mon, lets go have second lunch and see what rescue your Mum calls. I've never seen a domesticated human caught from the wild before!"

Speedy couldn't help the yawn, he'd done a lot of running! "They have all sorts of TV shows about it. Maybe they'll be flashing lights on the police cars and everything!"

If there was one thing boys liked, no matter the species, was fast cars and flashing lights. The trio hurried on home.

Friday, November 30, 2012

[Gerbil Pics] Well.. Since I was asked..

I received an email this evening from Minnie Bunny. She said, "If you don't distract my Mom with gerbil pics, she'll come pester me. Distract her or your lap top cord gets it!"

..Who am I to argue with a rabbit?

[Random Gerbil Silliness] How to exhaust a gerbil..

How to exhaust one gerbil :

Give him an entire toilet paper roll to play with / destroy.

Poor little guy, fell asleep beside it. He really did his best to destroy the whole thing, but only made it about halfway through burrowing into it, then managed a spray of white fluff as he attacked it tooth and claw. He came out to spread the new fluff around and ended up just curling up where he was, without even burrowing.

I'm sure he'll be a right trooper and continue on with his task after his sleep. :D

Monday, November 19, 2012

[Blog Award] And the winner is...

(Little Freddie Gerbil hops up onto stage and scurries his way to the podium.)
"*Ahem*" Said the little gerbil, standing on the very tips of his back toes to reach the rabbit sized microphone. A jump up and he grabbed it with front paws and with the sounds of scurrying being projected through the room, he scrambled up to sit on top of the mic.  "I wants to thank everybun for welcoming me into your fuzzy family .. even though I'm not a bunny. This just prooves bunnies, and their humans, are the bestest."

Satisfied with the speech, he nodded twice, "Oh. And thank you!" he added, not quite sure he'd been polite enough. He then hopped off the mic, scurried down the cord and off stage, leaving a long suffering Dutch to carry the award. The thing was bigger than the gerbil, he couldn't even move it with his nose. He had no idea where he was going to put it -thing wouldn't even fit in his cage!

But.. It sure was pretty and shiny! Rabbits sure did know how to spoil a guy!

[Bunny Fiction] 'Cause Mr Mick said so.

"Dat's right! Listen to your master!"

"WOOHOO!" Cried Hannah, "I've figured out the right compound mix for the rocket fuel!"

The bunnies quickly gathered around and applauded. "I still think we shoulda just stolen it from NASA." Mickey muttered.

Hannah gave him the Look Of Doom that does did so well. "Then we'd have had to steal one of their ships too, and if I may point out, their ships are now in museums?"

Mickey scuffed at the carpet, "Details.." he muttered and promptly got a headbutt in the shoulder from best-friend Speedy. (English Dandelions had an extra crisp consistency.)

"We get to go to space!" Speedy said, trying not to run around on spot in anticipation.

"Be easier if they just had closets on the ISS." Mickey grumbled.

"No coats." Hannah said, peering down her granny glasses at him. Its not that she needed them, but her Mom always seemed to do better work with them on.

"Another lack of humanity's part." Mick said, giving his paw a lick and then brushing his luxurious coat with said paw.

Hannah looked from one to the other, "Now, you boys WILL be good, right? Won't get in any trouble? Won't destroy the Moon or Earth or Solar system or anything?"

Speedy and Mick exchanged a glance and gave Hannah their bestest innocent looks.

She let out a long sigh, "That's about what I thought."

* * *

"Systems check?" Speedy asked.

"Hell if I know, Racer programmed the automated systems. He said just push the big red button when we wanted to go."

Speedy shrugged a shoulder, reached over and hit the big red button with his forepaw. There was a click, then a clunk, then a whir.

"Might want to sit back." Mick said, making sure his harness was secure. The seats pivoted so that they didn't have to sit on their backs like silly humans did.

"Right!" Speedy agreed, wiggling back into the harness with only a few grunts and one lost tuft of fur.

The whirring was getting louder. Even with cotton stuffed in their ear canals they were getting protests from their brains. Then there was a sudden woooooosh! and the rocket launched up into the sky.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Exclaimed Speedy as he was pushed down into the seat. This was faster than he'd ever gone before!

