Thursday, September 13, 2018

[Bunny Fiction] Speedy & Miss Lola go 'venturing.

♫ "Her name was Lola, she was a show girl.. With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.."  ♫

A pause.

"Don't look at ME like that, I didn't write it! Blame Barry Manilow!"

* * *

Mr. Manilow was having a fairly normal day until he stepped down into his living room and found a large white rabbit under his piano. He'd have to say, if rabbits could look angry, this one certainly did.

She thumped at him when bunny thoughts couldn't get through his adult self-absorption. You'd think more artists would be open to this sort of thing, but no, she got stuck mostly with a Viking and a Canadian and both generally refused to 'translate' to nearby two feet.

Mr. Manilow looked down into the mug he was carrying and sniffed it. No, still tea. 

A second rabbit appeared from the den and dashed under the piano. The two rabbits seemed to be having a conversation before the second one, with a very dashing smudge on his nose, put said nose to the white bunnies butt and gave a shove. With a strangely human sigh, the white rabbit thumped and glared again before the two hopped off down the hall.

Too many late nights, not enough sleep. That must be it.

* * *

"Did you snip the guitars?" Miss Lola asked, flumping on Speedy's secondary spare bed.

"Oh, I got four of them, but he had an awful lot and I heard him come into the living room."

"Stupid slippers, we'd have heard him sooner if it wasn't for slippers on the carpet!"

"Sorry I didn't see him." Speedy looked embarrassed.

"Feh." Miss Lola said before turning around to give Speedy a lick upside his face. "I got his upright and his grand. A showgirl. Hmph."

"You know," Speedy said thoughtfully, "Maybe we should not do acts of vengeance during the day? The humans tend to walk in, our humans might miss us.."

"Vengeance must be served when it's been declared!  Besides, I put the plushie in my bed, my humom will never notice the difference."

Friday, August 24, 2018

[WoW Fanfiction] You don't want to know where else the mud is.

“Maurata, what are we even doing here?” Rhasody asked as she got tired of standing on a hillock in the middle of a Bloodtroll infested swamp. If the chance of being mobbed by trolls wasn’t enough, the place had a thousand bugs that could bite through fur, smelled like something a year dead and occasionally had a weird howling yelp that sounded and she was pretty sure she didn’t want to meet the originator of the noise.

“Looking for new ingredients to make yummy things with.” Maurata replied patiently. She was crouched over a green, leafed thing, that looked like all the other green, leafed, things. She felt like she’d explained this a few times. It wasn’t like Rhas had to come!

“You said that an hour ago, we’ve been here for an hour while you look at the same plants over and over.” Rhasody griped. Not quite true, Maurata had moved at least seven steps from one clump of plants to another.

Maurata sighed and rolled her eyes, “Flit’s having fun!” she gestured towards Rhasody’s pet mana ray.

Flit was diving in and out of the swamp water and making happy chirping noises. It had been a long time since he’d been in a swamp so similar to his home. The little swamp bath that Maurata had made him in their home was nice, but it didn’t compare.

“Yes, I’m trying not to think of the smell.” Rhasody grumbled. Bathing a mana ray who thought splashing and flying was a great combination left a lot to be desired.

“Oh lighten up.” Maurata teased, standing up to tweak Rhas’ ear. “Here we are, brave new world --”

“Horrible carnivorous new monsters.” muttered Rhasody.

“-- pretty new scenery, nice new friends --” continued Maurata, ignoring the hunter.

“Who only probably want to eat us.” grumbled Rhasody.

“-- all sorts of yummy new foods and ingredients --”

“That are probably poisonous.”

“-- And new healers to learn from!” Maurata finished, facing her lover,  hands on her hips attempting to look fierce.

“Okay, I’ll give you that one. Though, their druid forms are just weird.”

“Oh for biscuit’s sake!” Mauratasaid, exasperated. “You complain buckets have holes!”

Rhasody blinked at that, even Flit stopped mid-dive to chirp at her. Neither Pandaren were quite sure how smart the mana ray was.  “Uhm..”

“IN THE TOP! THE BUCKET IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A HOLE!” Maurata threw her hands up. Flit chirred at her.

“Are you okay?” Rhasody asked.

Maurata ran a hand through her hair. “Fine.. fine.. Let’s go find a local expert. You’re right, all these plans are very similar.”

Rhasody had the good grace not to smirk. As the two women turned to walk back to the camp of Tortollan they’d passed earlier she lightly elbowed Maurata in the ribs. “I didn’t even get to complain about the mud between my toes.”

“It is kind of gross.” Maurata agreed.

“Its MOVING. Even when I’m standing still, the mud MOVES.” Rhasody griped good naturedly. “And I bet if we asked one of the Zandalari about it, they’d be all like ‘The loa move in mysterious ways, mon.”

Maurata shook her head, “I think you’re confusing a Lorekeeper with a Troll.”

“Nono, one has soothing tea the other has “mystic” tea.” Rhasody even made the air quotes.

Maurate snickered. “I know a sourpuss who could use a little mystic tea.”

Rhasody looked at her with wide-eyed innocence. “Flit! Do you need mystic tea?” she asked her pet.

Flit flitted over and accepted a head scritch from Rhasody with a chirring-purr.

“I think he’s fine.” Rhasody said with a smile.

“You’re impossible!” Maurata declared as they scrambled over some fallen bricks to gain entrance to the camp. Sure, they could have gone around, but there was more mud that way.

