Saturday, September 22, 2012

[Bunny Fiction] Of rum, cats and rabbits.

(Only two days late..)

"Sit down me kits and I be tellin' ye a story of the high seas and --"

"You're not our Mom!!"

"Wha? No, no, I just be talkin' like a pirate to --"

"See Nibbles! Told you she wasn't our Mom! She's a LIONHEAD while we're DUTCHES."

"Look - "

"An' we're BETTER than some LIONHEAD..!"

"WHAT?!" The Lionhead in question jumped up to all fours, "Now listen ye pusculant little snot barnicles, if ye not be sittin' down and shuttin' up, I be nommin' yer bloomin' ears off, savvy?"

A collection of wide-eyes stared at her in silent shock.

"Now, that be better." Maddy, Bun Extrodinaire, cleared her throat, still glaring at the collection of kits gathered around her. "An' as I be sayin' .. I will be tellin' ye the story of Princess Umbra, Bunny Privateer and master of the seas!"

"Ooo. Does the story have rum?"

"Its a bloody pirate story, of course it has rum!" Maddy snapped, flipping the tails of her bandana back over her shoulder before adding, "Now shyadup!"

* * *

Umbra bunny stood on the bow, nose to the wind.  She'd seen this a lot on the tv and in movies, but frankly, she couldn't understand why humans did it. Were their noses REALLY that numb that they couldn't smell the rot, decay and .. well, fish? Who in their right mind liked fish? Well, besides cats and everybun knew THEY weren't in their right mind.

"Its a tradgedy!" cried Mr Mick, first mate.

"Horror!" Chico agreed, enthusiasticly.

"You can just groom the tangles out for me.." Maddy said to the boys.

"What?!" Mr Mick spluttered, "Nono, we're out of RUM."

"So? My mane is a MESS!" Maddy said, turning first one way, and then the other, to display the supposedly mussed up mane. Umbra couldn't quite see what the fuss was about, but as a short furred black bun, she couldn't say even shedding tufts showed up too easily on her glorious coat.

"There is -- no -- RUM!" Mickey repeated. "How can we be privateers supreme with no rum?!"

Maddy muttered something about how can she be expected to be a gorgeous pirate princess with a mucked up mane. "Boys have no priorities!" She said to Zoey. Zoey nodded her agreement and the two fuzzy rabbits degenerated into conversation and complaints about being a long furred bun. Umbra hopped down from the bow to go chat with the boys -- they seemed more sensible anyway. How much time was any bun expected to groom, anyway? There were things to do, naps to take, humans to pester.

Captain Racer and Chief Diplomat and Lawyer Winston came down from the helm to join the conversation.

"We could just send Mr Mick out for a raid!" Racer suggested.

"Nuh uh. I'm still on the poster in the Dragon's Flagon for the last raid.." Mr Mick sneezed, "I'm not as sneaky as I used to be!"

"Speedy?" Racer asked.

"On vacation with his grandma." Mr Mick replied.

"Still? Geez, how spoiled can one bun get?" Racer sighed and tapped paw against deck.

"We could confiscate from another ship," Umbra suggested.

They turned to look at her and she felt a bit shy, she was new to the crew and all.

"We could trade with another ship," Winston pointed out. They left fewer ports in a hurry when they didn't go on a steal it and drink it run.

"Boring!" Mick pronounced.

"And rather unpiratey, don't you think?" Cap'n Racer asked.

"Well, they must have had SOME trade.." Winston said, "They couldn't burn and pillage everywhere.. there had to be safe ports.."

"Well, we don't burn." Chico pointed out, "We don't like fire.."

Winston sighed as the point was missed yet again.

"Who should we steal from?" Chico asked Umbra, she'd brought the idea up, after all.

"Why not the cats?" She asked. "We could leave some fish to distract them and then they wouldn't come chasing us. Its not like they drink the rum, they don't even like the smell -- what they're doing on a pirate ship in the first place, I have no idea!"

They all agreed that the cats were lousy pirates, worse sailors and all around complete weirdos. The perfect target for some ship lightening!

Things then degenerated into grand plans and ideas on how to remove barrels of rum from the feline felons.

* * *

"If you want something done, do it yourself." Umbra muttered as she dived under the gang plank that connected the Lollipop to the dock. She looked about carefully; she didn't want the whites of her eyes to give her away. Everyone knew black bunnies were the ninjas of bunny kind. Not that most bunnies weren't sneaky and able to disappear and reappear much to their human's chagrin but black bunnies were extra sneaky and extra able.

Confident than the sailor on watch was fast asleep and dreaming of .. well, whatever it was cats dreamed of. She couldn't say she'd ever asked. Maddy had been very enthusiastic to tell her all the faults of living with a d-a-w-g, but she hadn't had much to say about c-a-t-s.  Well, other than spitting and swearing about one cat in particular who had chomped on Winston. Umbra hoped that said cat had got several hindfoot kicks to the kidneys for that!

A dash up the plank and she was on the main deck. Whiskers twitching she stopped in the shadow of the mast. Apparently the sun made cats sleep. Umbra had to suppress a yawn of her own, the sun warmed boards did look quite comfortable! She also had to suppress her natural desire to chomp tails and wake up the peacefully sleeping. Was it really her fault that the sleeper was so tempting? She wanted to know what they were dreaming about! But they never told her.. all she ever got was grumps and grumbles!

Another sneak and she was down amongst what would be crew quarters on a "normal" ship. There should be hammocks and sleepers, but here there were litterboxes fastened to the bulkheads and floor. The less said about the stench, the better. Oh, each litterbox may be magically clean, but a toilet would always smell like a toilet! Umbra gave a full body shiver, her fur rippling in her disgust. She couldn't get through THAT fast enough!  She was starting to think the direct route through the loading bay may have been a better idea.

