Monday, April 20, 2015

[WoW/Animal Fanfiction] When the humans are away..

Imogen, Protection Paladin (tank). Speedy, Holy Paladin (healer). Mr Mick, Frost Death Knight (DPS), Princess Sammy, Restoration Shaman (healer), Bibi, Feral Druid (DPS), Handsome Jack, Markmanship Hunter (DPS).

* * *

Imogen tried not to sigh into the mic. It was like herding cats. Well, she supposed since there WERE two cats in the group, it was exactly like herding cats, and rabbits, and did she have to herd herself? The Australian Shepherd cross gave it a moments thought. "Is everyone ready?" she asked into the relative silence, starting a ready check.

"Yup!" said Speedy, always the quickest. He was a well named Himalayan Rex bunny.

"I guess." grumped Mick. The light brown lop always sounded like he had better things to be doing.

"Of course!" Sammy, black cat and princess, replied with the general disdain she held the world in.

Jack failed the check. There was silence in voice chat.

"Jack?" Immi asked.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Sammy growled. "Where's he gone now?"

"Foo' cat." Mick grumbled.

"Watch it, long ears!" Sammy snapped.

"QUIT IT!" Imogen snapped. "We'll just wait for him to get back. Have some patience."

"Patience? How long does that take to learn?" Speedy asked, innocently.

"Longer than the salad takes to be delivered" Bibi offered, chiming in. The lop was more interested in cleaning her ears than where silly cats had disappeared to.

Imogen resisted the urge to whap her forehead against the desk while the others squabbled.

"Sorry! What'd I miss?" Jack asked, reappearing.

"Where WERE you?" Sammy demanded. "We've been WAITING FOREVER."

The handsome long haired grey just sniffed, "I had to use the litter box."

"Well, next time let us know before you just disappear please." Imogen slid in before anyone else could grump. "NOW! If we're all ready?" She ran a ready check. This time everyone passed. "Okay! Pulling this stupid ogre in 10!"

"I think he's an orc." Speedy pointed out.

"I don't care if he's Captain Picard of the Starship Enterprise, he's got my helm and he's going down!" Sammy exclaimed, planting totems.

Imogen winged off her shield at Kargoth before anyone else could get too enthusiastic. There was a reason they didn't let any of the pick-up raid members into chat. Well, the lack of organization, general bickering and the fact the average WoW player would only hear wuffs, meows, grunts and other animal noises. She wondered where they could find a bird. They needed a bird. Or another dog. Another dog would be really nice.

"I wish Jensen were here," Imogen said a wee while later. "This PuG sucks as an off tank. OH MY FUCKING GOD, TAUNT YOU STUPID..!"

"Does your mother know you use that kind of language?" Mick asked sweetly.

"Who do you think taught it to me?" She growled back. "Yes, get up on the chain, good druid." she added to her monitor with sarcasm.

*Do you think we should have played on a European server?* Speedy typed to Bibi, rather naughtily.

*What? And miss this entertainment of Yanks losing their minds?* she replied with a winky face.

"Mick?! What're you doing?! Kite him into the fire!" Imogen was wondering if the rabbit had fallen asleep.

"Yeah MICK." Sammy chimmed in.

"Not needed, Sammy!" Imogen said.


"IF I could get a word in edgewise around some chatty-cathies, I was trying but I got lagged."

"Likely story." Sammy said with a sniff.

"Wanna come here and say that, cat?"

"Stop it! DPS! Concentrate!" Imogen scolded.

"But I'm a healer," Sammy said sweetly.

There was a dull thump as Imogen thumped her head against the side of the desk.

"Couldn't tell by those numbers!" Jack, hunter extraordinaire and current top of the DPS charts, pointed out.

"Oh stick it up your tail pipe!" Sammy replied. "No more heals for you."

"Speedy'll heal me. Nyah." Jack told her.

"I will?" Speedy said with the voice of an angel. "I might. If you're nicer to everyone."

The reply was, fortunately, cut off.

"And Bibi the awesome gets the killshot! Loot time! Loot time!" Bibi druid didn't quite pounce on the corpse.

"Speedy's loot dealer." Imogen announced. "I'm taking an afk. Y'know, when you do that, Jack, you TELL PEOPLE?"

Silence from Jack's side.

"Oh for the love of walks." She growled, he was gone already. She pulled off the headset to let herself out into the backyard. Cats were so impossible!

"Do you think she's snapped her leash yet?" Mick asked into his headset.

Sammy shook her head, "Nah. She's good for at least another two bosses before she starts threatening to chase us all up trees."

"She couldn't catch Bibi and I. She'd need a ride from the airport." Speedy giggled.

Bibi snickered. "But she's not that far from you is she Mick?"

"Hmph. Closer to Sammy!"

"I'd just let Cho sit on her, problem solved."

They all agreed letting a 20 pound black lab in a cat's body deal with it was probably the best measure.

Imogen came back into chat. "Okay, is Jack back?"

"Of course not." Sammy said with a sniff. "He's as useless as balls on a Christmas tree."

Silence greeted that comparison.

"Right then, Butcher.. Do you think we can all manage to stand in the right places this time?"

"Pfffft." Mick said. "Why start now?"

Imogen didn't quite whimper.


  1. IDK, I think Jack is very useful.. but then again he is usually plastered to my side purring.. :)

    1. Jack's very good at what he does.. He just has to take snuggle with Mom breaks, litterbox breaks, snack in the kitchen breaks, stare at the squirrel breaks.. It's not his fault, he's a cat! (Ignore Sammy. What does some silly Nebraskan girl cat know anyway? ;) )