“No, just improbable.” Rhasody corrected. She made a beeline for the nearest bench and started scraping mud off her feet. “So what’s for dinner?”

“What’s for..” Maurata threw her hands up in the air.

The next thing Rhasody knew was that she had a ball of water explode against her shoulder and splash up into her face. “What the..?” She looked up to see the water shaman, healer extraordinaire, readying another globe of water.

“Bitch and complain all day, insist on following me on the ingredient hunt anyway, and then ask me what I’m cooking you for dinner?!” She threw the ball with another splash.

Rhasody spluttered. “You don’t like my cooking!”

“You think two ingredient recipes are good ideas!” Another ball of water, another splash.

Rhasody gurgled and shook her head, sending water spray from her fur. “It was ONE TIME!” she defended herself as the Tortollan looked on with amusement. Obviously a story in the making. “And we were UNDER FIRE by some very angry ogres!”

“That’s no excuse for bad food!” Maurata replied, throwing two balls of water. "Spices aren't optional!" Splash, splash.

“Oh that’s it!” Rhasody declared, grabbing a nearby bucket. “I’ll replace this.” she told the nearest Tortollan who just blinked slowly at her. She then threw the contents in a geat arc straight towards Maurata.

Maurata was no one’s fool and she dodged to one side and redirected the stream of water.

“Oh shit.” Rhasody said.

Maurata turned and saw where the water had gone -- face first into a rather irritated looking Draenei. She took a step back, “Er..” She didn’t really want to join the battles between Horde and Alliance that both Panderan had been avoiding.

The Draenei looked down at her soaking wet self. Her eyes narrowed as Rhasody dashed across the clearing and grabbed Maurata’s hand. “Run.”

Maurata didn’t feel like arguing since the Draenei was making some very sweeping gestures and she could feel the elements starting to answer the dripping woman.

The two had made it perhaps half a dozen steps before a large pool of water formed overhead and a deluge of rain opened over their heads and half-drowned them both.

“Ha!” said the Draenei who then turned on her hoof and squelched off, tail lashing. She muttered in common, probably very impolite things about playful pandaren and innocent bystanders.

Rhasody sneezed.

Maurata attempted to wring out her shirt.

“So. Dinner?” Rhasody asked.

Maurata smacked the back of Rhas’ head.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

[WoW FanFiction] A force to be reckoned with.

With the cold war turned fiery hot, things were uneasy among the clean-up crews across the broken shore. Most of the orcs had been pulled back to Orgrimmar but a few had been left behind to keep an eye on the elves and druids of Val’sharah. Living beside Gilneans wasn’t easy but Hauruk was trying his best. His best rather frazzled when he opened his hut’s door to find a goblin ear pinned there with a knife. Damn dogs!

He grabbed the knife, letting the ear fall to the ground. Enough was enough! It was time to show those alliance apologists who was chief of these forests and he knew exactly who to tell! The problem was, however, when he arrived at the village the mayor and his posse were nowhere to be seen.

As Hauruk turned, growling under his breath, an elderly woman somehow snuck up on his and poked his shoulder with a boney finger. “YOU!”

“Don’t touch me, old woman!” he snarled down at her.

With speed that would make a leopard blush she grabbed his ear and twisted. He yowled as she hauled his face down to her level. “Now, don’t you talk to me like that, Sonny! Show some respect for your elders! I bet you were raised better!”

Hauruk blinked, ear burning and breathing hot breath onto a completely unphased old Gilnean woman. Was she mad? “I am not a Sonny.” he managed.

“No, I suppose not.” She sniffed and let go of his ear. He very bravely managed not to rub it and whimper. For someone who appeared to be made of kindling, she was very strong. “I suppose all those bits and bones mean you’re someone important then?”

He humped and thumped his chest, “I am Senior Sergeant Hauruk Stormblood!”

“Oh, very important.” the little old Gilnean lady patted him on the arm and started to toddle back to one of the small cottages. “And I”m Granny Weatherapple. Let’s go have some tea.”

“I am not here to drink tea!” Hauruk protested, stamping a foot, “I am here to find the person who left a goblin ear on my door!”

“You’re being rude again.” She said, stopping and pointing at him with her cane.

“OF COURSE I’M RUDE! I’M AN ORC!” He bellowed.

“And what would your mother’s mother do if you talked to her like that, young man?” she asked in a very stern grandmotherly voice.

Hauruk blinked at her.

Granny Weatherapple put a fist on one hip and stared at him expectantly.

“I’m sorry.” He managed, speaking to his feet. “I would like tea. Should I bring you biscuits?” The orc wasn’t actually sure where he’d find biscuits. He didn’t think she’d be very happy if he just plundered one of the other cottages.

“No no, that’s fine.” She gestured ‘come on then’ and turned back to her cottage. “You can bring biscuits next time.”

‘Next time?’ Hauruk wondered in a mild stage of panic. However, he dutifully followed her into her home, almost bending a third over to fit through the door.

“The Worgen have to do the same. You’d think we’d learn to build bigger!” she tutted as she fetched an already boiling kettle off the stove. She peered in, “Oh good, plenty of water still in there. You won’t have to go to the well.”

The senior sergeant wondered why it would be him going to the well and if any force would prevent him from going and fetching the water if she demanded it.

“Don’t just stand around! Sit down!” Granny nagged.

