tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60796590878432210822024-02-21T07:38:39.445-08:00Fuzzy CreaturesScout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.comBlogger366125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-41910637894611445522023-12-22T11:06:00.000-08:002023-12-22T11:06:57.119-08:00[Bunny Fanfiction] On the good ship Rumrabbit.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjqn1MIMK3cjHIgx_HtxOg2o5F6ZNHr5IyEyzdxxlWY3tuGnlEFQTI3OVHQsqn4QdjFSqlZ0JOAOhsjJNEBaNWwQHmSTdkDYoFhO-TfFVbVfxTmVe7nFaUA2BsYOWaQo3_B0ry6lDJCn5aEojzVNKyY-UbzNDDutl9ekFzjwBxLmQM05zCJkaeY-Xmv6jm/s1280/Hotot_Rabbit!.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="A small white rabbit with black markings around the eyes sitting with their head tilted to one side. They look like they're giving major attitude." border="0" data-original-height="851" data-original-width="1280" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjqn1MIMK3cjHIgx_HtxOg2o5F6ZNHr5IyEyzdxxlWY3tuGnlEFQTI3OVHQsqn4QdjFSqlZ0JOAOhsjJNEBaNWwQHmSTdkDYoFhO-TfFVbVfxTmVe7nFaUA2BsYOWaQo3_B0ry6lDJCn5aEojzVNKyY-UbzNDDutl9ekFzjwBxLmQM05zCJkaeY-Xmv6jm/w320-h213/Hotot_Rabbit!.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>Captain Renee was staring up at the main mast. "Do I know this bird? Why is there a non-seagull on my ship?"</p><p>Titch was perriscoping, on her back feet, front paws tucked to her chest, as she looked way up. "That's Jo-Jo!"</p><p>"Right, so the bird has a name." Ren said, turning to look down at the cream-coloured bun, who had a soot coloured splotch on her nose.</p><p>"I wanted to show Jo-Jo a REAL crow's nest. She keeps trying to build things in trees with sticks." Titch made a scoffing nose. "As if you can see ANYTHING with all those branches in the way."</p><p>Jo-Jo cawed something that sounded mocking.</p><p>"You're very high up! Of course, your eggs would be protected!" Titch mentally yelled up.</p><p>"Not to mention Sage likes to sit up there, and not much would dare a Dutch Mafia Princess." The silver and white rabbit protected anything she considered helpless with pointed teeth. And she considered anything non-rabbit helpless. Some humans just happened to be beneath her notice and not worthy.</p><p>"YEAH! Sage's is the best egg-sitter on the seas!" Titch agreed.</p><p>"Well, maybe not literally sitting - " Ren didn't get to finish the thought, since Jo-Jo was letting up a ruckess at the notion of a RABBIT sitting on her eggs.</p><p>"We're not even sure she can have eggs." Titch said aside before going back to arguing with the crow.</p><p>"She's a corvid." Ren muttered as she headed below decks for breakfast. "Probably steal them if she had to."</p><p>She slid down the ladder like stairs. They were spotless and shined. All the better for not actually putting foot to wood. </p><p>"Get a rabbit, they said." Ren grumbled, heading into the galley, where Cindy was sitting and trying to convince her Aunty Rachel that rum in the morning was perfectly acceptable for a rabbit.</p><p>"They're quiet and won't get into trouble!" Rachel said, shooting the first mate a dark look.</p><p>"Hardly know she's there!" Ren continued. An oft said turn of phrases on the Rum Rabbit.</p><p>Cindy, Blanc de Hotot and piratical bunny extraordinaire, turned her butt to both of them. She looked over her shoulder and gave a very un-rabbitlike "thppppt" to them both.</p>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-61092849894999649412023-10-15T18:13:00.002-07:002023-10-15T18:19:12.099-07:00[Bunny FanFiction] Sub-ins are sometimes required.<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqNisr8FoyYAllyBAdIUTZ4nQkwrHli5wBhNLPmHh_-iMeveE7XeGVUJEuLE8yvVgXM0b6FKbrTNlyQGOUBQzgQ7UK06FQ2hhb-MT5o6UR3XFrUcPEKbS5i0Lqfim2aIyKrvksUXDAVpKa8EGpAhbgmey4rdMgDTG4f8zz_X1HI-Jem44IGIuVgGtxOctd/s1600/20120626_191449.1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1234" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqNisr8FoyYAllyBAdIUTZ4nQkwrHli5wBhNLPmHh_-iMeveE7XeGVUJEuLE8yvVgXM0b6FKbrTNlyQGOUBQzgQ7UK06FQ2hhb-MT5o6UR3XFrUcPEKbS5i0Lqfim2aIyKrvksUXDAVpKa8EGpAhbgmey4rdMgDTG4f8zz_X1HI-Jem44IGIuVgGtxOctd/s320/20120626_191449.1.jpg" width="247" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(The late, great, Mr Mick)</span></div><br /><p></p><p>Yelling "BWAAAH!" and trying to jump back a foot when you woke up with a rabbit face about a centimetre from your eyeball was a perfectly reasonable response. <br /><br />Mr Mick, the rabbit in question, disagreed as he was startled, jumped away from the yelling viking, fell off the bed, and then thumped twice from the floor.</p><p>Kim clutched his chest and tried to get his heart rate and breathing back to normal.<br /><br />Mr Mick hopped back up on the bed and gave his patented death stare. </p><p>"Normally, you sit on my chest!" Kim finally managed.<br /><br />"Eh." Mr Mick licked his paw and used it to groom his ear. "You were on your side."</p><p>Kim counted to ten in two languages.</p><p>"But now that you're awake.." Mr Mick said cheerfully.<br /><br />"It's 0330." Kim pointed out.</p><p>"And you're awake! And probably not getting back to sleep right away!" </p><p>"Rabbit logic at it's best." was the muttered observation as Kim pulled his pillow over his head.</p><p>Mick stuck his nose under the pillow, "You hear me in your head, I don't think that'll help."</p><p>"It'll make me feel better. Maybe I'll suffocate." </p><p>If rabbits could roll their eyes, Mick would roll his. Instead, he headbutted Kim's shoulder. "This would be quicker if you just cooperated."<br /><br />"Accept the inevitable?" came the grumbled reply.</p><p>"Exactly!" Finally, the human was starting to get it. <br /><br />Kim pulled the pillow off his face and put it behind his head as he flomped onto his back. "Fine."</p><p>"Great! So I need you to give good luck to Lorna's hockey team." </p><p>Kim gave the rabbit a hairy-eyeball look. "I'm not a rabbit."<br /><br />"That's fine! I'll just shed lots of fur around here, and you can throw it about for luck." <br /><br />"Two things." Kim started then stopped. "Three things," he corrected. <br /><br />"I'm all ears." Mick said, giving his ears a shake. He wasn't one of the blessed lops who could wiggle their ears.</p><p>"One, why can't you do it?"</p><p>"Because the games don't start til 9pm at best, and I need my sleep." <br /><br />"You're a ghost! You don't need sleep!" Kim protested. </p><p>"Do too." Mr Mick said firmly. </p><p>Kim sighed. "Two, seven pm there is three am here."</p><p>"Okay." Mick wasn't sure how this was relevant information.</p><p>"I occasionally sleep at three am."</p><p>"That's okay, you don't need to." </p><p>Kim's eye twitched. He shouldn't ask.. he shouldn't ask .. "Why is your sleep more important?"<br /><br />The reply was predictable. "I'm a rabbit."<br /><br />"THREE, you're a ghost, your fur disappears about two hours after you do."<br /><br />"Huh." Mr Mick actually thought about that."I guess I could shed a bunch .. no, then it'd be gone before the second period."</p><p>Kim was surprised he may actually have won this one.</p><p>"I could borrow some from a Duchess or Titch, but intent matters." Mick mumbled to himself, "Hmm."</p><p>Kim reached under his bed and fished out the memory foam pillow with microfiber covering and placed it on the bed between himself and the wall. Mick absently hopped over him to lounge on it.</p><p>"I wonder if gerbil luck would work.. they're up at all weird hours.." Mick continued to muse, "No, gerbil luck is useless luck."<br /><br />Kim closed his eyes. He could tune out a grumbly rabbit well enough, he'd had lots of practice. The joy of being a rabbit's "best human friend." He was almost asleep when the rabbit in question decided sleeping on a human was more comfortable than a pillow.</p><p>Fortunately, that was another thing he'd learned to sleep through.</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-57944729458807013242022-12-04T20:48:00.003-08:002022-12-04T20:48:30.482-08:00[Bunny Fiction] Miss Titch and the sparkly lights. <p style="text-align: center;"> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Od6o6ljKtAsiF35lGfehTb_wxSNvdSUyM7RuHfnx18QRcmKNFxdnz32gYlCVfuqlnY4b5vGas7dXZ1sGh9oexMdDmqm-wDvI_xTPr15U9FeVrrWrChH3wW0ZMzJ-cnLFrb6dzOmHw_su9CyJ-hnFzSjEKetmtM3mcZXOpz7cC7rPbaJHGufwHJNlgw/s3255/20221204_202334.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2769" data-original-width="3255" height="365" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Od6o6ljKtAsiF35lGfehTb_wxSNvdSUyM7RuHfnx18QRcmKNFxdnz32gYlCVfuqlnY4b5vGas7dXZ1sGh9oexMdDmqm-wDvI_xTPr15U9FeVrrWrChH3wW0ZMzJ-cnLFrb6dzOmHw_su9CyJ-hnFzSjEKetmtM3mcZXOpz7cC7rPbaJHGufwHJNlgw/w429-h365/20221204_202334.jpg" width="429" /></a><br />(Nuts, I did miss a spot.)</div><p></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-001ad8b3-7fff-f8d3-a563-27ce356f300d"><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Miss Titch decided that since depression was making her Aunty Lorna listless, it was time for a bunny intervention. She knew her Aunty Lorna liked pretty sparkling lights, so it was a rabbit's job to help her put up her tree!</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">To say Lorna was surprised to see her favourite Brit was an understatement. "Isn't it past your bedtime?" she asked as Titch bounded up onto the chaise lounge part of the sofa. </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"This is a Christmas mission! Mum won't mind." Titch told her firmly.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Oh, so if I were to send her a message.." Lorna said with a raised eyebrow from where she'd been sitting and reading in the wide, squooshy, chair.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Er." Titch thought quickly. "You'd wake her up! You wouldn't want to do THAT. Besides, I'm here to help you have pretty sparkles." Titch looked around the room. "Where are you going to put the tree? You'll need to move furniture."</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"And how are you helping?" her Aunty Lorna asked. Lorna was pretty darn sure the rabbit wasn't going to be the one lifting, turning, and twisting.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Cheerleading and pointing out holes." Titch said like this was the biggest favour a bunny can give. Well, maybe second to disposing of all the oats in one's cupboards.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Uh huh." Accepting the inevitable, Lorna put on Trans Siberian Orchestra. It was the only Christmas music she could tolerate, outside of a certain Dropkick Murphys song.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Twenty minutes of grunting and grumbling later, the chair and coffee table had been moved and the tree was up and looking very bare. "Are you going to help me take this down in a month, too?" </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"No, silly. That's a boy's job." Titch said with an amused shake of her head. "Boys were better at destroying things ."</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I don't think it was a boy who snipped their Mum's charger cord last week." Duchess had been bragging that at least SHE had never done that.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Titch sniffed, "Really!" Then a huff. "She hasn't found it, so it hasn't happened."</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Perfect bunny logic.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The fun part, draping the tree with lights. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"You missed a spot." Titch helpfully pointed out as the human who couldn't turn at the waist tried to loop the lights around the back of the tree. Holding her arms above shoulder height wasn't particularly pleasant either. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Thanks." Lorna even managed to keep the sarcasm to a reasonable level.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"You're welcome!" Titch replied cheerfully.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I have a slow cooker, you know." Lorna replied as she finally managed to catch the loop of lights.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Pfffft, empty threat. Mum makes that one all the time. I'm too pretty for a slow cooker!"</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">More like her butt was too big, but her Aunty Lorna was more than wise enough to not point that out. While Titch wouldn't snip Christmas tree lights (some things are sacred,) she was probably more than willing to snip and hide a charger or two.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Maybe The Viking can help you take down the tree," Titch mumbled around something.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lorna turned, "Are you eating a digestive cookie?!"</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Uhm." The chewing sped up.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"If you get sick, your Mum will KILL ME." Lorna said sternly.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Oh, don't worry," Titch said, sitting back on her haunches. "I steal them all the time. The chocolate covered ones made me feel a bit yucky, so I avoid those ones."</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The high numbers of vet bills danced through Lorna's head.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I prefer oatcakes, but you seem to be out."</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Oatcakes have a habit of disappearing around me." Lorna confessed.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Me too." Titch agreed. They were decadently SCOTTISH but sometimes an English bunny just had to make sacrifices. If anyone asked, however, the biscuits were Danish butter cookies and not shortbread. One had to play to a Viking's ego, right?</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Muttering continued as the lights fought being put up. At least the tangling was minimal. "The Viking refuses to travel through closets after the last time." Lorna said, tangenting back.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Pooh." Titch said with a dismissive wave of a front paw. "It wasn't as bad as he made it out to be."</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Teddy almost got him eaten by a worg."</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"It was a small worg! Only the size of a Shetland pony! Wasn't like it was a full size one. And he was FINE, almost doesn't count for anything. I ALMOST got a piece of Christmas cake is nowhere near my GETTING a piece of Christmas cake."</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Pretty sure he would consider that a completely different matter." Lorna said taking a step back from the tree to plug in the lights.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"You missed a spot," Titch said helpfully as she licked bits of digestive cookie off the chaise. Rabbits were not neat eaters.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Her Aunty Lorna sighed and fixed it. "Okay, I'm done. I'll do the ornaments tomorrow." </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Titch hopped off the couch and up onto the nearby squooshy chair to evaluate. "We did a good job even if I do say so myself!</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lorna managed to lean down to kiss the bunny on the forehead. "Best Christmas helper, ever."</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I'll be back tomorrow to help you with ornaments!" Titch said dashing off to the closet to get home.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Lorna sighed again and flomped back onto her chair. It was amazing anything ever got done with bunny "help."</span></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-82631029741587763892022-07-02T13:06:00.004-07:002022-07-02T13:17:36.957-07:00[Cat Fanfiction] [Highly Silly] BOOM! HEADSHOT!<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiABn9Rvw5DD_nQ5l4L_yCnm6J2FYl0RHwVnBwZmoSiOcXcqp8JjpRsgFRWo6Z7-PaIG96AzGk4q13ea5cCu3by31uvd9hb12mXRbwKlGctKlFT7WhKGT4CdqB4PluhYTyqx4X3oe8MwX3TlnJSdZx4IdOzc-bmzRUNKKyqrmEuK8n-kHRsVw54thqiMQ/s960/102672080_10158503111249120_5575923977598967836_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="886" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiABn9Rvw5DD_nQ5l4L_yCnm6J2FYl0RHwVnBwZmoSiOcXcqp8JjpRsgFRWo6Z7-PaIG96AzGk4q13ea5cCu3by31uvd9hb12mXRbwKlGctKlFT7WhKGT4CdqB4PluhYTyqx4X3oe8MwX3TlnJSdZx4IdOzc-bmzRUNKKyqrmEuK8n-kHRsVw54thqiMQ/s320/102672080_10158503111249120_5575923977598967836_n.jpg" width="295" /></a></div><br />Her gloriousness, high majesty, empress of all she surveyed and goddess of a small but growing church, let out a victorious "BOOM! HEADSHOT!"<br /><br />Really, humans were so silly. Their reaction speed was terrible.<p></p><p>"Dude, did you just meow into your mic?"<br /><br />Boobins paused her character's tea bagging to hit a macro. "Meowing for victory!" said the text to voice.</p><p>"That's weird." came the reply.</p><p>Tap, tap, tap. "You're weird and slow." was her computer's reply. "I don't even have thumbs, and I'm outscoring you fifteen kills to none."<br /><br />"Uh, he's a healer." another voice protested.</p><p>"FINE!" She went back to start and switched to a healer. Really, who used such stupid excuses for incompetence? <br /><br />One of the neighbours was listening to Beastie Boys rather loudly. She kind of liked it, so she decided not to short out their power. Not like the one who had yodelled whenever he got laid, like he was thanking the powers for someone actually wanting to touch his unwashed self. Maybe he paid well, she offered sympathy to the local sex workers and sent a minor blessing their way.<br /><br />Once back onto the field of play, she hip shot one of her opponents into a hole and laughed as their character screamed to their deaths. She then healed herself, which had the side bonus of healing those who happened to be near. If they weren't near the healer, it was their own stupid fault and the monkeys deserved to die.</p><p>Right, humans. Her humom got upset when she called them apes. She tended to forget by halfway through a game.<br /></p><p>"Was that a yowl? Is your cat okay?" The first voice again. The claimed to be healer.</p><p>"My cat is sad at how badly you play." was the macroed reply. Really, the ape - humans - were so predictable. <br /></p><p>"You may be a good player, but man, are you a jerk!" The second voice. Probably a Canadian or other type of bleeding heart.<br /><br />"SUCK IT." another macroed reply, this one a custom voice.<br /><br />She murdered several more humans characters before the timer wore out. Sure, she didn't help much with the mission's goal, but murdering was more fun anyway. <br /><br />Tap, tap, tap.</p><p>"Healer kills, nine. You guys suck." she let the insult fly before leaving the game and queued up for another. She then sent a power surge to the bleeding heart's house. He could think about being a tree hugger while waiting for his power company to figure out what happened. He should be grateful she didn't curdle his maple syrup. <br /><br />She could get a few more games in before nap time. Murdering the silly humans always gave her good dreams, and her good dreams meant good fortune for the ones she blessed. If she felt like it. Sometimes it was hard to decide if she felt benevolent or not after a long day.<br /></p><p><br /></p>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-85956471189467555752022-04-29T06:27:00.001-07:002022-04-29T06:27:41.013-07:00[Bunny Fanfiction] The ghostly wrath of Mr Mick.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="border: medium none; display: inline-block; height: 355px; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; overflow: hidden; width: 602px;"><img height="377" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/8jvskg_c8i5gzkatNnjkbeZPjTw82mcCRXBmDOvmdCvBVe-_ekfrPTujziOA2ihR0a6ILMIPtbqAPFivoscn8AI0BR51w6LWyUeLMUPGKT7ssKlxEmd0z8rL54SdTL6yardza68G=w640-h377" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="640" /></span></div><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-c0aaa51b-7fff-b283-3772-6c14db2a90dc" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"></span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span style="border: medium none; display: inline-block; height: 170px; overflow: hidden; width: 169px;"><img height="170" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/2AXCqZjIj5kdjsE-cpnNuu3xxuBhrMXcPAykwhwM4Sbs7BPe3mcS8mwYPuuUUdAQweMuus3d6hvT9QG6MZwF1h1DUmZ8gx45gHtjI-c8fBb44L2gp1M5caaqXptp0TKcsDwZy1DAUvCmV05mAA" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="169" /></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span style="border: medium none; display: inline-block; height: 170px; overflow: hidden; width: 213px;"><img height="170" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/ERc4Tt7syHGSe3PviSdZMflLTEakjg_hxmhfbeHEijmA8XlP-talvopC9VpnvFMEDJWu4WlemyVpGAuPtHyha_5lZpG7z-Cw2BDSmOmhawkkwtI0YF4E5DpkDUh4e8RF1OdAlCa7LN8i9q4vTQ" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="213" /></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span style="border: medium none; display: inline-block; height: 170px; overflow: hidden; width: 270px;"><img height="170" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/wunmYceRlkAPy26BGL0YTJiIj8cTJPBqJ--8X-v2rZPuLSHjw_hxuo8x3AbPCRqNAQfMCbMaFZk7JgskyOp5ja4OovSKsK28zPfxih-HI5jzB8yYOem9SMVW7JZN9C5ymf24YQ1UoH0RwBMtQw" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="270" /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><span style="border: medium none; display: inline-block; height: 163px; overflow: hidden; width: 284px;"><img height="163" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/L9TGkVqlMtpuJhtK8Egoi-uLEDtWfXpxWAoHHiuuC2xIrU1Ar7_8KCTuACQ-WnLeBh5q3Zgvz7iB7uTBFfczzrL_YFwiq1ybmGzFYV1WP36qVr7yKNZUct220L3V-RlW4Bf5hbTp-XDRqabn5w" style="margin-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px;" width="284" /></span></span></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Teddy hopped a few steps one direction and then hopped back a few in the other. He tilted his head in one direction and sniffed. The boathouse was old, large, and drafty. The ship he was staring at and trying to figure out was very pretty and young. He turned to look at Titch "Okay, but what do we do with it?"<br /><br />Titch shrugged.<br /><br />Teddy ignored the twin gerbil gasps of horror when he reached forward and tasted the wood. Very salty, not very chewy. By the teeth marks, he was far from the first rabbit who had done so.<br /><br />"What - what do you.. YOU DON'T EAT IT!" John declared, shaking a small paw from where he and his brother were sitting on the railing around the hull. "You go on ADVENTURES! You sail across the seas, you tally-ho and --"<br /><br />"I think that's British, not Danish." Smith observed. "Vikings were more burn the hovels of the unwashed masses, steal their wheat and women."<br /><br />"You shouldn't steal people!" Titch protested with a mighty thump on the wooden planks of the dock.<br /><br />"They did it by doing things like bathing and reading." Smith told her.<br /><br />"HMPH. Well, I'll tell that Viking Kim that if he steals anyone, I'll give him a right thumping and chew through his keyboard wire."<br /><br />Teddy wondered if he should point out that Mr Kim got a wireless keyboard due to rabbit threats of revenge, or if that would mean Titch would just find something else to chomp.<br /><br />"I think I like Captain Ren's ship better." Teddy finally said, cutting through the gerbils and Titch glaring at each other. "It's warmer, it smells better, and it has tea." Not that Teddy much liked tea, Cindy always gave him pear juice, but he'd heard the British liked tea and Titch was a British.<br /><br />"Gah!" John very dramatically clutched at his chest and fell backwards into the ship. "Stabbed! Betrayed! Rabbit kind has forgotten their rampaging roots!" <br /><br />Smith scurried over to look down to where John had fallen onto a pillow over a sea chest. His brother was still over-acting his horror. The darker gerbil turned back to Teddy and Titch, "I think you guys should be careful," <br /><br />"Careful?! Because Captain Ren's ship is big, beautiful, requires no work from us and lets us lounge around in the sun?! Or that a gerbil may get all cranky?" Titch snorted and tossed her ears, almost as over-dramatic as the gerbil. "What's going to happen? I appreciate Speedy and Mick liked this pile of twigs but.."<br /><br />She got no further because a certain ghost of an orange lop couldn't take the disparagement of his beloved ship any longer and abused rabbit privilege to appear in a fluff of fur and grumpitude. "BETTER THAN MY LONGSHIP?!" Growled Mick, thumping loudly twice.<br /><br />"YES." Titch said right back with her own echoing thumps.<br /><br />Teddy hopped up and scrambled to the other side of the gunwale and hunkered down with the gerbils.<br /><br />"THIS SHIP SAILED THE NORTHERN WATERS! SCOURGE OF THE SEAS! PILLAGED THE SHORES OF .. Somewhere. There was that thing with the weather balloon.. Oh, yes, and your Mum almost bopped a rude Viking on the nose."<br /><br />"That does sound like my Mum," Titch said proudly. "BUT! This thing doesn't even have a roof! What do you do when it rains?!"<br /><br />"Go down the bunny hatch or get a human to hold an umbrella." Mick said, implying she was the daftest doe to ever hop.<br /><br />Teddy turned to look at the back of the ship, sure enough, there was a very non-standard hatch that probably lead through a bunny portal to some sort of room of plenty. It didn't look large enough for a human to get through, so who would serve the bunny crew? He still wasn't seeing how this was supposed to be better than a pirate ship.<br /><br />"I'm still not seeing why you two played around with this thing." Titch grumbled, agreeing with Teddy's inner thoughts. Probably why she was his best friend.<br /><br />"Even the gerbils understand why it's cool, and they're GERBILS." Mick said with a two front paw thump. <br /><br />The gerbils in question looked at each other and decided staying out of sight was the best bet. While they generally agreed with Mr Mick on his views of the universe, he wasn't the easiest friend to have.