Thursday, October 12, 2017

[WoW Fanfiction] Lareasha, Lord Hubba Hubba and a bunch of demons.

"Hey Lord Hubba Hubba, how'd you not end up Warchief of this them Horde then?" Lareasha asked, gnawing on a caramel apple she'd swiped from the Faire before being dragged into this whole legion is trying to steal our demons nonsense.

The Blood Elf looked down at the goblin with disdain. "It is perhaps not appropriate to comment upon the physical form of a stranger and question matters that are none of your business."

"Blood Elves still bein' treated like poop, huh? That's okay; Goblins get kinda hind-teat too. Not that we don't be deservin' it sometimes." Lareasha watched the new Warchief take the stage. "Tho I am totally jealous of Lady S's wardrobe. Think she'd share her tailor?"

Lord Theron closed his eyes for a moment and mumbled in Thalassian. Lareasha was fluent in several languages, but that wasn't one of them. Well, she did know "Take this dishwater and give me some ale, " but she didn't think that would help her much since she wasn't in the underground of Dalaran.

The warlock stood in the Blood Elf's shadow as the new Warchief made a shpiel about uniting the Horde and recognized one of the Horde's many mighty warriors. All Lareasha really knew was her view from down here sucked.

Looking about at all the muckety mucks, she was thinking 'Prime Proudmoore target area.' when the hero of the Horde suddenly was chatting up some elf chick with funky tattoos. Lord Theron was not-quite-snarling at the chick. Or at least, Lare was pretty sure it was the chick he was snarling at. This was the sort of thing she'd normally ask Gartbug her imp about, but having a demon bouncing around (and he never stopped bouncing) when one was supposed to be all boohoo over a dead Troll killed by demons seemed like a bad idea.

She'd never met Vol'Jin; she'd never seen him speech it up like Garrosh or Thrall or pretty much any Orc. They all seemed happy to make big speeches and .. oh, hey now, that was interesting. The elf chick who no one seemed to like had made some sort of swooping gesture and bam, a whole bunch of dreadlord's appeared. Okay, that was not cool. Lareasha didn't feel like being stomped on by an infernal anytime soon.

The warlock ripped open a portal between realms, called the first voidwalker who didn't move away fast enough from her hand and dragged him through onto the steps of Orgrimmar. Fortunately, no one seemed to be paying a whole heck of a lot of attention to her. "Hey, Blue! I'll make you more powerful if you agree to smite a whole lot of those demons! I'll even give you a home outside of the legion where you can do stuff that isn't being ordered around by anyone but me.. and my orders mostly consist of 'get me the hell outta here!'"

The glowing blue demon hummed and then turned to the nearest demon that didn't seem to have a warlock attached to it. It grew two sizes bigger and let out a laugh as it brought its hands together and then smashed into the infernal.

Oh yeah, Lareasha had to say she liked her new friend. I mean, Gartbug was entertaining if a pain in the ass, but he didn't quite go on demon destruction sprees like this.

"Ten thousand years in the pitt." hummed the voidwalker. "Were you entertained? I was not entertained." It happily used the power that Lareasha fed it to blow up a Dreadlord. "I am now entertained. I hope you are entertained on your trip back to the nether." Running out of demons to pick fights with in the immediate area, it turned to her. "Now what master?"

"Just call me Lare. We're pals, partners, confidants, none of that weirdo master-servant crap. Leave that to Silvermoan and Goldshire, I say." The warlock hopped up to the voidwalker and used her rocket boots to get some height to look around. "Shit, looks like Lady S could use some help. Can you clear a path thatta way?" Lareasha gestured towards the podium.

The voidwalker hummed happily and started blowing up even more demons.

The Horde dignitaries, heroes, and leaders seemed to quickly regroup and push the legion's demons back. It seemed to take them a bit to notice the warlocks in their number who were on their side. Lord Hubba Hubba looked at Lareasha and sighed. "Thank you for your assistance, Warlock," he said, sounding pained.

"No probs, Your Lordship! Me'n'Blue are always happy to splatter the bad guys, right Blue?" She patted the fel armour on the voidwalker's shoulder.

"Blue" hummed its happiness to be anywhere other than where it has been

"Ah .. yes." Lord Theron turned over his shoulder as Lady Sylvanas called his attention.