After dodging a few cats that were actually awake and pretending to be sailors and working, Umbra found the rum casks. She pulled out the magical sheets Winston had said would make it so she could put them in a bunny crate. Umbra had her doubts, but tossed it up and over the casks, scampering around to completely cover them with the sheets. Once she'd managed that, she started batting at them with front paws to see if they'd actually mold and shape like Winston had claimed. Apparently, it was a Weasley special design and they'd all had a moment of silence to respect the bunny who now sailed on the Rum Rabbit.

It seemed *hours* before she got the casks magically small enough to shove into her purse and toss her purse over her shoulder. She stopped on a dime and ducked under a cannon when she spotted two cats strolling in.

"Hey, did you see a rabbit?" Asked the calico.

"Mrr?" The delicate siamese looked about, "No. What would a rabbit want in our cargo anyway? We have fish and litter! And not that stinky pine or cardboard crap they use."

They both hissed amusement over the play on words scatilogical. Umbra couldn't help an eyeroll at them. Really, what were they, six year old human males?

They stopped where casks of rum had most recently been. "Er. Shouldn't there be something here?" The calico started sniffing at the deck.

"Yes.. wood.. stinky wood.." The siamese sat on her haunches and seemed to be thinking about what was missing.

Umbra decided this was a very good time to get going, risk of being seen or not.

"Are you SURE you don't see a rabbit?" The calico asked, tail twitching as she turned this way and that.

"You and your rabbits. We'll do a raid later or something." The siamese let out a large yawn. "Lets just go get Cap'n Katie, SHE'LL know what was here!"

"I'm so not waking her this time.." the calico grumbled.

Umbra grabbed the rope that was part of the hoist that lowered and raised the cargo crates out of the hold and hauled tail up it. She had to jiggle at the cover a bit to get it opened enough to squeeze out of, a bit of acrobatics required to get up on the top deck rather than falling back down into the hold.

It was about then she found herself looking at three cats who were looking at her with very pointed looks. "First Lieutenant Umbra, inspection finished. You pass!" She attempted, giving her best official stance.

"Uh huh." said the tuxedo with the cool hat. (Umbra put it on her list of things to steal on her next visit.)

"TOLD YOU I saw a rabbit!" The calico crowed.

"Oh shush." The siamese muttered.

"Try the other tail, it has bells on it," The tuxedo said.

"How about I try to see what's faster, a bunny or a cat?" Umbra said hopefully, "After all, what's the average land velocity of a house rabbit?"

"American or European?" asked the calico and got swatted by the tuxedo. "No one appreciates the classics." she muttered.

Umbra decided to get while the getting was good; the cats seemed to be focused on picking on the calico. Unfortunately, they refocused on her quickly enough as she dashed off the ship and down the dock.

While a rabbit in flight has a great deal more speed, unfortunately, cats had the staying power. Umbra found herself tiring just as The Lagomorph was in sight.

"Hostiles incoming!" Maddy reported from where she'd been sunning herself. "C'mon Umbra! You can make it! Just get even with the ship! The boys have a defense plan!"

Umbra really hoped the defense plan was a bit more simple and more practical than the invade the cats ship plan had been.

With the last dregs of energy she made it to her ship's berth and fell in a flop, panting. The cats howled their triumph in time for Mr Mick to appear over the forecastle with bunny glee visible in his every body part. He and Chico hefted a very large wooden bucket and upended it over the cats.

The cats were absolutely drenched in sea water and bits of half rotten sea weed. The howls of protest and upset echoed up and down the piers. Umbra had to cover her delicate uppy ears from the cacaphony.

Spitting profanities at Mr Mick (again), the cats slunk off to go clean up while Zoey and Winston helped Umbra up the gang plank, promises of water and hay about the only motivation she had -- she was pooped!

"Sun beam!" she said with tired happiness, removing her purse to give to a concerned Winston. "Water! " she said as Zoey nosed a crock to her and she lapped up several mouthfulls before giving a flomp that Mr Mick would have been proud of. Sun on fur, warm wood under her, Umbra was happy to go to sleep, mission complete.

"Should we wait for her before we open the rum?" Mr Mick asked and then answered himself, "Nah, she'd want us to appreciate her work right off, I'm sure!" His front half soon disappeared into magic purse as his teeth sank into magical cloth and started to unload casks of rum.

"Shouldn't we do that in the hold?" Winston asked, thinking of moving all those casks up and down the stairs.

"Why? Do you think it'll last that long?" Mr Mick asked as he back peddaled, tugging cloth with him.

Winston just sighed and helped his friend haul.

* * *

"An' that be why you never mess with bunny pirates!" Maddy finished with a flourish that shadowed a buccaneer with a rapier.

A collection of kits just stared at her.

"Oh for pellets sake.." The little lionhead let out a long suffering sigh. "I don't know why I bother!"

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

[Doggie Stories] Big's Canadian Cousin.

Disclaimer : This isn't in Pirate-Speak since its been floating around as a draft for a wee while now. Pirate post will be upcoming :)

Most days I try to get a walk in down by the river. Some days that walk is for a klick or two, turn around, and walk back, going as fast as I can. Some days its walk as far as I can before my leg threatens to buckle, sit down by the river on one of the donated benches and knit till my leg starts to behave. Other days, days I've been abusing myself, I sit by the start of the trail and knit. Some times, my brain's desire to get out and move is more enthusiastic than my body's ability to comply.

