Monday, April 20, 2015

[WoW/Animal Fanfiction] When the humans are away..

Imogen, Protection Paladin (tank). Speedy, Holy Paladin (healer). Mr Mick, Frost Death Knight (DPS), Princess Sammy, Restoration Shaman (healer), Bibi, Feral Druid (DPS), Handsome Jack, Markmanship Hunter (DPS).

* * *

Imogen tried not to sigh into the mic. It was like herding cats. Well, she supposed since there WERE two cats in the group, it was exactly like herding cats, and rabbits, and did she have to herd herself? The Australian Shepherd cross gave it a moments thought. "Is everyone ready?" she asked into the relative silence, starting a ready check.

"Yup!" said Speedy, always the quickest. He was a well named Himalayan Rex bunny.

"I guess." grumped Mick. The light brown lop always sounded like he had better things to be doing.

"Of course!" Sammy, black cat and princess, replied with the general disdain she held the world in.

Jack failed the check. There was silence in voice chat.

"Jack?" Immi asked.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Sammy growled. "Where's he gone now?"

"Foo' cat." Mick grumbled.

"Watch it, long ears!" Sammy snapped.

"QUIT IT!" Imogen snapped. "We'll just wait for him to get back. Have some patience."

"Patience? How long does that take to learn?" Speedy asked, innocently.

"Longer than the salad takes to be delivered" Bibi offered, chiming in. The lop was more interested in cleaning her ears than where silly cats had disappeared to.

Imogen resisted the urge to whap her forehead against the desk while the others squabbled.

"Sorry! What'd I miss?" Jack asked, reappearing.

"Where WERE you?" Sammy demanded. "We've been WAITING FOREVER."

The handsome long haired grey just sniffed, "I had to use the litter box."

"Well, next time let us know before you just disappear please." Imogen slid in before anyone else could grump. "NOW! If we're all ready?" She ran a ready check. This time everyone passed. "Okay! Pulling this stupid ogre in 10!"

"I think he's an orc." Speedy pointed out.

"I don't care if he's Captain Picard of the Starship Enterprise, he's got my helm and he's going down!" Sammy exclaimed, planting totems.

Imogen winged off her shield at Kargoth before anyone else could get too enthusiastic. There was a reason they didn't let any of the pick-up raid members into chat. Well, the lack of organization, general bickering and the fact the average WoW player would only hear wuffs, meows, grunts and other animal noises. She wondered where they could find a bird. They needed a bird. Or another dog. Another dog would be really nice.

"I wish Jensen were here," Imogen said a wee while later. "This PuG sucks as an off tank. OH MY FUCKING GOD, TAUNT YOU STUPID..!"

"Does your mother know you use that kind of language?" Mick asked sweetly.

"Who do you think taught it to me?" She growled back. "Yes, get up on the chain, good druid." she added to her monitor with sarcasm.

*Do you think we should have played on a European server?* Speedy typed to Bibi, rather naughtily.

*What? And miss this entertainment of Yanks losing their minds?* she replied with a winky face.

"Mick?! What're you doing?! Kite him into the fire!" Imogen was wondering if the rabbit had fallen asleep.

"Yeah MICK." Sammy chimmed in.

"Not needed, Sammy!" Imogen said.


"IF I could get a word in edgewise around some chatty-cathies, I was trying but I got lagged."

"Likely story." Sammy said with a sniff.

"Wanna come here and say that, cat?"

"Stop it! DPS! Concentrate!" Imogen scolded.

"But I'm a healer," Sammy said sweetly.

There was a dull thump as Imogen thumped her head against the side of the desk.

"Couldn't tell by those numbers!" Jack, hunter extraordinaire and current top of the DPS charts, pointed out.

"Oh stick it up your tail pipe!" Sammy replied. "No more heals for you."

"Speedy'll heal me. Nyah." Jack told her.

"I will?" Speedy said with the voice of an angel. "I might. If you're nicer to everyone."

The reply was, fortunately, cut off.

"And Bibi the awesome gets the killshot! Loot time! Loot time!" Bibi druid didn't quite pounce on the corpse.

"Speedy's loot dealer." Imogen announced. "I'm taking an afk. Y'know, when you do that, Jack, you TELL PEOPLE?"

Silence from Jack's side.

"Oh for the love of walks." She growled, he was gone already. She pulled off the headset to let herself out into the backyard. Cats were so impossible!

"Do you think she's snapped her leash yet?" Mick asked into his headset.

Sammy shook her head, "Nah. She's good for at least another two bosses before she starts threatening to chase us all up trees."

"She couldn't catch Bibi and I. She'd need a ride from the airport." Speedy giggled.

Bibi snickered. "But she's not that far from you is she Mick?"