Hauruk looked around at the delicate-seeming furniture with the doilies and flowery upholstery. The only thing that lent to the idea that this was in the middle of the wilderness was the collection of rifles on one wall. “Uh..”

Granny pointed at a kitchen table that seemed to be made of wood, wool, and wishful thinking. “If my grandson can sit on that in mid-teenage Worgen grump, you can sit on it just fine,” She put down the delicate teacup and saucer on his side of the table before fetching her own and sitting down.

The Orc warily and slowly lowered himself into the chair that Granny Weatherapple was looking at expectantly. He was pleasantly surprised it didn’t even creek, although he did have to practically put his entire legs under the chair so they wouldn’t crash into the table. He ended up hunched over and taking the teacup in forefinger and thumb and trying not crush it. He took a cautious sip. He probably looked as startled as he felt.

“Gilnean Gold, best there is. Well, was, till that bitch Sylvanas burnt it all.” Granny growled, a startlingly almost wolven sound. “Still have some stocks though, hopefully will get them in the ground come spring!”

“Er, yes.” He managed and decided sipping more tea was safest.

“Now don’t slurp. Young man like you has better manners than that, I know. You boys, get in a few wars and you forget everything your mothers taught you!”

Hauruk wasn’t going to explain that his mother mostly taught him how to kill humans quickly to escape.

“Oh sure, you remember the death and dismemberment bits, but when it comes to wiping your feet and pleases and thank yous, gone like the wind!” she continued.

Or maybe Gilnean mothers had more in common with orcs than he thought.

Granny Weatherapple put down her half finished cup of tea and reached behind her for a tin. “Biscuit?” she asked, holding it out.

Hauruk very careful took one, not touching any others as he wasn’t quite sure when he’d last washed his hands. It was round, tan in colour, with a darker chocolate coating on one side.

“They’re best if you dunk them in your tea!” Granny Weatherapple offered, showing him with her own biscuit and tea.

He wasn’t quite sure what to make of the mushy biscuit that resulted. The texture was odd but the flavour was quite enjoyable. “Thank you,” he remembered to say.

“You’re welcome. Now, you wanted to talk about the Goblin ear on your door.” She said.

“Yes.” He replied warily. “Please!” he quickly added.

“You’re a good boy!” Granny Weatherapple told him, leaning forward to pat his hand.  “Well, it’s no grand mystery. I did it. I cut off that goblin’s ear and sent him packing!”

“What!” Hauruk almost jumped to his feet but when his thighs thumped against the table just from the prepping to stand he realized he’d knock everything every which way if he did and he didn’t want to destroy the house. Well, not yet anyway, he reassured himself.

“Well, he was cutting down our trees. Didn’t even ask. Just brought up his big shredder, woke up half the neighbourhood before the cock had even crowed and started chopping down those trees. So I got up and went and had a chat with him. I even threw the bits of his machine after him.”

Hauruk wasn’t quite sure what to say at this point.

“Oh, close your mouth. You’ll catch flies if you leave it open like that!” Granny admonished. “And don’t look so horrified! His ear will grow back! I left you the ear so you’d know WHY the Goblins had buggered off and WHY your neighbours weren’t very happy with you lot right now.”


“I know that that Sylvanas is up to her old tricks and nastiness and our King has his fur in knots, but that doesn’t mean we have to be uncivilized. Now finish your tea.”

Head whirling, Hauruk managed a “Yes, Granny.”

“See! You’re a good boy. Your mother would be proud.”

His mother would probably be very confused at him sitting in this human’s kitchen drinking tea and eating biscuits.

He found himself discussing the winter’s weather and what crops the orcs planned to farm. He had to explain that orcs were more ranchers than farmers to which she seemed rather happy about since that would mean trade.

When tea and socialization was done a very confused Hauruk got to his feet. “I mean no offense Granny Weatherapple, but why are you not leading the Gilneans if not the Alliance?”

“Oh, well, Genn does a good enough job and we Grannies don’t have time for silly things like meetings and paperwork!”

Grannies, plural? Poor Hauruk’s already whirling head went into a spin. The Horde was truly doomed if the gilnean grandmothers ever teamed up and went on the offensive.

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

[Pirates of the Caribbean Fanfiction] [Rabbits] Of hats and horses.

(Stock photo stand in for Baby D)

It was time for Captain Jack’s weekly visit to the Rum Rabbit to collect his hats from the hat stealing varmint of a rabbit Captain Ren called a first mate. He’d tried just letting her keep the hat and live without but she’d then started stealing his bandanas, and bracelets, and beads, and finally just chewing holes in his clothes where one didn’t want holes to be. Sailing winter waves and drafts in dodgy places didn’t mix, even in the Caribbean.

It was a busy wharf but he knew he was going the right way when he passed the longship of rabbits dumping their haul out onto the dock. There seemed to be two piles of loot, one of rabbit-friendly food things and chewable things while the second pile seemed to be shiny things. Captain Jack couldn’t say why a boatload of rabbits with Viking helmets were unloading their vessel in Tortuga but they seemed pretty enthusiastic about it. He had to wonder where they’d found a gold plated toilet brush and why they’d brought it all this way. At least he knew it wasn’t the rum making him see things when he saw rabbits were involved.