I seem to know most of the dogs on the trail. There's Sir Flash, a very handsome, charming and cocky little Sheltie. He and his human walk several kilometres to get to the trail, then do several kilometres down the trail and back again. Occasionally, they have his mistress with them, but she meets them at the trail head. There's the two daschunds that follow their biking humans. You'd think those two tiny dogs would have issues keeping up, but disappearing down the trail for thirty minutes, they reappear behind the bikes running just as fast as when they left; their little legs a blur of motion, their mouths stuck in eternal doggie happy grins. There's the two great danes who I have nicknamed Pony One and Pony Two. (They're actually Floris and Mikey.) There's the fishing Newfoundlander; he's a talented doggie, no fishing license required as long as the fish is for him. He jumps in, swims around, disappears, and comes back up with a struggling salmon in his mouth as he swims back to shore to deliver the fish to his master to off. Once swimming to the next life (so to speak), the Newfoundlander will sit by his prize until his master is ready to go and they'll walk off, doggie proud of his fish in his mouth. There's others, not so regular - a Dalmatian, several flavours of "mixed breed" animals, big dogs, small dogs, but all seem to be happy, friendly dogs!

Last night, my brain was screaming "Get out, get out, go walkies!" and my body was screaming "I don't think so, I don't think so, oh god, please don't make me move." It was a sit on the bench day. Just after I sat down, a guy with a pit-bull started on the trail. The guy had the look you see on many a pit-bull or doberman owner's face, the "Please don't be afraid of my dog." look. The dog spotted me and I said "Hi puppy!" in my usual "Its a doggie! Can I pet him???" voice. The dog barrelled over, yanking on his human and then came to a dime stop, just out of arm reach, sat down and held up a paw. "I'm sorry!" said the human.

"Can I pet him?" I asked as the dog in question started to whine softly.

"You have a choice?" The man muttered.

I immediately put down the knitting and started making the proper amount of fuss over a silly and happy doggies. Scritch the chest, play with the ears, belly rub, duck doggie slobber, all the important things. And of course, commiserate with the human owner about a dog that seems to be smarter than he is.

"I swear, he just has to see something ONCE and he knows how to do it! Get out of his collar? He can unbuckle the thing! Open the door? Took him three tries. I'm just waiting for him to drive himself to the beach! And I don't care what anyone says, he understands English and counts just fine!"

I said I know of a dog JUST like him, and he should look for the book Big wrote. Oh, sure, Laz THINKS he had a hand at it, but we all know it was doggie mind control at work controlling what keys were pressed. I think its just a good thing for the world that these superior beasts are (mostly) willing to put up with the inept humans and their strange ways. Imagine how much trouble we'd be in if they didn't..

Saturday, September 15, 2012

[Bunny Stories] Weasley & George at the Bridge.

(Hopefully Aunty Char will forgive me for borrowing George.)

The world formed around him, he blinked a few times unused to this whole sight thing. He just hoped his sense of smell wouldn't get dull, he would miss being able to find a bit of apple from two rooms away. He looked around. There wasn't much to see, a path that wound up a meadow's hill with all sorts of yummy things to eat and a white bunny who was currently chewing on a dandelion as he looked at him. Well, mostly white, he had a smudge on his nose. The sound of merriment could be heard faintly from what could possibly be the top of the path.

"Hi" Said the white rabbit. "I'm George."

"Hi George, I'm Weasley." Weasley paused a beat, "Does that mean we're a wizard?"

"Or twins?" George asked, whiskers twitching in good humour.

Weasley looked himself over and then looked George over. "While I think the average human couldn't tell the difference.."

George's whiskers practically wriggled in amusement. "Humans are very fun pets, but they're not very bright." He agreed. He turned to look up the path, "We should go now."

"Were you waiting for me?" Weasley asked as he hopped beside the other rabbit.

"Yeah. The Powers felt you could use an escort. I haven't been here long, but its not so bad for a glorified waiting room." George looked at Weasley with a sparkle of challenge and then took off up the hill at top bunny speed.

Weasley put his own hind legs into use to catch up, amazed at the speed he could manage. All the little creeks and pops were gone, the little aches, the strains, the stiffness.. he could RUN!  And run he did, passing George who had started to slow down to let him ahead, and burst out into a huge meadow of unequalized size and glory.

There were bunnies EVERYWHERE. All sorts of bunnies, tall bunnies, short bunnies, plump bunnies, skinny bunnies, white bunnies, black bunnies, splotches of inbetween. There were even a few dogs and cats! Weasley also saw a human who looked to be story telling to her rapt audience. "Wow." He said as George came up along side him.

"Sorry there's not much of a reception, everyone's off playing. There'll be a part this evening."

"There's MORE?" Weasley asked with wide-eyes and then blinked, "Wait, where's the ship?"

"Ship?" George echoed, tilting his head to one side.

"Yeah. We met a pirate ship run by ghost rabbits! Aren't I a ghost rabbit now? Don't I get to be on the ship?" Weasley asked.

"Ohhh." said George. "Well, really, you can be wherever you want. Be that ship, shore, sky or in between. Most come back to the meadow to hang out, meet the new people, party it up, share stories, see whose humans have finally shown up, that sort of thing." George licked a paw, "I'd like to see your ship though. Maybe tomorrow? After you meet everyone and get all settled in? Pirate code was very similar to bunny code, you know. Share everything, support your brothers, and survive through mutual support."

Weasley nodded, "Well, I don't think they're *actual* pirate buns, I don't recall there being any stories of combat, just sneakiness and sailing."

"Oh good. Who likes combat? Its rather messy." George asked, and answered, rhetorically, "C'mon! You have to meet Belinda and.."

George's list of buns Weasley had to meet was interupted by a red angora bowling Weasley over. The two rolled in the grass with the slightly smaller one landing on top. "You're here! You're back!" She paused, poking his chest with a paw, "You're kinda squooshy.."

"I am not!" Weasley protested, rolling her off and getting to his feet, most disgruntled. "I am fluffy."

"*I'm* fluffy, YOU'RE squooshy. Had to eat twice as much with me gone, huh?" She shook herself, settling fur and dropping bits of grass. "Okay, well, you're here now, you can groom me."