"Arrgak!" Mickey managed, worried that his fragile bones were going to break under the pressure. Maybe they should have done some of the testing NASA put its astrowhatsitspeople through.. but it had all seemed rather silly human games at the time. Not to mention, entirely too many of the games took place under water. Mickey hated getting wet, it took so long for his thick fur to dry out!

Speedy was managing to bounce in place in glee as the blue sky faded to black and the forces of gravity lessened and lessened until they were floating against their harnesses, the forward screen (No wind, so it couldn't be a wind screen!) covered in stars. "Ooooo.." both bunnies breathed.

"How long till we get to the station?" Mick asked.

Speedy checked Winston's notes on the calculations. "Six hours. That's why we had to leave at that time, so we didn't have to do a full orbit to catch up and then a second in alignment."

"Nap?" Mick asked.

"Most indubitably!" Speedy answered.

Mick closed one eye to give Speedy a hairy look. He wasn't quite sure if his English friend was teasing him or being genuine. He decided he was much too tired from all that stress and excitement to figure it out. Nap time, indeed!

* * *

"That's the last of them!" Speedy announced as he nosed a tank into their space ship. The two foot furless were on the arm trying to count stars or something silly. The two foot furless who was supposed to be keeping watch was taking a nap. The bunnies had approved of that, most humans didn't appreciate the importance of naps AND it made it easier for them to steal every research animal out of the station.

"They didn't treat us too badly," A lady skunk was saying as Mick helped her out of her cage, "Just .. all that whirling, and twirling, and floating .. and your lunch never wants to stay where you put it.."

Mick commiserated, there was just about nothing worse than an uncooperative lunch. He was escorting animals through the closet. Hannah, Racer and Winston were in charge of helping the wild creatures get back to the wild and the not-so-wild find good homes that wouldn't make get injections and cold thermometers in uncomfortable places.

Mick came back to find Speedy sitting and waiting for him. "All the cages back?" He asked.

"YUP!" Though, they might be a bit suspicious at how the locks were all smashed.

There'd been a long strategic meeting on how to get the cages open and how. Maddy and Umbra had suggested the "Brute Force and Ignorance" plan. So, Speedy had stolen the cages, Mick got them open and took the creature back to earth and came back. Mick had to admit, he was pretty dizzy and wondering about the lay of lunch himself. That was *a lot* of closet usage!

He stumbled back to the controls with a yawn while Speedy disconnected them from the station. When all the lights were green, Mick told Speedy they were clear and Speedy hopped up and secured himself to the seat. Mick pushed the big red button and the maneurvering jets fired on Racer's preplanned course.

For the next several hours the ship made its way away from the station, heading into the great blackness of the void. The two bunnies shared some chocolate covered digestive biscuits, which let them play 'chase the crumbs' and had some mint tea to wash it down with.  Afterwards was another important nap.

A chime woke the two, "Well, that's it then. You gonna head home?" Mick asked.

"I better. Grandma's supposed to be coming over.. and she said something about a hat to match my scarf. I just hope it has ear holes!"

Mick blinked at that. He hoped HIS Mom didn't get any bright ideas along those lines! "K! Well, I'll IM you tomorrow then!"

Speedy nodded, "Will do!"

Speedy stepped into the specially made closet and Mick licked his paws while he waited for it to cycle before taking his own turn. He snuck back into his cage, looking most distraught at the complete lack of oats. His Mom was slacking again! Why, with only a salad, pellets and seeds he could *starve!*

A sigh of the long suffering bun, he flomped down for another nap. There'd better be oats when he woke up!

* * *

The human watched him as his paws twitched and his whiskers danced. "What do you think he dreams of?" He asked.

The female looked over and shrugged, "Digging up carrots, I suppose. Not that he's ever had that opportunity.. maybe its just instinctive."

"Sounds pretty boring. But I guess if you're only a rabbit.."

The human male was fairly lucky that Mick was too deep asleep to hear the "only".

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

[Gerbilly Silliness] Seven things about Freddie.

Since Katie over at .. Shouldn't it be Katie and Glogirly? Not the other way around? .. asked so nice..

Seven things about Freddie Gerbil.

1) Freddie and Fergie were biological brothers. They were just naughty, incestual, homosexual brothers. (I tried to stop them, Mr Kirk Cameron, I explained to them several times that you said such is "unnatural" .. but you know gerbils, just never listen!)