However, a large brown horse was another matter. He blinked and rubbed his eyes as he swaggered up the gangplank of the Rum Rabbit to find Captain Ren scolding said horse. The horse, for his part, seemed to be completely ignoring the Captain.  It was rubbing noses with a large white rabbit who also appeared to be completely ignoring the Captain. Not that anything was new there, most sensible beings ignored Captain Ren. She could get very naggy and scoldy if one let her.

“You do realize, don’t you love, you have a horse on your deck?” Captain Jack Sparrow asked at his most casual conversational.

“OF COURSE I BLOODY REALIZE I HAVE A HORSE ON MY DECK!” The short but dangerous blonde growled as she whirled on the pirate.  The horse in question was now exchanging nose rubs with a brown bunny with a white star on her nose as a small lagomorphic crowd was gathering to watch the show.  “HE!” She continued, “IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN HIS BARN!”

The horse turned his head away from the rabbit so he could snort on Captain Ren. He swished his tail while the captain of the Rum Rabbit seemed to be counting to ten. She did turn a lovely shade of red before she was about to explode. She wiped the horse snot off her face and chest and onto the shoulder of the horse.

“YOU!” she pointed at Captain Jack Sparrow. He made the ‘me?’ gesture of a hand on his chest and his best most innocent look. “Go get your hats.” she turned to the horse, “And YOU! Get off my bloody main deck! You’re in the way of everything!”

Captain Jack decided discretion was a better part of valour and he always did think of better plans when he had his hat on. Perhaps Miss Cindy would have a few ideas for mayhem while he was negotiating the return of his chapeau. Or at least, know where the rum was.

He ignored the very large splash of a large brown horse jumping off the side of the ship and into the very mucky harbour waters. He also ignored the scream of anguish of a frustrated Captain as she cursed after her horse and yelled for nets to be fetched. Human crew appeared to assist since the rabbits weren’t about to dirty their paws with manual labour.
Wait, had she said hats plural?

Captain Jack entered the First Mate’s quarters scratching his head. Some might call it the Captain’s quarters, but anyone with any sense knew that Cindy was just letting Ren use them now and then.

The small white rabbit in question was curled up on a pile of hats on the bed, snoring. Her black markings around her eyes looking like pirately applied mascara and shadow.  Only two of the hats were his. In fact, it seemed the rabbit had extended her thievery. Perhaps she was planning on opening a millinery since Captain Ren didn’t seem to get out on the waves much these days.

“Ahem.” Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain (sometimes) of the Black Pearl, master of the waves, defeater of Kraken and Davy Jones alike cleared his throat and stared down at a less than four-pound rabbit.

The rabbit in question opened an eye, got up, turned around to present her butt in his general direction and apparently went back to sleep.

He sat on the edge of the bed, a white ear turning in his direction. “Look, darlin’, we can do this dance every week where you steal me hats, an’ I try an’ find what’d make you happy to get them back, but I’m sayin’ for this week, yer missin’ the show of the century as there’s a horse swimming in the harbour and your Cap’n’ is tryin’ to fish him out like an unruly merman. So I be thinkin’, if you go be watchin’ and havin’ a good laugh, I can take me hats and you can be stealin’ them again anyway, savvy?”

The ear tip twitched thoughtfully. Cindy yawned and stretched, hopping off the hat-bed and onto the floor. A few foot flicks in the direction of the (sometimes) captain of the Black Pearl and the door opened at a glance. If he could find a rabbit that would open doors for him like that, he’d have a lot easier time making a decent profit, he would.

Ignoring the pile of hats, for now, he rifled through Captain Ren’s drawers and chests. Frilly knickers, frilly bras, frilly shirts.. AH! The rum! Jack industrially took two bottles, wrapped them up in bandanas, some of them even his own, and stuffed them inside the hat he didn’t put on his head.

Sauntering out on the deck he found bunnies crowded around the exterior bulkhead laughing their cotton tails off as a Captain and her crew tried to net a horse who was having entirely too much fun staying out of reach of the nets and ropes as he paddled around in the harbour.

“He’s gotta get tired eventually.” Captain Jack offered as he made his way to the gangplank. While two bottles of rum was a perfectly reasonable payment for the inconvenience of his having to come and collect his hats, Captain Ren didn’t always see it that way. Perhaps it was that he’d taken two barrels a few weeks ago.

“Not bloodly likely.” Captain Ren muttered. She gave Captain Jack stink-eye, but he wasn’t clanking or slooshing so she decided whatever he’d stolen this time probably wasn’t worth the effort of trying to reclaim.

Captain Jack ambled his way down the gangplank and looked from the horse to the shore. “Why don’t ya be meetin’ me at the launch and I’ll see if can be gettin’ ye some rum?” he called to the horse.

“NO!” Called Captain Ren as the horse’s ears perked up and he immediately started swimming to the boat launch on the beach. She buried her hand in her face, “Even my bloody horse is a rum-sodden pirate.”

“Only type of pirate to be!” Captain Jack told her with a bow and flourish of his freshly claimed hat. “For without rum, the world would be a dull place indeed.”

Monday, June 18, 2018

[Drama Llama] [WoW] Why I'm no longer in ARD but still support #FriendshipBirb

Warning -- this is gonna be freaking LONG.

This is a two fold story.