<br /><br />"Well, they can have it then." Titch said with a sniff. <br /><br />Teddy ducked down behind the bulwark, getting out of the line of fire. <br /><br />"GERBILS WILL NOT HAVE MY SHIP! The ship was gifted to me by Kim the Viking and then left to Speedy and from Speedy to you! It's your duty to care for the greatest ship to ever sail!" The fact that Kim hadn't MEANT to give the ship to him was completely irrelevant. Sometimes a bun had to step in and help the humans do the right thing.<br /><br />"Oh poo on that." Titch replied with a sniff. "I'll look after the hunk of wood, but I still don't think it's worth much of anything or better than the Rum Rabbit."<br /><br />Mick made a strange gurgling noise, sounding like he was being tortured, before he flomped over on his side.<br /><br />Teddy leaned up over the gunwale, "Are you okay, Mr Mick?" he asked politely.<br /><br />"Betrayed! Turned upon by my own lagomorphic kin! Unappreciators! Heathens!" He growled, ear over eye.<br /><br />"Did you want some banana? Mom packed us some banana bread."<br /><br />Mick turned over onto his feet, "Nope. I'm not eating with your turn-fur-coats! I'm going back to the unending buffet and ear rubs. Hmph. Not liking.. Thinking Cap'n Ren's ship is better.. How rude!" He thumped and in a burst of fur the ghost disappeared.<br /><br />"Well, he's certainly loud about nothing." Titch observed. She sniffed. "Did you want to go find the dandelions now?" She was beyond bored with the silly boat.<br /><br />"I do like dandelions." Teddy agreed as the gerbils scrambled up on his back. He didn't mind playing taxi, it was better than having to watch Titch run off because she refused to move at gerbil speeds.<br /><br />"Allonsy!" John announced.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-86200287588873936482022-04-15T19:12:00.004-07:002022-04-15T19:12:58.966-07:00[The Mummy Fanfiction] The Mummy 4!<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXkq9w3KQaB4wgMIEppw_8R1P6oaT7da6vfLk2pAs_TYK0TmatZEmEFvAA_jhQXs19tGkCOR7wM8Od1l5FXXrEgPlZGDe-4rasKpFFG-EZJMpNOo_zZHKHY-YvPbypnarxS2nE02t4wb2kHMaI5ecvAq6q6RTQbVLNGjoa9gMJboFK99VcVuZb_g7dfw/s540/tumblr_1eb9fd598c8cda769d2f761e7b348dfe_a05526dd_540.gif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="350" data-original-width="540" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXkq9w3KQaB4wgMIEppw_8R1P6oaT7da6vfLk2pAs_TYK0TmatZEmEFvAA_jhQXs19tGkCOR7wM8Od1l5FXXrEgPlZGDe-4rasKpFFG-EZJMpNOo_zZHKHY-YvPbypnarxS2nE02t4wb2kHMaI5ecvAq6q6RTQbVLNGjoa9gMJboFK99VcVuZb_g7dfw/w416-h269/tumblr_1eb9fd598c8cda769d2f761e7b348dfe_a05526dd_540.gif" width="416" /></a></div><p></p><div class="css-1dbjc4n"><div class="css-1dbjc4n r-1s2bzr4"><div class="css-901oao r-1nao33i r-37j5jr r-1blvdjr r-16dba41 r-vrz42v r-bcqeeo r-bnwqim r-qvutc0" dir="auto" id="id__fuwm7il20oc" lang="en"><span class="css-901oao css-16my406 r-poiln3 r-bcqeeo r-qvutc0">I couldn't decide on what to watch last night at the gym, so I went with the cinematic masterpiece #TheMummy<br /><br />Let me just say - I think this trilogy needs a fourth part. <br /><br />* * *<br /><br />Grandpa O'Connell and Grandpa Bay sitting on the porch when Alex shows up.<br /><br />Alex: Dad! You'll never guess what the Twins have done!<br />Ardeth: Released a Mummy?<br />Rick: That's a safe bet.<br />Alex: You have to help!<br />Rick: Nah. Talk to your mother.<br />Ardeth: Maybe your uncle.<br />Evie [From the Library]: I am NOT chasing after another Mummy!<br />Rick [Softly] : Unless he has a library.<br />Evie: Wait, does he have a library?<br />Alex: I don't know Mum, I just know he has the Twins and Lin left me a note saying she's gone after them!<br />Rick: Well, you better catch up!<br />Ardeth: Did you need transport? <br />Evie: Have you had lunch yet?<br />Rick: I think we can get you an airplane. Some weapons. Snacks.<br />Ardeth: Yes snacks.<br />Alex: I'm going to go talk to Uncle Jonathon.<br />Rick: Try not to die!<br /><br />[Alex stomps off]<br /><br />Evie [coming onto the porch]: Richard O'Connell, if you think you're going to get into all sorts of trouble and throw out your back and leg AGAIN, I'm going to sue for divorce.<br />Rick: Ardeth made me.<br /><br />[Ardeth glares]<br /><br />Evie: Oh yes, twisted your rubber arm. Obviously.<br />Rick: We'll just observe and suggest!<br />Evie: We bloody well will not. We'll supply, fund, and document. From a safe distance.<br />Rick [Hopeful look]: Dynamite throwing distance?<br />Evie [sighs]: Only if you're good and promise no hand to hand or gymnastics.<br /><br />Ardeth [murmering]: Fee amaan Allah.<br /><br /></span><span class="css-901oao css-16my406 r-poiln3 r-bcqeeo r-qvutc0"></span></div></div></div><p></p>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-62074156348992578172022-04-13T09:06:00.003-07:002022-04-13T09:46:33.130-07:00[Silly Fiction] Katie, Clifton, some cats, and The House.<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX3QSCNbfRLFJuh0zlf7TQHx5bUMmON4W_9GQAWk_Tr_FOLbFE-h1O1-TH5XNKuVqJc12WFK_albxcW39KC6RY0-wrkVSMhdMjjBYG_zsWrL_p12oiiApU4YaRiUNR44lLdf0J98RNhfUKPbTGtRjv-LE4GpfQb2TgqUTmzT-7qR4TZkL5_VJMxlCQ3Q/s505/9114111a778b5c6e57b6da25d1c522a8.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="505" data-original-width="474" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX3QSCNbfRLFJuh0zlf7TQHx5bUMmON4W_9GQAWk_Tr_FOLbFE-h1O1-TH5XNKuVqJc12WFK_albxcW39KC6RY0-wrkVSMhdMjjBYG_zsWrL_p12oiiApU4YaRiUNR44lLdf0J98RNhfUKPbTGtRjv-LE4GpfQb2TgqUTmzT-7qR4TZkL5_VJMxlCQ3Q/s320/9114111a778b5c6e57b6da25d1c522a8.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p> </p><p>The blood on the wall scrawled out, "He was mean to Katie." The writing was done much like a ham-fisted child would use a large chunk of chalk to write on a sidewalk.<br /><br />Katie sighed and started up the stairs to the attic hatch. Really, who did they think would clean up this mess? She stopped under the attic hatch and pulled the handle down. "Who did you eat?"<br /><br />She could feel their attention on her, much like a sulky child's.<br /><br />"You can't just eat people. We have a deal."<br /><br />The shutters creaked, but no reply came forth.<br /><br />"Were they a serial rapist, mass murderer, book burner, Nazi or anything along those lines?" She already knew the answers, but one had to be firm. Katie tapped her foot, looking her most stern.<br /><br />"No." Came the grudging reply. The hollow voice whispered through the house, wrapping around Katie twice before fading out.<br /><br />"Is being mean to me a reason to eat them?" She asked.<br /><br />"Yes?" Came the hopeful answer.<br /><br />"No." Katie corrected.<br /><br />"Aunt Dawn says it is!" The House protested.<br /><br />"Aunty Dawn is not a good influence." She muttered. "Then you tell Aunty Dawn that someone is being mean to me, and she'll handle it." She'd worry about that if The House figured out how to use phones or a computer.<br /><br />"He was mean to Ragekitten!" came the protest back, the voice grumbling.<br /><br />"What did he do?" Katie had been pretty sure the house's victim had been the jerk next door, but this just confirmed it. Jones was the type of asshole that thought one type of animal was better than another and declared dogs better than cats. He'd tried to lecture more than once about the wonders of dogs over cats and how he hated cats. With that attitude, Katie was pretty sure if she were a cat, she'd hate him right back.<br /><br />There was a long silence. "He hissed at him and tried to spray the hose on Ragekitten through the open window."<br /><br />Katie was mildly surprised. The snotwad had grown up next to The House, you'd think he'd have half a brain cell to use not to pick a fight with them. "Still not an eating offence." Katie informed The House.<br /><br />"Should be." came the muttered response.<br /><br />"Put him back together and puke him out." Katie told The House. <br /><br />"Fine." The pipes started to rattle and the floorboards creaked.<br /><br />Katie shook her head with a sigh and went back downstairs. She found hubby Clifton looking at the words written in blood. <br /><br />"Who'd The House eat?"<br /><br />"Jones from next door."<br /><br />"Good, he's an asshole." Clifton replied, sitting down to take his shoes off.<br /><br />"Clifton!" Katie protested.<br /><br />"What? He is!"<br /><br />"NOT AN EATING OFFENSE." Katie felt she should just start getting buttons made that said that.<br /><br />Clifton humphed and picked up DePeachie who'd come sniffing around. "Should be." he muttered.<br /><br />The House and her husband were entirely too alike.<br /><br /><br /><br /></p>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-49530466619586057342022-02-19T01:17:00.005-08:002022-02-19T02:41:13.985-08:00[Animal Fanfiction] America vs Canada vs Britain.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgT6ayjQ_bO-sec9oDSNaoP-RqwjvLOcAdyKq9iMVMuQssRtSUZczuLB_wfYbZnar_nfVKd4Jkb-BbRKC1xRDudcY8hCGcJ9AwxHU2T9jvsKC4TK_D7KzHccEvRyrVXFHS00HeWrKTuQvi8mq0s5pWcxH9W87GPSnD4wR9KILL-UgLcodVDoQKg25QYRQ=s1280" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1215" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgT6ayjQ_bO-sec9oDSNaoP-RqwjvLOcAdyKq9iMVMuQssRtSUZczuLB_wfYbZnar_nfVKd4Jkb-BbRKC1xRDudcY8hCGcJ9AwxHU2T9jvsKC4TK_D7KzHccEvRyrVXFHS00HeWrKTuQvi8mq0s5pWcxH9W87GPSnD4wR9KILL-UgLcodVDoQKg25QYRQ=s320" width="304" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Teddy, Titch, Imogen</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jade held her tablet a fair distance in front of Teddy's nose so he could focus on it. Rabbits were well known for being far sighted. "This is a Canadian flag."<br /><br />"Yes." Teddy agreed. It had a pretty red leaf on it. Maple leaves were tasty.<br /><br />"This is an American flag." Jade told him after swiping the screen to the right.<br /><br />He knew that one too, 'cause it was the one the Bruins waved when they were singing the song before the hockey game. Not every hockey game had the song but the important ones did. "Okay." </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">"We want the American team to get the good luck at the Olympic Games and not the Canadian team." Jade continued. There was still the Paralympics to think of, after all.<br /><br />Teddy tilted his head to the side and looked at her suspiciously. That didn't seem right. Both Titch and his Furry Godmum wanted the Canadian (and the British) teams to win.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jade's eyes narrowed. "We do want the American team to win, right?"<br /><br />Teddy shifted and decided that the wall behind his HuMom was very fascinating.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Okay, what did she bribe you with? I can beat it."</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Uhm." Teddy scritched behind his ear. "Blueberry tea and parsley cookies."<br /><br />Jade raised an eyebrow, that WAS a pretty good bribe. <br /><br />"But, Titch said 'cause Godmom Lorna is Scottish, that means she's British too and being Canadian is like being half British so we should support Canada and Britain." <br /><br />"That little stinker." Jade grumbled.<br /><br />"Oh no, she doesn't stink. Titch bathes regularly!" Teddy reassured Jade earnestly.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jade patted his nose, the boy was more pretty than he was smart. "And what does Imogen say?" Time to get some of Teddy's American friends on her side.<br /><br />"Immi says curling is boring and she likes luge and snowboarding."</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Can't count on a dog for anything. "And Sabrina?"<br /><br />"She likes ice skating."<br /><br />"I bet the Viking likes curling" <br /><br />"Oh, he does, but he asked we help his hockey teams.. and that was okay because they didn't play Canada or America." Teddy wanted to make sure he made the Viking happy. The Viking had the bestest pears.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Jade sighed. "Okay, cilantro smoothie and TWO cookies if you cheer for America."<br /><br />Teddy wiggled his nose extra fast in happy mode. "Okay!" He paused a moment, "But I think Titch will still support Canada, and she's better at this luck stuff."</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Ha. You're bigger, more luck."<br /><br />"Oh! Okay." He then decided he was done with this talking stuff and stuck his nose under his HuMom's hand. As Mr Mick would say, enough human stuff, time to pet the bunny.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><br /></div><div><p><br /></p></div>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-83117387798792124672021-07-12T16:57:00.011-07:002021-07-12T17:00:30.009-07:00[For the Horde!] [Animal Fanfiction] It's a ruff life.<p> <br /><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCILF6bIyDOmZMvdjynaT8zQRt8buBl5w_fQl26XygXxy_3jXO37-H1p3Zol8F6qk8DJdxyfpscZEmNLpeWJU_Lm-qlII6cuEnr-1fAkW9NZXkLBP0zwU3i7196pbYI4QyFMCzO0hG3BBv/s2048/IMG_20210703_142336.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm98zmOLmI1-bRKcXxTebUOhyFor8cfIxC6wXGhHdmvLLQ06n7kKCEniQO2Vva3N9DjZZ5DFU04TLctM8wsWOznqhYJWBYOUP1-1w03TtToke2IsLw01xPyup8uS4xk6e3jhmm7RcVvztz/s320/186456048_1920262788132649_1721085107139551288_n.jpg" /> <img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCILF6bIyDOmZMvdjynaT8zQRt8buBl5w_fQl26XygXxy_3jXO37-H1p3Zol8F6qk8DJdxyfpscZEmNLpeWJU_Lm-qlII6cuEnr-1fAkW9NZXkLBP0zwU3i7196pbYI4QyFMCzO0hG3BBv/s320/IMG_20210703_142336.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p dir="ltr" id="docs-internal-guid-3482b499-7fff-7afc-2609-41ebee3e2f3d" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"></span></p><span style="font-size: small;">Imogen came out of the closet and flumped at Silver's feet with a sad little whine. <br /> <br />"Did Titch wear you out?" Silver asked, leaning over from her computer chair to pat Immi.<br /><br />The Australian shepherd let out another soft whine.<br /><br />"He IS a baby bunny, after all; endless energy — and you're an old woman of SIX." Silver said, straightening up before getting out of the chair. "AND I bet Aunty Rachel gave you tea AND a biscuit, which I would never, ever, ever, give a dog myself."<br /><br />Imogen was suddenly very interested in studying the wall.<br /><br />Silver would never tell Immi that the tea was dog safe and the biscuit just a British version of a dog treat.<br /><br />"Did Titch at least let you herd him?" Silver asked, getting a treat out of the cupboard.<br /><br />A tentative tail thump on the ground at the sight of the treat and then a grumbling mutter.<br /><br />"I'll take that as a no." Silver said, grinning, carrying over Imogen's bowl of water.<br /><br />The dog ignored that and gently took the offered treat, crunching on it between her splayed front paws.<br /><br />Silver gave her another pat. "And you have raids to lead tonight, too!"<br /><br />A long whine caused her pet human to just laugh.</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-82976780349181244282020-11-17T11:26:00.001-08:002020-11-17T11:26:30.357-08:00[FanFiction] [Pirates of the Caribbean] Running with Rum<p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtb6VgWeM9Lt4r7b0bqDJKQnvTU3pERXu9RXa-lffz8z97xeFIhubsNO3IUb8YFi8r4FuNe54ISo8gOcS8AVQb0PgvaRa8T6HXp7EXIXb-4COaLG-Ca54vqKgYgRCHWCDUQfakLj4Tu3ks/s400/Bermuda_Sloop_400.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="297" data-original-width="400" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtb6VgWeM9Lt4r7b0bqDJKQnvTU3pERXu9RXa-lffz8z97xeFIhubsNO3IUb8YFi8r4FuNe54ISo8gOcS8AVQb0PgvaRa8T6HXp7EXIXb-4COaLG-Ca54vqKgYgRCHWCDUQfakLj4Tu3ks/w400-h296/Bermuda_Sloop_400.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span><p></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Chapter One : Sleeping on the Job</b>
</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">The storm had passed in the night, revealing a gorgeous day on the open seas. The wind was brisk across the foredeck, so the rabbits were mostly pretending to work below decks while the humans did the grunt work of sailing. Every so often, a rabbit would appear, pretend to polish something, get underfoot and then claim their work meant they'd earned a treat of some sort. The treats inevitably were papaya or naps or both.
Captain Renee Miller, known as Cap'n Ren to most, stood at the wheel, watched her ship and the horizon with a weather eye. She wasn't a tall woman, one might even say short, but she filled out her clothes nicely and was fit from doing as much work as her crew. She wasn't a captain to not do her fair share. Blonde hair kept escaping her kerchief, getting in mouth and eyes. Profanity that no lady would confess to know would fill the air shortly after each hair attack. Even outside her misbehaving locks, Ren was in a good mood. Their holds were full, the wind was strong, and they were on their way to profit and an extended vacation in the Caribbean seas. The master of the Rum Rabbit, a trim and swift ship, rarely had trouble on the waves that they couldn't outrun or avoid.
Sage, Dutch Diva extreme, thumped from the crow's nest. Cap'n Ren had yet to work out how the rabbits even got up there without their mysterious closet system or thumbs. Maybe they'd put in a closet when she wasn't looking. She wouldn't put it past them, but it was nice of the furfoots to let the humans think they were in command. The silver and white rabbit was most insistent about getting attention. She sat with forepaws on the basket and pointed nose towards the horizon.
"Sails on the horizon!" called Patricia Pearl.
Ren pulled her spyglass from one of the pockets hanging from her belt and held it to an eye. A scamper of paws on the stairs announced the arrival of her first mate, Cindy bunny. Cindy was a small white rabbit with dark marks around her eyes and an attitude to rival a bear's. The rabbit periscoped up on hind feet, and Ren held the spyglass down to her. It took a bit of coordination to get the instrument adjusted to the first mate's far sight, but she perked right up when it worked.
Black sails on the horizon indicated The Black Pearl was heading their way.
Usually, a ship would turn and flee at the sight of the black ship, but the Rum Rabbit's captain had a strange relationship of one-upmanship with the Pearl's captain. Flirting, general mayhem and chaos inevitably followed. Chances were, the Pearl had been searching for them to assist in one of Captain Jack's latest madcap adventures. Ren's eyes narrowed at the thought. She still hadn't quite forgiven him for the outcome of the Monkey's Brass Balls.
On the one hand, the payouts when they happened were high. On the other hand, the risks were typically even more. Ren supposed she better hear him out and let the crew have a vote on what to do. She had a sneaking suspicion the rabbits alone would back Jack; they were always up for mayhem.
* * *
The crew of the Rum rabbit watched the sails grow closer. "They have catapults on the fore and aft castles. That's new." Janice observed from where she was leaning against the gunwale. A large white New Zealand rabbit propped his chin over the edge to have his look. He tilted his head to the side and looked thoughtful.
"Cap'n, should we crew battle stations?" Barb asked from behind Janice, fingers drilling against her hip.
Cap'n Ren wanted to say they had nothing to fear, but Captain Jack Sparrow HAD lost the Black Pearl before. "Man stations! Prepare for defence and flight!" she called, eyeing the sails. They were a bit worn and patched from a storm on their way up to Nova Scotia, but they should be enough to escape from most ships. Unfortunately, the supernatural Pearl was far from most ships. If Barbarossa had reclaimed the ship, would he come chasing them? Barb was known for sending letters back and forth. Perhaps it was some lucky crew member who had waited until Barbarossa and Jack were arguing and tossed them both overboard? Although his crew seemed more honourable than all that. She also doubted that anyone could forcibly take the ship, so chances were they had nothing to worry about.
"It's Cap'n Jack at the helm!" Janice yelled from where she'd been watching. Ren couldn't see Sage's eyes up in the Crow's Nest, but she could have sworn the rabbit had just rolled her eyes. Of course, the rabbit already knew that. Of course, the rabbit hadn't bothered to tell them.
"Relax the sails and stand ready." As much as Captain Jack Sparrow was an ally, in theory, she still wanted the option to shoot him if necessary.
The Pearl was within hailing range when she turned to show her broadsides. "What is that sluglicking, rum-soaked, good for nothing, bilge rat doing?!" Called Captain Ren at near top volume. She knew the crew on both ships could hear her.
"Tally-ho!" called Captain Jack Sparrow.
He was standing easy at the wheel and had the nerve to wave his hat at her. Cindy, at Ren's feet, growled.
"I know how you feel, mate." Ren agreed, plenty of growl in her voice. "Raise all sails, turn to the wind and fire on our depart!"
As fast as the Rum Rabbit was, the Black Pearl was already too close, and the catapults were firing. Ceramic jars peppered the deck of the Rum Rabbit as the women and rabbits of the ship loaded sails and readied the canons to be in position to fire.
"They're launching fire pots!" Barb yelled, picking up one of the smoking devices and hurling it back. Even those of a well-fed and exercised sailor, human arms weren't strong enough to get grenade back to the Pearl, but it was the principal of the matter.
The woman frowned and grabbed another as the crew scrambled to toss the smoking pots over the edge. "They're not hot, and they don't smell right," Barb said as she took a sniff. "Oh." she managed before she crumpled to the deck.
"Barb!" Janice yelled as Ren continued to haul on the wheel, turning the ship. Turning the ship had the advantage of getting the cannons towards the Pearl and rolling some of the pots through the drainage ports. Unfortunately, plenty still littered the deck and fallen into the hold.
"What are those things?" Red yelled down to where a bunny had collapsed beside one. "Poison?"
Janice started to answer, hand went to forehead, and she collapsed on the deck. Ren decided if they survived this, she would never let Janice forget she'd fainted in the middle of battle.
One lone cannon from the Rum Rabbit managed to fire, it's aim askew.
The smoke was getting thick on deck, and Ren was feeling woozy herself. The sky was getting dark, and the deck seemed to be spinning without the aid of a whirlpool. "Captain Jack Sparrow," she growled, as she fell to her knees, still trying to hold onto the wheel while trying not to fall on top of Cindy. The rabbit was out cold, but at least she was breathing. "I am going to rip his spleen out through his nose." the captain managed before she too succumbed.
<br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Chapter Two : Why is the Rum Gone?</b></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
Captain Ren woke with a screaming headache and a rabbit nibbling on her nose. She let out a long groan, confused why she was lying on the deck. At least there was no vomit. At least, none of her own that she could smell. She couldn't remember a deck party. She managed to sit up, clutching her head while Cindy nudged her. "Nuuurgh." was the most eloquent words she managed.
Cindy's foot thump was much gentler than usual but still expressive.
Ren managed to open one eye to look at her first mate. "Unless ye have coffee, I'm not interested." She then closed her eye again. It was rather bright out, but at least she hadn't seen any vomit.
Cindy let out a huff and bonked her Captain's head with her forehead.
"Damn rabbits." Muttered Ren and opened her eyes. The sun was still quite bright. The sails were hanging loose as the wind had dropped, and the Rum Rabbit was becalmed. Her crew was starting to wake up with encouragement from their furry crewmates. Whatever Jack and his crew had thrown at their ship had hit the rabbits firstbut not as hard as it had their human brethren. "What the hell was that?" she asked no one in particular.
"Sleeping gas?" Pearl groaned from the main deck. Mr Mick, a brown lo,p grunted and thumped his displeasure. The human sailors around him groaned at the noise and reverberation.
"Go make yer scurvy laggard selves useful and go make coffee," she told the rabbits on deck. Of the seven present, three turned tail and headed down to the galley. Cap'n Ren would one day figure out how they communicated with each other to assign duties, but today she and her headache didn't care.
"I am going to send Jack to the bottom of the seas to have tea with Davy Jones," Ren muttered as she got to her feet.
"I've got some bad news, Cap'n," Janice said, appearing from below decks. She looked remarkably perky. Ren considered tossing her over the side.
"If it's we're out of coffee; I don't want to hear it." She'd had the beans imported from Java especially. And by imported, she'd had the rabbits steal them from an East Indian Company vessel.
"Worse," Janice said, looking grim.
"What's worse than no coffee?!" Ren asked, heading down the stairs. She stopped one foot hanging in the air, dread filling her heart. "Not the rum?"
"The rum," Janice confirmed. "The rum is gone."
"Why is the rum gone?" Ren asked no one absently, her face then darkening to anger as realization sunk in, "That liver sucking, drink addled, sun-baked, slug licking, turtle riding, son of a squid!" Ren swore, hand going to the hilt of her cutlass. "I'll gut him. I'll pull his spleen out through his nose. I'll put leeches on his privates!"
The crew, lagomorphic and human alike, stood around, heads bowed, in mourning at the loss of the rum. Even the sun felt the moment and hid behind a few wisps of cloud.
After several long moments, Cap'n Ren shook herself off. "Right then. Rabbits, you will take one messenger to the distillery to order a new batch, another'll head to Tortuga to warn Diesel to keep an ear out for the Pearl and then notify the taverns their deliveries are going to be late. The rest of us are gonna start getting this ship to Tortuga and getting our rum back from those scurvy bastards, savvy?"