"This seems rather familiar." George said dryly. His own reception had been similar.

"Okay." Weasley agreed, starting to lick the piles of fur that hadn't been helped by the wrestling. "Do I get a cookie? Humom gave me a cookie when I did stuff.."

Ginny rolled her eyes, "Yes, yes, you can have .. oh, there, right there.. itchy spot! .. perfect! .. a cookie. Heck, you can live (so to speak), on cookies if you want."

"Mmm." George said, thinking of cookies. He'd once had a crumble of digestive his humum hadn't spotted and he had to say, there was something he wanted to try again. Fairly confident Weasley was in good (if bossy female) paws, he gave his goodbyes and went in search of the snack table. (It tended to move around as bunny mayhem threatened its safety and contents.)

"Do I get groomed too?" Weasley asked.

Ginny sighed, "Maybe later.. I've been waiting YEARS, y'know!" She thumped, "I'd ask what took you so long, but I guess SOMEONE had to take care of our huparents."

Weasley echoed her sigh, "They're A LOT of work."

"But worth it!"

"Yeah, its always so cute when they do their little happy dances or whatever, or are proud they FINALLY got the salad right, or FINALLY figure out what we've bene trying to tell them.."

"That takes a lifetime all to itself." Ginny agreed, turning to give Weasley's side a lick. "C'mon, lets go meet everyone, you can finish grooming me later."

"Okay." Weasley agreed.

It wasn't home, but it'll do until his home, his humom's arms, came to meet them.

Monday, September 10, 2012

[Random Thoughts] YAY! Autumn's here!

I love autumn. I adore it. Its my favourite time of year. The blistering two weeks of summer Vancouver (area) gets is gone, the rain is back, the leaves are being painted a thousand colours against the backdrop of the evergreens. The air is crisp, the nights that just a little darker, and soon it shall be my birthday (when I can demand all sorts of things and my family humours me) and then the bestest day of the whole year.. Hallowe'en!

C'mon, who doesn't love an excuse to dress up, corrupt children and basically be a complete silly twit? .. Okay, I hear there's a few of you out there, but I adore it. Having lost all my costumes, I've yet to remake them (something about my mother muttering she'd sew them all again when hell freezes over.) but the spirit of it is fab!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go walking in the rain and kick at fallen leaves.. and try not to fall on my ass and break a hip. ;)

Thursday, September 6, 2012

[Bunny / Star Wars Fiction] Some quick silliness.

Sleep dep may have been making me .. silly.

* * *

Speedy hopped up the long path into the cave. He wasn't quite sure what to expect, but a softly glowing forcefield that gave way to a very luxurious warren wasn't it. There was carpet, and lots of fluffy things to lounge on, and chewy things every which way, and herbs dangling all over from the ceiling!

"You have come, seeker?" Said an older, deeper, voice from the back.

"Er. Yes?" Speedy said, looking about, trying to find the teacher he was looking for.

A shape formed out of the shadows at the back of the cave and a fuzzy, clouded eyed, rabbit came forward at a slow, careful, hop. "And what is it you seek?"

"I want to learn how to use a light sabre!" Speedy said with excitement.

"Ah." Said the other bunny, wandering to a fuzzy thing, settling down in it carefully. "And what makes you think I can teach you?"

"All the bucks in the cantina say if you can sense the life force of the forest, you can use a light sabre." Speedy tilted his head to one side, "Though, I'm not quite sure what the two have in common. I mean, if you're using a light sabre, aren't you harming stuff?"

"You have to understand what you are destroying or that destruction destroys you." The blind bunny said wisely.

"What's that mean?" Speedy asked, thoroughly confused.

"I have no idea kid, that's just what my mentor said to me." He sighed and shook out his fur, "Fifty credits an hour, kale isn't cheap y'know."

"And you'll teach me how to be a mighty, noble knight, defender of the weak, helper of the helpless?" Speedy asked eagerly.

"Yup." The sage looked at him with an uncanny gaze. "Though, all things have cost. I gave up my sight to save some kits years back.. and while you don't need outer vision to use the force, you do trip over a lot of furniture."

Speedy stood tall. "I'm not afraid!"

"Great. Your first task is to fetch me a bowl's worth of water from the stream at the back of the cave. Its only a few minutes hop." The older bun stretched out as Speedy looked about. "If you're looking for a bucket.. there isn't one."


"Use your brain, use the force, clock's ticking!"

"Uhm.." Speedy turned and hopped down towards the back of the cave, the glow of the force field gave way to small little LED lights imbedded high up on the wall, making it look like stars in the stone.

Weasley yawned and stretched out, he was pretty sure he'd just made 150 credits easy and quick, time for a nice nap.

* * *

It had taken Speedy a good chunk of time to figure out how to carry a bowl of water with no container. It had taken longer to convince his brain that he COULD carry the water by will alone. He'd found it easier to do it with his eyes closed.

Getting back to his new teacher wasn't too tricky. The tricky bit was avoiding the furniture. He realized he probably should have paid more attention to what was where when he'd arrived. He thought about opening his eyes, surely he'd keep control of the big blob of water for that long, right?

He was still debating it, hopping along slowly and carefully when he hit a stool, tripped whiskers over tail and lost control of his water. The truly unfortunate thing was where the water landed. Right on his teacher.

"AGHEAH!" Weasley bellowed, awoken by the dousing of cold water. "GAH!" He added as he shook, sending water every which way.

"I .. er.. Got the water, master?" Speedy said hopefully.

A dripping Weasley looked at him with clouded eyes that somehow still managed to project metaphorical bale fire. "So I .. feel." Weasley replied sarcasticly.

"Uhm." Speedy wondered if burying his head under the carpet would help.

Weasley sighed. "Your second lesson.."

"Yes, master?" Speedy asked, wincing.