2) Freddie won't run on any wheel but the one that's in his cage at the moment. The wire wheel he just keeps tipping over and shoving against the door, the wheel at my parents place he yanks off and tries to eat, the plastic wheel before the one that's in there now was ingested.. overnight.

3) Freddie will chew ANYTHING. Bunny people think bunnies are bad.. but he can out speed nom a Speedy bunny! A toilet paper roll (empty) is gone in two minutes. A willow ball in about 45 seconds. A paper towel roll in about three minutes. I should give him a full toilet paper roll and see how long it takes him. He loves playing with them, but anything edible just doesn't last. I use him as my recycling shredder.

4) The only time Freddie will climb into my hand is if I have a pumpkin seed in it. Not even for a popped piece of popcorn will he.. he'll *step* onto it for popcorn, but not actually get all four feet onto my hand.

5) I stash food over all three levels off his cage so he has to run up and down the ramps. (Okay, sometimes he just climbs the sides.) He started picking it up and throwing it down rather than eating it in spot, so I started tying it in place. See #3 for how long ANYTHING lasts for holding the large chew pellets in place. He outsmarts me regularly.

6) Freddie is not scared of anything. Cats, dogs, neither of them bother him. (He, in fact, scared a friend's dog.) He did cheep at a bird and couldn't figure it out and so went on to ignore it, but other wise, he thinks carnivores are for taunting. (I'm not sure parrots count as carnivores anyway.)

7) Freddie is approaching his second birthday, I think. (I'm lousy with time and dates) Other than a touch of arthritis in the mornings, he's going strong.

Phew. Hope that pleases Katie. I'll try and keep Freddie from wiggling his tail at her.

Monday, November 5, 2012

[Remembrance Day] Respect, Remember, Appreciate.

Remembrance Day

He was getting old and paunchy
And his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion,
Telling stories of the past.

Of a war that he once fought in
And the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies;
They were heroes, every one.

And tho' sometimes to his neighbours
His tales became a joke,
All his buddies listened quietly
For they knew whereof he spoke.

But we'll hear his tales no longer,
For old Bob has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer
For a Soldier died today.

He won't be mourned by many,
Just his children and his wife.
For he lived an ordinary,
Very quiet sort of life.

He held a job and raised a family,
Going quietly on his way;
And the world won't note his passing,
Tho' a Soldier died today.

When politicians leave this earth,
Their bodies lie in state.
While thousands note their passing,
And proclaim that they were great.

Papers tell of their life stories
From the time that they were young.
But the passing of a Soldier
Goes unnoticed, and unsung.

Is the greatest contribution
To the welfare of our land,
Someone who breaks his promise
And cons his fellow man?

Or the ordinary fellow
Who in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his country
And offers up his life?

The politician’s stipend
And the style in which he lives,
Are often disproportionate,
To the service that he gives.

While the ordinary Soldier,
Who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal
And perhaps a pension - though small.

It is not the politicians
With their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom
That our country now enjoys.

Should you find yourself in danger,
With your enemies at hand,
Would you really want some cop-out,
With his ever waffling stand?

Or would you want a Soldier -
His home, his country, his kin,
Just a common Soldier,
Who would fight until the end?

He was just a common Soldier,
And his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us
We may need his like again.

For when countries are in conflict,
We find the Soldier's part,
Is to clean up all the troubles
That the politicians start.

If we cannot do him honour
While he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage
At the ending of his days.

Perhaps just a simple headline
In the paper that might say:

by A. Lawrence Vaincourt.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

[Bunny Stories] Another Hallowe'en Tale

"It's my turn!" said Umbra after everyone had had their shivers over Maddy's tale. The lionhead reluctantly gave up her spot in the light for the black rabbit. The flickering fake candle made her black glossy fur seem to just eat the light. It was hard to see where she ended and shadows began. The light also seemed to make her eyes glow red, growing brighter then deeper as the light changed.

"Back before bunnies had the closet system, we traveled by actual tunnel. Anyone who has seen Bugs Bunny knows the ones I mean." There was much nodding, everyone knew Bugs! Even if he was a rather typical Dutch bunny, he was epitomy of bunny ingenuity. 