"AYE!" came an enthusiastic chorus accompanied by rabbit thumps.
Shortly after that, there were many groans of pain as headaches said loud noises were a bad idea.
Coffee first, sailing after.
<b>Chapter Three : Tortuga Charming as Always</b>
It almost seemed like one smelled Tortuga long before you could see it. The pirate haven wasn't known for its sewers and litter laws, after all. Mostly the plan seemed to be dump all sewage in the current and hope it went away quickly. Ren was always paid extra for a berth that was not only upwind by the farthest from the bilge that one could get. As they approached the upper port, Ren guessed rates had gone up again as she had her choice of docks. She knew they were about to get robbed a second time.
"Cindy, get down there and negotiate with that greedy pirate," Ren ordered as they started throwing lines down. The anchor quickly fell to the bottom, gripping against the remains of cannons, ships, and whatever other debris had been thrown in.
Cindy snapped her teeth, gleefully turning on one heel and hopped off. She got as far as mid-deck to wait expectantly for the gangplank, tapping her fore-paw impatiently. Cindy could easily hop from ship to dock, but it didn't do to rush when you didn't have to. She saved such maneuvers for when she really needed to impress someone or steal their hat.
Once the walkway was in place, Cindy hopped down and looked up at the dockmaster who had been coming up to the ship. He looked at her. She sniffed at him and tried not to gag. The man smelled like he'd been swimming backwards through a whale's gullet.
"Oh, it's you." He managed.
Cindy sat up on her hind feet and tapped a fore-paw against the wood of the dock.
The dockmaster cleared his throat, "Well, right, well, right.. See, docking fees have gone up twelve percent and.."
He stopped because the small white rabbit had lept almost five feet straight up to grab his clipboard, twist in mid-air, and land with her hindquarters facing him. She turned to look at him, holding the clipboard in the middle of its length. Cindy blinked once and then bit down, snapping the clipboard in half and sending papers fluttering into the breeze. She then pointedly looked at his midsection.
"Uh." he stared at her wide-eyed.
Cindy snapped her teeth.
"Yes, right, previous rates are fine," he assured her before trying to grab as many of the papers as he could before the wind sent them too far to catch.
Cindy sighed and displayed a few more acrobatics, grabbing most of them. Humans were just so slow and clumsy. She hopped over to him and periscoped for him to take them.
"Yes, thank you first-mate rabbit, rum Cindy, uh, just .. Send your payment to the office then?" " he took the papers and backed away before turning tail and fleeing.
Cindy snorted her amusement before hopping back up the gangplank. You'd think the humans would learn not to mess with rabbits.
While Cindy was gone, Captain Ren set her women about. They had supplies to top up, repairs to perform, and weather to figure out for their trip back up north this late in the season. She would feed Jack's gizzard to the gulls if they didn't get their rum back. She expected half of it had been drunk, and they'd have to make the trip anyway.
Once the ship's tasks were set in motion, Ren got changed into her visiting gear. A light weave, white, linen blouse that flapped over to reveal generous cleavage, a dark blue bustier to hold it closed and push up her assets, and black breeches made of thick cotton. She supposed she could put on the fancy boots, but really, it was hot, and she didn't like sweaty feet. It was time to visit the Pearl.
<br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Chapter Four : On Board The Pearl</b></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
The Black Pearl wasn't far down the harbour, but it certainly wasn't in one of the more luxurious locations. The smell of bilge wafted from down the beach, but at least the Pearl itself smelled clean. Bright sun and cooling breeze at her back, Captain Ren marched up the gangplank of the Pearl.
The pirate who stood guard looked like he was perhaps old enough to shave, which would explain why he was on such a dirt duty. "You can let me by, or you can go for a swim, savvy?" Cap'n Ren told him, hand against his chest. He'd tried pushing against it, but she'd refused to be budged. At twice her height and probably half again her breadth, this confused him to no end. Sometimes having a ship full of rabbits who taught you exciting things about physics was worth all the headaches. Did the average sailor appreciate how hard it was to keep cilantro fresh on the open seas?
"I can't just let anyone aboard," came the spluttering reply as the young man reached for the cutlass tucked into his rope belt.
"Idiot," Ren muttered and shoved him into the harbour. He went into the drink, windmilling his hands. She stuck around long enough to make sure he could swim. She never quite understood the idiocy of sailors and anglers who went to boats without knowing how to survive in the water. If you were going take to the seas for your livelihood, you should probably learn how to swim.
She sashayed her way up onto the Pearl. "Your watchman's in the water." She told the nearest crew member who happened to be Mr Gibbs.
The pirate in question looked at her and then looked over the gunwale to the water below. "Moron overboard!" he called, with more sigh than enthusiasm. He turned back to Ren. "Apologies, Cap'n Ren, he's new."
"Well, he got baptized," Ren replied. "Now, tell me, Mr. Gibbs, where is my rum?"
"Turn the sails! Turn the sails!" a golden and blue macaw called from the rigging.
"Well, that's a bit complicated, Miss Captain, Ma'am," Gibbs said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Y'see, I uh, well.."
Ren rolled her eyes and waited.
"Storm ahead!" reported the parrot.
"Yes, I'm aware, Mister Cotton's Parrot." The sailor agreed.
Ren looked between parrot and pirate. "You gave him a rank but not a name?"
"Well, it's not right to name another man's parrot." She was informed.
Ren let out a long-suffering sigh. "Fine, you can't or won't tell me where my rum is. What about your no good, stinking, would sell his mother for some rum, Captain?"
"Uh, well, he's not here at the moment." Mr Gibbs was slowly inching away from her. "Although, I don't think he'd sell his MUTHER for rum, but certainly his father."
Ren gritted her teeth, "Where. Is. Jack? Don't make me send this garbage scow to the bottom of the seas."
"No offence, Miss Cap'n Ren ma'am, but the Pearls been there before and survived fine." the pirate wiped his brow.
Ren's eyes narrowed dangerously, and she took a step closer to her rapidly-becoming-foe.
"Turbulent waters, pull in the rigging!" The parrot warned.
Mister Gibbs again cleared his throat, "Right, well, he went ashore hours ago. He's probably two taverns down by now."
Ren wondered if it would be bad manners to gut him. A sopping wet guard came up the plank and went widely around her, making sure to stay out of reach of her cutlass and fists. Unfortunately, Ren was pretty sure it would be rude to hold the crew responsible for the captain's actions, no matter how traitorous they were.
"Fine." Ren turned on her heel and marched back down the gang planet.
"Safe harbour again!" called the parrot.
"Yeah, yeah. Mouthy chicken," Ren grumbled, wishing she had worn her boots after all. Stomping down didn't have much effect when you made faint thumps instead of rolling thunder. And if nothing else, she could have thrown a boot at the parrot.
<b>Chapter Five : The rum is Really Gone</b>
Once she had a building between her and the Pearl, Captain Ren took a deep breath, regretting it instantly. She'd exchanged the smell of sewage for the smell of sewage and severe body odour. You'd think with a warm ocean nearby the locals would clean up more often. Maybe they believed the afternoon showers of rain would clean them sufficiently. If that's what they thought, they were wrong.
It seemed only the painted ladies kept themselves clean and tidy, and there weren't a lot of them out this early. You could pretty much tell a whore's standing by how early she was forced to wake up to try and get some customers. Ren had nothing but sympathy for them and tried to get the ones who wanted to escape work elsewhere. Women who reached retirement ages were happy to learn a new trade and find a new home either in the colonies or the old world. There weren't a lot of glory boys here and they, being in demand and well treasured, rarely woke up before three in the afternoon.
The most surprising thing Ren found about Tortuga is how well the buildings were built. When she'd first washed up on the dock, she'd expected ramshackle huts that were falling apart. It made sense, however, that if the pirates could perform carpentry on a ship, they could certainly build a shop or tavern.
Squaring her shoulders, Ren adjusted her tricorner hat, that hopefully showed her rank so she wouldn't have to throw fists, and headed into the tavern closest to the docks. She didn't think she'd find Jack here as he liked to wander and wrack up bills in as many taverns as he could get away with, but it was as good a place as any to start. Besides, she needed the rum.
It didn't take long to flag down the bartender and get a shot as the place was next to empty. The taproom also smelled a lot better than outside as a couple of staff were busy washing the floors, and the very large and dark bartender was polishing the brass. She very carefully didn't lean down on his hard work. She'd discovered long ago that the price of rum was in direct proportion to how much of a pain in the ass you were.
"Captain Sparrow been through?" She asked the bartender when he was at her end of the bar again to see if she wanted another shot.
After receiving a 'well, duh' look, the bartender poured her a second shot. "That be why we're washin' the floor." the bartender told her. "Threw him out. Last I saw 'em he was staggerin' up to The Dirty Shank."
Ren downed the shot in a gulp and saluted the man before putting some coins on the counter. "Thanks."
The next three taverns went about the same, and Cap'n Ren had to admit she was starting to feel the rum. A few of Jack's crew had seen her, her expression, how she was walking and quickly spluttered their best guesses on where to find their Captain. She was also feeling angrier and angrier as she was failing to find the thief of her cargo.
The fifth tavern, "The Wagon's Flagon," had a scattering of Jack's crew and the Captain himself. By this time of day, the tavern was starting to fill up with pirates standing around the bar, looking to waste their money and brag about their stolen cargoes. The locals were happy to relieve them of their money and pretend to care about their stories and bragging.
Captain Ren pushed through the crowd to where she could hear Jack holding court. Her lot in life was that everyone was taller than her. She managed not to succumb to temptation and kick everyone who shoved her.
When she found Captain Jack regaling two pirates with his supposed accomplishment over women, she stalked right up to him.
"Captain Ren, darling!" he said, arms wide, a delighted grin on his face.
"Where is my rum?" She asked tersely.
Jack pulled his hat from his head and held it over his heart. "Oh, your rum is gone, lass." He told her solemnly.
Ren wasn't particularly surprised when her fist developed a mind of its own and landed a solid punch to Jack's jaw, sending him spinning out of his chair and to the floor. He managed a groan before his eyes rolled up, and seemed to pass out.
Ren prodded him with her toe and looked at his two companions. Said companions immediately declared they had other places to be and fled. So much for defending the Captain of their ship. She turned on her heel, shoving back through the crowd and grabbed a bucket of seawater, and who knew what and went back to Jack to dump it over his face and chest.
The Captain of the Black Pearl came to with a splutter. "What was that for?"
"I wasn't sure you were shamming or not," Ren answered sweetly as he tried to get to his feet. "We were discussing what you've done with my cargo."
He rubbed his jaw and looked at her thoughtfully. "The rum is gone. Paid some bills, paid some pirates, got ingested, had a great party, got something or other somewhere or other."
Ren growled and grabbed his shirt. It was, as usual, loose and undone. However, she was more than happy to bunch up one half and yank him towards her. "And why shouldn't I do very unpleasant things to your cursed carcass?"
"Because I know the truth about you, Captain Ren, darlin'." He smirked and disengaged her fingers. "You're not a pirate."
Her eyes narrowed, and she debated hitting him again.
"Your cannons don't fire much at all, love." He leaned back in the chair he'd clambered back onto, rocking it back onto its hind legs. He seemed to realize his rum-soaked reflexes weren't up to that and leaned forward again in a hurry, waving his arms for balance. "Though, you do have lovely cannons."
"We are not talking about my cannons. We're talking about my rum!" Ren shot back, really not trying to think about the way Jack was admiring her cannons. She refused to get distracted.
"You are, in fact, a rum runner, not a pirate. Smuggler, if you will. Fast ship, secret routes, lovely, lovely routes, and while smuggling rum is a fine job choice, I'm not sure that's allowed access to pirates coves and uh.. Other piratey pirate things." He looked smug.
"Keep it up, and I'll show you pirate," she growled. Was it her fault she and her crew weren't big on killing? Well, she wasn't sure about the rabbits. For vegetarians, rabbits were awfully bloodthirsty.
"The fact of the matter is, darlin', you have a secret and no rum. I have your secret and no rum. The Crown does not have your secret or your rum. So askin' for the rum back is pointless, so you might as well go find more rum." He leaned forward, looking from side to side as if this was all a great conspiracy. Ren really wanted to hit him again, or maybe kiss him. No, hitting him seemed more tempting at the moment. "Besides, I did you a favour relieving you of your rum."
"How in the seven hells did you do me a favour?!" Ren spluttered. Would he really rat her and her ship out to the Crown?
"Are there seven hells? I thought there were nine. I didn't think to count when I was there. Did you know I died? I don't think there was a very nice funeral." He looked down at the empty bottle of rum before him. Well, there was probably a mouthful left in it.
Before Jack could finish the rum off, Ren grabbed the bottle, swallowed the rum that was left and stood up. Obviously, this was pointless, the drunken bum had pissed away her rum, and there was nothing she could collect. "We will have an accounting, Jack Sparrow."
"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. Not a fan of accounting, too much math and work. I let Mr Gibbs worry about that. He's quite good at that sort of --" he trailed off because the Captain of the Rum Rabbit had stomped off. He watched her behind until she was lost in the crowd.
<b>Chapter Six : Visiting with Diesel
</b>
Captain Ren would be the first to admit she wasn't in a particularly good mood. She wound her way through the growing crowds as clouds started to gather for the afternoon deluge. Soon enough, the crowds would move from the streets and into the bars and brothels. It wouldn't be soon enough for her tastes, just wasn't in the mood for the pushing crowds and stench of body odour. When she felt like retiring, she would open a brothel-baths. The baths and soap would be free, the brother not so much. Alas, who was she kidding? She could never exploit other women like that, but it was sometimes entertaining to think about. She'd open a bar, but there were already more of those than there were customers.
She stomped up to one of two stables on the pirate-infested town. It's not as if there were a lot of places that required transportation, so it was another business that barely stayed afloat. However, this is where Diesel wanted to be and who was she to argue with the most stubborn horse she'd ever met? She was generally the first in line to argue, but she lost more arguments than she won.
Her horse was standing, swaying a little, in the sun. His trough looked delightfully cool. She stuck her throbbing hand into the liquid and then pulled it out to give it a sniff. "Do I even know where you got the rum?" It was mostly water, but there was definitely rum in there.
Diesel looked as innocent as he possibly could. Considering his mane was currently in braids with beads, and he wore a kerchief with holes for his ears, he wasn't looking very innocent. He was looking rather piratical. Ren sighed and stuck her hand back in the trough. Diesel flicked his ears back and looked offended.
"Oh, relax, the alcohol content is high enough to clean whatever dirt I may have." She told him.
He gave a deep sigh as if he were the most put upon soul in the entire Caribbean.
"Drama queen," Ren muttered. Her horse took a few steps forward, well, mostly forward, and gave her a nudge with her nose. "Oh. That. I punched Mr Jack Sparrow."
Diesel's head pulled back in obvious surprise.
"Well, he raided my ship, stole my rum, and then had the nerve to tell me he was doing me a favour!" Had she punched him before that last part? She couldn't remember. "THEN, the lout had the nerve to threaten me!"
Diesel nodded along in sympathy before nudging her free hand. She took the hint and gave him forelock scritches. His tail swooshed happily.
"I can't even get my rum back because that barnacle loving bilge sucker has sold it all! Or so he claims, he probably drank it all himself." Ren grumbled. This got a few more sympathetic nods from the horse. She pulled her hand out of the trough and dried it on the bottom of her shirt.
Diesel shifted, so his side was presented to her.
"As if I could mount you without a ladder," Ren grumbled. She should have rescued a smaller horse, like a pony.
Diesel flicked his ears before looking about and turning a walking over to a tiered mounting block to give her a pointed look.
"Fine," Ren grumbled before climbing the block and clambering onto her horse's back. She rode waves, not horses. She was glad Diesel didn't give her forcible dismounts very often, mostly when he was feeling puckish. It would probably start bucketing rain shortly, and Diesel would blame her for his getting wet. For a horse that liked to jump off ships into the harbour, he was awfully prim.
Diesel nodded happily once she'd mounted and meandered out of the stable towards what passed for the town square. Several of the ladies of the night cooed when they saw him. He tended to give rides to the ladies when he was bored. It was probably them who had donated the rum and braided his mane. He hadn't allowed tail braiding ever since he'd lashed himself with the beads trying to get rid of irritating flies. He'd scared himself silly with the sudden pain, not that he was about to admit it.
Once the duo arrived in the square, Diesel turned sideways so Ren could see the board with the Crown's announcements. Typically it was just stolen newspapers tacked up where the Crown had bragged about what pirates they'd caught and hung. Amongst the mess of paper were warnings and bills. "What am I doing here?" She asked Diesel. He just rolled his eyes. Ren sighed; animals that weren't supposed to be able to speak sure managed to make their attitude spoke volumes.
No pirates she knew of had been hung, the ones that had seemed to have done stupid things like brag about who and what they were in bars. However, a notice that the Crown's blockade had recovered a great deal of stolen goods caught her attention. "Ah." She said. Apparently, Captain Jack Drinks-a-lot HAD done her a favour. By stalling their ship, he'd preventing the Rum Rabbit from being caught by the blockade. However, he could have just told her and not stolen her rum!
Diesel looked at her pointedly.
"He still stole my rum!' she told the horse.
Diesel humphed and turned to walk them back to the stable.
They reentered the yard, and Ren slid down to the ground, a ground that seemed further away every year. She tapped her foot impatiently as she thought. "Well, the rum is gone, and we have little in our purses. I suppose it's time to come up with a plan to get some rum and some coin."
Diesel nodded and then shoved his nose under her hand to get petted some more.
Ren suddenly grinned as she stroked his nose, "And Baby D, do I have the best idea of how to get some rum."
Diesel thought she looked particularly piratical at that moment.
The skies, of course, opened and started pouring rain as she made her way back to her ship.
<b>Chapter Seven : Plans and Schemes</b>
As soon as the deluge of rain let up, the crew gathered on the main deck, looking up at their Captain. Ren was standing three stairs up to make this happen. It wasn't fair the only ones on her crew that were shorter than her was the rabbits, and they refused to acknowledge that they were short. Bloody Napoleans, the lot of them. "As you all know, we were pirated by that no-good-stinking-outta-take-a-bath Captain Jack Sparrow and his crew of misfits. What you may not know yet is his excuse was that there was a blockade that would catch us, and the rum was payment." She'd rather have given him their cash on hand, but the lout hasn't asked, had he?
Cindy was lounging in a hat that looked like one of Jack's. The first mate had her own ideas of revenge. She'd probably snipped one of his braids while she was at it.
"So ladies, rabbits, what we're going to do is get us some rum and some revenge," Ren said with a piratical gleam in her eye. "First up, we need some spies." She looked at the rabbits, "Then we'll need some thieves." She nodded to the ladies, "And we'll need some distraction. If all goes according to plan, we'll have some rum, some goods and be back in the black."
"When do things go to plan?" Janice asked.
"Almost never," Ren admitted, especially when rabbits were involved. "But it's a good outline."
The crew exchanged looks. Ren sighed. "Let's get on with this, shall we?"
It didn't take long to convince three rabbits to hop over to Captain Jack's ship to lay in wait for him to catch a fat merchant from one of his favourite trade routes. The man seemed to know everything the East Indian Trade company was up to alongside the French and Dutch versions. He didn't seem to like any of them for their habits of slavery and exploitation of people. The rabbits would probably be drunk for their entire tour of duty, but at least they were reliable. Ish.
Waiting in dock for the Black Pearl to depart was tedious, but many games of cards were won, lost, and eaten. Ren practically kept Hewson in business with the amount of playing cards they had to buy; rabbits were sore losers. When the Pearl finally disappeared over the horizon, Ren found herself owing Miss Lola Bunny two foot rubs and a scarf. She'd one day figure out how a creature with no thumbs was so good at cheating.
"Haul anchor and booty!" Ren called as she headed up to the wheel. They had to keep in range of whatever method the rabbits used to transport their fuzzy tails around as well as out of sight of the Pearl. It sounded easier than it was. If she was lucky, they'd get a few mild squalls to shorten the horizon.
It took three days of nerve-wracking sailing before the spies returned to announce the Pearl engaged in combat against a couple of traders. The rabbits had refused to stay aboard during combat, so Ren was forced to guess when it was safe to send them back. It also took a while to bribe the rabbits enough for hard work done and hard work to come. Not that she was sure what was so hard about lounging around in the hold.
Several hours later, the spies returned to report that the raiding was successful and the pirated of the Pearl were sufficiently soused. "Right then, raise all sails!" Ren called to her crew. Her trio of spies yawned and headed below decks for a nap. As Ren was pretty sure they'd spent the last three days drinking and sleeping, she wasn't quite sure what they were so tired about.
The Pearl's sails were lax, and her rabbits reported even the lookout was drooling on the side of the crow's nest. Jack was going to be quite cranky with his on-duty crew.
The Rum Rabbit managed to get within cannon range before the alert was even called. "Latch on and prepare to board!" Ren called to her crew. The cackling wenches were happy to comply, and in a short time, she was casually strolling onto the deck of the Black Pearl yet again. It was pure coincidence she'd went and found her boots so she had a few extra inches of height and the heels rang nicely as she strode.
The Pearl's crew was stumbling to their feet and consciousness. Jack appeared out of his cabin. "OI! What're you doing here?"
"You left harbour without saying goodbye or let me return Cindy's hat collection" Ren may have put an extra roll to her hips as she approached Jack before running her forefinger down his chest.
"Are ye here to hit me again? Seems an awful long way just for that." He was looking at her suspiciously. "And never in the history of rabbitdom has a rabbit given up a hat with rabbity chewed holes without a fight. A fight you leave to others because you don't fight with a rabbit."
"I feel just terrible. I misjudged you!" Ren said, wide-eyed. She batted her baby-blues for extra oomph. She sidled up and wrapped her arm around his waist, resting her cheek against his shirt. "Can you ever forgive me?" Bat-bat-bat of eyelashes.
"Ah." Jack managed. "We got rum, and you gave no broken bones. It could have been a worse row." His arm, the one not attached to a mostly empty bottle of rum, snaked around her waist. "But, truly, you hurt me heart and damaged the crew's view." He looked at the nearest sailors who were eyeing the ladies of the Rum Rabbit suspiciously.
"Oh, Aye." several of them agreed.
"Terribly damaged." a sailor added, taking his beaten hat off his head to hold it over his chest and stare at his dirty feet.
"Oh, no!" Ren replied, trying to look as guilty and shocked as possible, "However can I make it up to you? Should we go to your cabin and discuss it.. In detail?"
"Yes, in detail. Extensive detail. Very much detail. I like detail." Jack agreed, turning himself and her back towards his cabin.
"Janice! Perhaps the lads would like to play some hands while you await the end of the Captain's, er," she jumped because Jack's hand had just grabbed her bottom. "Conference. Yes, captain's conference."
Janice managed not to roll her eyes. "Oh, I don't know, Cap'n, the boys have so much more experience than us! I'm not sure if we could keep our purses!"
The ladies were assured that the Pearl's crew would take it easy on them and not steal all their money at once.
Pearl, fortunately, was looking away when she rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe that not only did Jack's crew fall for this, but some of them had fallen for this multiple times. Show a bit of cleavage and their brains promptly jumped ship.
<b>Chapter Eight : Rabbitus Interuptus</b>
Captain Ren looked around Jack's cabin with open curiosity. As he minced around, already undoing his own shirt, she ignored him in favour of taking a peek at his charts. The room was remarkably organized and didn't show the chaos of Jack's mind in the least. She once again wondered how much was act and how much was fact.
"Quite the collection," Ren observed.
"Oh yes, I steal charts of ships we find, look at them, see what they got wrong and then sell them back. Can't know where they're going if they aren't going wrong. Can't be wrong without the right maps."
As with most things, Jack, it made an odd sort of sense.
"Shall we conference?" Jack asked, approaching her sans hat, bandana, and shirt.
Captain Ren admired the view. For all his idiosyncrasies, he wasn't bad scenery, even if he did get her horse drunk and steal all her rum.
He leaned in, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulled her up against him.
"Eeep!" she managed. She was then startled to find his breath minty and not it's usual rotten rum scent. In fact, it actually smelled like the pirate had even bathed recently. Maybe someone had opened a brothel-bath house in Tortuga while she wasn't paying attention.
He pressed his lips against her, stepping forward to push her back against his desk, tongue licking her lips as one handheld her back and forced him against her, the other tangling in her hair.
Ren opened her lips against his, his tongues intertwining. Her breasts pressed against his chest, Ren had a hand against the back of his neck, the other wriggled free to grab his butt and caused him to jump against her, a pleasing noise in the back of his throat. His attention was clear and pressed up against her, firm and obvious.
He lifted her up onto his desk, shoving maps and charts aside, her legs wrapping around his waist. His hand on her back moved up her side before going back down to slip under her blouse, dancing lightly across her skin. He pulled back enough to be able to run a finger along the boning of her half-stays. "Love, this has got to go," he murmured against her lips right before there was a pounding against the door.
