Saturday, November 22, 2014

[WoW Fanfiction] Lareasa, Goblin Warlock, Not at Your Service.

There was a knocking on the door.

Lare was busy, she couldn't be bothered to answer the door, so she just ignored it and carried on with where she left off in the conversation, "..But it should be perfectly feasible to charge pants with fel energy to act as a secondary shield!" she protested to Gartbug, her enslaved imp.

The imp spat; fortunately, without saliva in play. "Its stupid! Its a waste of magic!"

"Oh what do you know you ex-slipper?" Lareasa muttered and then snarled "WHAT?" at the door when the knocking had turned into a pounding. "Of for the sake of gears and dynamite.." she muttered as she stomped up the three steps to the door and yanked it open.

She glared up at an orc grunt. She could tell he was a lowly grunt purely by the fact his weapon was a club, his armour was cloth with leather bits patched on, and he looked like if an original thought showed up in his head it would die of shock if not loneliness. "WHAT?" she repeated.

"Survey!" he bellowed right back.

Lare wiped saliva off her face and wondered if it would be cruel and unusual punishment to let Gartbug to eat his face off. A mental sigh; probably, Gartbug would get indigestion and she'd have to listen to him bitch for a week. "And what're you surveying?"

"Are you Lareasha Fizzlesprocket?" he asked instead.

"Sure hope so, or someone's wearing the wrong underwear!" She answered cheerfully.

The grunt blinked at her and then looked down at the ratty piece of parchment in one of his meaty hands. "Are you satisfied with the job the warchief is doing?" he read.

"The who'sit what'sit now?" Lare asked with genuine confusion.

"The warchief!" The grunt repeated with irritation.

Lare blinked. For good measure she blinked again. "Who's he when he's not at home? Or I guess, in this case, when he's not at work?"

"Garrosh!" He growled. His muddy red eyes stared down at her clear blue, "Hellscream!" He added when the first name didn't seem to produce recognition. He waved his hands over his head in disgust. "The warchief!"

"Oh." Lare gave this some thought. "So what's a warchief DO?"

"He rules the Horde!" The grunt's frustration was growing. Probably the only thing saving him from trying to apply club to her noggin was her obvious, honest, obliviousness.

"Oh. And like.. does the warry decision stuff, then?" She asked with genuine curiousity.

"YES!" This was the orc's first stop of the day and was seeing why Perok had given him so much to take over the route.

"Huh." Lare said, rocking back on her heels, tapping a long thin sewing needle against her chin. "Well.. Are we at war?"

"For Fel's Sake!" The grunt swore, "YES! With the ALLIANCE! The humans who enslaved us? Who hunt us down and kill us by the thousands?"

"Oh." Lare nodded decisevely, "Then, if we're at war, and he's the warchief, I'd say he's doing a pretty darn good job." She smiled her most winningly. "Have a nice day!" she took a step back and slammed the door before the very stunned orc could summon a response.

The goblin bounced down the stairs. Seriously, what did she care who ran what a couple of valleys over? Her food showed up on time, her deliveries appeared when she paid for them, and there was plenty of places for her to investigate for old manuscripts and interesting ideas.

Gartbug was once again trying to break the chains that enslaved him to her rule. She rapped him on the head. "Stop that."

The imp swore at her profusely and with creativity.

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Look, for whatever reason, I have the gift to control you felly, smelly, things.. And since YOU seem to like eating the brains of babies -- which by the way, is completely disgusting -- I think it's only fair I STOP you from doing that. I mean, elves smell bad and all, but their kids haven't done much wrong."

"Oh but if you only understood the.." he started to hiss and stopped when she thumped him again.

"Ew." Lare told him. "And if that wasn't enough, ew, ew, ew. I've heard it before, I don't want to hear it again. You gave me the hobbly cobblies for a week last time." She walked over to the cooler and fished out a worm to snack on, "Now, lets get back to much more important things.. fel energy and pants!"

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