ARD (  <A Reddit Dystopia> ) is a very large World of Warcraft community. They have (last I heard) 14 raid teams. (Some are on hiatus)  I was on one of the mythic raiding team  It was a little bit frat boy at times, but nothing a girl who has gone through high school isn't used to ignoring. Microaggressions not Big Huge Honking Deals. In a community that is probably 50% female, there's a couple of teams that have a very low female population or no females at all.. and some that are over 75% female. This was the former.  For a month or two everything was good enough, but then we inherited some players from another team in the community. The players came from a team that had zero females on it and it quickly became apparent why.

One of the individuals was a misogynist who went way out of his way to piss off the females of the group. When one of us finally just snapped and yelled at him he went even further out of his way and made her the butt of every single "joke" he was making. We bitched to the team leader, team leader eventually yelled at Jerk, Jerk didn't stop he just became more sly.  This went on for WEEKS. The sticking point for me was at one point he said there's all these high school teenager cheerleaders in town and they're hot. To which I, and Lady #3 both said "EWW! They're kids!!" to and then he said "It's their fault for being sexy." Comments like "old enough to bleed, old enough to breed" went under the raider of the men on the team, apparently 15 year old girls are hotties and it's their fault did too.

So Jerk was targeting Lady #2 and I finally had enough and snarled at him. He snarled back with yet another shot at Lady #2. Officer or Team Leader (I don't remember which) said "Take it to DMs"  I really should have just tossed in the towel at this point and walked from the team and told the lone female officer in ARD as to why. (I didn't mostly because I find her intimidating as *&@#.) If I'd remember the world's nicest person was also an officer, I probably would have gone to him. Anyway, I didn't quit, which was my first mistake.  Jerk sent me a DM calling me names and I (stupidly) replied back that I don't really give a crap what pedophiles have to say/think and promptly blocked him. He then copy/pasted that to our Team (non-ARD) Discord publicly, which as you can imagine caused Even More Drama.

I got asked by two people "WTF??" and so I explained the above. Unfortunately, one of those is a RL friend of Jerk. (Mistake #2.) I'd already sent all of the story (in three point harmony) to my Team Leader.  Four days of silence. Then one hour before raid the Team Leader kicks me for causing drama. Eh, he wasn't wrong, but him actually Doing Shit would have been nice. I get invited immediately back to the team I was on before I took a vacation.  I figured that was the end of it.

No such luck!

Jerk decided that since he also got kicked from the team, he would make my life as much of a living hell as he could. So I get contacted by an ARD officer and asked "WTF Rhas??" and so I yet again explained all of the above.

Again, silence for days. Then I come back to my computer after a day out to have two messages back to back from an officer. The first reads :

Rhasody - This week we were made aware of an ongoing issue in [Your Mythic Team] involving you and [Jerk].  We spent much of Thursday interviewing members of the team about your accusations and about what happened prior to your removal from their team - yourself included. I honestly am horrified to hear that you accused [Jerk] of being a pedophile - an extremely serious accusation with real-life implications - and did not take up your issues with him to any higher power but instead went to his teammates to tell them what you thought, and posted it in your team discord, all based on a conversation no one can corroborate and that we cannot locate in raid streams. 
However - the issue is not about that conversation. It is about how you handled what you felt to be an issue with another ARD member. We have never wanted to be word police to the community and have been able to entrust raid leaders to handle issues within their own team; however, you did not take advantage appropriately of the systems that we have in place for dealing with something you considered to be misbehavior. Based on this, we are removing you from Raid Leader rank as I don't believe you show the judgement required to have that rank in ARD.

Now -- there's already some problems with this.

1) I DID take it to my team leader who should have done something and left me hanging for DAYS.  By the time it came around he wasn't going to do shit it was a bit late for me to go to the ARD officers.

2) I DID NOT post it to our team Discord. Jerk did.

3) I do not know Jerk in real life. I have no idea how it would have real life problems.  Community problems, yes, and I shouldn't have talked behind his back, that WAS my mistake and why I would not have protested losing my rank/guild position and being busted down to simple community member.

4) System in place? Hell, I didn't even know one of the officers was an officer until three months after we had a headbutt.  Near as I can tell, the system is 'If you're having problems with a team, leave.'

5) The one person who could easily collaborate the conversation was away on a cruise but they couldn't just leave me demoted and wait for her to come back, nope, because  immediately following that message I got this one from the same officer :

 I understand being a woman on a raid team full of men, trust me. There are ways to let your raid leader know when something crosses a line that maybe he doesn't understand. I don't think that is the real issue here, however. If you were uncomfortable with an atmosphere on a team, you should have left. But you stayed and generated a negative and hostile environment instead of taking your concerns to an officer and leaving the team previously. 
That's not all, though. This is not the first time we have had issues with your behavior. You have been spoken to in the past about being mean to new members of ARD. You have been spoken to about being mean to LEADERSHIP during team and community raids. 
Due to prior issues with your behavior, and this most recent occurrence which is absolutely inappropriate, you are being removed from the ARD discord and guild on Bleeding Hollow. We discussed at length whether your removal was warranted, and I believe it is. I am open to discussion which is why I sent you a friend request, but this was a decision made by ARD leadership.

So, they demote me, make a point of telling me I lose my raid and leadership and then kick me out of the community. Classy, huh?

But again -- a few mistakes here.

1) I didn't know my leader didn't "get it" until I was booted and there didn't seem to be much point in making a fuss at that point. I'm sorry my having a problem with extreme misogyny towards myself and other women from ONE MEMBER was considered a hostile environment. This seems awfully close to victim blaming. ("Yes, but if those cheerleaders hadn't been wearing those short skirts he wouldn't have found them sexy and commented!")