"BUSY!" both Captains yelled at the door.
"Sails on the horizon, Cap'n.. Er, Cap'ns!" was the retort, muffled.
Jack rested his forehead against Ren's for a moment, both attempting to get breathing under control. She unwrapped her legs from his. "We shall continue this later. For later, it must be continued." He grabbed his hat and ignored his shirt that was lying on the deck, and dashed out of his cabin.
Ren slid off the desk and was tempted to steal the charts, but in all honesty, she had no idea which were the real charts and which were Jack's fixed wrong ones and the fixed right ones to be wrong. Great, swap a little saliva, and suddenly she was even thinking like him.
Cindy stuck her head around the open door and twitched an ear.
"I know, I know, time to go," Ren muttered, adjusting her stays and blouse. She sighed, one step forward, two steps behind. She picked up the bottle Jack had somehow left behind and sniffed it. She should have known. He'd somehow added mint flavouring to his rum. She drank the dribble that was left and followed Cindy out onto deck.
The Black Pearl was hopping. "Excuse me, Cap'n Ren, if you, perhaps wish to be deboarding, you may wish to hurry." Mr Gibbs told her.
"Hurry hard, hurry hard." the parrot reported from overhead.
Captain Ren knew when to exit, and she did it in a hurry, Janice already unhooking from the Pearl as Ren stepped onto her own ship. "Distraction achieved?" Janice asked slyly.
"Oh, shush," Ren grumbled. She was distracted, alright. Maybe she'd have to find some time alone in her bunk later. "Mission accomplished?"
Cindy gave her captain a disgusted look.
"Oh right, never doubt the ladies or the bunnies," Ren grumbled. Janice snorted her amusement.
Ren ignored the thump from her first mate and hauled herself up to the wheel. "Cast off and move out!"
Wasn't it just so convenient that the Dutch Tea Company had had a report of a slaver in distress and needing to unload its cargo? Ren was happy to leave Jack to his fun while she also left with his rum.
"Full speed ahead, let's get while the getting is good!"
<br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Chapter Nine : Beach Blankets and Rum</b>
It had been another sunny day in the Caribbean. The crew of the Rum Rabbit were sprawled out on the beach, shaded by palms, enjoying the breeze and wind. All bills were paid, cargo delivered, and still there was rum leftover. In fact, there'd been enough rum leftover that Cap'n Ren had sold a chunk of it to pay off the Pearl's tavern and docking fees before leaving the rest in trust. She had a sneaking suspicion that when Speedy had returned from the Dutch East India Company vessel, he and a few of his fellow four feet had gone across and stolen all the rum from that ship as well.
Rabbits may be high maintenance, but when you put them to work with their strengths, they sure did pay out.
Cindy was lying on her back on one of Jack's bandanas. "Comfortable?" Ren asked wryly.
Rabbit paws weren't flexible enough to make the actual rude gestures that humans favoured, but they a one eared salute got the message across.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14.6667px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
The human half of the crew were busy trying to see if they could out-swim the tide. Ren was exhausted just watching them. Besides, any time she went into the water, Diesel tried to get her on his back so he could dunk her. She wasn't falling for that a fifteenth time.
The sun was starting to set, and it was probably more than time to relieve the crew they'd left on the Rum Rabbit.
"C'mon, you louts, time to get back to the ship!"
With grumbles and mutters, the crew picked up the empty bottles and a mostly empty half-keg of rum and staggered their way back towards the port. The rabbits seemed quite happy to nap on the beach with Diesal keeping guard. Ren just hoped the horse didn't fall over on top of them.
The Captain of the Rum Rabbit looked out to see. "You'll always remember this as the day you almost captured Captain Ren's rum!" she told the waves.
</span></span></p><div><br /></div>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-73117381012613485932020-08-13T16:15:00.004-07:002020-09-30T11:46:07.381-07:00[Fanfiction] [FFXIV Post 5.3] [Spoilers] Just your usual sparring.<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_7AHv5zTb1Q8bWgDnxy7duftAalJ-GRP06u0wU843VXNxRUfUgE0reEI97ZSMsotcH1TOIN_TMwNZYb5NabTXGYRYV7N8DqpGfO3w48cByCguICuRf0us3MUEx-RTL13qahkZyYz0GkA/s899/ffxiv_dx11+2020-08-13+16-06-11.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="686" data-original-width="899" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY_7AHv5zTb1Q8bWgDnxy7duftAalJ-GRP06u0wU843VXNxRUfUgE0reEI97ZSMsotcH1TOIN_TMwNZYb5NabTXGYRYV7N8DqpGfO3w48cByCguICuRf0us3MUEx-RTL13qahkZyYz0GkA/s640/ffxiv_dx11+2020-08-13+16-06-11.png" width="640" /></a></div> <p></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was a sunny Mor Dhona, bright and crisp after a pounding rainfall the night before. Puddles were drying on the flagstones on the cafe's patio where the Warrior of Light and Darkness, one of Eorzea's many heroes, sat and drank tea. Her fellow Scion, Thancred Waters, was duelling the air with his gunblade and trying to ignore her. </span></p><span id="docs-internal-guid-1488a539-7fff-755d-9dd3-e4c75955d5f2"><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Oh mighty Thancred, show me how to use your gunblade," Rhasody said, batting her eyelashes at him in a falsetto voice. Several young women were watching from a distance with hearts in their eyes. "You're so graceful and dangerous!" </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"You're worse than Y'shtola," grumbled Thancred, failing to ignore her. "Don't you have better things to do?" He followed through on a slash, combining his earlier training on this world with that of the First.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"No, this is it," Rhasody replied cheerfully, taking a sip of her tea. It wasn't as good as Tataru could make, but she supposed she couldn't ask the backbone of the Scions to make every cup.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"I liked you more when we were strangers, and you were shy," grumbled Thancred. It was well known the hero had few words to say to people she wasn't sure of. She was slowly coming out of her shell, but it had been a long, upwards, trek.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Urianger, help me out here!" Thancred called to where the caster was frowning over a book.</span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Y'shtola, and I have been discussing how thee might be able to talk to the soul within," Urianger said, seemingly not paying attention to Thancred.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhasody tilted her head to one side and looked at him with interest.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Oh yes, discussing long and hard into the night, I'm sure," Thancred interjected with a smirk. "Oh, Y'shota, thy aether senses are so strong.." he broke off when Rhasody flicked some of her tea at him. "Hey! Not the coat!" He panic-checked that none of the rose coloured water had hit the brilliant white leather. "You'd think the great Warrior of Light would have better aim." </span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhasody smiled sweetly at him.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thancred growled at her.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"With thy familiarity with crystals and with Allagon memory devices.." Urianger continued as if he had never been interrupted. "..it should be quite possible for thee to connect within to that which resides." He sat staring into nothing for several moments, tapping his cheek in a very Y'shtola like manner.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhasody shot a look at Thancred, who was opening his mouth. Her fingers were hovering over her tea in warning. Thancred sighed and propped his gunblade on his shoulder.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"You know, you haven't practiced in a while.." Thancred said with a smile.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhasody's eyes narrowed as she looked at him suspiciously.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"There might be a day where the aether is too thin for casting, where you've been silenced by a mighty foe, and then what will you do? Do you even know how to hit the enemy with your flower stick?"</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhasody looked at her staff and then shot a glare back at Thancred.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Oh, sorry, did I insult the mighty bloom of thwacking?" Thancred asked, grin getting larger. "Did the unicorn that blessed it just neigh in righteous fury?"</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"'Tis a fair point," Urianger said. "Although, perhaps the best strategy would be to stand behind Thancred and let he do all the work." </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhasody shrugged a shoulder and raised an eyebrow at Thancred.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"No, not going to cut it. I think you need some exercise."</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Hmm." Urianger offered, picking up the reticule he carried with him everywhere. He rifled through it while Rhasody tried to come up with a good reason not to spar with the gunbreaker who was starting to grin maniacally. The Elezen pulled out a crystal of make very familiar to all the Scions. The runes inscribed on it were different from those they'd used on the First, and it had no red tip but otherwise looked much the same. He held it up to Rhasody. "Perhaps this will assist thy dreams this eve." </span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhasody took it with some reverence. "Thank you." She wanted to ask Ardbert what he wanted to do, hanging around in her soul, even the shard that remained of him, couldn't be ideal.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Yup, that's this eve. Until then, pick up your plucked broom and let's have at it." Thancred said, tapping his gunblade against his shoulder.</span></p><br /><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Rhasody sighed and downed the remainder of her tea in one gulp before standing. She should have chucked the mug at him; then, he'd be too busy panicking about laundry to bother with her.</span></p><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span>Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-37328964130874274972020-05-28T22:10:00.000-07:002020-05-28T22:10:00.577-07:00[Bunny Story] Teddy gets lost. Again. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhykMP5ia4Hn8vfP7LatPUFZAkGgXpO22xEblCXrgQd2p37t-86BfjbtSizHQwMlsyJjidfuuYXHsQV2EdivhkRJSufH1xHTJTOFdfA-L4BYVmbk0VbkV-w1y89aKuHauOP-CUmn4d3wx9n/s1600/87187894_10107542523254873_5005095410604179456_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj66zQjnQEo3ohycyruu7_CJS0o99lfQ4wNGUwGMyr_z7aVNrjB_he9p9FMq2Z5BuZW001lr3FosFyn7eJTKAwSuDe-QqJJ6LDwThuYy-fEsQhlU0t24yGjiFMPbP6-4TT2jA4BsT8vZbM1/s1600/92829790_10158504830644396_5832015488556728320_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj66zQjnQEo3ohycyruu7_CJS0o99lfQ4wNGUwGMyr_z7aVNrjB_he9p9FMq2Z5BuZW001lr3FosFyn7eJTKAwSuDe-QqJJ6LDwThuYy-fEsQhlU0t24yGjiFMPbP6-4TT2jA4BsT8vZbM1/s200/92829790_10158504830644396_5832015488556728320_o.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9_Zoq3i5524v2O_BmQ_gHLR8t0drwycmbVSGp9rWuKZVXv28oHr6e0_igbkt8BlUaWbYiRcpgsLC-Zo2nWGmnJW2D6-szsDjju19O0rhp-dDgngF488chu0B_W9uz22W8nW_Wc1k8MmAj/s1600/87187894_10107542523254873_5005095410604179456_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9_Zoq3i5524v2O_BmQ_gHLR8t0drwycmbVSGp9rWuKZVXv28oHr6e0_igbkt8BlUaWbYiRcpgsLC-Zo2nWGmnJW2D6-szsDjju19O0rhp-dDgngF488chu0B_W9uz22W8nW_Wc1k8MmAj/s200/87187894_10107542523254873_5005095410604179456_o.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br /><br />Teddy came out of the closet to find carpet under his paws. He was pretty sure that his Aunty Michelle didn't have carpet in her house. A lack of carpetless floors meant he'd probably taken a wrong turn in the bunny tunnels again. Was it his fault that the maps Speedy had him print out were so tasty? Was it his fault that he could only pull his tablet out of BunSpace in his condo? <br /><br />Speedy had tried to get him to summon a ghost bunny to help navigate, but Miss Lola had said that he had to learn even if it was the hard way, and Mr. Mick had said he was taking a nap. Teddy wasn't sure why a ghost bunny would need a nap, but Mr. Mick had been very insistent about it. <br /><br />A large, brown form loomed over him. "Hello!" said the creature.<br /><br />The creature had a slobbery tongue, a jingly collar and was bouncing up and down in spot in a way that spoke of way too much energy. "Er, hello." Teddy offered cautiously.<br /><br />"I am Rory, why are you in my house?" The creature asked.<br /><br />"I'm Teddy, and I am lost," Teddy answered honestly.<br /><br /><br />"Hello, lost," Rory said. He saw Teddy's look and added, "That's the sort of thing my Dad likes to say. He thinks he's funny."<br /><br />"Is your Dad a human? My human Dad likes to make similar, equally non-funny jokes." Teddy said.<br /><br />"Yes. He is human. He is a good cuddler, but he spends too much time staring at a box." Rory looked over his shoulder to a door before turning back. "Would you like to play tug?"<br /><br />Teddy looked at their comparative sizes. Rory looked like he weighed at least thirty-three kilograms. "I think you'd win."<br /><br />"I play fair! My Dad thinks he's better at it than he is." Rory trotted off and came back with a toy rope that was a little ragged. He dangled an end for Teddy.<br /><br />Still rather dubious, Teddy took his side and got dragged as Rory backed up.<br /><br />"Okee, hold on!" It was probably a good thing animal communication was mostly mental, otherwise a mouthful of rope would have stifled the instruction. As it was, the ruffs and mock growls were distorted.<br /><br />Teddy dug claws into the carpet as Rory backed up and started to tug. The dog wasn't pulling very hard until he felt the rabbit had good traction. The harder he pulled, the more Teddy had to bite down, and unfortunately, rabbit teeth were very good at snipping things in half, even hefty dog toys.<br /><br />When the rope broke, Rory went ass over tea kettle into the fireplace with a loud crash and clatter. <br /><br />Teddy, startled, dived under the couch.<br /><br />Rory's human appeared. "What are you doing?!" <br /><br />The dog got himself up with a shake and wagged his stump happily, looking at innocent as he possibly could.<br /><br />The human looked at the puffs of white fur that were slowly falling to the floor.<br /><br />"Did you eat a pillow?" <br /><br />Rory tried to look affronted at such an accusation. Him? Eat a pillow? Never! The ones they currently had weren't very tasty.<br /><br />His human shook his head and went back into his room. <br /><br />Teddy stuck his nose out from under the couch, "Are you okay?"<br /><br />"I'm fine! That didn't hurt. Maybe tug isn't a good game." Rory said sadly. "Fetch is fun, but it's a human game. The way they throw things away to have them brought back is strange."<br /><br />"Humans are strange." Teddy agreed. "But.." He looked towards the closet, "I'm supposed to be visiting my Aunty Michelle, I should probably try and find her."<br /><br />"Aww. Okay." Rory said sadly. "You'll come back, though, right?"<br /><br />"I'll try!" How hard could it be to get lost again? Teddy was getting very good at it. <br /><br />The closet door had swung shut, so Rory had to try and turn the knob with his mouth while Teddy tried to get his nose in the crack to pull it open. It wasn't a quiet effort.<br /><br />"What ARE you doing? The human asked, causing Rory to scramble backwards. Fortunately, this opened the door and allowed Teddy to get inside before the human got a good look. He wasn't very good at hiding from humans yet either.<br /><br />Rory gave his best innocent look, sitting and holding up a paw while his stump of a tail thumped against the carpet.<br /><br />"Was that a rabbit?" The human asked himself. "I've got to stop talking to Lorna so much. I need coffee." He looked at the new cloud of floating white fur that was settling on the carpet. "A lot of coffee."<br /><br />Rory was happy to bounce up and down and follow his Dad into the kitchen. Maybe he'd get a treat! Maybe his new friend would visit again! Maybe he'd get a treat!<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-61152909584407763882020-04-05T08:06:00.003-07:002020-08-03T04:35:30.857-07:00Sock story for Fern.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrX7v_KKMMkQ8eMrOY0MFnzsg9NfM4J_S3sbTlYi9ejzIEQ8fc75IFqc00yrDgVqw-v0JVGDjpNmM9OlSXpBm7_Ieou8kdJN6s7WWL5TvxTW4bIJ0cErDnHfpQ4steVxCsz6V9dc12pxa7/s1600/1_large.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="423" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrX7v_KKMMkQ8eMrOY0MFnzsg9NfM4J_S3sbTlYi9ejzIEQ8fc75IFqc00yrDgVqw-v0JVGDjpNmM9OlSXpBm7_Ieou8kdJN6s7WWL5TvxTW4bIJ0cErDnHfpQ4steVxCsz6V9dc12pxa7/s320/1_large.png" width="282" /></a></div>
There are monsters who wear socks.<br />
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These monsters wear socks when they don't have to.<br />
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These monsters wear socks indoors when it's warm.<br />
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They wear socks with sandals in the spring and again in the fall.<br />
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They wear socks with the itchy bits on the inside, and the slippery side on the out.<br />
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But the scariest monsters of all.. The ones people dread. are the monsters who wear socks in bed!<br />
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<br /><br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-10980468335950993132019-05-17T15:46:00.000-07:002019-05-17T16:40:34.845-07:00[WoW Fanfiction] Chewie is a sad Tauren.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5m_jn4n5bIKZSp9LzODf5ckAO_DPG0N8KOGLXxBDWXXmxTBZHBCcUNmsOm6koemXMEvQeV_mCp7_d9NehesXPwquEWOXkSAMw-iD3oNQJF8otE4AQjDOqWjPbgm3T1hX8WTEw0Q2E6otL/s1600/WoWScrnShot_102316_184446.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="542" data-original-width="680" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5m_jn4n5bIKZSp9LzODf5ckAO_DPG0N8KOGLXxBDWXXmxTBZHBCcUNmsOm6koemXMEvQeV_mCp7_d9NehesXPwquEWOXkSAMw-iD3oNQJF8otE4AQjDOqWjPbgm3T1hX8WTEw0Q2E6otL/s320/WoWScrnShot_102316_184446.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>We're gonna pretend that Leiska is Leensa, an elven paladin not a cat.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
Babychewie was a sad Tauren. Everything was coming apart; it was almost worse than when Garrosh was in command. Sylvanus had locked up his chief, and she'd murdered a powerful ally in cold blood, who knows what she was doing to the powerful Orcs behind the scenes and Saurfang was gone.<br />
<br />
All the voices of reason stolen away or murdered, and for what? To burn down women and children? To slaughter artisans and innocents? It was enough to make him wonder if he was watching the end of the Horde.<br />
<br />
The large shaman sighed over his drink. He couldn't even get whisky in Zandalar. Oh, sure, the Goblins would import it, but it often sold out before he could even get his hands on it and at Goblin like prices. The rum just wasn't enough. It was never enough. The humidity made his fur sticky. The endless heat made him cranky. <br />
<br />
The Alliance had murdered a king, and what did the Horde do? Murder it's own.<br />
<br />
A large mug got plunked down in front of him; it's contents the shades of amber he was always happy to see. And while he didn't generally like watering down his drinks with ice, in this heat, he was happy to see the cubes inside.<br />
<br />
"Someone looks bummed, sister," Raelana said, patting Chewie on the arm. She flomped onto the stool beside him. Rae's armour, usually more absent than present, was gone and she wore a blouse knotted under her breasts and netted leggings. <br />
<br />
"It's not unjustified, sister," Leensa said, plomping herself down onto the other stool. Her usual battered armour replaced with a cropped blouse and long shorts.<br />
<br />
"Mmmrgh." Chewie managed, taking a swig of the whisky.<br />
<br />
"Smuggled it out of Ironforge ourselves!" Rae said happily.<br />
<br />
Leensa grinned. "And by smuggled, she means we broke in, smashed heads, raided the tavern, took a few kegs and came looking for you."<br />
<br />
"Kegs?" Chewie asked, perking up.<br />
<br />
"Kegs," Rae confirmed wriggling her long eyebrows. "They're sitting under an ice elemental. He's not happy about it, but that's his mage's problem."<br />
<br />
"So, what're you up to besides moping?" Leensa asked the shaman.<br />
<br />
"I am not moping."<br />
<br />
"Are too," Raelanna replied.<br />
<br />
"Are three." Leensa agreed.<br />
<br />
Chewie sighed. "The Horde is dying."<br />
<br />
"Is not," Raelanna told me.<br />
<br />
"Is not three," Leensa added.<br />
<br />
Chewie blinked and looked at the paladin who just shrugged at him. It'd seemed amusing to her at the time.<br />
<br />
Rae clapped her hands and rubbed them together. "Look. We can sit in a bar drinking fantastic whisky and moping about what's going on and doing nothing, or we can sit in a bar drinking fantastic whisky and then go discover what the hell Sylvanus is up to and who is with us to stop this insanity."<br />
<br />
"With paladin subtly, of course," Leensa added with an innocent smile.<br />
<br />
Chewie groaned.<br />
<br />
"I mean, she was a great Banshee Queen, she had someone to rein her in when she got too big for her britches, but as Warchief.. nuh uh. Gotta go."<br />
<br />
"So let's figure out a way to keep her AND get a good warchief going. She's got the heart of the Horde in mind, too bad she has no soul."<br />
<br />
"Can't we just resurrect Vol'Jin?" Leensa grumped.<br />
<br />
"NO!" Chewie and Rae yelled in the same voice.<br />
<br />
"No," Chewie repeated. "With all the weird stuff with old gods and souls going awol and the loa and .. no. Even if his spirit hadn't moved on, even if the legion hadn't corrupted his body when it killed him, just no. It would be far too dangerous and an all-around bad idea."<br />
<br />
"At least Syvie didn't make him Forsaken." All three shuddered.<br />
<br />
Rae downed her shot on whisky, a shot that was one third the size of Chewie's. "Let's go kick some ass."<br />
<br />
Leensa downed her own. "Right!" she paused. "Where are we starting?"<br />
<br />
"With the Goblins," Chewie said, downing his own whisky with satisfaction. "Easily bribed, get everywhere, and if we give them stuff to blow up, they'll be even happier."<br />
<br />
"See! This is why we like you, Chewie, you come up with ideas that involve explosions!" Rae jumped up off the stool, wobbled a bit, and steadied. <br />
<br />
"No.. I didn't.." He sighed. He felt like a babysitter with these two. He was trying to herd babies with big swords and no sense.<br />
<br />
"Ohh, and head butting! Let's get our armour. Grab your hammer, Chewie! We'll meet you on the docks!" Leensa got off her stool more carefully than her sister. She didn't quite have Rae's alcohol tolerance. <br />
<br />
Chewie looked at his empty mug and wondered if he should finish the rum too. He might need it before another adventure with the Blood Elf sisters.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-81722278240929027382018-11-01T11:08:00.000-07:002018-11-01T11:08:20.737-07:00[WoW Fanfiction] [NSFW] [NC-17] Maurata and Rhasody : Snuggle time!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsTPUnlVGHV8aP9cP0WX9Et6BNWhuBItZXMDbjSYYKukwLLVAYiSPjqQADUvKMeopzVuPPLkA_oGX4Trs05P_3XwUmXL9qVTK2t9ubW_MhvGALsw8Vf1ltE8OzXuuyK2Bm_A4Pwx4DEoi_/s1600/WoWScrnShot_082718_110111.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="572" data-original-width="832" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsTPUnlVGHV8aP9cP0WX9Et6BNWhuBItZXMDbjSYYKukwLLVAYiSPjqQADUvKMeopzVuPPLkA_oGX4Trs05P_3XwUmXL9qVTK2t9ubW_MhvGALsw8Vf1ltE8OzXuuyK2Bm_A4Pwx4DEoi_/s400/WoWScrnShot_082718_110111.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
The two Pandaren women were lying entwined in Master Chin's guest room. Rhasody found the neck rests a bit squooshy so she used Maurata's upper chest for a pillow instead. Maurata was idly circling and playing with one of Rhasody's nipples. Still hot and sweaty from enthusiastic sex, the covers were pooled at their feet. Maurata's tail was still, not even twitching at the end.<br />
<br />
"So.. " Maurata started, "Have you ever thought about going out into the world beyond?"<br />
<br />
Rhasody raised an eyebrow in query. She wasn't quite ready to find the energy to speak yet. Even opening her eyes seemed like too much work.<br />
<br />
"I mean, you've obviously got the Wandering Isle wanderlust as you came here, but .. Have you ever thought about what's beyond Pandaria and the horizons? What its like in the great city of Silvermoon or the tree city of Darnasus or.."<br />
<br />
Rhasody opened one eye. "You'd follow Firepaw to Durotan, wouldn't you?"<br />
<br />
Maurata made a scoffing noise, "Of course! Cloudsinger is all about tea and leaves, she wouldn't know a well-grilled goose if it fell in her lap."<br />
<br />
Rhasody couldn't help but chuckle at that. It was probably a good thing Maurata was as good a cook as she was an eater or she'd starve. She managed to find the energy to wrap a very much abused pig-tail around a finger to play with. Maurata's hair was a mess, she shuddered to think what her own looked like.<br />
<br />
"Orcs probably have more substantial meals than Elves." Rhasody teased.<br />
<br />
"This is true. We'd have to sneak into the allied cities to look around. But can humans even tell the difference between a Huojin and a Tushui?" Maurata's hand was circling lower.<br />
<br />
"Nuuurgh.." Rhasody managed before picking up Maurata's hand and plonking it back on her tummy. She didn't know where Maurata's endless energy came from, even with all the food, but she really didn't share it!<br />
<br />
"I heard that their guards can read auras, but surely one Pandaren looks the same to another.. And how can EVERY guard read an aura? I bet the ones that can are only on the important entries.."<br />
<br />
"You want to go to Stormwind, don't you?" Rhasody asked warily. She was still feeling a bit warm and fuzzy that this epic journey seemed to automatically include her. She should probably consider the wisdom in invading a human city uninvited.<br />
<br />
"I REALLY want to see a griffon! And I hear the view from the cliff over the harbour is amazing! And then there's that ride through the sea to the dwarf town! That sounds fun! I'm told you can watch the fish and everything!" Maurata was giving Rhasody sad turtle eyes.<br />
<br />
"You must really want to go, you haven't even mentioned food." Rhasody teased her girlfriend.<br />
<br />
"Oh. Human food." Maurata wrinkled her nose in disgust. "It's all boiled and mushy. They use almost no spices, think black pepper is a delicacy and mustard is spicy." She sighed, "I tried to enlighten one of their cooks but he got very upset. I had to dump a thundercloud on him and make a quick getaway. At least Orcs, who think everything should still be bloody on the plate, are open to trying new things!"<br />
<br />
"What about Dwarves?" Rhasody asked, unintentionally drawn into the comparison of racial cuisine.<br />
<br />
"It's nothing to bring home, but their drinks... Oh my, do dwarves know how to make mead! Why I bet Chen himself learned a thing or two!"<br />
<br />
"So I will be carrying you out in a wheelbarrow. Got it." Rhasody teased.<br />
<br />
"Wait -- so you want to go?" Maurata's eyes sparkled.<br />
<br />
Rhasody held her lover's hand to her lips to nibble on the tips, she was suddenly feeling a lot more energetic. "Nothing sounds better than exploring all of Azeroth with you."<br />
<br />
"Just Azeroth?" Maurata asked, hand wandering south once more. Her eyes sparkled, "I heard that the humans found a way to travel to another world!"<br />
<br />
"And probably started a war there too," Rhasody replied. The snark would have been stronger if Maurata's deft fingers hadn't parted her folds to stroke within. Her lover was also nibbling on her ear and breathing softly into it.<br />