"Lareasha!" a rock in her pocket called. "Huh, what?" She dug it out and found the thingy that Khadgar had given her. Oh yeah, this doo-dad. She'd been planning on pawning it. Her cousin Greelo would probably give her a pretty sweet deal.

"Dalaran is under seige! The legion intends to knock us out of the sky!"

"Whatdya expect building a flying city??" She asked the rock.

Apparently, it was only a one-way device because the Archmage ignored her. "Meet me in Dalaran over Deadwind Pass. I have a plan. A horribly dangerous plan.. but a plan nonetheless!"

Sheesh, the stupid human only ever had two types of plans.. and both seemed to involve her running around and doing his work for him. "What did yer last servant die of?" she muttered at the rock as she shoved it back in her pocket.

Her voidwalker was starting to earn looks. She was starting to earn worse ones. On the other hand, not being in Orgrimmar for a while might be a good idea..

Thursday, October 5, 2017

[WoW Fanfiction] Orcs, Tauren, Pandaren and cookies.

It had started off as such a nice day, too. Raska had been sitting and teaching her daughter Laeka how to speak to elementals while her son had been beating the training dummies with a mace. The sun was in the sky, the elementals weren't fighting, and there hadn't been any major fel incursions since Kil'jaedan's defeat.

The nice day turned a bit rough when Maurata came through the portal from Dalaran in a huff. "THOSE MEN ARE IMPOSSIBLE!" she not-quite-yelled back over her shoulder before turning to look at Raska. "They don't want to pack food; they don't have enough bandages, they're taking no allowances for the elements being fel corrupted, all they're about is 'we must go crush the forces of the legion!' well, duh, of course, we do, but we need to eat and prepare for the sick and injured too!" She threw her hands out like Raska had a magic wand to fix it with.

"Uhm." Raska managed.

"I bet they don't even eat breakfast!" Maurata fumed before throwing herself down on the ground beside Laeka. "Hey kiddo, how goes the lessons?"

The orcling blinked up at the pandarian, "Okay I guess?" she offered shyly.

"Good to hear," Maurata answered with a firm nod before turning to Raska. "You should go make those men see reason."

Raska sighed. Khadgar she had no problems arguing with, but Velen was just all creepy with the face tentacles and his insistence that the weird glowy aliens knew the answers to everything. The less said about Illidan, the better. She really didn't want to go have to deal with any of them. Maybe she could just beat all three about the head with Ashean's mace. Not that she thought her son would part with it.

The orc got to her feet; she supposed someone better explain logic to the supposed leaders of the expedition. Jaina Proudmoore would have been a better choice, even if she did blame the actions of one of the many. Humans could be so pigheaded. "Fine. Will you keep an eye on the kids?"

"SURE!" Maurata said with just a bit too much enthusiasm. Raska really hoped that meant the woman was just happy she was getting her way, not that she was planning on teaching a pair of orclings some very bad habits. At least they'd stopped belching the human's anthem every time they saw a member of the Kirin Tor. Raska wasn't quite sure who to blame that on, but she strongly suspected "Uncie Chewie."


She came back through the portal muttering about shoving humans, draenei, and elves into a big bucket and kicking them into the maelstrom. Normally she though Maurata tended to overreact, but in this case, she decided the Pandaren was under-reacting. Where was the warchief and why wasn't SHE dealing with this mess? Raska was more than ready to just pack up the kids and head up into the Alterac Mountains and go back to losing hearthstone to Drek'thar. One day she would figure out how an Orc who was blind, possibly senile, and in theory in the last days of his life, could soundly beat anyone who dared sit down across from him.

She was rubbing one temple in hopes of banishing the lurking headache when a wolf went dashing past with her son on it's back. Said wolf was bucking and bouncing like a human's horse after bean day. Ashean was giggling and holding on with a tight grip around the wolf's chest.

The wolf made an "Errrp!" noise as he spotted the irritated looking mother and came to a scrambling halt. Said wolf coughed as the giggling orcling slid off his back and onto the ground.

"CHEWIE!" Raska bellowed. The resulting look from the wolf-formed shaman made her snort and regain her sense of humour. She'd seen more convincing innocent looks from the wolf packs after they broke into the butcher's shop.