2) Their idea of having 'spoken to me' consists of ..

- I made a joke about "And hey, if the healers like you, you'll get healed." and lone female officer said "Hey be nice to the new people" .. I grovelled, new guy laughed and said no worries, he got the joke.  I never, ever, even joked with new people again. In any form.

- The raid leader of Afternoon Delight was away and I joked to the other leader of the raid of who would I be mean to now? The leader who was present laughed, lone female officer said in raid say "Maybe don't be mean to the leaders?" and when I told the absent leader he laughed his ass off. (They didn't ask him at any point if it was a problem. Considering he insisted I keep raiding with his team even after being kicked out of ARD, I'd say it wasn't.)

That's it. There was never a whisper, just random raid say comments. If it was an officer sending a message, it should have least been a whisper with explanation. (Even if it seemed bloody obvious.)  "Hey, maybe don't sing 'I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General' off-key at the top of your lungs during AOTC, it gives the wrong impression!")   I'm pretty simple to deal with, just say "Don't do X" and I'll stop doing X. If you leave me to be psychic or make it indirect, I won't get the message.

But overlooking even that .. The discussion excluded me. I was never brought into voice chat. I did not receive any chat messages or DMs beyond the original "WTF?" so I didn't even know directly what the problem WAS. I still don't know who sent them screenshots. (Well, I know one, but unless they're including my team leader I'm not sure how they're claiming more than that.) I don't think they get to claim "You're ruining our image!" while busy being quite negligent on their own.

So basically, instead of doing what I feel would be fair, and several others thought would be fair, which would be bust me to community rank and kick me from the guild, they went way overboard.  I fucked up, I deserved punishment but I, and plenty of others, think a certain two officers pushed it way too far.

What I find "funny" is when raid leaders asked if they could keep inviting me anyway, they were told that they could invite me to raid, I just couldn't be on the Discord. Now, this makes zero sense to me. If they're worried about my rabble-rousing and causing drama and problems, why the heck would I still be allowed to raid with community members? I still have half of the community on my BNet list and my Discord so maybe they thought I could still cause problems if I wanted. (I did not want.) I am, however, still bitter I wasn't allowed to say goodbye to the raid team I led and the officer that promised to post a message for me didn't.

So all that aside, why would I still support the heck out of the #friendshipbirb and ARD's Saturday's run? Because it's good people doing good things. I still love 65% of ARD, still like another 30% and ignore the remaining 5%. A few really shitty people doesn't ruin a community.. and they help A LOT of people. Hell, I ran 99 H Argus kills with them. I totally believed, and still do, in the carries to help people get their mount before BfA launches!

I know a lot of the fun got sucked out by the new assembly line/stream line rules that aren't getting unilaterally enforced due to cliques, but think of the happy people and bring the fun with you. Create a private text chat channel in game, invite the maniacs to it, have chaos and mayhem that isn't interfering with the Serious Business.

If for no other reason, sign up to help because it makes people happy. There's not enough nice in the world, so you should try and be nice as often as you can. An hour and a half (or even three hours!) a week can be a lot of time commitment in a busy life, I know, but totally worth it to see the thank you's in general chat and screenshots on Twitter.

And if you're as super unhappy with ARD as some seem to be, stick it out till BfA and then find a new home. It's only a few weeks and you can help get HUNDREDS of people their birbs.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

[WoW Fanfiction] Lareasha, Lord Hubba Hubba and a bunch of demons.

"Hey Lord Hubba Hubba, how'd you not end up Warchief of this them Horde then?" Lareasha asked, gnawing on a caramel apple she'd swiped from the Faire before being dragged into this whole legion is trying to steal our demons nonsense.

The Blood Elf looked down at the goblin with disdain. "It is perhaps not appropriate to comment upon the physical form of a stranger and question matters that are none of your business."

"Blood Elves still bein' treated like poop, huh? That's okay; Goblins get kinda hind-teat too. Not that we don't be deservin' it sometimes." Lareasha watched the new Warchief take the stage. "Tho I am totally jealous of Lady S's wardrobe. Think she'd share her tailor?"

Lord Theron closed his eyes for a moment and mumbled in Thalassian. Lareasha was fluent in several languages, but that wasn't one of them. Well, she did know "Take this dishwater and give me some ale, " but she didn't think that would help her much since she wasn't in the underground of Dalaran.

The warlock stood in the Blood Elf's shadow as the new Warchief made a shpiel about uniting the Horde and recognized one of the Horde's many mighty warriors. All Lareasha really knew was her view from down here sucked.

Looking about at all the muckety mucks, she was thinking 'Prime Proudmoore target area.' when the hero of the Horde suddenly was chatting up some elf chick with funky tattoos. Lord Theron was not-quite-snarling at the chick. Or at least, Lare was pretty sure it was the chick he was snarling at. This was the sort of thing she'd normally ask Gartbug her imp about, but having a demon bouncing around (and he never stopped bouncing) when one was supposed to be all boohoo over a dead Troll killed by demons seemed like a bad idea.

She'd never met Vol'Jin; she'd never seen him speech it up like Garrosh or Thrall or pretty much any Orc. They all seemed happy to make big speeches and .. oh, hey now, that was interesting. The elf chick who no one seemed to like had made some sort of swooping gesture and bam, a whole bunch of dreadlord's appeared. Okay, that was not cool. Lareasha didn't feel like being stomped on by an infernal anytime soon.