"Late one night, two bunnies, a kit and her dam, were travelling by tunnel when the rain that had been going on and off all day turned into a deluge. Down came the rain, so hard it started leaking into the tunnels. For all that the tunnels made travel faster and safer, they weren't waterproof. Soon it got so bad the two buns were soaked to their hocks and had to abandon the tunnels before they got covered from tail to ear in mud." Umbra's nose wiggled madly.

"They clambered out of the nearest exit hole to find themselves out in the cold, wet, night." Umbra huddled down as if caught on cold rain. "'Momma,' said little Lucy Bun, 'What'll we do?' Her mother turned to her and said 'We'll just have to find somewhere dry to wait out the storm.' and so, she periscoped about, sniffed the air and started to hop in what seemed like a random direction." Umbra echoed the periscoping and sniffing.

"Sure enough, they soon saw a flickering glow through the rain. They were hopping with a bit more haste than cautiousness, a haste that got greater when the first bolt of lightning cracked across the sky!" A loud thump, Umbra acted out the lightning, causing several buns to jump and then try to look like everyone BUT them had been startled.

"The two rabbits found themselves coming up on what looked like a classic English cottage. They huddled under the overhang of the front door and finally Momma Bun thumped on the door." Umbra thumped against the coffee table leg, an echoing thudding noise in the strained silence of the room.  They pressed up against each other, wet fur still offering some body heat as the door creaked open, a pair of red eyes looking out." Umbra huddled down and acted like she was creeping forward.

'"Yes?' said a quivering voice, 'What are you doing out in this storm?' It sounded like an elderly female bun. The eyes, that seemed to be reflecting the lightning strikes, backed up and the two cautiously crept in. 'My pardon, Lady Doe, but we were travelling and got caught in the weather. Perchance can we rest on your rug until it passes?' As they got into the foyer, their eyes adjusted to see they looked upon a little white rabbit so old her fur had started to turn grey. 'Oh goodness, of course you can!' the elderly bun told them and led them into the living room. 'Now you just wait here!' and before they could agree, or not, the doe had hopped out of the room with surprising dexterity in one so old."

Umbra sat back down, meatloafing, "They sat in front of the fireplace that was mostly embers but still glowing. There was plenty of light for them to see by. 'Momma, I'm hungry' complained little Lucy bun. 'I know, sweetheart, but not much to be done now. You'll have to wait till we can see grass outside.' Lucy made a grumbling noise and turned away from her mother to sulk. The sulk was interupted by their host returning, pushing along a couple of hay pans. 'Now, I can't have you starving and wasting away on the hearth. My mother raised me better than that!'"

"Momma Bun quickly got to her feet to take the hay pans. They were surprisingly heavy for the ease the elderly doe had seemed to have. They were topped to over flowing with fresh orchard hay. A luxury, indeed. 'Oh, how can we ever thank you for this kindness?' asked Momma Bun. The elderly bun smiled at her, 'You bring life and youth to my house, that's thanks enough. Its a little thing, I do not get much company any more.' Momma Bun thanked her again, Lucy Bun piped in with several thanks before dragging the smaller pan nearer to the fire before diving in, literally, to the hay."

Umbra mimicked a dive and munch. "The elderly bun left them to their late dinner and to dry by the fire. Tummies full, bodies warm, it wasn't long before they both fell asleep, little Lucy crawling over to sleep by her Momma's side."

Umbra stretched and shook a hind leg before settling once more. "Momma Bun was the first to wake when a breeze ruffled her fur. Startled she opened her inner eyelid and looked around. The pretty, compact and warm little house of the night before had turned into what looked like a burnt out ruin! The rafters were charred, the thatched roof was gone, the wood floor was cracked and peeling, the walls missing. She was staring, wide-eyed and stunned when Lucy Bun woke beside her and yipped. 'Momma! What happened?' Lucy cried. 'I don't know!' Momma answered, honestly. The rain had stopped, but there were no puddles on the floor, inside the ruined home was bone dry. 'But I think we should go..' She got up out of the hay pan that was now filled with old, brittle blades. Still edible, but not the tasty orchard hay bed it had been the night before."