<br />
"I will employ a Tauren phrase.." Maurata teased as Rhasody rolled onto her elbow to nuzzle her neck. "Make love, not war."<br />
<br />
Rhasody was fairly sure that was more an elf thing, there certainly were enough of them across the world. She, however, wasn't about to quibble when Maurata's tongue was starting to do such interesting things with her own.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-60172884597795562132018-10-23T03:59:00.001-07:002018-10-23T03:59:36.907-07:00[Bunny Fiction] [Looney Toons] A Good day for a forest hop.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
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It was yet another fine day in the forest. The birds were chirping, there were white fluffy clouds that seemed almost painted on to the two-tone blue sky, there was a large black duck arguing with a dopey hunter with a gun. A grey and white rabbit was mostly in a hole, elbows propped on the ground as watched the hunter and the duck argue. A small black and white bunny hopped up to the large grey and white rabbit.<br />
<br />
"Nyah, what's up Doc?" The rather famous grey and white bunny asked of the small black and white bunny.<br />
<br />
"Duck." Came the black and white rabbit's reply.<br />
<br />
"Okay, confused little rabbit, what's up Duck?" Bugs Bunny, for who else could it be, pulled a carrot seemingly out of nowhere and started to snack.<br />
<br />
"It's actually Ducky." Ducky explained.<br />
<br />
"But you are a rabbit." Bugs pointed out.<br />
<br />
"Yes."<br />
<br />
"Named after a duck."<br />
<br />
"I didn't name me." Ducky was happy to point out.<br />
<br />
"An excellent point my diminutive little friend." Bugs said.<br />
<br />
"You can't just go around the forest shooting at any old animal who crosses your path!" The black duck was trying to explain. He was waving around his arm like wings and spitting a lot.<br />
<br />
"I think I can!" said the hunter, getting his gun ready.<br />
<br />
"Oh, not this again." Bugs said, hauling himself out of his hole. "Look Fudd, every time you shoot that gun, every animal goes scurrying every which way and interrupt any very important naps I happen to be taking."<br />
<br />
"You stay out of this, rabbit!" said the duck.<br />
<br />
"That's Daffy," Bugs said in an aside to Ducky. "You're a better duck than he is."<br />
<br />
"You know.." Elmer said thoughtfully, "Rabbit season and duck season overlaps this year."<br />
<br />
"That's a lie!" Daffy spluttered, more arm/wing waving.<br />
<br />
"Maybe," Elmer Fudd said slyly, "But who'll be around to tell?"<br />
<br />
"I hate it when they make me work." muttered Bugs. "Stand back." He told Ducky and pulled a black orb with a sparking wick on it out of nowhere. He threw it to Elmer. "Your problem now!"<br />
<br />
Bugs picked up Ducky and didn't quite dash back towards his hole.<br />
<br />
Elmer threw the bomb to Daffy. Daffy yelped a "Not it!" and threw it back.<br />
<br />
The two rabbits sat by Bugs' hole and watched the bomb get thrown back and forth as the fuse got shorter and shorter. "This is where it gets good." Bugs said.<br />
<br />
Ducky put his paws over his eyes. He didn't like hunters, but he didn't think that the mess was fair. He just didn't really know how to intercede.<br />
<br />
"Don't worry, Duck. I'm a nice rabbit." Bugs patted Ducky between the ears.<br />
<br />
Before Ducky could decide what evidence had ever been presented on Bugs' niceness, the bomb exploded.<br />
<br />
Glitter went everywhere, inside the gun, in feathers, it blew Elmer's hat off, sent Daffy backward several steps and a sign fluttered down from the sky that said "Human season!"<br />
<br />
Several not-duck birds decided this meant they should use Elmer for target practice.<br />
<br />
"Ahh!" Fudd managed as he ran from white splatters falling from the sky and mocking caws and cheeps.<br />
<br />
"See? I'm mostly nice." Bugs said, dusting off his hands. "Wanna come in for some tea and carrots?"<br />
<br />
"I do like carrots," Ducky said, head in a bit of a spin. This was a very strange place he'd found through the closet. He was starting to see why so many rabbits just stayed home.<br />
<br />
"It's the sugar content, mostly," Bugs was saying as he went into his hole. Ducky found the stairs easy enough to hop down. "But it became a tradition, y'know?"<br />
<br />
Bugs stopped and leaned up and over Ducky to look out the hole, "Hey Daffy, you want some tea?"<br />
<br />
The glittering duck appeared, "You're despicable."<br />
<br />
Bugs tilted his head to one side and waited.<br />
<br />
"Yes, I want the tea." Daffy stomped down the stairs past Ducky.<br />
<br />
"He's my best friend you know." Bugs confided.<br />
<br />
Ducky was glad his best friends were far more sensible.. and less glittery.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-73004919770186064412018-10-15T23:12:00.001-07:002018-10-15T23:34:16.342-07:00[Commission] [WoW Fanfiction] Maurata & Rhasody - Noodles and Sha<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBRfKztg4qoMjEB583TPYUyS0i5d-GT5vOy9juAYG7IBzTL4Fthce87ABB1Of3QnYTNlFd9Wx1kAbxI_iFioQW2m_4_vFmtOqFYx6f_m5SRBH-kAjzH54GNfYwoRcSRNmltg1MSDLQOMKY/s1600/WoWScrnShot_101518_230518.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="847" data-original-width="1600" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBRfKztg4qoMjEB583TPYUyS0i5d-GT5vOy9juAYG7IBzTL4Fthce87ABB1Of3QnYTNlFd9Wx1kAbxI_iFioQW2m_4_vFmtOqFYx6f_m5SRBH-kAjzH54GNfYwoRcSRNmltg1MSDLQOMKY/s400/WoWScrnShot_101518_230518.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Maurata & Rhasody being adorable.<br />Commissioned by Yaks</span><br />
<br />
<br />
Maurata had absolutely given up on returning the turtle to the water and so had named him Kaj and just had him ride on her shoulder.<br />
<br />
There were no gates to the village of Dawn's Blossom. It was a matter of climb some stairs and you were in the square, Maurata couldn't even remember a story of a time of gates, even in times of war. Chances were, some Pandaren at some point in time and thought the aesthetic was important and removed any gates that had ever existed. It wouldn't even really surprise her if there had never been gates in the first place.<br />
<br />
"So, really, no sha? At all?" Maurata asked as they passed through the archway and into the village square. "That must be nice." She was very studiously ignoring the guard who was having his lunch break and paying absolutely no attention to them.<br />
<br />
"All peace and harmony until your turtle takes a warship to the flipper and tries to sail into the maelstrom," Rhasody answered wryly. She'd been through Dawn's Blossom only one since arriving in the homeland, but it seemed a nice enough place. No one stopped to wave or smile, but they didn't growl or anything either.<br />
<br />
"Oh! Chin's open!" Maurata exclaimed, grabbing Rhasody by the hand to tug her along faster. Rhasody had no idea how Kaj stayed on Maurata's shoulder with all her bouncing around.<br />
<br />
Rhasody was also starting to think the theory that the mainland Pandaren were more relaxed and controlled than their island cousins had skipped past Maurata entirely. The shaman had only degrees of enthusiasm and bounce. If there was a sha of happiness, Maurata was its avatar. Assuming sha ate buns and potstickers, of course.<br />
<br />
"Master Chin!" Maurata greeted the vendor with a deep bow. Kaj placed a flipper on a pigtail to keep his balance. Rhasody had to admit even amongst the collection of cart vender's, Master Chin's smelled the best.<br />
<br />
"Watersinger Maurata!" He replied, already fetching two bowls and filling them with noodle soup. "Just the lady I am happy to see!"<br />
<br />
"Oh, I'm happy when people are happy to see me!" Maurata said, tail swishing as she sat on a stool, patting the one beside her for Rhasody.<br />
<br />
"Are you ever not happy?" Rhasody teased, sitting on the stool.<br />
<br />
"When I'm doing laundry. I hate laundry." Maurata did her best fierce, unhappy, face. It wasn't very convincing.<br />
<br />
"I'll be happy to do your laundry," Rhasody told her, taking Maurata's hand and kissing the back of it.<br />
<br />
Maurata did the hand-fan-face gesture and fluttered her eyelashes. "Deal, I'll provide food, you do laundry."<br />
<br />
Rhasody wondered if paying the village laundress to do the laundry would count.<br />
<br />
Chin, having waited for young love flirtation to subside rubbed his hands together, "You see, I have a little problem." He said, drawing their attention back. "I sent my nephew off to the Arboretum to get me some more honey for my peanut sauce --"<br />
<br />
"I KNEW IT!" Maurata exclaimed. Several Pandaren, Rhasody, and Chin included stared at her. She coughed into her hand. "Er, sorry. I just had this theory about the type of honey you used and.." she let the explanation fade at their looks and put her elbows on the counter, cupped her chin with her palms and smiled her best, "Sorry Master Chin, you were saying?"<br />
<br />
Rhasody may have rolled her eyes.<br />
<br />
"Yes, well, my nephew has not returned. I thought at first he may have just stayed the night at the Arboretum having watched the serpent races or perhaps met... Ah, a friend. But as he is long overdue, I grow quite concerned."<br />
<br />
"We can go look, right Rhas?" Maurata offered.<br />
<br />
"And when we get back you'll feed us again?" Rhasody said hopefully, having slurped down noodles while the two were talking.<br />
<br />
"I shall feed you my best noodles AND you shall stay in my guest room for as long as you need!" Master Chin declared.<br />
<br />
Rhasody bowed, "Deal!"<br />
<br />
He returned her bow.<br />
<br />
They both looked to Maurata who had only started to eat her noodles. "What? NOW?" She said with a sigh, getting to her feet. "I'll return the bowl, Master Chin." She said sadly, tail down as she walked towards the gate, still eating.<br />
<br />
Rhasody DID roll her eyes. "We'll find your nephew, Master Chin, don't you worry." She jogged to catch up with Maurata.<br />
<br />
* * *<br />
<br />
They were about halfway to the Arboretum when Maurata heard the unique sound of shalings. To Rhasody it just sounded like hissing into a well and she didn't quite know what to make of it but when Maurata broke into a trot, she pulled out her bow and followed.<br />
<br />
Upon seeing the overturned cart with the shadow monsters trying to shove at it, Maurata moved Kaj to her backpack and manifested a totem in the middle of the road.<br />
<br />
Rhasody dumped her own pack at the side of the road and pulled back and arrow. Her arrow flew straight and true and right through a shaling that turned to her with a long, hollow, hiss. "What the... How do you kill these things?!"<br />
<br />
Maurata was trying to evaluate what spirits were available. "They're not alive. They're just goop from a negative place and negative emotion given form. These ones are mostly anger. Guess someone forgot to pay their bar tab."<br />
<br />
"Really?" Rhasody muttered, "She makes bad jokes at a time like this?"<br />
<br />
"Well, I'd make a good one if I wasn't busy!" Maurata fired back. The totem at her feet exploded and shot lightning at all the shalings who paused in mid-attack. "Now'd be a good time to do something!"<br />
<br />
"Oh yeah, let me just strap a sha blaster to my back," Rhasody grumbled, focusing on her bow and channeling her chi into her arrow before releasing it into the nearest shaling. The arrow struck true and Rhasody let go of the energy as the arrow was halfway through its mass. The shaling exploded and dissipated into a dark puddle of goo on the ground.<br />
<br />
"And that's how we do it!" Maurata exclaimed, pulling power from the clouds and firing bolts of lightning from her fingers.<br />
<br />
Rhasody shook her head to clear it and gain focus, having been distracted by watching her probably-girlfriend blow up half a dozen shalings. She fired three arrows fired at once and three shalings exploded. Rhasody would admit, silently to herself that maybe she was trying to impress her probably-girlfriend.<br />
<br />
The shalings seemed to have decided whatever was under the cart was of less interest than Rhasody. Even with Maurata blowing them up with lightning they chased after the hunter who was firing exploding arrows.<br />
<br />
"That's perfect!" Maurata called as Rhasody jogged backward, firing arrows. "Keep them busy!"<br />
<br />
"Keep them.." Rhasody boggled at Maurata's ideas of good tactics. "If I get eaten, I'm not forgiving you!"<br />
<br />
"Don't worry! I can heal you!" Maurata said and waved with her fingers as she went to investigate the cart.<br />
<br />
"Wait! What are you -- " Rhasody fired a few more arrows, "A little help!"<br />
<br />
"You're fiiine!" Maurata assured Rhasody as she peeked under the cart. "Good news! Found Chin's nephew!"<br />
<br />
"He's alive, right?" Rhasody called, blowing up a few more shalings as she kept circling around backward. She was starting to get a bit dizzy and a bit concerned about her arrow supply.<br />
<br />
"That would be what makes it GOOD news, Rhas!" Maurata said with a head shake. "BAD news would be he's... Er, well, sha food."<br />
<br />
Rhasody blew up the last shaling and flumped right in the middle of the road. "Just let me lie here for a while. I think I used every trick I've got."<br />
<br />
Maurata came over and leaned over the hunter to give her a smooch. "And you did wonderfully!" A water elemental appeared at Rhasody's feed to rub them. It felt very strange but she wasn't going to complain.<br />
<br />
Another elemental followed Maurata over to the cart and helped her turn it back on its wheels. "You alright in there... Er, I don't think Master Chin told us your name."<br />
<br />
"I am Zhan-Jo," the adolescent Pandaren said, accepting Maurata's hand up. "My girlfriend Ji-Sun was angry I did not stay longer." He looked around at the puddles of Shalings on the ground. "I had not thought her THIS angry." He looked at the jugs of honey, most of them broken. "My uncle is going to kill me."<br />
<br />
"No! No despair!" Maurata said, clapping a hand over Zhan-Jo's mouth. "Especially not at a recent sha site! Your Uncle will be very happy you're in one piece and healthy! You were very smart to overturn the cart and use it for protection! Your girlfriend will be happy you're fine! You should come home with us now and everything will be fine."<br />
<br />
Rhasody's eyebrows were raised. She wasn't quite sure if Maurata's reaction was over the top or not, but the shaman seemed quite serious about it. She sat up and the water elemental gave happy little cheeps before disappearing back into the ditch beside the road. With a sigh, the hunter got up and pulled her backpack on.<br />
<br />
Doubtfully Zhan-Jo picked up the poles at the front of the cart and maneuvered it into the ruts of the road and started back towards Dawn's Blossom village.<br />
<br />
Maurata clapped her hands together and skipped over to Rhasody. Rhas put her arm against the shorter woman and rested her cheek against Maurata. "Well, that was fun!" Maurata declared. "Shall we get back to Master Chin and have more noodles?"<br />
<br />
Rhasody laughed and pulled away. "Right, must find the noodles. Very important."<br />
<br />
Maurata did her best to look mock affronted "Dinner is one of my three favorite meals of the day!"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-57943056082796850742018-10-11T19:35:00.006-07:002018-10-11T19:35:58.206-07:00[Commision] [Cat Fiction] [Part One] The Case of the Missing Hot Dogs.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Commissioned by Glen.</div>
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<b><br /></b>
<b>Chapter One</b><br />
<br />
It was a dark and rainy night this one time in Greater Vancouver. The Greater Vancouver Regional District could be found in the south-west corner of British Columbia; a province of Canada that lived on the west coast beside the Pacific Ocean. On this night there was a crescent moon that was bravely trying to fight through the cloud cover but wouldn't have enough strength to succeed for at least another week. The story we are about to enjoy takes part in what is called a suburb by those in Vancouver and a city unto itself by those that live in it. The residents call it Coquitlam, a beautiful city with many delightful things. The Salish people have wandered the area for over nine thousand years but the silly white folk think the city's origins really began in the nineteenth century when French mill workers thought it was a good place to live. White folk are often wrong about a lot of things but the city named after a "red fish up the river" is where we find ourselves on this evening.<br />
<br />
One particular location in one particular part of Coquitlam was a house built in the 1970s population boom. The region decided to build a highway and a great number of people decided to drive up and see what was at the end of it. This house was second in from the corner and was across from a twenty-four gas station and a regional park. During the days and evenings kids and not so kids could be heard playing in the lacrosse box. On this particular evening, it was quiet, the lights from the gas station blurred neon across the puddles in the street. The puddles were dancing from the raindrops splashing into them. Those puddles were shattered whenever a car drove through at speeds excessive of the posted limit. Many residents felt speed limit signs were guides on what the minimum speed should be, not the maximum. Community posts on Facebook always had rumblings about "a child is going to get hurt!" If Facebook had been around when the community was founded, there probably would have been posts about it then. Unfortunately, throughout the years many children had been hurt but the cars kept on speeding through.<br />
<br />
The main source of sound on this evening was the trains rumbling and sounding their horns at the crossing. A lonely sound to many, but the trains were declaring that they were there. The trains reached out to remind people of their existence and their importance at bringing freight across the mighty country of Canada. Police sirens occasionally could be heard, unfortunately nowhere near the speeders of the street. But it was a quiet evening for the most part.<br />
<br />
Out of the older house crept a small, cream coloured, rather fluffy, cat. She'd had to use a back window because the front door often squeaked. She had a furtive glance over her shoulder as she hopped up onto the fence that separated the front yard from the backyard and then hopped back down again, barely moving a blade of grass. There was a light breeze that ruffled her long fur as she paused, making sure her absence hadn't been noticed. She wasn't supposed to be out and about after all.<br />
<br />
She crept across the yard to the neighbours where an old VW Microbus sat, seemingly forgotten. It was an orange and white vehicle with flat tires that had definitely seen better days. One headlight was missing, there was a dent in the roof, and the hatchback didn't close all the way. The body probably had more rust than original metal. It lay forgotten and unwanted in the corner of the front yard. Unwanted, that is, except by one cat who called it her nighttime home.<br />
<br />
The cat wriggled in through the hatchback with practiced ease. The lights from the gas station provided more than enough light for her to see. The technician was standing behind the kiosk smoking the green leaves and happy in his own little world. Living in British Columbia the cat was more than used to the green leaf and its smell, but she didn't quite understand why the humans lit it on fire and breathed smoke. Happy feelings were found from rolling around in the bits of the green leaves to bruise them and get them to release their secrets. Any sensible cat knew that.<br />
<br />
The vehicle's treasures were few but precious. There was an old laptop with a missing R key that her human had called 'antiquated' and had put in the pile for recycling. She'd, with great effort, managed to smuggle it out and into her hiding place. She'd had a great battle to get the table of the Microbus to cooperate and then she'd had to wrestle one of the old cat beds out. Her human had kept insisting it was old and ratty and had to go in the garbage but the cat thought this was very silly. Humans were often quite silly. She'd stolen the bed and let the human think he had finally done thrown it away. She was happy to use it for a place to curl up when she was using her laptop.<br />
<br />
There was an even more ancient captioned telephone beside the laptop. The cat hadn't managed to get her hands on a cell phone for texting yet, so she had to pretend to be mute and deaf when she wanted to communicate directly with the humans outside of her home. She felt bad claiming disabilities she didn't have, but one had to make do when dealing with the human world. <br />
<br />
As hiding places went, it was a comfortable one. It kept the rain out, it had bits to play with, lots of places to hide, and enough leaves and ground cover between the van and the house so no one saw her pirated electricity and phone lines. The pine trees overhead kept the sun out in the summer and helped keep some of the warmth in the winter.<br />
<br />
It was the perfect place to get one's self a better dinner than kibble.<br />
<br />
<b>Chapter Two</b><br />
<br />
The hero of our story is a simple cat with simple needs. Her pet human called her 'Captain Fluffnstuff' and variations thereof. It was surprisingly close to her cat name, so she humoured him and pretended it was her name. It was amazing how far wrong humans could go when it came to naming their furry companions. She once met a dog named Bob. Who called a dog Bob? The less said about human naming practices of fish the better. Even worse than calling a dog Bob was naming your dinner. Fish were food, not friends.<br />
<br />
Captain Fluffnstuff, who will humour us even further and let us call her Fluff and variations thereof, was a young cat of slightly above intelligence. What made her unique is not just her long luxurious coat and fluffy tail but that she is far more ambitious and curious than the average cat. While other cats may lay across a laptop's keyboard for the dual purpose of comforting warmth and irritating their human, Fluff wanted to learn and study human technology. It hadn't taken her long to figure out the internet. It had taken her a bit longer to figure out what to do with the internet.<br />
<br />
Now she could spend her evenings doing just about whatever she wanted. She had access to credit cards that may or may not have belonged to her human. She had access to delivery drivers who were too tired and too jaded to even blink at instructions like 'Just give it to the cat' or 'leave it on the step.' She'd learned rather quickly that if you tipped well, they'd do whatever you wanted. Getting daytime deliveries from Amazon had been trickier, but getting the VW its own address had solved things. She got UPS to stick things under the rear axle and she'd fish them out when she could. She'd even managed to get a tarp under there so she didn't have to deal with soggy boxes. There was little worse for napping than a soggy box.<br />
<br />
Fluffnstuff wasn't a hunter by nature. She'd chase off the mice and other animals if they bothered her, but for the most part, she was willing to live and let live. After all, why would you need to go to all the trouble of hunting down a rodent if you could just order pizza from online and have it delivered? If worst came to worst, there was also kibble in the house. There were far more interesting things to do than stalk through the mud.<br />
<br />
So, she placed an order for dinner and started reading Reddit. The humans had all sorts of funny ideas that she liked to dispute. Sometimes her logic was a bit fuzzy, but then, so was she.<br />
<br />
<b>Chapter Three</b><br />
<br />
Captain Fluffnstuff awoke with a yawn, giving her front paws a quick clean. She wouldn't admit to sometimes drooling is her sleep as it was undignified. A queen never did anything undignified, at least, not where anyone else could possibly see her. With a yawn and a stretch, she checked her dinner order as 'delivered' She must have slept through the arrival on the delivery car unless it was that overly enthusiastic teenage human who liked to ride his bike all over the place. The silly human must bike kilometer after kilometer, although she supposed he didn't have to visit the gas station very often. Unless he liked to smoke green leaf with the attendants.<br />
<br />
She wriggled out of the back of the VW Microbus and sauntered over to the front porch. There was a small bench there that was probably for sitting on but all it ever got used for was collecting the advertisements of grocery stores, the plethora of newspapers that Coquitlam seemed to produce and whatever had been ordered and left.<br />
<br />
Something truly tragic was quickly discovered. There were no hot dogs. She had placed the order. The order had in fact been confirmed. There was the flat box that the bicycle delivery human liked to use. His preferred boxes were useless for naps since they were so shallow but she tried to humour him without much complaint. Captain Fluffnstuff didn't quite run back to her home away from home to look up the delivery status, but it would be reasonable enough to call it a sprint. The delivery was confirmed as left on the porch. She paced back and forth not quite sure what to do.<br />
<br />
Coming to a decision she texted the bicycle delivery human and said she can't find the hot dogs is he sure he left them behind? That was polite and diplomatic and human, wasn't it? She wanted to howl and call him a thief, but she didn't think that would help her get her dinner. Someone was a thief and they'd enjoyed her hot dogs! She'd paid for it and everything with her pet human's money!<br />
<br />
It seemed an eternity before she got a text back that assured her he'd left it in the usual place, dude. Fluff wasn't quite sure what a dude was but she was fairly certain she wasn't one. After all, if anyone knew what they were or weren't it was the person who it applied to and she certainly didn't recall being branded a dude. She even checked her collar tags to make sure. None of them said she was a dude.<br />
<br />
With a rumbling growl, she turned on her tail, the faint scent of hot dogs all that was left of the dinner she'd been very much looking forward to. She looked around the yard and up at the trees and across the way. There were plenty of thief suspects to be found. It was unlikely that the gas station worker would cross the road for a hot dog or two when he had his own broiling away. However, the crows had been known to steal things and Raccoons were notorious thieves. Most people thought that the squirrels would be vegetarian and avoid such things as hot dogs but the little coffee addicts would probably eat just about anything that they thought had been left for them. The owl wasn't likely to swoop so low as to eat hot dogs but one never knew.<br />
<br />
She sighed the sigh of the long-suffering. She would just have to investigate and find out who stole her hot dogs and then there would be trouble for the thief!<br />
<br />
<b>Chapter Four</b><br />
<br />
Raccoons had lived in the yard since before there was a yard to live in. No one had remembered to tell the original family of raccoons that they were supposed to be territorial and kick the males far out of the nest and the girls were supposed to wander off and find mates. Mostly this family had found friends and mates from every which place and dragged them back to their own territory. This led to there being a somewhat raccoon mafia that had taken over acres of territory.<br />
<br />
When the white humans came into the lands they caused some problems by cutting down trees and putting up houses. These problems, however, were balanced in the raccoon mind as the humans tended to leave all sorts of lovely garbage around and also have small furry creatures they could steal and eat. Chicken eggs were a particular favourite but a chicken itself would do in a pinch.<br />
<br />
Raccoons became devious at figuring out how to get past the things humans like to call raccoon protection. It was very nice of the humans to give them puzzles to play with. Why they even tried the silly bear protections once in a while, but really, everyone knew raccoons were far smarter than bears. After all, when a bear showed up the raccoons cleared out, did you see a bear doing that for a raccoon? No, of course, you didn't. Bears just weren't that smart.<br />