"The finding and fetching of the towels and the third lesson is the drying of the master." Weasley said, poking at his fluffy, fuzzy, lounging spot. The fuzzy squelched under paw. Speedy winced all over again.

"And hang this up to dry outside." Weasley added, clambering off.

"Yes, master." Speedy started to grab it in his teeth.

"Use your brain!" Weasley ordered. "Or I'll go find an X-Wing for you to carry!"

"Er, yes master." Speedy said, concentrating very hard, eyes scrunched closed. It was all going quite well until he forgot about how narrow the ledge outside was and he went tumbling down to the switch back underneath.

Weasley sighed the sigh of the truly long suffering. "I suppose I'll go find the first aid kit. Sounds like I'll need it.."  He stopped and turned, before yelling out the cave door, "And force users don't swear like that!" Weasley shook his head. That Mr. Mick, give the bun a blaster and he turned into a bad influence on the entire universe!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

[Star Wars : TOR Fanfiction] Two redheads and a minor battle.

This is the sort of thing I write when I'm not writing about bunnies. :)

Leonna stepped out of the shuttle, swinging gun onto her back, "Hurry up." She ordered. Not that it was necessary, but because it was one of the orders an officer gave to say 'I'm alert, I'm paying attention and lets go out there and do our jobs.'  Considering that job would probably be written on her tombstone in one to five years, she wasn't quite sure why anyone would follow her fast or slow. Perhaps her squad was as crazy as she would.

"You heard the major!" Alric, her second in command ordered. She managed to keep her eye rolling to herself as they double timed it into the base.

The base, mostly ice and stone, shook around them, she grabbed the nearest native soldier. "Corporal. What the hell's going on?"

"Who're you, then?" He growled back, trying to rip his uniform out of her grasp.

"Major Leonna Majors, Havoc Squad CO. Now answer, soldier!" She barked.

"That'd be the Impys letting us know they don't want us on Hoth." He said back, with obvious disdain.

"Guess the suspected attack got confirmed, sir." Alric told her with some sarcasm.

"Ah the wonders of military communication - six steps behind reality at the best of times." Leonna fired back, dryly, letting go of the corporal. "C'mon men, lets go make friends." She turned back to the corporal, "Who's in command?"

"In here, its Lieutenant Fields, out there, there's some Jedi giving orders." was the reply as he hauled butt away from them.

"A Jedi? Frekking wonderful." Leo growled and put boot to pavement as they continued they double time out of the port.

She ignored yells and questions, giving "Havoc Squad!" as her only reply. If they didn't get out of her way, Alric or M1 helped them do so.

The weather outside was typical Hoth. The blizzard was howling, the snow was piled deep wherever it hadn't been recently cleaned from, and there was live fire every which way. "Take cover!" She bellowed, "Support the locals!"

M1 cheerfully whirred to stand in the middle of the drive and opened up fire on any imp insignia he could see. Yuun disappeared into the snow, probably heading for the nearest depot. It took her half a moment to figure out the numbers Tanno was yelling out at M1 wasn't coordinates but competing numbers of destruction. She mentally shook her head and grabbed the scanner. "Found the idiot Jedi yet?" she asked Alric.

"Thatta way!" he pointed with his gun, giving some cover fire as Leo headed in the direction he'd indicated.

It didn't take too many moments before she saw the shimmer of a light sabre, the hum and swerves of its passing lost in the howling wind. The Jedi formed into the image of a crazy, redheaded woman, with two green light sabres flashing. What made her crazy was she was barely wearing clothes. What little she was wearing looked like a scarf loin cloth and bra. Leo was in full winter gear and felt like she could shiver at any moment. Every rumour about the absurdity of the priest warriors suddenly seemed true.

Her scanner beeped madly. "JEDI! MOVE! INCOMING!" She yelled, her tech armour amplifying her voice over the wind and sounds of combat.

"I can sense the incoming fire just fine, solider!" The Jedi said back. She didn't raise her voice, but Leo heard her clearly.

Leo didn't feel like arguing. She hit a burst of rockets and launched through the air, hitting full power into her shields as she crashed into the Jedi and the three injured men she was defending. She had the pleasure of hearing a Jedi swear right before the incoming missile hit, the concussive blast sending all five in the shielding flying. She blessed the creative bastards at HQ-research who made the shield a sphere as soon as it had the access to be so. They rolled and bounced several times. Leo tried her best not to land her few hundred pounds of self and armour on the injured or the Jedi. The Jedi, a few moments after they were sent flying, had thrown up her own shield, a force thing that only vaguely shimmered in the viewable spectrum. It seemed to protect the injured, but not the Jedi, so Leo was giving her bruises every time they smacked into each other.

They eventually came to a stop in the snow, the only sounds the moans of the injured and the heavy breathing of Leo and the Jedi. "Sorry sir," Leo said, "But I didn't think your range enough to detect the ASM. Or at least, not in time."

The Jedi groaned and rubbed her head, sitting up. "You were right. I had thought you meant the SSM that was being loaded." The woman rolled to her feet, "Speaking of which.."

Leo nodded and grabbed one of the men and threw him into a fireman's carry. "Can you load..?" she nodded to the other man.

"You can carry both?" The Jedi asked, eyes wide.

"I'm a farm girl and I have good armour." Leo said with a half-smile. She knelt slightly to help the shorter woman get the other man over her shoulder. The Jedi then raised the third and the two women hauled back towards the base.

After they got the men into the hands of medics, they turned back towards the battle field.

"You've worked with Jedi before." The woman said, eyes closed as she faced the mess.

"No, sir." Leo replied honestly, "Just read some really good reports on what one can expect."

"Yeah? What's that?" The Jedi asked absently.

"Suicidal tendencies and a belief you're immortal, that the force can protect you from everything." Leo answered sardonically, firing a burst into a group of imps that were trying to move up.