Umbra hunched up, whites of her eyes flashing in the flickering light. "The two bunnies hurried out of the decayed building, grateful to see the sun peeking out through the clouds, a few beams showing in the early morning light. The trail of their earlier passage wasn't hard to find and follow. When they came upon a badger sticking his nose out from his den amongst the roots of an ash tree, Momma Bun stopped. 'Excuse me, Sir, what can you tell me about the house over there?' She nodded towards the way they'd came."

Umbra hunched, doing her best badger impression, "'Y'mean Old Lady Pawlina's place?' the badger growled, 'Been gone since the fire twenty-five years back. 'Ole Red Fox was tryin' to steal her land, but after a fire durin' a storm with no lightnin', any time he tried to go near the land he ran a scared. No one would go near it. Its haunted they say.' The badger turned his back towards them and dug a few pawfuls of dirt in their direction. 'I don't much care, I keeps to my own business!' the badger said over his shoulder before going back into his den."

Umbra sat back down, nose behind the electric candle, causing her shadow to jump all over the walls, "'Momma?' asked Lucy Bun, wide-eyed and worried. Momma wasn't much more steady, but she squared her tail and said 'Not all people are bad, so I guess not all ghosts are either. Maybe we should go leave some dandelions as a thank you.'"

Umbra's ears twitched, "And so they did, a warm breeze fluttering their fur when they turned to leave, continuing on their journey to Albuquerque."

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

[Peoples Update] News from Sandy

(Whoops.. Wrong Sandy..)

The quick bun round up.. The Harper Warren is groovy. Some downed trees, but nothing on them or their's. The buns are munching on hay and wondering what all the fuss was about. The Momma (the human)'s storm caused migraine is in retreat and the Dadda is inspecting the property in Marc Collie's memory.

Jade and Mr Mick are groovy. Their power went out last night so Jade was forced to spend the evening snuggling with a demanding diva of a bun. (What's a male diva called?) She's posting on Facebook and in good spirits for someone with no power. Looks like they have a tree down across their road preventing power restoration at the moment, but other than a broken screen door, they came out okay.

The Brown warren is both okee and dokee. Sleep loss and possible extra coffee drinking today, but all golden.

Keep your paws dry, peeps!

[Bunny Stories] Happy (Scary!) Halloween!

It was a wet and windy night. The wind was howling around the house, causing the tall trees nearby to creek and dance, threatening to fall at any moment. The rain was pounding down outside, drilling against the roof, splashing on the sidewalk, and threatening to overflow from the small rivers that were rushing down the road. They were on the high ground, but it was starting to seem not high enough.

A group of bunnies were curled up, flopped out, or nomming their way through the night, in Mr Mick's warren. His Momma had finally gone to bed and it was time for the annual spooky story swap. He didn't know if the annual bunny party was going on or not, the silly storm had caused so much trouble already, but who would stop them from having a scary night in a storm? Why, that would just be counterproductive!

"Okay, it's my turn!" Maddy said, going to stand behind the electric "candle", so he shadow flickered over the gathered warren of buns.  "It was a dark and stormy night, or so I was told.." she started off, voice low as the rabbits gathered wiggled and twitched in eagerness for a tall tale.

"Every Halloween, the kits were warned not to go out alone at night. There was a fox who hunted the hen houses, often starving because the farmers were smarter than him. This fox, once a year, would hunt rabbits. He would dress up in a costume and he would pretend to be giving out candy, but really, he was just getting scents and making notes of houses he would visit later in the night, when little kits and their parents were asleep!" Maddy wiggled her ears, causing shadows to dance across the walls.

"One year, the parents got together, all the bunnies, the mice, all the lagomorphs and rodents and even a grey parrot! They went door to door and found the fox by the tail that flicked out from under his sheet. They grabbed the fox and they tied him up and they buried him under the big oak tree in the yard and stood guard until they knew he was good and dead.  They felt bad to have killed, but they felt better for their children, knowing that their kits would be safe that night and next year."

Maddy leaned closer to the flickering, battery powered, candle. "The next year came around, and several kits came scrambling home to their parents, squibbling about how a fox had tried to get them. But not a normal fox, no, this was a zombie fox, a fox whose flesh was falling from him, who had worms in his snout and dirt in his fur. And this fox haunted the town for two days before Halloween and two days after. Every year the parents tried to capture and destroy the fox, but he would come back anyway. They burned him, they buried him, they threw him to the sea. But each night, two days before Halloween, and two days after, he would haunt the town and hunt the kits."

