[Bunny Fiction] Princess Bibi and the Impossible Apes.

Bibi awoke from her nap and looked around her cardboard castle before stretching her way out. There was little that was as enjoyable as a good stretch. First you dug in your front paws and then let the rear slide away before you dug those in too to telescope your back and stretch all the running muscles in case you had to get to treats in a hurry.

She hopped out with her usual grace and saw that the apes were apparently busy with other things. She supposed she would give them a little leeway on the delivery of her supper, but really, how hard was it after all? You open the magic cold box, you pull out a salad, you give it to the bunny. Apes had to make a big production of everything!

She went to her water bowl and gave it a sniff of disdain. She had specifically asked for Brecon Carreg bottled water, this smelled suspicious like tap. It was a scent that couldn't be hidden even after running through a filter. She sighed. It was time to put pooties on the shopping slave's pillow again. You really think they would learn.

She sat by her food bowl patiently for thirty-eight seconds and decided enough was enough. She'd waited for an eternity but she was hungry NOW. She hopped to the kitchen to find out what was keeping her dinner.

The female human ape had the black banana to her ear again. The apes used this to talk to each other. Bibi was pretty sure this was the silliest and most inefficient way they could have chosen. She listened for a few moments and while the female furless seemed to think this was an incredibly important matter, nothing was more important than a bunny's dinner!

She thumped and got told to "shush, Bibi." Well, this would not do!

Bibi hopped over to the wall and gave the female ape a warning look. The female ignored it and her. Really? Hadn't the female learnt by now the dangers of ignoring a Bibi when she wanted food and attention. Standing up on her hindlegs, Bibi nudged the black plastic banana's holder aside and saw the root within. Humans were forever hiding their roots. They were so selfish, they didn't like to share and got very upset if you ate one they were saving for later.

Bibi gave the human one last chance, but she'd turned her back and was looking out the window. Well, no one could say that Bibi hadn't been reasonable, patient and given plenty of chances. She opened her mouth and chomped down on the root -- hard. She then sat back down on all fours, back to the wall to wait for the human to realize it was supper time!

The female stopped talking and said a few words, then some more, and then looked at the black plastic banana in confusion. She pressed a few bleeping buttons and muttered to herself. Bibi thumped to remind her of her duties. The ape finally seemed to notice her. About time, that! The female came over and pushed some buttons on the holder. Oh for carrot's sake.. What did it take to get food around here??

The female ape found the chomped root after some searching and prodding. She looked down at Bibi and asked how the heck she'd managed it. Bibi said right back how didn't matter, why was the important thing.

But, as usual, the human wasn't listening. Instead of going to the magic cold box, she called for the male ape. The male ape was apparently watching tv with his eyes closed. Bibi wasn't quite sure how you watched much of anything with your eyes closed, but the male must like it because he did it often.

Bibi let out a long suffering sigh before moving to sit in front of the cold box. She had tried a few times before to get the silly thing open herself, but the door was too heavy to open even for the most determined bunny.

She had hope when the male showed up and looked at the chomped cord and shook his head. He came over to Bibi and tried to rub her nose, telling her she's a right clever boots, isn't she? Bibi knew she was but these apes were NOT. How direct did she have to be? Even ape flesh was starting to look tasty as her tummy hugged her backbone. She thumped. Twice, for good measure.

The male looked at her funny before returning to his bondmate and the broken root. Something about easy to fix. Bibi thumped again. Hello, starving bunny over here? The special roots weren't tasty or very filling, and trust you, me, Bibi had tried plenty of times in the past to make a meal out of some long ones!

Suddenly the ape clued in, asking his mate had she given Bibi her salad yet? The human put hand to her mouth and declared she'd been a bit busy. "Well, no wonder she's getting into mischief!" The ape declared as he strode over to the cold box and opened it.

'Mischief?' snorted Bibi. Oh, they hadn't seen mischief yet..