"Mamma! Mamma!" Ashean said, bouncing to his feet and clambering up his mother to be held one-handed. "Uncie Chewie was telling me Tauren can eat so much meat they sweat!"

The shaman in question had been turning on his hind paw in an effort to escape.

Raska sighed and asked her son, "Where's your sister?"

"Bakin' cookies with Maura'a." Ashean said. "Cooking is BORING."

"Don't let your Auntie Maurata hear you say that or you'll get a twelve-hour lecture on how the proper spices saved the Pandaren Empire."

"Pandas have an empire?" Ashean looked confused.

"I have no idea." Raska replied honestly before putting her son down, "Now go pester your sister." Her son looked quite happy to accept this mission and ran off towards the ramp up towards the stone circle.

"Chewie." Raska said, turning her attention back to the Tauren shaman who had been attempted to sneak off again.

The Tauren shaman in question let out a low whine.

"Oh for hell's sake, I'm not going to bite you because you were being silly with my son. I trust you to keep him out of most trouble, and even if he'd gotten injured in some silly stunt, that's what Orc children do."

He eyed her warily.

"How long are you going to hide out in the Maelstrom? This is getting just ridiculous."

He humphed.

"Chewie, don't make me come over there and kick your butt. Go back to being a Tauren and talk to me!" Sometimes she felt like a mother to half of Azeroth. Things were easier when Thrall lead the Earthen Ring. Then these things would be his problem. He seemed to have thrived on arguing with idiot humans and their pet elves. But no, he got a guilty conscience over the stupidest things and flounced off leaving the rest of them to sort it out.

Chewie sighed and reformed into the Tauren warrior who was only twice her size.

"Well?" Raska asked, tapping her foot.

"Well what?" He asked.

"How long do you plan on spending hiding out here?"

"SHE KISSED ME!" Chewie spluttered as if that explained everything.

"You were an elf; she was an elf --"

"I WAS NOT AN ELF!" Chewie protested, drawing himself up to his full height and looking quite offended.

"Oh, I'm sorry, blue skin, pointy ears, half your usual height, no fur or tail.. what exactly were you then?"

"I may have LOOKED like an elf," he sniffed, "but I was NOT an elf."

Raska looked at him with a one-eyed closed cynical look. "Okay. You, for those of us who do not understand the finer nuances of Tauren culture and ways, seemed to be an elf, she IS an elf even if she was being a different sort of elf, murder mayhem all around, hiding in a small alcove while finding spies.. these things happen!"

Chewie managed to look even more offended, "They do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

Raska kicked him in the shin, metal toed boots ringing nicely on his shin plates.

"OW! What was that for?"

"Quit acting like a baby and just go talk to your best friends already. Sheesh." Raska turned on her heel and stalked off to find her children.

She ignored the muttered 'Do not.' which was followed by a grumbled 'I'm going fishing.'

Really. Grown ass shaman. So he got kissed by an Elf, it could be worse. He could have married a mage who turned out to be a warlock, wouldn't that have been fun? Idiot.

Maurata was happily pointing at a box of bricks being held by a fire elemental. "So, this is how your people probably cooked things without ovens when they were all locked up."

Laeka's brow furrowed, "Did not. We didn't have the elementals then, did we, Momma?"

Raska shrugged, "I wasn't there." She'd been a child hiding up in the mountains with a few of her other clanmates who had escaped the roundup. She highly doubted that the orcs in the pens had cared enough to summon elementals even if they could have.

"Okay, this was how *I* cooked when I was stuck camping out in the middle of nowhere because my mother thought it was some sort of learning experience when all I really learned was how to pick bugs out of my fur."

"Ewwww," Laeka said.

"Exactly." Maurata agreed, opening the brick oven and pulling out a tray of cookies. Raska was pleasantly surprised they looked edible, but then, Maurata could probably turn mud into chocolate if she put her mind to it. The healer handed a cookie to each orcling before holding one out to Raska. "How'd it go?"

"They're idiots."

"Yup!" Maurata agreed happily as she bit into her cookie.

"So we all agreed Lady Liadrin would go with them."

"Did Lady Liadrin agree to this?" Maurata asked with mild curiosity.

"Not. My. Problem." Raska said firmly and bit into the cookie. It was a very delicious cookie.

Suddenly the day was looking better again.