She lowered her voice a little, "They learned the sounds of the fox's approach, learned when it was time to run. The trees would warn first, they would tap and scratch at the windows, letting the people in the houses it wasn't safe to go out. Then the wind would sing of the danger, saying stay in, stay near the fire. Stay in the light where the fox can't come. And then there would be the slush-slush sound of the zombie fox dragging his feet along as he went from door to door, looking for one left unlocked. And then on Halloween, he would hide under someone's steps, and grab the kits as they trick or treated."

She looked one way, and then other, "And tonight is the first night.. Two nights before Halloween." She warned.

She was silent and the bunnies could suddenly hear the trees scritching at the windows, the winds howling around the house and then, the worst sound of all.. a slush-slush of a puddle of water being displaced outside.. just like a zombie fox!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

[Bunny Stories / Doctor Who FanFic] Who left What in the Yard?

"That one looks like a carrot," Mick said with a yawn from where he was lying on his back in the grass, back legs stretched out, front legs occasionally batting at wind seeds.

"You think they all look like carrots," Speedy teased. He was lying on his side and watching the skies with one eye. A gerbil was curled up in the nook of where bunny neck joined bunny back. Every so often the little guy would mutter something and move his tail over his nose, or twitch it, completely lost in mousie dreams.

"Well, they do." Mr Mick said grumpily, defensive.

"That one looks like a rutabaga," Speedy said, gesturing with an ear.

Mr Mick turned his head to look at his friend, "What the heck is a rutabaga?"

"Turnips, kinda." Speedy explained.

Mick muttered something about foo' rabbits who couldn't just speak English. The irony hopped right past him. He turned his head to the other side "Whassat?"

Speedy followed Mick's glance. "Police Box."

"You keep your police in boxes?!" Mick spluttered. While it sounded organized, it didn't sound very practical! Why, there were so many better things to be doing with boxes!

Speedy gave a bee's in the ears headshake of amusement. Freddie Gerbil absently murmured a protest in his sleep at the movement. "Nono." Speedy explained, "Way back when, like a billion years ago or something, before rootless far-talkers, the police could make calls from them, and people could call the police, and they could lock up the bad guys in them till a paddy wagon arrived."

"Ohhh." Mr Mick rolled to his feet to go give it a sniff. "So why's one in the end of your yard?"

"Dad found it in the middle of his work yard. Decided Mum would like it in the yard as mar-ah-dad-ee." Speedy slowly rolled to his feet, letting the gerbil adjust himself in his sleep as his bed moved. He carefully walked to where Mick was sniffing, and nibbling, on the police box. Speedy had already given it a good sniff and taste; it was old and sparked in the mouth. He hadn't quite much liked the sensation.

Mick's head reared back as he took a nibble. "That's not normal!" he said, jaws twitching, tongue wriggling as he tried to dispel the sensation. A full body shake later, bits of fur dancing every which way, and he sat down amongst the flowers and glared at it.

Speedy managed to keep his amusement to himself. He didn't think his bestest friend would appreciate him giggling.

Mick started to circle the box, Speedy ambling behind him. They came around the side to the door. Mick, about two Speedies in weight, one and a half in size, had more impact on the door when he stretched up it, putting his weight on his front paws. The door swung open and the bunny went tumbling in. "Gaaacth!"

Speedy rushed to investigate, Freddie waking up to dash up on Speedy's head, wrapping his tail around the right ear.

"Ooo." Speedy said as he hopped in from outside. Mick was sitting and grooming himself in the 'I meant to do that' way that was common in both cats and rabbits. The English rabbit peered up one way while Freddie stretched up to look the other way.

The inside of the box was huge. There were all sorts of climby bits, and chewable bits, and hundreds of hidey holes, and what looked a play-go-round in the middle. There were all sorts of blinky lights and whirry noises. "Its rabbit paradise!" Speedy announced.

Mick snorted and got to his feet. "SOMEONE stole rabbit technology!"

Speedy tilted his head to one side, "Whatcha mean?" Freddie squeaked.

