Sunday, November 23, 2014

[Bunny Silliness] One Viking, Two Rabbits - Part Two.

(Low chance of vikings in this picture.)

"How is there a line?" Kim muttered, "We got here at opening."

"Speedy might have been able to beat everyone, but it was a long hop!" Mick protested.

Speedy stood up on his hind feet and looked around. "I might have beaten most, but the kids ran up and held spots for their parents."

"Does that make me your parent?" Kim asked.

Both rabbits made scoffing noises. The hard done by viking just sighed.

"I'm kind of surprised everyone's not lined up for Test Track or Spaceship Earth." Mick grumbled.

Kim looked at the lop suspiciously, "You weren't planning on stealing the longboat were you?"

"NO!" Was the entirely too quick answer. "Well, not really." He admitted. "They'd miss it pretty quick."

Kim closed his eyes and counted to twenty. He shouldn't be surprised that the furballs had considered stealing a long boat from Disney World, he really shouldn't be. He told himself this twice.

A nose nudged his ankle, "C'mon, move up slow poke."

"Do you know what respect is?" Kim asked.

"Yes, its the thing rabbits don't give humans. You're too tall and too furless."

Kim followed the hopping duo. "We have the thumbs."


Speedy did a mini-binky. "Don't listen to him. We like humans just fine. Well, most humans." Speedy stopped in mid-step and suddenly ducked behind Kim's legs.

"What?" Kim said, almost tripping over the British bunny.

"Kid almost saw me. Never mind, all good now." Speedy reassured the human.

Kim sighed. He could be home, in a nice warm bed and.. He looked at Mr Mick who had somehow pulled an iPad out of somewhere and was fiddling with it. "Where do you keep that?!"

"Bunspace." Mick replied absently. Kim rolled his eyes and just kept moving with the crowd.

"Okay!" Mick announced, "I've figured it out, you need to let two people in front of you."

"I need to do what now?" Kim asked, suddenly wondering if everyone thought he was crazy for talking to thin air or if the magic of bunnyland was making it all seem normal.

"Let two people in front of you. You want the front left seat, it's the best. Front row also makes it easier for us to hide but still see stuff."

Kim suspected that Mr Mick was full of something brown and smelly but smiled at the couple behind him and offered to let them in front of him. They were a bit confused but obliged and went in front.

"Happy?" He asked Mick.

"Absolutely!" Mick said with a butt shake of glee.

"I'm being set up, I know I'm being setup." Kim muttered to himself.

He kept his mouth shut as they got to the personnel running the tour. He didn't really want to get dragged into conversation with a bunch of Norwegians.  He obediently stood behind the line until a rather short longboat pulled up. "Couldn't carry loot in this." He muttered. Mick nipped his ankle as they easily hopped past him and onto the boat.

As they waited for the other tourists to get settled Kim turned to Speedy who was sitting on the seat beside him. "What about cats?" he asked.

"What about cats?" Speedy asked, "I have some good friends who happen to be cats."

"Foo' cats." Mick grumbled from the other side of Speedy.

"Do they have a bunspace type deal?" Kim asked.

"Ask a cat!" Mick grunted.

Speedy gave a happy ear bob. "I think so. We don't really talk about that stuff. They're either very sneaky and use their humans' computers or they have their own system though. Lots of cats have blogs."

"Aren't those humans writing blogs for them?" Kim asked, eyeing Speedy. He again had the feeling he was being snookered.

Speedy giggled, "No, no, it's feline composition!"

Kim shook his head as the boat started moving.

The story of the ride was a bit cobbled together from Kim's point of view. Certainly a bit disjointed when it went from medieval era straight into oil wells.

He should have been suspicious when Speedy and Mick hopped off the seat and dived under the people's legs on the right side of the ride. There was a down-slope of the water ride and a big splash. A splash that soaked whoever was sitting in the front left. Kim wiped his face of water and glared at the giggling bunnies. He KNEW he was being set up. Dang rabbits.

Speedy came out first, binkys in each step. "I'm sorry Mr Kim, but it was very funny."

"Uh huh." He replied drolly, shaking water off. He wasn't particularly bothered by the prank, but played along.  He flicked water at the mirth filled Mick.

The ride came to a gentle stop, letting them off into an area with various Norwegian trivia. Kim stood up and got off, the buns using their usual agility to avoid feet and puddles. Kim squelched when he walked. He sighed.

"It's warm and dry outside." Speedy said.

"Unless you want to sit and watch the movie." Mick said with a butt wiggle.

They came into a small area with a movie playing about Norway, much finer detail than the ride had shown. "Uh, I think I'll skip the twelve minutes of 'Thank God We're Not Sweden!' thanks."

The rabbits were right, it WAS warm and dry outside.