<br />
The raccoons had already been taught with fast claws and loud hisses that the furry creatures who currently lived in the houses were not to be messed with. Momma Raccoon's nose still had the marks all these years later. In the cold winter months, she liked to tell her great great great grandkits the stories of the horror of the flashing claw. Pappa raccoon, who hadn't gotten the memo that he was supposed to have moved out years ago, just rolled his eyes and counted his nuts.<br />
<br />
It wasn't hard for Captain Fluffnstuff to corner the raccoons to ask them questions. Where had they been when the food had been delivered, she asked. They were very excited to chitter about the yummy smelling food coming from the human on the bike but they knew better than to steal the cats' food because then they would get in trouble with not only the human with the broom but the captain herself. They'd heard the rattle of the bike and the squeak after he'd put the food down and the rattle as he left again.<br />
<br />
They said they'd thought about going and investigating because it did smell very yummy, but they had lots of potato peels to sort through. They were happy to hold up the peels as examples. They muttered that the broccoli was soggy and they didn't know why the humans ever bothered cooking it since no one ever ate it anyway. Fluffnstuff could sympathize, it didn't smell that good when it was being cooked either. The mammals all agreed that the humans should throw away more cheese.<br />
<br />
Fluff wasn't convinced that the raccoons hadn't be involved, they were called nature's thieves for a reason but she decided she'd go on to talk to the grumpy old owl rather than pursue this particular string further.<br />
<br />
<b>Chapter Five</b><br />
<br />
If someone had told the barren owl who lived in the old pine that she should be up on the side of a mountain somewhere rather than in the middle of a city, she'd have snapped her beak at them and hissed. She was a very good hisser. If a cat hissed at her, she would hiss right back, flex talons and beat her wings at them. The cats and she had come to an agreement that had been passed for the generations of mutually ignoring the other. She was an old and cranky owl now, but she knew she could still give any pesky cat a run for their money. She could still chomp a tail if she had to.<br />
<br />
She lived in the old pine that had been struck by lightning twice. Fortunately, she'd been nowhere near the tree either time. It had recovered although after the second time it never again grew quite as tall as it's neighbours. Perhaps even stubborn old pine trees could learn their lessons.<br />
<br />
The owl didn't much like the rain, it made her feathers soggy and flying much harder work. Her joints were always aching these days and it took a while to warm up before she could take a proper flight. She preferred to just take short hops and glides rather than go hunting all over. The raccoons often helped by leaving bits and drabs of garbage lying about after they'd had their own dinners. The mice they attracted were good for dinner. Sometimes the raccoons would complain about her pellets at the bottom of the tree. She was of the opinion that really if the pellets were such a problem, the raccoons could find a new set of trees to live in.<br />
<br />
She ruffled her feathers as she watched the noisy cars and ignored the cat stalking about. The cats were always after something, but as long as they weren't trying to steal her dinner she wasn't about to pick a fight. Occasionally, the fluffy one would even leave her things. Of course, sometimes she had to take them because they forgot the pecking order of the yard! Really, was it so hard to be respectful of an owl who had been here since before the cat's mother had been a kitten?<br />
<br />
Captain Fluffnstuff had to climb up the tree, which made her irritable. While pine trees weren't that hard to climb, it did mean she got bits of bark and pine needs in her fur. Sometimes the debris would get right wrapped up in her tail fur and it would take forever to work out. To make matters worse, if the owl was feeling particularly grumpy, she'd vomit up pellets to bounce off Fluff's head. Fluffnstuff was grumpy because someone had stolen her very yummy dinner and then made her climb a tree to find out who had stolen her very yummy dinner. Someone was going to get a snoot full of claws.<br />
<br />
The owl saw her coming, the owl saw everything that could be seen. Perhaps she even knew who had stolen her dinner. When asked the owl rolled her eyes and fluffed her feathers and pointed out that she'd still have mustard on her if she'd stolen the food. The owl was far more articulate than a bunch of silly raccoons and had a reputation to uphold. Fluff couldn't remember if the raccoons had had any sauces on them, but knowing them they'd have licked it off each other anyway. T<br />
<br />
Fuff wouldn't have seen or heard the owl if she'd gone after the food, but she would have heard the raccoons especially since they tended to fight over everything. So less likely it was the raccoons and more likely it was the owl. However, the owl denied anything to do with it and showed that her wings were still dry because the mice hadn't come out yet. Fluff was pretty sure that wings could be dried fairly quickly and the owl was a grouch, but she couldn't really prove either. After all, maybe feathers did dry faster than fur. The owl was old though, she wasn't up to preening and her feathers looked a bit ragged at the best of times. Fluffnstuff really didn't think the owl was her culprit.<br />
<br />
With a sigh, she climbed back down the tree. It was time to wake up some crows.<br />
<br />
<b>Chapter Six</b><br />
<br />
The Crows were busybodies that had hiding holes and perches everywhere. They were as likely to head to the rookery in Burnaby as they were to just sleep in the trees in the yard. It all depended on the whims of those around them. They were notorious thieves and they'd steal food, windshield wipers, coins, or just about anything that wasn't nailed down. They'd once managed to work together using a small hammer to even steal a bent, rusty, nail that was half sticking out of the windowsill. They'd been told they couldn't do it and crows love a challenge.<br />
<br />
The crows of the yard, as a whole, objected to the term 'murder of crows' and called themselves a flock. When they were feeling fancy and a little bit silly, they'd refer to themselves as a congress and then caw merrily because congress just another word for a bunch of murders? Not that the crows were murderers, of course, it wasn't their fault if the carrion hadn't quite carried on when they arrived. Why it was only the civilized thing to help them carry on with their carrying on.<br />
<br />
Captain Fluffnstuff wasn't particularly fond of the crows because they were silly, pranksters, and were entirely too fond of puns. However, they were the biggest thieves around to be found. The problem was, they didn't typically fly at night. When the did flap around at night, the owl was pretty likely to swoop down and rap them on the heads with a closed fist for bothering her. While a flock of crows probably could take on the average owl, a very cranky old owl wasn't worth the battle. However, the owl had been sulking in her tree and avoiding the rain so it's possibly a sneaky crow or two could have come in and stolen her dinner. It was all getting very complicated.<br />
<br />
Fluff looked up at the tree and started another climb. She found four of the crows in the middle branches, fast asleep. Two had their heads tucked back over their shoulders while the other two were just looking like perched birds with their eyes closed. Fluff wasn't even going to begin to guess who was who, all the crows liked to look alike to confuse and it worked. She clung to the tree for a couple of minutes, tail lashing against the bark. Really, it was the least they could do to notice she was here.<br />
<br />
With a swing and a pounce, she landed between two crows. They still didn't wake up. They did, however, wake up, when she shoved one off the branch. There was a ruckus as all the crows seemed to wake up at once and start flapping around madly, cawing and fussing and doing all sorts of silly crow things. Fluff wrapped her tail around her paws and waited patiently for them to come to their senses.<br />
<br />
When she was started to doubt that crows actually had any senses to speak of, they finally settled back down on the tree and started to demand what she'd been up to and why she would ever push them off a tree. Her explanation of she needed them awake didn't seem good enough for the crows and they threatened to push her off the branch. This did offer a matter of some concern to Fluff since she didn't have wings. While she would easily land on her feet it was still a matter of landing with her weight on her joints and paws and it was less than pleasurable. She sighed and offered an apology that the crows seemed to believe.<br />
<br />
Things improved for about fifteen seconds because right after the apology she asked them if they'd stolen her dinner. You'd think she'd asked them if they'd stolen the crown jewels of parliament or some such thing. They were offended and upset and caw'd and caw'd some more.<br />
<br />
The door of the house opened with a squeak and a blonde head stuck out as it looked around the yard. Obviously, the human was trying to figure out what was upsetting the crows, but it's not like Fluff could explain to him. Humans didn't listen and she wasn't supposed to be out. This evening was turning into an unending supply of problems and she still hadn't found out who had stolen her dinner. The human muttered to himself and closed the door with a firm thud.<br />
<br />
Giving up on the crows, she crawled down the side of the tree that the door couldn't see. It was time to face something even worse than crows, it was time to face.. The squirrels.<br />
<br />
<b>Chapter Seven</b><br />
<br />
The squirrels of the yard were an unrelated gang who had formed around one particular squirrel. The leader squirrel had grown up in Algonquin Park in Ontario and had some very strange ideas on squirreling. The squirrel had decided that snow and mountains weren't for him and upon deciding that he decided that wherever the sunset would be warmer than where it rose. So, the squirrel found the first large truck heading west and got comfy in the back. He hopped out at rest stops to find food and water and then just found the next big truck going his way.<br />
<br />
The squirrel had arrived at a port near the ocean filled with big trucks, cursing humans and many seagulls. It was then he discovered he really didn't like seagulls. Seagulls, it turned out, were loud, messy, and didn't much like squirrels who tried to steal their food. He had some strong thoughts about how seagulls didn't really need french fries, that they had an entire beach of shells they could crack open. Muttering about how it was a pain in the tail to find a new home the squirrel had made his way east until he found a locale that had more trees than seagulls and decided it was home. Of course, he'd had to evict the family of squirrels that thought it was their home, but it was a minor thing after he stole half their nuts and gave the nuts to the crows. The crows, having been quite successfully bribed, were happy to dive bomb the native squirrels at any given opportunity.<br />
<br />
So, the eastern squirrel had set up shop in the tree with plenty of nuts to keep him company and bribe crows with. The downside was, he started to get lonely. Especially on the few days that Coquitlam got snow each year. Sometimes it was two feet of snow, sometimes it was two inches, but it was a very rare year that saw more than a grand total of eight days of snow. In the squirrel's opinion, one day of snow was too much. While snow did create the ice crusts over the mud puddles that were fun to slide on and crunch it wasn't really worth the overall price of cold. So, the squirrel had started to attract other not-so-usual squirrels into his family and soon they'd taken over a couple of trees and kept the local humans completely confused as to why their coffee grounds kept going missing.<br />
<br />
The squirrels were addicted to coffee.<br />
<br />
They'd bribed a cat to get them one of the press down coffee makers which had the advantage of not needing zappy lines, but the disadvantage of making cold coffee. Cold coffee from used grounds was less than ideal so when they could, they would follow a human into the gas station and steal the gas station's coffee. The easiest time to steal coffee was in the middle of the night, however, it was also the time of the worst coffee. The squirrels had taken to sleeping in shifts just in case an opportunity came along that would make a quick theft possible. If they happened to get a donut or chocolate bar in the process, even better. The raccoons were always happy to open a chocolate bar for them in exchange for half. The eastern squirrel didn't believe in fighting when bribing was much more efficient.<br />
<br />
Captain Fluffnstuff wasn't surprised to find the Eastern Squirrel awake in his den when she arrived. Her fur was full of even more debris from the flora of the yard. There was even a small down feather stuck to her collar, probably from a crow since the owl would have been very grumpy if she thought Fluff was trying to steal a feather. Whenever she saw the squirrels the eastern squirrel was awake, he never seemed to sleep. When she had suggested that perhaps he'd had too much coffee he had become even grumpier than the owl.<br />
<br />
Taking a deep breath hoping she wouldn't get squirrels as excitable as the crows had been, she explained about the theft and if they'd seen anything. It was fairly unlikely the squirrels of the yard had turned into omnivores but she wasn't willing to put anyone past anything at this point. After all, hot dogs were pretty tasty.<br />
<br />
The squirrels conferred in a scrum, their bushy tails bouncing up and down as they chattered amongst themselves before turning back to the captain. They explained they had not seen her dinner nor had they seen any residents of the yard near it. But for a reasonable fee, they might be willing to investigate the tree residents more thoroughly as they could manner in the trees far better than she could.<br />
<br />
She sighed and said she'd keep that as the backup plan. After all, the squirrels were devious and inventive, she wouldn't put it past them to get her to pay them to hide their own tracks. They could have stolen her dinner to sell to one of the other residents after all. The squirrels could be vicious little mercenaries.<br />
<br />
<b>Chapter Eight</b><br />
<br />
Captain Fluffnstuff returned to her Microbus to contemplate the situation at paw. All she really knew was that her hot dogs had been delivered and then gone missing. All the potential food thieves denied knowledge of the theft. Even owl hadn't seen anything. They'd all heard the delivery human's bicycle so he hadn't been lying about delivering it and the food place was still warm. At some point between his delivery and her waking up from her nap, her hot dogs had been stolen from her.<br />
<br />
To complicate matters her fur now had bits and sorts all throughout it and she would have to make sure she got them all out or the human would know she'd snuck out. They would then start a mission to find every single one of her escape routes to try and prevent further nocturnal freedoms. It wasn't as if the humans could prevent her from leaving when she wanted to leave but they could certainly make it more of a pain that it needed to be.<br />
<br />
Captain Fluffnstuff had to be back inside by dawn when the male human would get up to leave the house. He got to use the front door, of course, because he had hands and only beings with hands got to use the door. That caused her to wonder if the raccoons would be allowed to use the door if they could reach the doorknob. She would save that as a suggestion for the next time the human irritated her. She was fairly certain the answer was no, raccoons were not allowed to use doors. She was very certain that the human would get very excited if there were raccoons in the house. It's not like raccoons knew to clean their paws before going inside after all.<br />
<br />
Halfway through the night and she'd still not had dinner, had a thief to catch and fur to groom. She was short on clues and even shorter on inspiration. Obviously, it was time for a nap.<br />
<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-28644956107819663722018-10-01T09:52:00.000-07:002018-10-01T09:55:04.660-07:00[Commission] [Muppets] [Rabbits] Buns in spaaaaaace...!<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
When last we saw our intrepid adventures of the Swinetrek they were following a distress signal of the planet Bluesauce IV that they'd been sent to investigate. Upon landing on the planet in their shuttle, they found the occupants of the ship that naught but bones and clothes and the ship entwined in plant life.<br />
<br />
When discovering the crew they were there to rescue has passed away of old age, Captain Hogthrob had laughed and declared "Sometimes bureaucracy is slow!"<br />
<br />
But the greenery had the last laugh when they'd then found that their own ship had been encased with vines and bushes and they couldn't take off either!<br />
<br />
"We could have watched the grass grow!" complained Doctor Strangepork<br />
<br />
Starring the ever handsome and charming Captain Hogthrob! The wacky scientist who is a swine version of Les Nesmond! And the beautiful, talented and smarter than half the universe combined, First Mate Miss Piggy!<br />
<br />
And now, our adventure continues!<br />
<br />
* * *<br />
<br />
"That's too much for even Miss Piggy to eat through!" Captain Hogthrob declared with a big, goofy, grin. He made sure the sun caught the golden highlights of his hair. The sun was a little redder than Earth's, but he'd just make do. The captain gestured at the bushes and vines that seemed to have grown from nothing in the span of minutes. Little blueberries and raspberries were happily growing throughout.<br />
<br />
"I'm sure she'd give it a good try though!" agreed Dr. Strangepork. The little scientist looked like he'd come the wrong way out of a clothes dryer.<br />
<br />
"Hold up!" Miss Piggy said, fists on hips. "I don't care what the script says, the fat jokes weren't funny in the late 70s and they're even less funny now!"<br />
<br />
"Aren't you being a little .. Oversensitive?" The Captain asked with a light nudge to Piggy's ribs.<br />
<br />
"NO! And the sexism has got to go, too!" She whirled on Dr. Strangepork. "And YOU! I outrank you, try showing some respect once in a while or I'll toss you out the torpedo tubes!"<br />
<br />
"Er yes, Mis.. Ma'am." Dr. Strangepork stammered. He didn't dare point out the torpedo tubes were as clogged and covered in vegetation as the rest of the ship.<br />
<br />
"Read some sensitivity training once in a while *Captain*. Women are people, not props!" Miss Piggy glared at him, "Or do I have to shove you in the tubes with Dr. Strangepork here?"<br />
<br />
"Nono, that's okay." He made a weak patting motion to her shoulder while Miss Piggy's eyes narrowed with a warning. The Captain coughed, "Er, should we get back on track?"<br />
<br />
"Oh. Right." Miss Piggy cleared her throat and tossed a lock of hair over her shoulder. "Captain, this obviously calls for an intervention from experts! We should use the portable wormhole generator to get some staff in here!"<br />
<br />
"Is that a good idea Miss .. Uh, First Mate Piggy?" Dr. Strangepork asked. "The last time we used it, we ended up summoning a zombie t-rex that promptly tried to eat half of New Brooklyn!"<br />
<br />
"Well, this time summon something far less carnivorous and far more weed killery!" Miss Piggy snapped at him.<br />
<br />
Dr. Strangepork looked to his captain pleadingly.<br />
<br />
"I think Miss First Mate is on the right track here!" The Captain said. "Don't summon any dinosaurs! Especially not on fire zombie ones!"<br />
<br />
"It wasn't on fire until you lit it on fire!" The doctor protested.<br />
<br />
"That is hardly a matter for a Captain's concern." sniffed Captain Hogthrob. "Flammable objects are entirely within the purview of science!" The fact was, Captain Hogthrob just liked opportunities to use fancy words like 'purview.'<br />
<br />
"Oh, brother." Muttered Miss Piggy and helped Dr. Strangepork drag the door with 'wormhole generator' written across the top of it. Otherwise, it looked pretty much like a standard interior house closet door. Dr. Strangepork pulled out a marker and wrote 'No zombies or dinosaurs allowed through' before he propped it up against the bushes. He then held up a small box and pointed it at the door. The box went bing. Dr. Strangepork leaned forward and opened the door.<br />
<br />
Two domestic rabbits came ass over tea kettle out of the door and into the overly long grass. One was a healthy sized white rabbit with pink eyes and the other a pirate bunny of white fur, brown splotch, and brown ears. The latter was wearing a very nice baby blue scarf.<br />
<br />
The all-white bunny scrambled to her feet and let out a healthy thump. "Who kidnapped our rabbit tunnel? We were supposed to be going to a hockey game!"<br />
<br />
The brown splotched bunny stood up on his hind legs and periscoped around. "This doesn't look much like a hockey arena."<br />
<br />
Miss Lola sighed, "So who are you and why'd you kidnap us so rudely?" She looked from pig to pig.<br />
<br />
"Well, you beautiful rabbit you," Captain Hogthrob started as First Mate Piggy rolled her eyes and muttered an 'oh brother' again. The Captain chose to ignore her, "I am Captain Hogthrob and this is my beloved crew of the good ship Swinetrek. You see we're having a bit of a problem with our ship." He pointed to the mess of vegetation. "And we would humbly request your assistance with the matter!"<br />
<br />
Miss Lola and Speedy shared a glance before Miss Lola snorted. "And what do you want us to do about it? Call a landscaper?"<br />
<br />
"You ARE the landscapers!" Dr. Strangepork butted in.<br />
<br />
Captain Hogthrob glared at Dr. Strangepork, he'd interrupted the important buttering up!<br />
<br />
Another look between the rabbits. "You have got to be kidding me. I'm a supervisor, not a worker." Miss Lola yawned and got comfy. "I suppose I could tell you how to free your ship though."<br />
<br />
"It's the least we could do." Speedy agreed, sitting back on his haunches.<br />
<br />
The pigs looked at the rabbits expectantly. The rabbits looked back.<br />
<br />
"Oh for the love of --" Miss Piggy didn't quite shout and threw her hands up in the air. "How do we free our ship?"<br />
<br />
"You pick all the berries." Miss Lola said like it was the most obvious thing ever.<br />
<br />
"And put them through the door," Speedy added with a sage nod.<br />
<br />
"That's a lot of berries." Miss Piggy muttered looking over at the bushes.<br />
<br />
"Well, we can help you with a few, but we can't reach most of them, right Speedy?" Miss Lola said primly.<br />
<br />
"Right!" Speedy agreed. "So you better get hopping!"<br />
<br />
"Oi, watch the puns, rabbit!" Miss Piggy warned and started towards the ship while the Dr. Strangepork and Captain Hogthrob stood and watched. She turned and marched back. "You two coming?"<br />
<br />
"I wouldn't want to injure my hands!" Dr. Strangepork added, waving his gloved fingers.<br />
<br />
"Besides, it's woman's work!" the captain protested.<br />
<br />
"WOMAN'S WORK?" Both rabbits backed up away from Miss Piggy quickly to get out of fall out range. Miss Piggy lashed out, grabbing the captain's ear in one hand and the science officer's ear in the other. "Listen you two, I'll show you woman's work. It's putting up with male crap no longer and you're going to help me pick berries and get the ship back or I'll report you both to the admiral for dereliction of duty! And you both know I know Admiral Frog PERSONALLY. So get marching!"<br />
<br />
With a mix of 'ows' and protests, the two males followed in Miss Piggy's wake. The first officer finally let go of their ears when they got to the bushes. "GET PICKING."<br />
<br />
Miss Lola flopped down into the long grass, Speedy flopping beside her. It was a nice sunny day and this was as good a place for a nap as any. Miss Lola shuffled over to use Speedy's back as a pillow. "Do you think we should help?" Speedy asked.<br />
<br />
"Nah. They kidnapped us. They can do the work." She let out a yawn.<br />
<br />
The sun had moved significantly by the time they woke up to an irritated First Mate Piggy standing over them. "Now what?" she asked tersely.<br />
<br />
Miss Lola and Speedy got up with a stretch and meandered over the portal door. Miss Lola stuck her head in and looked around, "Yup, that looks about right. Speedy?"<br />
<br />
Speedy hopped over. "Perfect!" He then dashed into the portal.<br />
<br />
"Good luck!" Miss Lola said and followed him, yanking the door closed behind her.<br />
<br />
The three crew members of the Swinetrek stood and stared at the door.<br />
<br />
* * *<br />
<br />
Speedy and Miss Lola looked at the very large pile of berries. "Even if I take half I think that's a lot to eat," Speedy said, eyeing from one direction and then the other.<br />
<br />
"We could throw a berry party, I guess." Miss Lola said doubtfully.<br />
<br />
"Or share with the humans," Speedy suggested.<br />
<br />
Miss Lola sighed. "I guess we can give some to the Viking and shove the rest in the freezer."<br />
<br />
* * *<br />
<br />
"When will they come back, do you think?" Asked Captain Hogthrob.<br />
<br />
"I need a transfer." Muttered First Mate Piggy. "To a nice quiet warship."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-6259947995703922862018-10-01T09:47:00.001-07:002018-10-01T09:54:32.422-07:00[Commission] [WoW Fanfiction] [NSFW] [NC-17] Maurata and Rhasody, Meetings.<br />
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<br />
Rhasody had been on mainland Pandaria for what seemed like years even if it had been only a few months. The residents seemed cold to her, always stiff and proper and she was giving serious thought into packing up her kit and just going home. They professed to a love of ale and good food but she never saw any evidence of them throwing a good party. When she'd queried a local in a bar hed said she should sign up to protect the wanderer's festival from tigers, that shed see lots of excitement and parties there.<br />
<br />
Wandering the woods north of the beach she'd been warned of an increase of tiger sightings, but so far she'd seen just about nothing. Oh there were turtles making their slow and peaceful way towards the beach, she could hear the sounds of some sort of set-up at the beach, but mostly it was the usual jungle sounds and a complete lack of tigers.<br />
<br />
She sat down on a log and unwrapped a sticky bun. It was a nice day as things went, a complete lack of drizzle was something to do be appreciated. The sun was making shafts through the trees, the birds and insects were singing, and there was a scent she couldn't quite identify but was comforting. She was just about to take a bite of the bun when the jungle quietened and she could hear the conversation on the beach as a buzz instead of an obstructed noise. She very carefully tucked her lunch back into her belt pouch and picked up her bow. She slowly got to her feet, ears cocked and listened carefully.<br />
<br />
It was more a shadow than a tiger, but it was definitely heading towards the easy turtle meals on the beach. While Rhasody was generally more than happy to let nature take its course, there were a lot of unarmed and unprepared people also on the beach. She drew her bow and waited for her shot. She had no interest in dealing with an injured and unhappy tiger, not to mention it was rather cruel to injure an animal when it was easily within your skill to give it a clean death.<br />
<br />
Her forearm was starting to let her know how unhappy it was with her when she found her shot and was about to release the arrow when an Elf seemingly appeared out of nowhere to yell "STOP!" To say the purple, pointed eared, elf with strange face paint spoiled her shot would be an understatement.<br />