"Our bags, boxes, closet worm holes, all that stuff.. This box has them! Someone stole it!" Mick looked even more indignant than he sounded.

Speedy looked about, hopping to give bits sniffs. "Maybe they got it in the same place we did?"

"WE got given it by the universe. Its our special magic for being chased by pretty much everything on the planet that can chase." Mick snorted, "THIS stinks of humans. THEY aren't supposed to have our magic.. Well, unless they're special humans like Weasley's Momma." He sighed, "And I suppose the occasional foo' cat or foo' gerbil."

Freddie wisely refrained from comment.

Speedy hopped up and almost jumped a foot straight up when the door swung closed. Freddie eeped, tail tightening as he grabbed two paw full of slick rabbit fur.  "Sorry!" Speedy apologized immediately.

Mick's ears were still cupped forward as he glared at the door.

"Hello? Is someone there?" A voice said coming from the centre of the play-go-round. "Well, of course someone is there, or the communicator wouldn't have activated. So you must be there somewhere. Say something. Thump or something."

Now, thumping they could do. With a grin at each other, Mick and Speedy thumped with enthusiasm in synch.

"Ahh!" A screen on one of those x extendy thingys swung in their direction. "Rabbits?!" The voice belonged to a scrawny looking human with fur sticking straight up and thick glasses. "There's rabbits on my TARDIS!"

Mick looked to Speedy, Speedy looked to Mick, and Freddie chirped indignantly.

"Oh, AND a gerbil. Well, doesn't that make it all better." The man grumbled.

Mick sat up on his hind legs, periscoping to look up at the screen. "What is a TARDIS?" he asked in his most polite voice.

"Its a space and time ship." Came the answer. "And it was stolen and I would very much like it back. But I have only managed to get into the communication circuits, Martha's stole.. ahh, borrowed, a tracking device that will hop a female, why a female I don't know, I didn't design it, but so far she's not having much luck with triangulation." Mick could sit on his hind feet all day, but he was starting to think this man never shut up. "So, that leads one to beg the question, where is it?"

Speedy's whiskers twitched mischievously, "Okay." he said.

Mick's whiskers twitched as well.

"Well? Okay what?" The man on the screen asked.

"You can beg the question. Although, one would think, begging for the answer would be more effective." Speedy said with a bunny grin. Freddie snickered.

The man blinked rapidly and seemed to smack something off screen. "I'm not sure this translation circuit is working properly. It hasn't been designed for animals, after all. Your sort operated on a whole different bandwidth than the humanoid.. but if I.." He started to drone on about technical stuff that made both bunnies roll their eyes. Freddie seemed to be taking notes.

"AHEM!" Mick finally broke in. "We were being silly. Its like when someone says 'Can I?' instead of 'May I' and you say 'I don't know if you can or can't until you do it'

The man raised an eyebrow and gave the handsome honey lop a droll look. "I've lost house, home, transportation, translator, best friend and communicator with the universe, and you're picking semantics?!"

The two rabbits exchanged another look. "Yes." Speedy agreed.

The man looked pained. It was an expression the two had seen on a lot of occasions on their chosen humans.

"Please, would you tell me where my TARDIS is?" The man finally said, seeming through grinding teeth.

"Oh, sure. Its at the bottom of Speedy's garden." Mick said. Speedy nodded a couple of times.

"Ask a non-specific question, get a non-specific answer." The man muttered and then sighed.  "Will you assist me in getting my TARDIS to where she belongs?" He finally asked, as if carefully choosing his words as he spoke slowly and clearly.

"Oh, sure." Speedy said, hopping towards the screen.

"Under one condition!" Mick interrupted. Speedy looked at him with a tilted head, not sure what Mick could possibly want. "You tell us where you got bunny technology from!"

The man rolled his eyes, "Well, you see, you're under a bit of a misunderstanding there.. Its not that we stole yours so much as you borrowed our's. There was a TARDIS and a Timelord at the start of the universe. A very handsome fellow, quite smart, even more charming. His knowledge of such technologies was mixed into the fabric of the universe, so somewhere along the line, you picked it up and put it to use. How else would you carry a pizza?"

Mick didn't look convinced but seemed willing to let it drop. "Okay, what do you need us to do?"