"It'll be better when they bring in all the Frozen stuff." Speedy said.

Mick and Kim exchanged a look, "Yeah, better, right." Kim pretended to agree.  There was a long pause. "Now what?"

The two bunnies bounced up and down like sugar filled kids. "Test Track!"

Saturday, November 22, 2014

[WoW Fanfiction] Lareasa, Goblin Warlock, Not at Your Service.

There was a knocking on the door.

Lare was busy, she couldn't be bothered to answer the door, so she just ignored it and carried on with where she left off in the conversation, "..But it should be perfectly feasible to charge pants with fel energy to act as a secondary shield!" she protested to Gartbug, her enslaved imp.

The imp spat; fortunately, without saliva in play. "Its stupid! Its a waste of magic!"

"Oh what do you know you ex-slipper?" Lareasa muttered and then snarled "WHAT?" at the door when the knocking had turned into a pounding. "Of for the sake of gears and dynamite.." she muttered as she stomped up the three steps to the door and yanked it open.

She glared up at an orc grunt. She could tell he was a lowly grunt purely by the fact his weapon was a club, his armour was cloth with leather bits patched on, and he looked like if an original thought showed up in his head it would die of shock if not loneliness. "WHAT?" she repeated.

"Survey!" he bellowed right back.

Lare wiped saliva off her face and wondered if it would be cruel and unusual punishment to let Gartbug to eat his face off. A mental sigh; probably, Gartbug would get indigestion and she'd have to listen to him bitch for a week. "And what're you surveying?"

"Are you Lareasha Fizzlesprocket?" he asked instead.

"Sure hope so, or someone's wearing the wrong underwear!" She answered cheerfully.

The grunt blinked at her and then looked down at the ratty piece of parchment in one of his meaty hands. "Are you satisfied with the job the warchief is doing?" he read.

"The who'sit what'sit now?" Lare asked with genuine confusion.

"The warchief!" The grunt repeated with irritation.

Lare blinked. For good measure she blinked again. "Who's he when he's not at home? Or I guess, in this case, when he's not at work?"

"Garrosh!" He growled. His muddy red eyes stared down at her clear blue, "Hellscream!" He added when the first name didn't seem to produce recognition. He waved his hands over his head in disgust. "The warchief!"

"Oh." Lare gave this some thought. "So what's a warchief DO?"

"He rules the Horde!" The grunt's frustration was growing. Probably the only thing saving him from trying to apply club to her noggin was her obvious, honest, obliviousness.

"Oh. And like.. does the warry decision stuff, then?" She asked with genuine curiousity.

"YES!" This was the orc's first stop of the day and was seeing why Perok had given him so much to take over the route.

"Huh." Lare said, rocking back on her heels, tapping a long thin sewing needle against her chin. "Well.. Are we at war?"

"For Fel's Sake!" The grunt swore, "YES! With the ALLIANCE! The humans who enslaved us? Who hunt us down and kill us by the thousands?"

"Oh." Lare nodded decisevely, "Then, if we're at war, and he's the warchief, I'd say he's doing a pretty darn good job." She smiled her most winningly. "Have a nice day!" she took a step back and slammed the door before the very stunned orc could summon a response.

The goblin bounced down the stairs. Seriously, what did she care who ran what a couple of valleys over? Her food showed up on time, her deliveries appeared when she paid for them, and there was plenty of places for her to investigate for old manuscripts and interesting ideas.

Gartbug was once again trying to break the chains that enslaved him to her rule. She rapped him on the head. "Stop that."

The imp swore at her profusely and with creativity.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Look, for whatever reason, I have the gift to control you felly, smelly, things.. And since YOU seem to like eating the brains of babies -- which by the way, is completely disgusting -- I think it's only fair I STOP you from doing that. I mean, elves smell bad and all, but their kids haven't done much wrong."

"Oh but if you only understood the.." he started to hiss and stopped when she thumped him again.

"Ew." Lare told him. "And if that wasn't enough, ew, ew, ew. I've heard it before, I don't want to hear it again. You gave me the hobbly cobblies for a week last time." She walked over to the cooler and fished out a worm to snack on, "Now, lets get back to much more important things.. fel energy and pants!"

Saturday, November 15, 2014

[Bunny Pirate Fiction] The Rum Rabbits epilogue.

It was a nice breeze that came up off the ocean to caress her as she rocked gently in the hammock. A fruity rum drink in one hand, a book in the other, it was pretty much Ren's idea of happy vacation land. Blonde hair had been ruthlessly dragged into a ponytail so she could read without it attacking her every twenty seconds. Even stretched out, there was room for bunnies to relax at her feet. There'd been a stern talking about not nibbling on the ropes of the hammock. Their answer had been to dump a bunch of hay on her blankets to lie in and nibble on. Considering rabbit inguinity at the best of times, Ren was willing to put up with this compromise, even if it did leave her picking bits of hay off herself for a week.