<br />
The tiger growled, the arrow went wide and ricocheted off something in the underbrush and Rhasody swore.<br />
<br />
"What the ..!! What do you think you're doing?" Rhasody said, shoving the elf aside and drawing another shot.<br />
<br />
"I'm from DEHTA, Druids for the Ethical and Humane Treatment of Animals, and I refuse to let you harm that sweet, innocent, kitty!" The elf threw herself in front of Rhasody once more, arms wide.<br />
<br />
"You're an idiot!" Rhasody said, then her eyes widened and she tried to grab the elf as the hunter dived to the side. Unfortunately, the elf dodged the grab and was right in the way when the tiger landed from its pounce. Rhasody winced, "Oh that's gonna make a mess." She supposed she should feel bad, but really, she just felt it was all rather just. She looked over and saw what her arrow had ricocheted off. "Oh, well, hell." She muttered and rolled to her feet.<br />
<br />
She picked up the now bleeding turtle carefully and put him in the nook of her arm. She also looked down at the elf that the tiger was about to snack on. She sighed and put the turtle down as the tiger circled it's prey, trying to decide where to start eating. She grabbed an arrow as she grabbed her bow and as the tiger turned to see what the noise was, she released the arrow through the tiger's eye and into its brain. The tiger died quickly if not quietly.<br />
<br />
Rhasody picked up the turtle once more and poked the elf with her foot. The elf groaned and Rhasody had a brief argument with her conscience before she picked up the idiot elf and slung her over her shoulder. She probably caused more injury, but there was only so much caring she had for beings that tried to take themselves out of the gene pool.<br />
<br />
Maurata typically wandered Pandaria and helped with healing as was necessary. She was sure she would one day settle down and find a village to live in, but for now, her wandering feet took her all over. Today it took her to the Wander's Festival on Turtle Beach, where she expected to eat yummy foods and watch some spectacular fireworks. She certainly wasn't expecting to find a hunter come out of the jungle carrying a turtle and an elf.<br />
<br />
"Healer!" The hunter called.<br />
<br />
Maurata jumped to her feet and dashed over, "That'd be me!"<br />
<br />
The hunter, who was looking rather kafrumpled handed her the turtle. "Can you heal him?" she didn't quite dump the elf on the ground.<br />
<br />
"Er." Maurata looked between turtle, hunter, and elf. The turtle wasn't that badly injured while the elf looked like she could meet the ancestors at any moment. The hunter's rough treatment probably hadn't helped. "Can't you heal the turtle?" she said trying to hand it back.<br />
<br />
"I have no bond or connection with it." The hunter grumbled, "And the idiot Elf got pounced on by a tiger she was trying to prevent me from shooting to protect people."<br />
<br />
"That doesn't sound like a very good way to preserve one's life." Maurata agreed, calling upon the spirits of water to bless the turtle. They then moved onto the elf with very little direction, evaluating injuries and straightening broken bones, repairing internal injuries and closing claw wounds.<br />
<br />
"Well, I'd heard elves were a bit fruit-nutty, but this one seems to take the cake," Rhasody observed the healer in action with admiration.<br />
<br />
"Mm, now I want fruitcake," Maurata said, crouching down beside the elf.<br />
<br />
Maurata was knocked on her tail when the elf shot up to start yelling about tiger murderers and the sanctity of the wilds and how if a tiger chooses its prey it should be allowed to eat said prey, even if that prey wasn't on it's naturally occurring diet. Rhasody was starting to reach for her bow. Really, how suicidal was this elf? Obviously, this was a matter for a master of zen and not a simple healer! With a request of the land spirits, there was a frog hopping around croaking angrily where the elf used to be.<br />
<br />
Rhasody clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, that was wonderful!"<br />
<br />
Maurata bowed, "Thank you, thank you."<br />
<br />
"I'm Rhasody, by the way," Rhasody said happily. "Can I buy you lunch as a thank you? Mine seems to have gotten squished at some point in my adventures."<br />
<br />
Maurata picked up the frog which was still croaking angrily and shoved her in a sack she'd been collecting plants in. "Why I'd love lunch!" Maurata said looking up at the slightly taller Pandaren through her eyelashes. "It's one of my favourite three meals of the day!" She picked up the rather confused turtle, after all, he'd had a busy day.<br />
<br />
Rhasody snorted amusement and held out her arm for Maurata to hook her's through. "Any preference in vendors? I see only a few are set up though."<br />
<br />
"Ohh, well, I saw Chin sent some of his famous peanut chicken skewers and how can a girl resist a good finger licking?" She batted her eyelashes at Rhasody as she said it and gave her best-winning smile.<br />
<br />
Rhasody almost tripped over a non-existent rock. Maurata, quite proud of herself, smirked and stopped to put the turtle down by the water.<br />
<br />
It didn't take long for the shaman to navigate Rhasody to a semi-sheltered spot on the beach where they could feed each other snacks and watch the people who came to watch the turtles go out to sea. Somehow Rhasody ended up with Maurata's head in her lap as the fireworks started to burst across the sky. The hunter was feeling a bit hunted and was rather enjoying the sensation. It seemed the shaman knew what she wanted and just went about getting it without pause.<br />
<br />
It seemed all too soon that the fireworks had ended and people started packing up for the night. "Were you heading home?" Maurata asked, sitting up to sit close to Rhasody.<br />
<br />
"Home is the wandering isle. I was thinking about heading back to the village though." Rhasody said, leaning in.<br />
<br />
"I have a tent and camp. You could stay here and save yourself a very long walk." Maurata offered, moving a breath away from the hunter.<br />
<br />
"That sounds very comfortable." Rhasody agreed, trying not to wince at the clumsiness of what she was saying and instead decided it was probably just easier to change the subject and press her lips to Maurata's.<br />
<br />
The kiss was just starting to get interesting as Rhasody wrapped her arms around Maurata's torso and Maurata wrapped her arms around Rhasody's neck when Maurata suddenly broke off the kiss to look down. "What the?" she wrapped herself to pick up a turtle. "You again? Tsk. You should be in the sea with your friends."<br />
<br />
The turtle just wiggled its flippers at her.<br />
<br />
She sighed and rolled to her feet, "Looks like we're going down to the beach on our way to my tent."<br />
<br />
"That's alright, I'll just enjoy the view. It seems particularly picturesque tonight!" Rhasody said, reaching over to stroke Maurata's tail. The tail twitched against her hand as Maurata twisted around to give Rhasody another long kiss. Maurata remembered the frog and tossed it into a pond on her way passed. She'd turn back into an elf eventually.<br />
<br />
Rhasody had expected a pup tent with a couple of blankets, what she found herself in was a large dome filled with pillows and plush blankets with herbs and plants tucked in pockets around the edges. A cooking pot with utensils was quickly relocated to the side of the tent before Maurata turned back to the hunter, "Now, where we before turtle interuptus?"<br />
<br />
Rhasody was happy to show her with a soft kiss that grew more enthusiastic as her hands slipped under Maurata's tunic to rub her back. Maurata stepped against Rhasody, rubbing against her. It didn't take long before Maurata broke away to pull Rhasody's chain haubergeon off over Rhasody's head. Rhasody's calloused fingers made quick work of Maurata's shirt as she nuzzled the shaman's neck and then nibbled on her ear.<br />
<br />
It was a joint effort to go from standing to lying on the blankets, nestled amongst the pillows. Rhasody kissed her way down Maurata, stopping when she got to the buttons of Maurata's pants. Tugging the buttons open she helped Maurata wiggle out of them as she continued kissing and nibbling her way down. Planting kisses on either side of Maurata's thighs she wiggled between her legs to nibble and suck, her tongue flicking against Maurata's clit. The shaman squirmed under her and just as Rhasody was starting to add a finger to the situation, she was pushed off.<br />
<br />
"Sorry!" Rhasody said, rolling over and away.<br />
<br />
"No, not that!" Maurata said, tugging Rhasody back by her hand, "I was just thinking of better ways to do that." she started to tug off the scaled leather pants of the hunter and Rhasody stood and divested herself of them, adding them to the growing pile of clothing by the entrance of the tent.<br />
<br />
Maurata tugged Rhasody back down and pushed her onto her back before turning around to whap Rhasody with her tail. She turned so her midsection was in Rhasody's face before putting her own face between Rhasody's thighs. "Better?" she asked as she put her own tongue to work on Rhasody's slit.<br />
<br />
"Mmf!" was all Rhasody managed as she buried tongue into Maurata's folds, fingers finding their way inside her to stroke softly and then with more enthusiasm as Maurata emulated her.<br />
<br />
It seemed only minutes before Maurata bucked against her in climax, the hunter soon following. They lay panting for several minutes before Rhasody squirmed around so she could snuggle Maurata against her. "Water and round two?"<br />
<br />
It wasn't until morning they'd found the turtle had come back.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-56951245631497124212018-09-26T12:48:00.000-07:002018-10-01T09:47:42.826-07:00[Commission] [Rabbit FanFiction] [Vikings] On the good longship Lollypop.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Written for Jade</span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As far as days on the ocean went, it was a nice enough day. The sun was shining, the breeze wasn't trying to blow them overboard, and the spray was mostly at their backs. The longboat Mr. Mick had stolen what seemed like years ago hadn't been designed for the open waves, but in true to Viking fashion, it didn't seem to notice. In most ways, it was a standard longboat for all that it was less than a decade old and stored in Devon, England. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I don't think this is very genuinely Viking,” Miss Lola complained from under the shade of the parasol. Miss Lola was a large white bunny. At this point, she would remind the narrator she is the perfect weight for her size and that she's just large for people's ideas of cute little cottontails and not the reasonable size of a standard domesticated rabbit. Miss Lola would say that this is very important information and would chomp the computer cords of any narrator silly enough not to pass said information on.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">There were several benches on the deck of the longboat and towards the stern there was a bench across the width. In the middle of the bench sat one long-suffering descendant of the travelers and conquerors from the frozen north. He was holding a large parasol. It was a pink parasol, supposedly to match Her Royal Highness Miss Lola's eyes. To his left sat Miss Lola, using her humom as a pillow, to his right sat Buttercup, borrowing Speedy's humum as her seat. Miss Lola's Mom was a bit short, rather blonde and was drinking out of a seemingly endless mug of coffee. Buttercup was another lovely lady white bunny, but with slightly less of a royal attitude. Perhaps related to the queen but probably not, Speedy's mum Rachel was doing the time honoured tradition of 'pet the bunny.' It was a rough job, but someone had to do it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Speedy was a white bun with a handsome dark brown splotch on his nose and the same dark brown on his ears. He stood up at the bow, front paws on the edge, as his ears flapped around into the wind. Jensen sat on the bench behind him, using Speedy for a wind block as he peered over the sides at the dolphins skipping alongside the longboat. Jensen, Buttercups bestest friend and frequent pillow, was mostly white with a few light brown splotches.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I just don't think that genuine Vikings would use outboard motors on their ships!” Miss Lola continued with her complaining.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Then perhaps you should find a genuine Viking.” Grumbled the long-suffering Kim. “You're not paying me enough to row.” The descendant of Vikings was on an average height, redheaded, red-bearded, and a bit squinty as he avoided looking towards the sun. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“She's actually paying you?” Jade asked, quite surprised.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Of course I'm paying him!” Miss Lola huffed. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“She's promised not to chew on any cables for a week,” Kim explained, tucking parasol handle into the nook of his arm and holding it against his chest so he could scratch his nose. As part of the sunburn as soon as he stood in a shadow near sunlight brigade, he and Jade had used the strongest sunblock they could find. It still probably wouldn't be enough. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I promised not to chew on any of *your* cables for a week.” Her royal highness clarified.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I didn't promise not to munch cables!” Speedy said happily from the bow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Speedy!” His Mum warned, “You better not be chomping anyone's cables!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">His ears dipped a little, “Yes Mum.” He sighed, “Not that I would have anyway, it just sounded fun for a bit.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Jensen leaned up to his buddy “Don't worry, my Mom isn't here to spoil the fun. I can chomp any and all cables that need chomping.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“You're a pal!” Speedy said cheering right up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Speedy's Mum just sighed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“LAND HO!” Speedy called. He looked over his shoulder, “Why are we calling land such not nice names?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“It's probably a Viking thing.” Jensen offered.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was Kim's turn to sigh.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The small motor put out far more power than it probably should have, bunny magic at work no doubt. In fact, Kim wasn't entirely sure where they were because, after only twenty minutes at sea, they probably should have still been able to see Devon behind them. He really had to find a new travel agent.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The longboat drove itself up and onto the beach so the rabbits could hop out onto dry sand. They still made a fuss about getting sand out from between their toes, flicking their feet every which way. The humans sighed and got to shove the small ship further up the beach so they wouldn't lose their ride home.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The land they'd arrived on didn't look much different from the land they left. Large sandy beach with scrub grass and rocky hills. What looked like triangular sod houses tiered up the way. Okay, so those were a bit different. They didn't even look like they had central heating or indoor plumbing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Uh,” Kim said brilliantly, shouldering the parasol, now furled. The sun seemed further away, the wind colder.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Hmm.” Jade agreed, putting on her jacket. Rachel had said she'd only need a windcheater in a late English spring, not quite sure how to translate English into American, she'd gone with a spring jacket, but she was starting to think she should have been more ambitious.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For her part, Rachel seemed immune to the wind, other than to mutter about it blowing her hair every which way. “Speedy Rabbit, if you go out of my sight I'm having your craisin ration!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Speedy for his part did a double hop binky as he gave a good run up and down the beach. He didn't seem to be taking the threat too seriously.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Look! Strangers! And they brought us dinner!” A blonde bearded bear appeared from behind a hill of sand and scrub grass. A couple of equally hairy and Scandinavian looking men and a woman wandering behind him. Their clothing looked straight out of a TV series. His accent sounded suspiciously Nordic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Dinner?” Miss Lola said, not sure to look interested or disgusted. She had the sneaking suspicion that her idea of dinner and his idea of dinner would be two different things. “Well, that's delightful of you to offer!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The man looked down at Miss Lola who was looking most defiantly up at him. Jade decided it was probably a good time to intervene before her bunny got herself in more trouble than one bunny could handle. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Excuse me,” Jade said, stepping in front of her bunny, glaring up at the man who smelled like bear grease and pine trees. “If you're thinking of making a meal of my rabbit, we're going to have to have a disagreement!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“You let this woman talk for you?!” The man protested towards Kim.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kim shrugged. He had nothing to prove.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“You sounded English. English are easy to taunt into stupid battles.” He looked disappointed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Oi. I'm English and I'm not fighting any stupid battles this week.” Rachel said, marching up to him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The man looked over his shoulder to the woman and the men behind him. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Oh for..” the woman muttered, shoving him aside. “Welcome to Hanatun. I am Freydis, this lout is Heming, that there's my brother Tore, and that's Yngvar. I don't suppose you have trade goods with you?” She looked down towards the longboat. “Though, that doesn't look like an ocean vessel..”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“That's what I said!” Kim said, glaring at Miss Lola. The white bunny, ever a bun of class, turned and looked over her shoulder at him and stuck her tongue out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Now that sounds like home!” Heming said and strode forward to slap Kim on the shoulder. Kim wuffed but managed to absorb it. “Tell me, brother, do you have ale?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“We have some tea.” Rachel offered, holding up a thermos. “And, uh.. honey” She was trying to think of what they'd packed in the picnic basket that wasn't for rabbits.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Lots of hay.” Buttercup said innocently.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Your familiars are truly wondrous creatures,” Freydis said, crouching down to hold her hand out to Jensen. Speedy, the most adventurous and people friendly of the four, hopped over to give her finger a lick. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“You aren't going to try and eat us, right?” Jensen asked, half hiding behind Jade.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“No, we have a very strong no magical creatures in our diet belief,” Freydis replied with a slight smile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“All animals are magical.” Miss Lola muttered, which earned her a light shove with Jade's foot. Miss Lola mock nipped the air above the said foot.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“But why do we stand around here? Let us go up to the hall and talk like civilized people!” He turned to lead the way up the path. He learned to Tore in a mock whisper “Do not let the blonde one get a spear. I fear it would be a lost battle for all of us!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I don't need a spear!” Jade said with a false sweet smile, “I'm trained in many forms of hand to hand butt whooping.” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I bet your husband is a lucky man” Tore said with a subtly that hadn't changed in a few thousand years.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Rachel snorted and then looked up at the sky innocently when Jade glared at her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Oh yes,” Kim said, picking up the picnic basket before passing the parasol to Jade. “A mighty ice fisherman who catches feasts no matter the weather. He fears no depth of freeze nor summer breeze, for he must bring home dinner for his loving wife.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I'll no depth of ice him,” growled Jade. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Sounds like a mighty hunter” Tore said, already looking towards Rachel.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Rachel rolled her eyes, “My hubby has been known to make tea.” she said lightly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Uh, yes,” Tore said. Probably adding such commentary to his true belief that the English were mad. Or whatever they called the English. Who knew what bunny magic was translating from?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Freydis was smirking to herself. Sisters were the same everywhere, perfectly happy to watch their brothers make fools of themselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Just had to suggest she find some real Vikings, didn't you?" Jade said aside to Kim.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Kim The Long Suffering sighed again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The triangular hall was huge, the first couple of meters sunk into the ground before the walls came up and a huge sod roof covered it. The visitors expected dark and dingy inside, but clever window gaps and air vents made it surprisingly airy. Rachel could only hope they had a way to cover those up before the storms!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“This would make a lovely rabbit home!” Miss Lola said, peering around. She hopped past some startled Vikings to inspect under chairs and around the fireplace. Speedy, ever a bun to be helpful went the other way to check things matched Miss Lola's descriptions. Buttercup remained on Jensen guarding duty and Jensen remained to guard the humans. Obviously, they couldn't survive without proper bunny supervision at all times!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The settlers were getting a quick brief down of their visitors and their magical companions. Hemming and Yngvar were arguing who was the visitor and who were the companions. Kim, not sure himself, felt no need to join the discussion and instead decided to sit down on a carved chair by the fire. He soon had a gaggle of children demanding stories of magical adventures.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The women didn't quite surround Jade and Rachel to see what trade goods they had. Rachel was more than happy to share the seemingly unending flask of tea. In exchange, they were handed the Viking idea of a light lunch. Jade declared they'd be rolling her home to the delight of several.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Somehow the fish and chips had stayed hot and had a supply enough for a small army. “How much can you put in here?” Rachel asked Speedy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Speedy who had been trying to teach mighty Viking warriors how to give ear rubs (they weren't anywhere near as proficient as his personal pet Viking) looked over with a shrug, “As much as you need.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“And it can hold anything?” Rachel asked with raised eyebrows.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Well. Anything picnicky. It's a picnic basket after all.” Speedy explained, butting his head against a Viking who was doing the pet the bunny thing all wrong. “No ants though.” </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Oh good, would hate to bring ants on our strange and magical voyage,” Rachel muttered as she rifled through. She produced a Hudson's Bay Blanket. That must be from one of Lorna's ideas of a picnic, she decided before handing it over to the nearest Viking to examine. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Miss Lola eventually stood up from where she'd been enjoying the fire and Kim's story of the dark knight Vader whose konungr almost defeated Vader's heroic son Lukas at the battle of Endor. “Shoulda thrown the Ewoks down with him,” muttered Lola who never been a fan of the carnivorous little teddy bears.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">She stretched and yawned before hopping over to headbutt her mom in the leg. “It's time to go home.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Jade looked up and realized it was twilight outside. “Where ARE we?” She couldn't even begin to guess at the time and she wasn't sure if Rachel's watch's claim of “10 pm” was anything close to accurate.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Newfoundland,” Jensen said. He always knew where they were. After that whole Azeroth-wolves incident with Mr. Mick, he made sure to keep careful track.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Should pick up some Screech for Nick's buddies before we go,” Rachel said with a wink.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Their hosts protested that it was nightfall (ish) and that they couldn't possibly travel back out onto the ocean at night. Jade had to explain that bunny magic was strongest at dusk and dawn and if they wanted to get home safely they'd need to go before the sunset. Of course, the fact she wasn't sure that the sun even set this far north at this time of year was neither here nor there.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The humans packed themselves and the tired rabbits off and made their way down to the beach. Kim wasn't quite sure how he ended up with the picnic basket AND two tired rabbits to carry, but at least they'd left the parasol behind. A young woman named Sigrid had been happy to trade it for a chunk of meat that would keep Kim fed for a month. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Putting rabbits and various equipment into the boats the three humans gave it a shove into the surf before scrambling in. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I'm getting too old for this,” grumbled Jade as she sat down heavily on the bench.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Me too.” Rachel agreed. “Wouldn't have missed it for the world, though!” Speedy was flomped out across her lap, head hanging off her leg. He barely twitched an ear when Rachel gave him a kiss on the nose and said "Thank you!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“It's a lot of work though, bringing three humans.” Miss Lola said with an almost jaw-cracking yawn. “The Viking's not so bad, he's got a small footprint, but adult humans are heavy.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Well, we appreciate the holiday.” Rachel said, reaching over to stroke Miss Lola's nose. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“I'm sure there'll be extra bananas in your bowl when we get home,” Jade told her with a fond smile.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“There better be.” grumbled the rabbit.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Oh blast!” Rachel exclaimed, patting herself down while being very careful not to disturb Speedy. “I left the thermos!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Well, that outta confuse the archeologists,” Jade said with a grin. “It'll probably be out of tea by then.” She looked down at Miss Lola, “Won't it?”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The white rabbit was either asleep or pretending to be asleep and refusing to answer.</span><br />