He pulled out various greens while Bibi tried to snatch them by periscoping up. "Oi, wait till I get it made you greedy rabbit."

Made? It was leaves and roots, how much 'making' could it possibly need? She sighed again, humans could make a big deal out of everything and anything.

She hopped back and forth at his feet while he mucked about. Really, he took forever with these things. Sixteen and a half eternities later he had her supper in a bowl. But, instead of putting it down at her feet he carried it all the way back to her warren. "Are you kidding me?" grumbled Bibi, she had to hop all the way back there? What was WITH these humans?!

Grumbling and muttering she hopped to go eat her dinner. The ape patted her on the head, "You need the exercise, old girl."

Did he just call her fat? Oh, someone was getting a peed on pillow AND pooties underneath. She stuck her nose in the salad. Damnit, humans were just so impossibly hard to train!

[Bunny Fiction] Olympic Planning Commitee

Weasley, Quilting Bun

Mr Mickey, Calender Star

Mickey, bunny model extrodinaire, stood up with a stretch only a bunny could manage. He shook his floppy, loppy, ears, as he extended his spine with a muscle straning stretch, his hind toes digging into the carpet as his front legs pulled him forward. With a quick yawn he hopped on his way down the hallway. He supposed he should probably close his enclosure over, but The Boy, his sworn nemesis, would get blamed if he didn't. That was always funny!

Mickey stopped in front of the hall mirror to peer at himself. Five years old and he still had it! He looked at himself from one angle and then the other. There was absolutely no denying it, he was the most handsome bun in the house! Why, he'd bet he was the most handsome bun in the entire city!

"Stop the preening, we have planning to do!" Weasley declared from where he was sitting to the side of Mick.

The lop looked over with a furrowed brow. He hadn't been admiring himself for THAT long, had he? Surely not! Uppy rabbits could just be so impatient, they were all rush, rush, rush! Waitaminute.. "How do you know I was looking in the mirror?!"

The blind rabbit rolled his cloudy eyes, "This is where the mirror has been for years," he said, "And I could hear you over here lost in ego land."

Mick sat up, most indignant. "I was NOT lost in ego land!"

Weasley snorted, "I've been sitting her for seventy two's of an hour!"

Mick's brow furrowed as he tried to do the math. "I think you're reading the clock wrong."

Weasley just looked at the lop with incredulity.

"Oh. Right." Mick realized his red fuzzy friend was being sarcastic again. He wasn't always so good at spotting that. They sat there for a minute before Mick led his friend back to his warren, happy to share his latest bundle of hay.

The two munched in happy companionship for a while.

"So, not that I'm not happy to see you," Mick said as they started to slow down in the hay mowing, "But what're you doing here?"

"Oh! I was thinking about the Olympics." Weasley said around a long strand of hay as he chewed it shorter and shorter.

"Me too! I can't wait to see the tossing!" Mr Mick excelled at tossing!

"Hammers, metal frisbees, it does sound fun," Weasley agreed. Not this his momma ever let him toss hammers. She got upset about damage to walls and things. Was it HIS fault that the hammer had been heavier than he expected? At least he hadn't been caught or blamed..

The two munched on.

"Anyway!" Weasley said, getting back to the matter at paw, "I was thinking Speedy needs to experience the hay mobile."

Mr Mick nodded enthusaistically, "Do we put wings on it to fly across the ocean?" That sounded very fun to him!

"No.. That'd just take too long. Flights can take *NINE* hours!" Weasley and Mr Mick both thought there were better things they both could be doing with that time.. like sleeping.

Mick shuddered at the thought of having to be awake and paying attention.. "Wait, why don't we just get some of that cruise control stuff?" He asked. Point the box in the direction of Speedy's house and off it'd go!

"I have a better idea!" Weasley said with a foot stomp. "If you'd let me get it out!"

"Sorry, sorry!" Mick apologized. He gave Weasley's ear a fond lick. Uppy ear fur tasted funny though.