The warlock ripped open a portal between realms, called the first voidwalker who didn't move away fast enough from her hand and dragged him through onto the steps of Orgrimmar. Fortunately, no one seemed to be paying a whole heck of a lot of attention to her. "Hey, Blue! I'll make you more powerful if you agree to smite a whole lot of those demons! I'll even give you a home outside of the legion where you can do stuff that isn't being ordered around by anyone but me.. and my orders mostly consist of 'get me the hell outta here!'"

The glowing blue demon hummed and then turned to the nearest demon that didn't seem to have a warlock attached to it. It grew two sizes bigger and let out a laugh as it brought its hands together and then smashed into the infernal.

Oh yeah, Lareasha had to say she liked her new friend. I mean, Gartbug was entertaining if a pain in the ass, but he didn't quite go on demon destruction sprees like this.

"Ten thousand years in the pitt." hummed the voidwalker. "Were you entertained? I was not entertained." It happily used the power that Lareasha fed it to blow up a Dreadlord. "I am now entertained. I hope you are entertained on your trip back to the nether." Running out of demons to pick fights with in the immediate area, it turned to her. "Now what master?"

"Just call me Lare. We're pals, partners, confidants, none of that weirdo master-servant crap. Leave that to Silvermoan and Goldshire, I say." The warlock hopped up to the voidwalker and used her rocket boots to get some height to look around. "Shit, looks like Lady S could use some help. Can you clear a path thatta way?" Lareasha gestured towards the podium.

The voidwalker hummed happily and started blowing up even more demons.

The Horde dignitaries, heroes, and leaders seemed to quickly regroup and push the legion's demons back. It seemed to take them a bit to notice the warlocks in their number who were on their side. Lord Hubba Hubba looked at Lareasha and sighed. "Thank you for your assistance, Warlock," he said, sounding pained.

"No probs, Your Lordship! Me'n'Blue are always happy to splatter the bad guys, right Blue?" She patted the fel armour on the voidwalker's shoulder.

"Blue" hummed its happiness to be anywhere other than where it has been

"Ah .. yes." Lord Theron turned over his shoulder as Lady Sylvanas called his attention.

"Lareasha!" a rock in her pocket called. "Huh, what?" She dug it out and found the thingy that Khadgar had given her. Oh yeah, this doo-dad. She'd been planning on pawning it. Her cousin Greelo would probably give her a pretty sweet deal.

"Dalaran is under seige! The legion intends to knock us out of the sky!"

"Whatdya expect building a flying city??" She asked the rock.

Apparently, it was only a one-way device because the Archmage ignored her. "Meet me in Dalaran over Deadwind Pass. I have a plan. A horribly dangerous plan.. but a plan nonetheless!"

Sheesh, the stupid human only ever had two types of plans.. and both seemed to involve her running around and doing his work for him. "What did yer last servant die of?" she muttered at the rock as she shoved it back in her pocket.

Her voidwalker was starting to earn looks. She was starting to earn worse ones. On the other hand, not being in Orgrimmar for a while might be a good idea..

Thursday, October 5, 2017

[WoW Fanfiction] Orcs, Tauren, Pandaren and cookies.

It had started off as such a nice day, too. Raska had been sitting and teaching her daughter Laeka how to speak to elementals while her son had been beating the training dummies with a mace. The sun was in the sky, the elementals weren't fighting, and there hadn't been any major fel incursions since Kil'jaedan's defeat.

The nice day turned a bit rough when Maurata came through the portal from Dalaran in a huff. "THOSE MEN ARE IMPOSSIBLE!" she not-quite-yelled back over her shoulder before turning to look at Raska. "They don't want to pack food; they don't have enough bandages, they're taking no allowances for the elements being fel corrupted, all they're about is 'we must go crush the forces of the legion!' well, duh, of course, we do, but we need to eat and prepare for the sick and injured too!" She threw her hands out like Raska had a magic wand to fix it with.

"Uhm." Raska managed.

"I bet they don't even eat breakfast!" Maurata fumed before throwing herself down on the ground beside Laeka. "Hey kiddo, how goes the lessons?"

The orcling blinked up at the pandarian, "Okay I guess?" she offered shyly.

"Good to hear," Maurata answered with a firm nod before turning to Raska. "You should go make those men see reason."

Raska sighed. Khadgar she had no problems arguing with, but Velen was just all creepy with the face tentacles and his insistence that the weird glowy aliens knew the answers to everything. The less said about Illidan, the better. She really didn't want to go have to deal with any of them. Maybe she could just beat all three about the head with Ashean's mace. Not that she thought her son would part with it.

The orc got to her feet; she supposed someone better explain logic to the supposed leaders of the expedition. Jaina Proudmoore would have been a better choice, even if she did blame the actions of one of the many. Humans could be so pigheaded. "Fine. Will you keep an eye on the kids?"

"SURE!" Maurata said with just a bit too much enthusiasm. Raska really hoped that meant the woman was just happy she was getting her way, not that she was planning on teaching a pair of orclings some very bad habits. At least they'd stopped belching the human's anthem every time they saw a member of the Kirin Tor. Raska wasn't quite sure who to blame that on, but she strongly suspected "Uncie Chewie."