"Hmph. Closer to Sammy!"

"I'd just let Cho sit on her, problem solved."

They all agreed letting a 20 pound black lab in a cat's body deal with it was probably the best measure.

Imogen came back into chat. "Okay, is Jack back?"

"Of course not." Sammy said with a sniff. "He's as useless as balls on a Christmas tree."

Silence greeted that comparison.

"Right then, Butcher.. Do you think we can all manage to stand in the right places this time?"

"Pfffft." Mick said. "Why start now?"

Imogen didn't quite whimper.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

[WoW/Bunny Fanfiction] Following Mick was probably their first mistake.

"So where are we?" Jensen asked, sniffing around.
"Nagrand." came the answer from the periscoping lop.
"Thank you Captain Pedantic." Buttercup said with an eye roll. It was a very impressive sight seeing a small white rabbit do an eyeroll. "A little more guidance please?"
Mr Mick landed back onto all fours with a sigh. "Azeroth. Well, not really, It's Draenor before the Orcs invaded Azeroth. Which had something to do with demons and ore and blowing their own planet up, which was Draenor, which is where we are, it just hasn't blown up yet."
Buttercup and Jensen stared at him.
Mick groomed himself defensively. "I wasn't paying much attention, okay? But don't worry, this world won't blow up because Khadgar and some stinky Orcs showed up to save it."
Jensen nibbled on some grass, it tasted like normal grass. The sun was nice and warm. Almost a perfect spring day. "How do we know this Khadgar guy and his Orcs aren't the ones who blow up the planet in the first place?"
"Er." Mick managed.
Buttercup huffed, "You're impossible. Let's get a long boat. Let's go bug elves. Let's get in a TARDIS. You never think of the .. oooh, are those dandelions?" She hopped off mid-rant.
Jensen sighed, "Does."
Mick nodded. He was glad he didn't have some female bossing him around. "Wait, what's wrong with TARDISs and Elves? And I still want that boat.." He hopped after Buttercup, "And Disneyworld was fun, even with a wet Viking."
"Poor Viking." Jensen mumbled. "Trying to keep up with you and Speedy."
"Oh he did fine," Mick huffed, "We just made him carry us most of the time, that way he kept up."
Buttercup stopped on top of a tree stump, looking around, idly chewing on a the last bits of a dandelion flower. The grasslands spread out around them, a decent sized river ahead of them. There looked to be some sort of spikey fort off to their right before the plains ended to plateaus and hills. "Uh, Mick?"
"Yes?" He said with a very 'what now' attitude.
"You didn't say there were wolves here." Buttercup said, not moving a whisker.
"Of course there's wolves in Nagrand. There's Orcs, where there's Orcs there's wolves." He said as if this was all obvious.
"No. There are wolves HERE." She said, grabbing a frighteningly large hammer out of bunspace to swing into the face of the wolf that pounced at her. It went flipping away, landing with a thud and a yelp. The other two wolves halted their progress and started to circle.
"Get us out of here!" she ordered, dropping the hammer back into bunspace.
"Oh sure, just summon out of nowhere a .." He stopped as a maniac on some sort of very large goat came charging out of the hills, screaming and waving a staff. The Tauren, with gold tipped horns, gestured towards the wolves and lightning came from the clear skies, scorching the wolves. A warcry got the wolves turning towards her and away from the rabbits.
Mick, at this point, decided discretion was the better part of valour, "Best part of Azeroth, well, Draenor, is that.."
Buttercup nipped his tail and dashed past, away from the maniac Tauren and wolves, Jensen falling in behind her as the two raced.
"Wait up!" Mick yelped ,"I can open a portal home, but you guys gotta STOP." He chased after and found himself following Buttercup into a small cave. He panted.
"Get us out of here!" Buttercup repeated. "Nice place for a graze and a snooze you said. You didn't mention THE WOLVES!"
"Well, I thought all the orcs had the wolves and there were no orcs, just a Tauren.. and she saved us.. so uhm.."
Buttercup just glared at him, ears flat.
"Right. Portal." He cleared his throat, stood on his backpaws and waved his forepaws around. It took great concentration and suddenly a blue oval hung in the air in front of him. "There. Home. Happy?"
"Hmph." Buttercup said, shoving Jensen through. "The TARDIS is better. Swimming pool and NO WOLVES." She hopped through.
Mick let the portal closed, he had no interest in following an angry Buttercup who'd probably just blame everything on him. It's not like he controlled the wolves, was it?

He was pretty sure the portal had sent them home, anyway. Maybe it sent them to Stormwind. Or Wonderland. Eh. They'd find a closet if he'd sent them to the wrong place. He couldn't do EVERYTHING after all, could he?