<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-30630442920568948372018-09-13T11:15:00.003-07:002018-09-13T11:17:45.379-07:00[Bunny Fiction] Speedy & Miss Lola go 'venturing.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqD8qeCtp8lb7t_KpHMsRBWpc69ZQD9enplhYgLUlCRhqddNcpSY5g4kvXUApuZ90z9tTjZwcmL8Etkr2GYidlU3He-Ll7MhqzbKs0JlVFuWprt7z60gxxbyd8X_ZSf2sBxl7XXyWIu09r/s1600/12109790_919403324804329_7099462039230441123_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqD8qeCtp8lb7t_KpHMsRBWpc69ZQD9enplhYgLUlCRhqddNcpSY5g4kvXUApuZ90z9tTjZwcmL8Etkr2GYidlU3He-Ll7MhqzbKs0JlVFuWprt7z60gxxbyd8X_ZSf2sBxl7XXyWIu09r/s320/12109790_919403324804329_7099462039230441123_o.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyjMIpkBtCHoulnfhQJYdAZc_6_mwEaZvko9p_t5MN_4XedcS6rbTs-8l_icFkQ50GLEkBCaQlqF_5oPNfUOUUF74iyHUztYQEaR2BHf5mTT_I95XUTOnRxHvIoky5Yjw0yhAcim_1rr-c/s1600/12002232_10153709949339396_5338067777728036971_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="810" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyjMIpkBtCHoulnfhQJYdAZc_6_mwEaZvko9p_t5MN_4XedcS6rbTs-8l_icFkQ50GLEkBCaQlqF_5oPNfUOUUF74iyHUztYQEaR2BHf5mTT_I95XUTOnRxHvIoky5Yjw0yhAcim_1rr-c/s200/12002232_10153709949339396_5338067777728036971_n.jpg" width="168" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">♫ "Her name was Lola, she was a show girl.. With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.." ♫</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">A pause.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"Don't look at ME like that, I didn't write it! Blame Barry Manilow!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">* * *</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Mr. Manilow was having a fairly normal day until he stepped down into his living room and found a large white rabbit under his piano. He'd have to say, if rabbits could look angry, this one certainly did.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">She thumped at him when bunny thoughts couldn't get through his adult self-absorption. You'd think more artists would be open to this sort of thing, but no, she got stuck mostly with a Viking and a Canadian and both generally refused to 'translate' to nearby two feet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Mr. Manilow looked down into the mug he was carrying and sniffed it. No, still tea. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">A second rabbit appeared from the den and dashed under the piano. The two rabbits seemed to be having a conversation before the second one, with a very dashing smudge on his nose, put said nose to the white bunnies butt and gave a shove. With a strangely human sigh, the white rabbit thumped and glared again before the two hopped off down the hall.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Too many late nights, not enough sleep. That must be it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">* * *</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"Did you snip the guitars?" Miss Lola asked, flumping on Speedy's secondary spare bed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"Oh, I got four of them, but he had an awful lot and I heard him come into the living room."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"Stupid slippers, we'd have heard him sooner if it wasn't for slippers on the carpet!"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"Sorry I didn't see him." Speedy looked embarrassed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"Feh." Miss Lola said before turning around to give Speedy a lick upside his face. "I got his upright and his grand. A showgirl. Hmph."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"You know," Speedy said thoughtfully, "Maybe we should not do acts of vengeance during the day? The humans tend to walk in, our humans might miss us.."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">"Vengeance must be served when it's been declared! Besides, I put the plushie in my bed, my humom will never notice the difference."</span></div>
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Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-76470035996756528442018-08-24T07:17:00.002-07:002018-08-24T07:18:31.537-07:00[WoW Fanfiction] You don't want to know where else the mud is.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRJV0UGRma2LOuNI2FgDS5fs3BNciZUHS5-gGj5YDXbG8fOUYAkwMkbAGNICA6JzB4rKWKZb6UXiG_GIQNqICXW3BlJWOPU9pMoAMhxwvLxkyPxY6xlTziTdyS0HpFywtEbE8jF6c5W3GO/s1600/WoWScrnShot_080317_014015.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="508" data-original-width="673" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRJV0UGRma2LOuNI2FgDS5fs3BNciZUHS5-gGj5YDXbG8fOUYAkwMkbAGNICA6JzB4rKWKZb6UXiG_GIQNqICXW3BlJWOPU9pMoAMhxwvLxkyPxY6xlTziTdyS0HpFywtEbE8jF6c5W3GO/s320/WoWScrnShot_080317_014015.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
“Maurata, what are we even doing here?” Rhasody asked as she got tired of standing on a hillock in the middle of a Bloodtroll infested swamp. If the chance of being mobbed by trolls wasn’t enough, the place had a thousand bugs that could bite through fur, smelled like something a year dead and occasionally had a weird howling yelp that sounded and she was pretty sure she didn’t want to meet the originator of the noise.<br />
<br />
“Looking for new ingredients to make yummy things with.” Maurata replied patiently. She was crouched over a green, leafed thing, that looked like all the other green, leafed, things. She felt like she’d explained this a few times. It wasn’t like Rhas had to come!<br />
<br />
“You said that an hour ago, we’ve been here for an hour while you look at the same plants over and over.” Rhasody griped. Not quite true, Maurata had moved at least seven steps from one clump of plants to another.<br />
<br />
Maurata sighed and rolled her eyes, “Flit’s having fun!” she gestured towards Rhasody’s pet mana ray.<br />
<br />
Flit was diving in and out of the swamp water and making happy chirping noises. It had been a long time since he’d been in a swamp so similar to his home. The little swamp bath that Maurata had made him in their home was nice, but it didn’t compare.<br />
<br />
“Yes, I’m trying not to think of the smell.” Rhasody grumbled. Bathing a mana ray who thought splashing and flying was a great combination left a lot to be desired.<br />
<br />
“Oh lighten up.” Maurata teased, standing up to tweak Rhas’ ear. “Here we are, brave new world --”<br />
<br />
“Horrible carnivorous new monsters.” muttered Rhasody.<br />
<br />
“-- pretty new scenery, nice new friends --” continued Maurata, ignoring the hunter.<br />
<br />
“Who only probably want to eat us.” grumbled Rhasody.<br />
<br />
“-- all sorts of yummy new foods and ingredients --”<br />
<br />
“That are probably poisonous.”<br />
<br />
“-- And new healers to learn from!” Maurata finished, facing her lover, hands on her hips attempting to look fierce.<br />
<br />
“Okay, I’ll give you that one. Though, their druid forms are just weird.”<br />
<br />
“Oh for biscuit’s sake!” Mauratasaid, exasperated. “You complain buckets have holes!”<br />
<br />
Rhasody blinked at that, even Flit stopped mid-dive to chirp at her. Neither Pandaren were quite sure how smart the mana ray was. “Uhm..”<br />
<br />
“IN THE TOP! THE BUCKET IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE A HOLE!” Maurata threw her hands up. Flit chirred at her.<br />
<br />
“Are you okay?” Rhasody asked.<br />
<br />
Maurata ran a hand through her hair. “Fine.. fine.. Let’s go find a local expert. You’re right, all these plans are very similar.”<br />
<br />
Rhasody had the good grace not to smirk. As the two women turned to walk back to the camp of Tortollan they’d passed earlier she lightly elbowed Maurata in the ribs. “I didn’t even get to complain about the mud between my toes.”<br />
<br />
“It is kind of gross.” Maurata agreed.<br />
<br />
“Its MOVING. Even when I’m standing still, the mud MOVES.” Rhasody griped good naturedly. “And I bet if we asked one of the Zandalari about it, they’d be all like ‘The loa move in mysterious ways, mon.”<br />
<br />
Maurata shook her head, “I think you’re confusing a Lorekeeper with a Troll.”<br />
<br />
“Nono, one has soothing tea the other has “mystic” tea.” Rhasody even made the air quotes.<br />
<br />
Maurate snickered. “I know a sourpuss who could use a little mystic tea.”<br />
<br />
Rhasody looked at her with wide-eyed innocence. “Flit! Do you need mystic tea?” she asked her pet.<br />
<br />
Flit flitted over and accepted a head scritch from Rhasody with a chirring-purr.<br />
<br />
“I think he’s fine.” Rhasody said with a smile.<br />
<br />
“You’re impossible!” Maurata declared as they scrambled over some fallen bricks to gain entrance to the camp. Sure, they could have gone around, but there was more mud that way.<br />
<br />
“No, just improbable.” Rhasody corrected. She made a beeline for the nearest bench and started scraping mud off her feet. “So what’s for dinner?”<br />
<br />
“What’s for..” Maurata threw her hands up in the air.<br />
<br />
The next thing Rhasody knew was that she had a ball of water explode against her shoulder and splash up into her face. “What the..?” She looked up to see the water shaman, healer extraordinaire, readying another globe of water.<br />
<br />
“Bitch and complain all day, insist on following me on the ingredient hunt anyway, and then ask me what I’m cooking you for dinner?!” She threw the ball with another splash.<br />
<br />
Rhasody spluttered. “You don’t like my cooking!”<br />
<br />
“You think two ingredient recipes are good ideas!” Another ball of water, another splash.<br />
<br />
Rhasody gurgled and shook her head, sending water spray from her fur. “It was ONE TIME!” she defended herself as the Tortollan looked on with amusement. Obviously a story in the making. “And we were UNDER FIRE by some very angry ogres!”<br />
<br />
“That’s no excuse for bad food!” Maurata replied, throwing two balls of water. "Spices aren't optional!" Splash, splash.<br />
<br />
“Oh that’s it!” Rhasody declared, grabbing a nearby bucket. “I’ll replace this.” she told the nearest Tortollan who just blinked slowly at her. She then threw the contents in a geat arc straight towards Maurata.<br />
<br />
Maurata was no one’s fool and she dodged to one side and redirected the stream of water.<br />
<br />
“Oh shit.” Rhasody said.<br />
<br />
Maurata turned and saw where the water had gone -- face first into a rather irritated looking Draenei. She took a step back, “Er..” She didn’t really want to join the battles between Horde and Alliance that both Panderan had been avoiding.<br />
<br />
The Draenei looked down at her soaking wet self. Her eyes narrowed as Rhasody dashed across the clearing and grabbed Maurata’s hand. “Run.”<br />
<br />
Maurata didn’t feel like arguing since the Draenei was making some very sweeping gestures and she could feel the elements starting to answer the dripping woman.<br />
<br />
The two had made it perhaps half a dozen steps before a large pool of water formed overhead and a deluge of rain opened over their heads and half-drowned them both.<br />
<br />
“Ha!” said the Draenei who then turned on her hoof and squelched off, tail lashing. She muttered in common, probably very impolite things about playful pandaren and innocent bystanders.<br />
<br />
Rhasody sneezed.<br />
<br />
Maurata attempted to wring out her shirt.<br />
<br />
“So. Dinner?” Rhasody asked.<br />
<br />
Maurata smacked the back of Rhas’ head.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-59378731162647361262018-08-09T22:36:00.000-07:002018-08-09T22:46:07.378-07:00[WoW FanFiction] A force to be reckoned with.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqX9hEv6XpMCmyTACyEvO_ivw3b28x0AfXQZtM_6mXYLaSEMcQMwlanKFcyAp3FKH3EP9PlYQPJZHllk6SVGIIaQtekUDJ6jfWm1YM2zwYKZZM-ZQX3rsrTOJ3Z7tDx0RjxoRRa3Plfo_P/s1600/WoWScrnShot_080918_203424.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="665" data-original-width="727" height="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqX9hEv6XpMCmyTACyEvO_ivw3b28x0AfXQZtM_6mXYLaSEMcQMwlanKFcyAp3FKH3EP9PlYQPJZHllk6SVGIIaQtekUDJ6jfWm1YM2zwYKZZM-ZQX3rsrTOJ3Z7tDx0RjxoRRa3Plfo_P/s320/WoWScrnShot_080918_203424.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
With the cold war turned fiery hot, things were uneasy among the clean-up crews across the broken shore. Most of the orcs had been pulled back to Orgrimmar but a few had been left behind to keep an eye on the elves and druids of Val’sharah. Living beside Gilneans wasn’t easy but Hauruk was trying his best. His best rather frazzled when he opened his hut’s door to find a goblin ear pinned there with a knife. Damn dogs!<br />
<br />
He grabbed the knife, letting the ear fall to the ground. Enough was enough! It was time to show those alliance apologists who was chief of these forests and he knew exactly who to tell! The problem was, however, when he arrived at the village the mayor and his posse were nowhere to be seen.<br />
<br />
As Hauruk turned, growling under his breath, an elderly woman somehow snuck up on his and poked his shoulder with a boney finger. “YOU!”<br />
<br />
“Don’t touch me, old woman!” he snarled down at her.<br />
<br />
With speed that would make a leopard blush she grabbed his ear and twisted. He yowled as she hauled his face down to her level. “Now, don’t you talk to me like that, Sonny! Show some respect for your elders! I bet you were raised better!”<br />
<br />
Hauruk blinked, ear burning and breathing hot breath onto a completely unphased old Gilnean woman. Was she mad? “I am not a Sonny.” he managed.<br />
<br />
“No, I suppose not.” She sniffed and let go of his ear. He very bravely managed not to rub it and whimper. For someone who appeared to be made of kindling, she was very strong. “I suppose all those bits and bones mean you’re someone important then?”<br />
<br />
He humped and thumped his chest, “I am Senior Sergeant Hauruk Stormblood!”<br />
<br />
“Oh, very important.” the little old Gilnean lady patted him on the arm and started to toddle back to one of the small cottages. “And I”m Granny Weatherapple. Let’s go have some tea.”<br />
<br />
“I am not here to drink tea!” Hauruk protested, stamping a foot, “I am here to find the person who left a goblin ear on my door!”<br />
<br />
“You’re being rude again.” She said, stopping and pointing at him with her cane.<br />
<br />
“OF COURSE I’M RUDE! I’M AN ORC!” He bellowed.<br />
<br />
“And what would your mother’s mother do if you talked to her like that, young man?” she asked in a very stern grandmotherly voice.<br />
<br />
Hauruk blinked at her.<br />
<br />
Granny Weatherapple put a fist on one hip and stared at him expectantly.<br />
<br />
“I’m sorry.” He managed, speaking to his feet. “I would like tea. Should I bring you biscuits?” The orc wasn’t actually sure where he’d find biscuits. He didn’t think she’d be very happy if he just plundered one of the other cottages.<br />
<br />
“No no, that’s fine.” She gestured ‘come on then’ and turned back to her cottage. “You can bring biscuits next time.”<br />
<br />
‘Next time?’ Hauruk wondered in a mild stage of panic. However, he dutifully followed her into her home, almost bending a third over to fit through the door.<br />
<br />
“The Worgen have to do the same. You’d think we’d learn to build bigger!” she tutted as she fetched an already boiling kettle off the stove. She peered in, “Oh good, plenty of water still in there. You won’t have to go to the well.”<br />
<br />
The senior sergeant wondered why it would be him going to the well and if any force would prevent him from going and fetching the water if she demanded it.<br />
<br />
“Don’t just stand around! Sit down!” Granny nagged.<br />
<br />
Hauruk looked around at the delicate-seeming furniture with the doilies and flowery upholstery. The only thing that lent to the idea that this was in the middle of the wilderness was the collection of rifles on one wall. “Uh..”<br />
<br />
Granny pointed at a kitchen table that seemed to be made of wood, wool, and wishful thinking. “If my grandson can sit on that in mid-teenage Worgen grump, you can sit on it just fine,” She put down the delicate teacup and saucer on his side of the table before fetching her own and sitting down.<br />
<br />
The Orc warily and slowly lowered himself into the chair that Granny Weatherapple was looking at expectantly. He was pleasantly surprised it didn’t even creek, although he did have to practically put his entire legs under the chair so they wouldn’t crash into the table. He ended up hunched over and taking the teacup in forefinger and thumb and trying not crush it. He took a cautious sip. He probably looked as startled as he felt.<br />
<br />
“Gilnean Gold, best there is. Well, was, till that bitch Sylvanas burnt it all.” Granny growled, a startlingly almost wolven sound. “Still have some stocks though, hopefully will get them in the ground come spring!”<br />
<br />
“Er, yes.” He managed and decided sipping more tea was safest.<br />
<br />
“Now don’t slurp. Young man like you has better manners than that, I know. You boys, get in a few wars and you forget everything your mothers taught you!”<br />
<br />
Hauruk wasn’t going to explain that his mother mostly taught him how to kill humans quickly to escape.<br />
<br />
“Oh sure, you remember the death and dismemberment bits, but when it comes to wiping your feet and pleases and thank yous, gone like the wind!” she continued.<br />
<br />
Or maybe Gilnean mothers had more in common with orcs than he thought.<br />
<br />
Granny Weatherapple put down her half finished cup of tea and reached behind her for a tin. “Biscuit?” she asked, holding it out.<br />
<br />
Hauruk very careful took one, not touching any others as he wasn’t quite sure when he’d last washed his hands. It was round, tan in colour, with a darker chocolate coating on one side.<br />
<br />
“They’re best if you dunk them in your tea!” Granny Weatherapple offered, showing him with her own biscuit and tea.<br />
<br />
He wasn’t quite sure what to make of the mushy biscuit that resulted. The texture was odd but the flavour was quite enjoyable. “Thank you,” he remembered to say.<br />
<br />
“You’re welcome. Now, you wanted to talk about the Goblin ear on your door.” She said.<br />
<br />
“Yes.” He replied warily. “Please!” he quickly added.<br />
<br />
“You’re a good boy!” Granny Weatherapple told him, leaning forward to pat his hand. “Well, it’s no grand mystery. I did it. I cut off that goblin’s ear and sent him packing!”<br />
<br />
“What!” Hauruk almost jumped to his feet but when his thighs thumped against the table just from the prepping to stand he realized he’d knock everything every which way if he did and he didn’t want to destroy the house. Well, not yet anyway, he reassured himself.<br />
<br />
“Well, he was cutting down our trees. Didn’t even ask. Just brought up his big shredder, woke up half the neighbourhood before the cock had even crowed and started chopping down those trees. So I got up and went and had a chat with him. I even threw the bits of his machine after him.”<br />
<br />
Hauruk wasn’t quite sure what to say at this point.<br />
<br />
“Oh, close your mouth. You’ll catch flies if you leave it open like that!” Granny admonished. “And don’t look so horrified! His ear will grow back! I left you the ear so you’d know WHY the Goblins had buggered off and WHY your neighbours weren’t very happy with you lot right now.”<br />
<br />
“Uh.”<br />
<br />
“I know that that Sylvanas is up to her old tricks and nastiness and our King has his fur in knots, but that doesn’t mean we have to be uncivilized. Now finish your tea.”<br />
<br />
Head whirling, Hauruk managed a “Yes, Granny.”<br />
<br />
“See! You’re a good boy. Your mother would be proud.”<br />
<br />
His mother would probably be very confused at him sitting in this human’s kitchen drinking tea and eating biscuits.<br />
<br />
He found himself discussing the winter’s weather and what crops the orcs planned to farm. He had to explain that orcs were more ranchers than farmers to which she seemed rather happy about since that would mean trade.<br />
<br />
When tea and socialization was done a very confused Hauruk got to his feet. “I mean no offense Granny Weatherapple, but why are you not leading the Gilneans if not the Alliance?”<br />
<br />
“Oh, well, Genn does a good enough job and we Grannies don’t have time for silly things like meetings and paperwork!”<br />
<br />
Grannies, plural? Poor Hauruk’s already whirling head went into a spin. The Horde was truly doomed if the gilnean grandmothers ever teamed up and went on the offensive.<br />
<br />
<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6079659087843221082.post-3976960508930423852018-08-07T02:18:00.001-07:002018-08-07T02:26:57.708-07:00[Pirates of the Caribbean Fanfiction] [Rabbits] Of hats and horses.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDPTNUFf18ldwycQUjIYpT-aZZnWtbtYlkZr5fCu9WOh5H5xbvb3HP5sHH3ogGV3rrLyNMPwd8bm3XEIMIj0dnfUrVJdKJM5fZ1Pws-2cs8sXilvSnFADUmQ-9yrWVMAgqOIU1CXw_Uz3j/s1600/il_570xN.1295789027_6usv.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="428" data-original-width="570" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDPTNUFf18ldwycQUjIYpT-aZZnWtbtYlkZr5fCu9WOh5H5xbvb3HP5sHH3ogGV3rrLyNMPwd8bm3XEIMIj0dnfUrVJdKJM5fZ1Pws-2cs8sXilvSnFADUmQ-9yrWVMAgqOIU1CXw_Uz3j/s320/il_570xN.1295789027_6usv.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Stock photo stand in for Baby D)</span><br />
<br />
It was time for Captain Jack’s weekly visit to the Rum Rabbit to collect his hats from the hat stealing varmint of a rabbit Captain Ren called a first mate. He’d tried just letting her keep the hat and live without but she’d then started stealing his bandanas, and bracelets, and beads, and finally just chewing holes in his clothes where one didn’t want holes to be. Sailing winter waves and drafts in dodgy places didn’t mix, even in the Caribbean.<br />
<br />
It was a busy wharf but he knew he was going the right way when he passed the longship of rabbits dumping their haul out onto the dock. There seemed to be two piles of loot, one of rabbit-friendly food things and chewable things while the second pile seemed to be shiny things. Captain Jack couldn’t say why a boatload of rabbits with Viking helmets were unloading their vessel in Tortuga but they seemed pretty enthusiastic about it. He had to wonder where they’d found a gold plated toilet brush and why they’d brought it all this way. At least he knew it wasn’t the rum making him see things when he saw rabbits were involved.<br />
<br />
However, a large brown horse was another matter. He blinked and rubbed his eyes as he swaggered up the gangplank of the Rum Rabbit to find Captain Ren scolding said horse. The horse, for his part, seemed to be completely ignoring the Captain. It was rubbing noses with a large white rabbit who also appeared to be completely ignoring the Captain. Not that anything was new there, most sensible beings ignored Captain Ren. She could get very naggy and scoldy if one let her.<br />
<br />
“You do realize, don’t you love, you have a horse on your deck?” Captain Jack Sparrow asked at his most casual conversational.<br />
<br />
“OF COURSE I BLOODY REALIZE I HAVE A HORSE ON MY DECK!” The short but dangerous blonde growled as she whirled on the pirate. The horse in question was now exchanging nose rubs with a brown bunny with a white star on her nose as a small lagomorphic crowd was gathering to watch the show. “HE!” She continued, “IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN HIS BARN!”<br />
<br />
The horse turned his head away from the rabbit so he could snort on Captain Ren. He swished his tail while the captain of the Rum Rabbit seemed to be counting to ten. She did turn a lovely shade of red before she was about to explode. She wiped the horse snot off her face and chest and onto the shoulder of the horse.<br />
<br />
“YOU!” she pointed at Captain Jack Sparrow. He made the ‘me?’ gesture of a hand on his chest and his best most innocent look. “Go get your hats.” she turned to the horse, “And YOU! Get off my bloody main deck! You’re in the way of everything!”<br />
<br />
Captain Jack decided discretion was a better part of valour and he always did think of better plans when he had his hat on. Perhaps Miss Cindy would have a few ideas for mayhem while he was negotiating the return of his chapeau. Or at least, know where the rum was.<br />
<br />
He ignored the very large splash of a large brown horse jumping off the side of the ship and into the very mucky harbour waters. He also ignored the scream of anguish of a frustrated Captain as she cursed after her horse and yelled for nets to be fetched. Human crew appeared to assist since the rabbits weren’t about to dirty their paws with manual labour.<br />
Wait, had she said hats plural?<br />
<br />
Captain Jack entered the First Mate’s quarters scratching his head. Some might call it the Captain’s quarters, but anyone with any sense knew that Cindy was just letting Ren use them now and then.<br />
<br />
The small white rabbit in question was curled up on a pile of hats on the bed, snoring. Her black markings around her eyes looking like pirately applied mascara and shadow. Only two of the hats were his. In fact, it seemed the rabbit had extended her thievery. Perhaps she was planning on opening a millinery since Captain Ren didn’t seem to get out on the waves much these days.<br />
<br />
“Ahem.” Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain (sometimes) of the Black Pearl, master of the waves, defeater of Kraken and Davy Jones alike cleared his throat and stared down at a less than four-pound rabbit.<br />
<br />
The rabbit in question opened an eye, got up, turned around to present her butt in his general direction and apparently went back to sleep.<br />
<br />
He sat on the edge of the bed, a white ear turning in his direction. “Look, darlin’, we can do this dance every week where you steal me hats, an’ I try an’ find what’d make you happy to get them back, but I’m sayin’ for this week, yer missin’ the show of the century as there’s a horse swimming in the harbour and your Cap’n’ is tryin’ to fish him out like an unruly merman. So I be thinkin’, if you go be watchin’ and havin’ a good laugh, I can take me hats and you can be stealin’ them again anyway, savvy?”<br />
<br />
The ear tip twitched thoughtfully. Cindy yawned and stretched, hopping off the hat-bed and onto the floor. A few foot flicks in the direction of the (sometimes) captain of the Black Pearl and the door opened at a glance. If he could find a rabbit that would open doors for him like that, he’d have a lot easier time making a decent profit, he would.<br />
<br />
Ignoring the pile of hats, for now, he rifled through Captain Ren’s drawers and chests. Frilly knickers, frilly bras, frilly shirts.. AH! The rum! Jack industrially took two bottles, wrapped them up in bandanas, some of them even his own, and stuffed them inside the hat he didn’t put on his head.<br />
<br />
Sauntering out on the deck he found bunnies crowded around the exterior bulkhead laughing their cotton tails off as a Captain and her crew tried to net a horse who was having entirely too much fun staying out of reach of the nets and ropes as he paddled around in the harbour.<br />
<br />
“He’s gotta get tired eventually.” Captain Jack offered as he made his way to the gangplank. While two bottles of rum was a perfectly reasonable payment for the inconvenience of his having to come and collect his hats, Captain Ren didn’t always see it that way. Perhaps it was that he’d taken two barrels a few weeks ago.<br />
<br />
“Not bloodly likely.” Captain Ren muttered. She gave Captain Jack stink-eye, but he wasn’t clanking or slooshing so she decided whatever he’d stolen this time probably wasn’t worth the effort of trying to reclaim.<br />
<br />
Captain Jack ambled his way down the gangplank and looked from the horse to the shore. “Why don’t ya be meetin’ me at the launch and I’ll see if can be gettin’ ye some rum?” he called to the horse.<br />
<br />
“NO!” Called Captain Ren as the horse’s ears perked up and he immediately started swimming to the boat launch on the beach. She buried her hand in her face, “Even my bloody horse is a rum-sodden pirate.”<br />
<br />
“Only type of pirate to be!” Captain Jack told her with a bow and flourish of his freshly claimed hat. “For without rum, the world would be a dull place indeed.”<br />
<br />Scout and Sagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15257537604493754361noreply@blogger.com1