"Ah, so like soldiers and their armour, then." The Jedi replied, suddenly running back into the swirling snow.

Leo cursed at the hasty exit and followed, tagging the Jedi on her scanner to keep track of her. Jedi were supposed to be worth six squads, but so far she hadn't seen it. She reached the mostly naked mystic just in time for whatever Yuun had in mind to bear fruition as the whole valley rocked and a loud boom soon followed, sending everyone to their knees.

As they picked themselves up and the scanners cleared from interference, the only life signs left were republic tagged and the Jedi. Leo found herself standing beside the woman.

"I'm Yevett, by the way." The woman said.

"Nice uniform." Leonna observed.

Yevett glared up at her. "I was in my bunk when they attacked."

"Ah." Leo tried to hide her smirk. "Major Leonna Majors, by the way."

Yevett raised an eyebrow, "You'd think someone who is in desperate need of a new rank wouldn't be trying to mock others." She turned on her heel and marched back towards the base.

Leo jogged to catch up to the woman's surprisingly quick pace, "So that means you won't accept if I offered to buy you a drink?" Leo asked.

Yevett stopped, turning, a cold look in her eyes. "Jedi do not .. accept such drinks."

"Well, Jedi need some laxatives then." Leo replied with surprising good humour. Before Yevett could counter back Leo whistled piercingly, "Boys! Lets get into the base and see what mess they have for us to clean up. I'm sure HQ will let us know two days after we've done it." She bowed her head sideways to Yevett, "A pleasure, Jedi. And I'm sorry you don't allow yourself to have pleasures."

Leo ignored the reply as she found Alric and started comparing notes of what they'd both scanned in the mayhem.

The Jedi watched them go with narrowing eyes and a growling stomach. Pushing the cold away took a lot of energy, it was definitely time to find clothes and have food.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

[Bunny Fiction] HBS Lagomorph

I had a story request about bunny pirates.. :)  I haven't forgotten Umbra or any others, there's a list.. :)

Speedy was paying very careful attention as Cindy was explaining how exactly one ran a pirate ship without two foots about to do the stinky work. Mr Mick was much more interested in finding out when he'd get to play with the wheel. Weasley was up front on the bow, nose to the wind twitching five thousand twitches a minute, clouded eyes mostly closed over in delight.

Maddy bounced up onto the deck, having been helped into costume by one Princess Ivy. Her ears poked up through a pink bandana, mane fluttered in the sea breeze. Ivy, slightly smaller than the lionhead, was perfectly happy to show the younger rabbit how one scurried up and down the rigging.

Speedy finally gathered his crew on the main deck, "Okay, I think we've got it all." He gave his best salute to Sage and Scout, Cindy and Smokey, Ivy and Sir Gregory and the other lagomorphs lurking. "Well, except the rum. Mick, can you find rum?"

"Aye, Aye, Cap'n!" Mickey declared and hopped down the Rum Rabbit's gang plank to head up to one of the many dockside taverns.

* * *

They all stared up at their ship with awe. Cindy had said, in her best 'I'm a diva and you should know it' tone, if you wanted a ship, you just had to want it enough.

"What are we going to call it?" Maddy asked, getting right down to business. "Angel of the Waves is my suggestion."

"That's not very bunny." said Weasley.

"Does it have to be bunny?" Maddy said with a sniff.

"Well, it should.. shouldn't it?" Weasley asked, suddenly unsure. He didn't like to rock the boat. So to speak.

The debate was broken up by Hannah and Harrington's arrival. "Sorry! Sorry! Mamma was all busy late, we couldn't escape!"

"She kept petting us, it was *horrible*" Harrington said with absolutely no protest in his voice.

"Blech!" Maddy said.

Speedy was still staring up at his ship. "Hare today." he declared.

"What, dear?" Hannah said, turning to look at him.

"The ship, we should call it 'Hare today.'" He said, looking over at them.

Glances were exchanged. "Er.. well.."

Speedy sighed, "You don't like it."

"Er.." Hannah suddenly had inspiration, "Well, isn't it supposed to be Racer's ship? Shouldn't HE get to name it?"

"OH!" Speedy exclaimed, "Yes, that only sounds fair."

The girls exchanged a 'phew!' look.

A thump garnered there attention. "Just how far am I supposed to drag all this without help?" Mr Mick called, sounding quite put out. He sat beside a net bag of several bottles.

Speedy quickly put truth to his name and pounded up to help Mick with his haul.

"I'll go get Racer!" Maddy declared and hopped off to the nearest closet.

* * *

She came out almost on top of Princess, she back peddled quickly as the ruler of the roost gave her a dirty look. "Couldn't you have KNOCKED?" Princess asked, eye ridge raised.

"Er.." Maddy scratched under her chin and looked up at the ceiling, "Sorry?" She offered. It seemed awfully silly to her to knock on a closet door, but the old fuddy duddy rabbits had all sorts of strange ideas.

"What do you want?" Princess asked. She felt no need to be polite when the visitor was making absolutely no effort.

"Racer!" Maddy said, bouncing up. "We've got a ship!"

Princess looked for a moment like someone had dropped a rock in her water. "You have a what now?"

"A ship! For Salty Racer to sail!" Maddy tilted her head to one side, "Though, I'm not sure he can sail it to visit Speedy, since Speedy'll be the first mate.."

"Oh this I have to see." Princess said, "Let's round up the boys.." She started to hop towards the patio door.

"Wonderful." Maddy muttered at the thought of the bossy boots coming to.

Princess stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Excuse me?"

Maddy put on her best fake happy look. "Wonderful!" she said and tried to look enthusiastically sincere.

Princess snorted and turned back. "BOYS!" She bellowed, "Get over here, we're going on a field trip. Goldie, Zoey, you two come too!"