Her crew were also strewn about the small island, taking advantage of it being off-season for travel and shipping to take over the depot and tavern. The residents would be having to make a lot more rum before the season began, Ren was pretty sure between her two foot and four foot crew, they'd drink the place dry by the end of the week.. maybe ten days. She hadn't quite decided how long they were staying - there was something delightfully entertaining about watching drunk rabbits trying to hop across sand.

A shadow fell across her book and she looked up to see a very unhappy countenance on Captain Jack Sparrow's face. "YOU SHOT ME." He said instead of a perfectly polite greeting.

"You had it coming, mate." Ren said calmly, looking back down at her book, his shadow making it hard to read the cramped script.

"I bloody well did not!" Jack said, snatching her book. "YOU SHOT ME." He repeated. She managed to keep the novel out of his hands.

"Actually," Ren said, pulling herself into a sitting position, putting book down by her knee.. The rabbits grunted at the disruption of their naps. "You shot yourself with my gun."

"And ruined me best shirt!" He continued as if she hadn't spoken. The wind was making the beads of his hair clack together, giving an almost musical background to the conversation.

"You have a best shirt?" Ren asked, tilting her head to one side to study the swarthy pirate captain. "That would indicate you own more than one." She reached forward as if to move his vest to see if his shirt had a hole in it.

He jerked back, "None of that! You don't treat a man right after you get his clothes off." He sniffed and turned his head towards the sky as if he were some delicate maiden offended.

Ren rolled her eyes, more than used to Jack's dramatics. "What do you want?"

"Satisfaction." He replied with a nod.

Ren raised an eyebrow, "No brothel on the island, you're a bit out of luck, mate."

He leaned close to her, smelling of leather and sweat, mouth close to her own, "Am I?" he asked quietly.

"Er." Ren managed right before a small white blur launched between them.

"ARGH!" Captain Jack Sparrow spluttered as a rabbit landed on his shoulder to take his ear between two surprisingly sharp and strong teeth. Dark splotches on his fur, loppy ears, and fire burning in his eyes, the rabbit looked most unimpressed with the Captain of the Black Pearl's antics.

"Oh, you haven't met Don Pedro?" Ren asked with a bit too much pepper to her innocent tone. "He's a bit protective."

"I see." Captain Jack looked out of the corner of his eyes at the rabbit. "And how does one get a less protective mode?"

"You could try asking." Ren said with a smile.

"Right then." Jack cleared his throat, "How do you feel about hats?" He asked. He'd managed to find a new one since Ren had stolen the last one. Perhaps he now kept a store of them on his ship. Perhaps he chased after ships trading on behalf of haberdashers and just nabbed a share.

Don Pedro, Prince of Aragon, snorted.

"Rum?" Jack tried again.

Don Pedro almost seemed to consider this before shaking his head.

Jack's head followed the jerks on his ear. "Uh, promises to not try to woo your Captain unless she's wooing me?" Jack tried again.

Grunt said the rabbit.

"Alright then," Ren said, leaning sideways to put her drink down on the sand and then grabbing Don Pedro around the middle, "That's about the limit there." She hauled the protesting bunny back to the hammock, surprisingly, bits of ear didn't come with him. "While I appreciate the protection, I CAN take care of myself, savvy?"

The rabbit snorted again and didn't look convinced. He hopped off to present her with bunny butt, one loppy ear half-cocked to give her a one ear salute.

"Same to you, mate." Ren muttered. She turned back to Jack "Why're you here? How'd you find us?"

Jack grinned, rocking back on his heals to toe and back again. "Ah! We got the sword didn't we? Had to figure out how to get out of the maze, didn't we?" He fiddled with his mustache. "You have rum. Here we are."

Somehow Ren didn't think that was it at all, but she also thought she wasn't likely to get a straight answer out of the pirate any time soon. "What do you want?" She asked.

"Rum." He replied with a nod and a certain amount of satisfaction.

"That's it?" Ren asked doubtfully, but besides her, her crew, food and rum, the island didn't have a whole lot else to offer. It was one of the reasons she'd chosen it, she'd figured Jack would head straight for Tortuga.

He gave her a half-bow. "That's all for now, mate." He gave his best winning smile and with an outstretched foot, spun on the stop and marched his way towards the tavern.

Ren watched him go with half an eye before stretching back out on her hammock, going back to her book, a hand fished around and found her drink once more. "About what I thought," she muttered. Jack'd be back soon enough with his next harebrained scheme. If he weren't quite so yummy, she'd toss him in the bilge. She stopped to consider, she might just toss him in the bilge anyway. Till then, she'd enjoy sun, sand and rum.