She came back through the portal muttering about shoving humans, draenei, and elves into a big bucket and kicking them into the maelstrom. Normally she though Maurata tended to overreact, but in this case, she decided the Pandaren was under-reacting. Where was the warchief and why wasn't SHE dealing with this mess? Raska was more than ready to just pack up the kids and head up into the Alterac Mountains and go back to losing hearthstone to Drek'thar. One day she would figure out how an Orc who was blind, possibly senile, and in theory in the last days of his life, could soundly beat anyone who dared sit down across from him.

She was rubbing one temple in hopes of banishing the lurking headache when a wolf went dashing past with her son on it's back. Said wolf was bucking and bouncing like a human's horse after bean day. Ashean was giggling and holding on with a tight grip around the wolf's chest.

The wolf made an "Errrp!" noise as he spotted the irritated looking mother and came to a scrambling halt. Said wolf coughed as the giggling orcling slid off his back and onto the ground.

"CHEWIE!" Raska bellowed. The resulting look from the wolf-formed shaman made her snort and regain her sense of humour. She'd seen more convincing innocent looks from the wolf packs after they broke into the butcher's shop.

"Mamma! Mamma!" Ashean said, bouncing to his feet and clambering up his mother to be held one-handed. "Uncie Chewie was telling me Tauren can eat so much meat they sweat!"

The shaman in question had been turning on his hind paw in an effort to escape.

Raska sighed and asked her son, "Where's your sister?"

"Bakin' cookies with Maura'a." Ashean said. "Cooking is BORING."

"Don't let your Auntie Maurata hear you say that or you'll get a twelve-hour lecture on how the proper spices saved the Pandaren Empire."

"Pandas have an empire?" Ashean looked confused.

"I have no idea." Raska replied honestly before putting her son down, "Now go pester your sister." Her son looked quite happy to accept this mission and ran off towards the ramp up towards the stone circle.

"Chewie." Raska said, turning her attention back to the Tauren shaman who had been attempted to sneak off again.

The Tauren shaman in question let out a low whine.

"Oh for hell's sake, I'm not going to bite you because you were being silly with my son. I trust you to keep him out of most trouble, and even if he'd gotten injured in some silly stunt, that's what Orc children do."

He eyed her warily.

"How long are you going to hide out in the Maelstrom? This is getting just ridiculous."

He humphed.

"Chewie, don't make me come over there and kick your butt. Go back to being a Tauren and talk to me!" Sometimes she felt like a mother to half of Azeroth. Things were easier when Thrall lead the Earthen Ring. Then these things would be his problem. He seemed to have thrived on arguing with idiot humans and their pet elves. But no, he got a guilty conscience over the stupidest things and flounced off leaving the rest of them to sort it out.

Chewie sighed and reformed into the Tauren warrior who was only twice her size.

"Well?" Raska asked, tapping her foot.

"Well what?" He asked.

"How long do you plan on spending hiding out here?"

"SHE KISSED ME!" Chewie spluttered as if that explained everything.

"You were an elf; she was an elf --"

"I WAS NOT AN ELF!" Chewie protested, drawing himself up to his full height and looking quite offended.

"Oh, I'm sorry, blue skin, pointy ears, half your usual height, no fur or tail.. what exactly were you then?"

"I may have LOOKED like an elf," he sniffed, "but I was NOT an elf."

Raska looked at him with a one-eyed closed cynical look. "Okay. You, for those of us who do not understand the finer nuances of Tauren culture and ways, seemed to be an elf, she IS an elf even if she was being a different sort of elf, murder mayhem all around, hiding in a small alcove while finding spies.. these things happen!"

Chewie managed to look even more offended, "They do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

Raska kicked him in the shin, metal toed boots ringing nicely on his shin plates.

"OW! What was that for?"

"Quit acting like a baby and just go talk to your best friends already. Sheesh." Raska turned on her heel and stalked off to find her children.

She ignored the muttered 'Do not.' which was followed by a grumbled 'I'm going fishing.'

Really. Grown ass shaman. So he got kissed by an Elf, it could be worse. He could have married a mage who turned out to be a warlock, wouldn't that have been fun? Idiot.

Maurata was happily pointing at a box of bricks being held by a fire elemental. "So, this is how your people probably cooked things without ovens when they were all locked up."

Laeka's brow furrowed, "Did not. We didn't have the elementals then, did we, Momma?"

Raska shrugged, "I wasn't there." She'd been a child hiding up in the mountains with a few of her other clanmates who had escaped the roundup. She highly doubted that the orcs in the pens had cared enough to summon elementals even if they could have.

"Okay, this was how *I* cooked when I was stuck camping out in the middle of nowhere because my mother thought it was some sort of learning experience when all I really learned was how to pick bugs out of my fur."

"Ewwww," Laeka said.

"Exactly." Maurata agreed, opening the brick oven and pulling out a tray of cookies. Raska was pleasantly surprised they looked edible, but then, Maurata could probably turn mud into chocolate if she put her mind to it. The healer handed a cookie to each orcling before holding one out to Raska. "How'd it go?"

"They're idiots."

"Yup!" Maurata agreed happily as she bit into her cookie.

"So we all agreed Lady Liadrin would go with them."

"Did Lady Liadrin agree to this?" Maurata asked with mild curiosity.

"Not. My. Problem." Raska said firmly and bit into the cookie. It was a very delicious cookie.

Suddenly the day was looking better again.