There was some scrambling, some mutterings of not having time to pack, groom, eat mid-afternoon-snacks, and worries about being missed. "Don't worry, I've got that totally covered!" Maddy said, patting her magical bunny bag. (Weasley had a roaring trade with the making and selling of them.)

Soon eight bunnies were cramming into a closet to head off to the beach.

All they left behind was one confused cat and seven plush toy rabbits in various states of repose. Humans were pretty slow upstairs, they'd never notice.

* * *

Racer bounced up the gang plank were the rest of the rabbits waited. "A ship! A SHIP!"

"Happy birthday!" Speedy declared.

Racer stopped, "It's not my birthday.."

"We're pretending it is." Weasley said.

"Oh!" Racer bounced and charged around, running up to Benji. "I have a ship!"

"You have a ship," Benji agreed amiably. "What're you calling it?"

"The Lagomorph, of course!" Racer said, running back down the beach and up the gang plank.

"The Lagomorph?" Benji said doubtfully, looking to wear his warrent mates were ambling along, Maddy had hopped ahead to try and get a groom in on Speedy. Speedy, being as nimble as Racer, had quickly dashed up the gang plank after the black lop.

"Its a good name." Hannah said, eyeing Princess. Princess was eyeing her right back. Neutral territory and all, the two alpha female were deciding whether they would get along. Oh, Maddy THOUGHT she was an alpha, but really, she was a hyperactive dustball. Harrington licked his mate's cheek. Hannah nodded to Princess, who nodded back and the two proceeded up the gang plank side by side, Harrington taking the rear.

"Why does no one ever worry about me getting cranky?" Goldie asked Weasley, who happened to be standing there.

"Because you're too nice to be cranky?" Weasley asked hopefully. He really didn't know the pacific north-wet crew beyond Racer and Benji.

"I guess." Goldie huffed and turned to where Benji and Winston were digging madly in the sand. If they weren't careful they were going to get a double nip when they caught Zoey and Chico in the spray of silica. "Did you need a paw up?" She asked Weasley.

"Naw. I sound map pretty good. I'm just waiting for Mickey to get back. He said he had to get something we couldn't sail without.

"Hay?" Zoey asked, coming within range of the conversation. Chico was giving Benji and Winston dirty looks as they continued to send sand every which way with their digging.

"Nono, we have lots of hay, and craisins, and pellets, and salad stuff, and water, and rum.." Weasley shrugged, "I don't know what he's gone for, in all honesty."

Racer appeared at the top of the gang plank. "Guys! This is great! Get up here!" He disappeared again.

"You heard our captain!" Zoey said with amusement, scarpering up the plank with Chico close behind.

Benji sighed and gave up on the digging, Winston started to put the sand back where they'd found it. "Oh leave off, tide's coming in, the sea'll do that." Benji said.

"Still seems a bit rude.." Winston said doubtfully, looking over his shoulder as he hopped towards the ship. "We made a mess, shouldn't we clean it?" he wondered.

Benji did a half-hop-binky, "Its the same as the two feet and litterboxes. Its its job to clean up after us."

Winston still didn't look convinced but followed his friend up the gang plank.

Zoey and Chico stood and waited with Weasley, they didn't want the old fella falling off the plank. While they could all swim, none of them liked it.. and getting their fur dry, not to mention getting the salt out, would be a right pain in the tail!

Mickey finally showed up with a pile of black material in his mouth. "Mffff grft drrr fwrrg!"

Zoey looked at Chico, Chico shrugged at Zoey.

"He got a flag." Weasley said, quite apt at translating his best friend's "talking with mouth full" to comprehensible words.

"A flag of what?" Zoey asked.

"A jolly roger!" Chico exclaimed.

Mick nodded, almost tripping over the flag. The two younger fuzzies ran up to help him and all three made extra noisy hops for Weasley to follow.

* * *

It had taken them a while for everyone to get sorted and everyone in place and in job. Well, everyone except Weasley. He was at the front of the boat scenting the wind. Zoey and Maddy had settled up in the bun's nest, Mr Mick was at the wheel with Racer watching (claiming he was learning how it was done, but really he was just enjoying his friend's fun too much to interupt), Goldie was nibbling and braiding line (rope, to the landlubbers, she'd explained to Princess.) Princess was lounging in a hammock with Hannah while Harrington was going over the sea charts with Mr Mick. The rest were doing whatever sea duties Captain Racer could think of. Some of them were a bit silly.

"I smell cat," Weasley said, awfully confused. He turned to call up to the quarterdeck. "I smell cat!"

"Cat?!" Racer repeated.

"His nose is never wrong." Mr Mick said firmly, though he was wondering about his friend's sanity. Maybe all the salt and water and seaweed had rotted his nose?

"SAIL HO!" Maddy called from the bun's nest.

"Let's go talk to them!" Racer said.

"DID YOU HEAR ME?" Maddy yelled.

"YEAH, WE HEARD YOU!" Princess called back before muttering in a rather unladylike manner, "Half the ocean the freaking ocean heard you."

"We're pirates! Do we really go chat up with the neighbours?" Mickey asked.

Racer shrugged, "We're friendly pirates!"

Mickey wasn't quite sure such things had existed, but there was always time to introduce such.

"Maybe it's your friends from the Rum Rabbit?" Winston said, coming up to join the other two.

"Naw. They were waiting on their two foots to come into dock. There's two Rum Rabbit ships." Mickey said, eyes scanning the horizon, finally seeing the fuzzy grey blob the girls had spotted. He turned the wheel to send the ship thatta way.

"Two?! Doesn't that get confusing?" Racer asked.

Mickey rolled his eyes, "Only one's a ghost ship, how confusing can it be?"

"Gh-Gh-Ghost ship?" Racer asked, wide-eyed.