The instructions that poured forth left their heads spinning. The two rabbits would be dashing about the consoles pushing buttons, yanking pulleys, moving levers. "How big is your crew?" Speedy asked, quite impressed with the list of things they needed to do.

"Just me. Well, and Martha of course, but she's not crew, she's guest.. a travelling companion, bosom buddy, compadre, pal.. keeps me out of trouble. Well, mostly. Sort of. But, just me, muggins, running the show."

Blink. Blink. Blink.

"Your name is muggins?" Speedy finally asked.

"Not in the least, I'm the Doctor."

"Of what?" Mick asked. Speedy nipped the air in Mick's direction to let him know he was being rude. Mick didn't much care.

"Everything." was the surprisingly short, and serious, reply. For a moment, both bunnies felt like they could see the weight of the years of the universe in the Doctor's eyes.

"Er, right." Mick said, "I'm Mickey, this is Speedy." Squeek. "Oh, and Freddie."

"Oooh! A Mickey! I haven't had a Mickey in my TARDIS in forever. Weeeell, not really forever, it's actually been.." The Doctor went on about relative time compared to linear time, "..wibbly wobbly, you see.." then segwayed into dimensional manipulation, "..that brings up to parsecs. Did you know the word parsec is shortened from a distance corresponding to a parallax of one second? Bit wordy that, you can see why they shortened it. Never did get it straight with that Solo fellow who kept using it as time instead of distance. Actually, the two can be the same thing if you.."

While the Doctor was explaining the universe, the bunnies had been practicing what the Doctor wanted them to do. "Oi!" Speedy called, breaking in on the lecture. "We think we've got it."

"Excellent!" The Doctor clapped his hands together and rubbed them.

"What do we get for this, anyway? You get a TARDIS, we get what? A pat on the head and told 'Good Bunny'? 'Cause I can go home for that."

"Come on, Mickey. You're supposed to do good things for your heart and health. But, I suppose, I could let you have a romp through hydroponics and then drop you off back at home right when you left. Weeell, not right when you left, a bit after, wouldn't want to trip over your own tail, would you?"

"Sounds uncomfortable." Speedy agreed. Freddie hopped off his friend to go run to the wheel that was his job. It was perfectly sized for a gerbil, too bad it was horizontal instead of vertical or he could just run around it instead of actually working.

"Ready." Speedy said, nose gaining speed in twitching, "Steady, Go!"

The two bunnies launched into frantic button mashing, lever smashing, and wheel turning. "Isn't .. it .. ready.. set.. go?" Mick panted as he yanked and pushed.

"What's a set?" Speedy asked, mostly rhetorically. "Steady means hold your pose now that you're ready to go!" He wasn't having as much difficulty with the pace as Mick, he was quite used to running around at top speed for half a day. He also had the advantage of youth.

Suddenly the middle bit started whirring and throbbing and the lights dimmed and lightened in time to its noises. The two stopped to get a breather.

"Sounds like someone left the e-brake on," Speedy muttered, ears flattened. Mick was also trying to press his ears closer to his skull. Probably fortunate that the Doctor couldn't hear them over the cacophony.

When the noises balanced out they went back to worth, grateful for the breather.

Two bunnies and one gerbil were flat and gasping by the time they'd finished the list of things the Doctor had wanted of them. The door was opened and in strode the Doctor and his female companion. "..I tell you, Doctor, it wasn't there for all your device insisted it was. And a time of it I had explaining myself, I'll tell you.." The woman stopped and blinked at the companions. "Is there rabbits in the TARDIS?"

"And a gerbil, don't forget the gerbil." The Doctor said with a grin, "And our saviours!"

The woman looked at him like he was mad. "Whatever you say." She said before shaking her head, as if to settle stray thoughts, and turned to the console, "Well, thank you for saving us."

Mick managed to twitch an ear. He wanted a nap. And some water. And then another nap. Speedy was already dreaming of his play box. Freddie was curled up around Speedy's ear, making little snoring noises as he dreamed gerbilly dreams.

"Let's get them home to where they belong! I don't think they'll be much interested in a romp through the hydroponics bay, but I think I can come up with a good present or two of thanks.." The Doctor strode over to the console and winked at Martha, who was still looking at the animals suspiciously,  before flipping a handle, "Allonsy!"