Sunday, December 2, 2012

[Bunny/Gerbil Stories] Lost, One Human.

(I'm not actually sure I got the scale right..)

Speedy Rabbit was zipping between the bushes, hopping over the much slower moving Mr Mick Rabbit, kicking his heels up in the air and having a grand ole time when he suddenly skidded to a stop, his ears pivoting one way and then the other. Freddie Gerbil, was sitting up between Speedy's ears and peering around. 

"Do you hear that?" Speedy asked. 

"I hear traffic, and wind, and.." He paused, "I think a dog, somewhere.."

Mickey caught up and periscoped, his loppy ears lifting to try and catch what Speedy was hearing. "I hear it too. It sounds like a little two foot, crying." 

"I don't hear or smell a big two foot." Speedy said, periscoping up carefully not to dislodge his passenger. "I think its coming from that field!"

Mick hopped in the direction Speedy indicated, Speedy catching up and keeping pace with his friend. The trio soon came upon a human toddler sitting in the middle of the long grass, crying.  

"Why would someone abandon their two foot here? There's nothing for it to eat.. and they're helpless! They're not like the wild apes, they can't take care of themselves!" Mick thumped a foot in disgust.

Speedy chewed on his lip as he approached the two foot. "Well, even the apes' kids get taken care of till they can swing, don't they? I think its the same for humans.." 

"BUNNY!" The toddler suddenly exclaimed before stuffing two fingers in its mouth.

"Yes, bunny." Speedy agreed.

"You hug me kid, and you'll get a foot tattoo on your forehead." Mick grumbled.. He didn't have much use for grabby, sticky, hands.

"Where Mummy?" The toddler asked.

The two bunnies exchanged looks, Freddie cleared his throat. "Maybe it just got lost? We should take it home to your hu-Mum, Speedy, and she can put up those lost posters you see all over the place for dogs, cats and teenagers and stuff."

Speedy sighed, "You might wanna move to Mick."

"No way!" Said Mick. "I'm not having that foo' gerbil on me!"

"Its that or the baby.." Speedy said, trying to look like kale wouldn't disappear in his mouth.

Mick looked between Speedy, the baby and Freddie before lowering his head in defeat. "Fine, foo' gerbil can get a ride. This time only! And no fur pulling!"

Freddie scurried from Speedy to Mick and got comfortable on the lop's head. While there weren't ears to use for balance (and emergency hand holds), there was a more pronounced bump on Mick's head for him to sit between. Mick's fur was also more plush and softer to snurgle against.

"Hee, Hee!" Mick giggled as he got tickled, "Stop that!" He squirmed

Freddie looked up from where he'd been trying to burrow into the fuzzy fur and sighed. "Sorry! Force of habit!"

"Foo' gerbil." Mick muttered.

Speedy carefully approached the toddler. "Bunny!" He said.

"Oh great, now he's talking like one." Mick grumbled. 

Speedy ignored him. "Follow bunny!" He said, trying to think very loudly at the baby human. He wasn't quite sure if it was old enough to be in the day dreamer's scape yet. You had to be able to dream to hear rabbits.

"Fowwo!" The toddler said.

Speedy hopped a few feet away and looked back over his shoulder.

"Fumper!" The toddler cried and stumbled to its feet and tottered after Speedy.

Speedy continued the process, leading the toddler back towards his warren when the toddler sat down with a howl. "TI-ERD!"

Mick put his paws over his ears. "GAH!"

Speedy did similar. "Agree!"

"Now what?!" Mick didn't quite yell. He didn't even protest a gerbil ducking under one ear to muffle the howls.

"Now I get my Mum!" Speedy said, turning on his heel and dashing off.

"HEY! WAIT!" Mick called after him with no results. He thumped both back feet in irritation. "Great, I get stuck with the stinky human and the foo' gerbil." He then had to scratch at his ear because the hiding rodent was tickling the heck out of him. "Get outta there!" he finally said.

Freddie scrambled up onto Mick's back, settling between his shoulders.

Mick muttered and grumbled as he moved towards the furless two foot. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Foo' human. Foo' Speedy. Foo' idiots who release their pets in the wild instead of takin' them to shelters." Mick grumbled up at the toddler. "An' I know they have human kit shelters! I saw Oliver and Company!"

The toddler stopped howling to look at Mick with wide eyes. It stuffed a fist half in its mouth.

"Hey kid." Mick said and head butted the toddler lightly. "I am a bunny. I am cute. You want to pet me." He tried to sound more charming that put out, but he didn't really manage it.

"Bunny?" The toddler said around its fist.

"Yeah, bunny." Mick agreed.

The toddler did its best to pet Mick's head. "Pet nice!" it said. 

Mick tried not to squirm, apparently petting nice was enthusiastic. The kid was a most attractive sight with snot all down its lower face, red cheeks, tear tracts. At least its fingers weren't sticky. They were kind of slimy though, and he just wasn't going to think about that.

It seemed forever before Freddie and Mick heard a "Speedy! Stop it!" 

"Oh hallelujah!" Mick muttered, the kid had gone to stroking him from head to tail, dislodging Freddie. Maybe the kid wasn't all bad..

"Get back here you brat!" Speedy's Hu-mum called as Speedy burst into the grass.

"C'mon! You're not supposed to be here!" Speedy said, looking over his shoulder to see his Mum's progress before disappearing further into the grass, Mick stumbling to run after him.

"BUNNY!" The toddler protested and started to let up another howl.

"Speedy you.." His Mum broke off, "What the..? Now how did you get out here?"

From between the blades of grass of their hidey spot, they watched Speedy's Mum kneel down before the toddler and talk nonsense words at it. All she got for her efforts was "Bunny!" a few times over. With a sigh, Speedy's Mum picked up the toddler.

"I swear, its almost like Speedy led me to you. Good thing that brat is so fond of tall grass!" She turned back towards the house. "Well, lets just call the police and find out who's missing one child."

Freddie popped out of the grass between Mick and Speedy and scrambled up to Speedy's head once more. "Y'know," he said, "You'd think if they can't take care of babies, they'd get themselves spayed or neutered. Humans sure can multiple if they're not fixed!"

Mick shook his head, "Its not their fault they're just not as smart as us." He then looked at Freddie, "And by "us" I mean rabbits. You are further down the thought chain!"

"There's a thought chain?" Speedy asked, rather amused.

"Yeah, as in I don't think of gerbils much at all!" Mick stuck his tongue out and hopped back towards Speedy's, "C'mon, lets go have second lunch and see what rescue your Mum calls. I've never seen a domesticated human caught from the wild before!"

Speedy couldn't help the yawn, he'd done a lot of running! "They have all sorts of TV shows about it. Maybe they'll be flashing lights on the police cars and everything!"

If there was one thing boys liked, no matter the species, was fast cars and flashing lights. The trio hurried on home.


  1. Heehee, love the pic of Speedy and Freddie. The boys are giving "rescue animals" a whole new meaning! :D

    1. Hopefully it doesn't take Mick too long to groom off gerbil cooties AND baby slime. ;)

  2. I agree wholeheartedly that humans should be spayed and neutered! A bunny t shirt with that slogan would be too cool.

  3. You are just way to fun. Love this.

  4. Heehee Ah Lorna you are so funny,this is great love the picture of Speedy and Freddie,and Mick will get over gerbil and kiddy cooties