"Sure. All those buns have been to the rainbow bridge." Mickey wasn't quite sure what the big deal was. Everyone knew you couldn't keep a rabbit somewhere they didn't want to be. "Which is why they have rum and dandelions but no bad hay." He shrugged, "How else would Cindy keep stealing Captain Jack's hat? Well, sometimes she hires ninja mice and gerbils, but for the most part.."

Racer and Winston exchanged a look and shuddered in unison.

The ship sailed closer and closer to the sails they'd spotted on the horizon. As they got within distance to read the name (a practise not actually practiced in the pirate era, Maddy was happy to point out knowingly) they saw it was called "The Lollipop" and was manned by .. cats.

"Cats don't like water!" Mick said with a thump.

Cat hearing being every bit as good as rabbit, got him a bit of a hiss snarl back. "We like FISH just fine!"

The two ships pulled up broadsides and the two Captains approached their respective gunwales to chat.  They were discussing what goods they had they could share or swape when a cry came up from the Lollipop. ("It's a good ship!" Captain Katie had said defensively.) "THAT'S the rabbit who chewed our daddy's cords!" A black cat was pointing straight at Mr Mick.

"What?!" Katie cried, turning to glare at Mick. "You better have a lot of salmon, mister! Er, I mean, mate!"

"Er.." Mick looked about. The rabbit crew looked torn; on the one paw cords were meant for chewing, on the other.. shouldn't they punish someone who committed a crime? But what if it wasn't a crime? Apparently, the cats thought it was, but everyone knew cats weren't sensible creatures!

"Hand him over!" Cried another black cat, "We'll only chew on HIM a bit!"

Speedy thumped. "No bun chewing! BAD CATS!"

Maddy nodded, running down the ratlines to Speedy's side. "YEAH! We don't hand our friends over to stinky cats!"

Katie drew herself up to her full height, tail lashing. "Stinky?! I bathed just an hour ago! YOU'RE the stinkies!"

"Uh.. guys.." Mick was thinking this may be a good time to just hide or something. He really didn't want to get chewed on by cats, but he also didn't want to get all his friends in trouble.

"You're a CAT!" Racer replied. He wasn't quite sure why this would be an insult, but KB always got very offended when Princess said it like that.

Katie looked startled, "Of course I am. Cats are the greatest creatures to ever paw the planet!"

A shipload of rabbits stared at her. "You're crazy." Hannah finally said. Everyone knew rabbits were better than CATS!

"Uhm, they have the better ship.. for combat, anyway." Benji said very quietly. "We're faster, but they have more guns.."

"We don't need no stinkin' more guns." Chico said, earning him a confused look from some.

"This means WAR!" Captain Katie declared. "Well, in the beat them up a bit and let them get away sense, no one wants to actually SINK anything." She added as an afterthought. "You guys don't like swimming either do you?"

"Not in the least," Racer agreed.

"NO WAY!" Sammy, one of the black cats, protested. "Dunk the wire chewer in the drink!"

"Actually.." Katie said, "That might be a fair way to sort this out. Give whatshistail a dunk in the ocean, make him shiver for a while? Wouldn't that be fair?"

"NO!" Yelled Mick. Didn't that silly cat realize how long it took to dry a thick coat like his?

Racer sighed, "You heard my first mate."

"I thought Speedy was his first mate," Harrington whispered to his mate.

"We're all his first mate." Hannah whispered back.

"FINE! To the dunking!" Captain Katie declared. "Hoist the main sail, man the guns, load the cannons.. put DOWN that halibut, 'Bob! There'll be time for noms after!"  None of the cats really knew what she meant, which was fine, she didn't really know herself, but they all managed to scramble to prepare the ship for battle.

Over on the Lagomorph the buns scrambled too, Princess issuing orders. ("To save Racer the stress. A Captain shouldn't be stressed!")  Hannah and Harrington loaded the cannons.

The cats were faster on the draw and cat litter, used apparently, sprayed across the ship.

"EWWWWWWW!!! Its in my mane!!" Zoey protested, shaking.

"Ack!" Chico said, running up the lines to save his bondmate, trailing falling litter out of his own thick, long, fur.

Goldie let out a wail as she got hit broadside, Mick ducking behind the podium the wheel sat on was the only rabbit spared.

"FIRE!" Princess yelled.

Benji, Winston and Speedy fired their cannons, sending balls of embroidery thread flying to the other ship. ("I always keep a few in my bag in case of emergency!" Hannah had explained.)

The cats immediately forgot what they were doing to go chasing after the balls of thread. "Furl to the main sail!" Princess yelled, "Or whatever the 'drop it to the wind' command is!"

The bunnies ran to and fro catching sail to wind and lurching away from the cats.

"Dangit! GUYS!" Captain Katie pounces on the nearest cat to chomp their ear. "Forget the string!"

"Forget the string?!" Keisha protested loudly.

"Er.. well.." Katie pawsed. The rabbits were getting away. "You know, you could just use the closety system thing to go visit that rabbit later." She pointed out to Sassy. "They did teach me how to use it.."

"Ooooh." Sassy said, already seeing the possibilities.

"Okay crew! Back to fishing!" Captain Katie ordered as the rabbit vessel sped away.

* * *

It seemed hours before the cat ship was lost to the horizon and they were safe in the deep blue once more. "Hey guys, sorry about all that.." Mick toed at the deck.

"Pffft. Cats are crazy." Racer said, "Every bun knows that!"

Weasley said, "Yeah, crazier than females." He then jumped with an "OW!" as Princess bit his tail.

"Blind or not, old fart, show some respect." She said primly.

"Yes ma'am." Weasley said quietly, deciding now would be an excellent time to clean his face.

"Break out the cranberry cider and the oat hay!" Captain Racer declared, "Its a victory over the feline menace!"

"Yay for Captain Racer!" His crew cheered.

In fact, they were so busy cheering, he ended up having to go get it himself.