"Anyway." Weasley said, again. "Why not take it through a bunny portal?" Weasley asked and then carried on before Mickey could possibly answer. "See, Speedy showed that pantries can be used, and one of them is sure large enough!"

Mick tossed his head, "Problem is, the larger the closet or cupboard, the less accurate the portal. I think Speedy proved that!"

Weasley gave the bunny equivalent of a shrug, "Doesn't matter if we land down the road of Speedy's, does it? We'll have transport!"

"Oooooh." Mr Mick said, catching on. "That IS a good idea!" He sat down and groomed a hind foot in appreciation.

"Thank you!" Weasley said proudly, giving his jaw a scritch.  "Good enough to let me drive again?"

"NO!" Mickey said sternly, then seeing his friend's crestfallen face, "Well.. maybe."

Weasley brightened right up, "You won't regret it! I've been practicing, you know!"

"Really?" Mick asked, wondering just how well that had been working out.

"Sure!" A pause. "Though, I think my neighbours are starting to wonder about the strange designs on their lawns..." He mused.

Mickey snorted, "Humans are always wondering about stupid things, don't worry about it." He sat up on his hindlegs, sniffing, "Hey, I think The Boy left his door open, wanna go snack on some paper? He has the best tasting paper!"

"Lead on!" Weasley agreed, getting to his own feet.

"This'll be the best Olympics yet!" Mr Mick declared with a happy hop!

[Bunny Fictions] Carrots mean Home!

Lady Hannah and Sir Harrington
Raspberry Rabbits

Sir Walter Harrington, Cuteticus Bunnicus Extremus, woke when his side started getting cold. Normally, his bunwife would be using him for a pillow, but for some reason she'd wandered off from him side. Helicopter ears twitched as he tried to identify her by sound. The sounds of the 'office' were the usual, the rummaging around in the thread drawers, the muttering, the .. oh, the muttering was in bunny, not human. Rolling to his feet, Harrington meandered over to see what his wife was up to.

Lady Hannah Goldenhare, Beauticus Ladicus, was half in, half out of a large storage container of threads. She had some beside her already and the computer was whirring away to itself from where she'd apparently been using it. She was muttering to herself about 'That doesn't go with orange.'

"Nothing rhymes with orange." Harrington offered unhelpfully as he hopped up.

Hannah dropped out of the box to give him a vaguely offended look. "I don't much care what RHYMES with orange, Harrington," she sighed and nosed at some of the spools. "Look," she pointed up at the screen of a pattern.

Harrington obediently looked up to see the pattern than showed a weave of mint and cilantro in the border, with crossed carrots on the left with 'Home / Sweet / Home' written to their right. "Oh, that's very pretty." He said. It practically looked good enough to eat!

"Oh, thank you." She said, sounding pleased for a moment and paused to groom her cheeks before going back to the problem at paw, "Well, the problem is, the border is green, the carrots are orange and green, what colour should the words be? Brown goes, but brown is quite boring!"

Harrington stomped a forepaw, quite indignant. "I happen to think brown is beautiful!"

She blinked at him then whiskers twitched as she realized he meant her and her fur. She turned to give him a lick across the nose. "You are the sweetest, but I don't think we can get agouti thread on the material.."

Harrington sighed and laid down, this was obviously going to take a while. He'd learned that females in the throws of creation could potter around for hours.

"I suppose I could go with a light, then dark, then light combination of brown.." Hannah muttered to herself, going back to nosing around colours in the box, "But I still think that's rather .. dreary."

Harrington drifted for a while, wondering if he wanted to get up for a snack, or to find a sunbeam, or just find something to scritch himself against, when he thought outloud, "Why not wine?"

"Wine what, dear?" Hannah asked, voice muffled by the box. Her voice sounded odd enough that Harrington thought it was almost in a frequency adult humans could hear.

"Wine colour." He said, yawning. "Momma likes wine, doesn't she?"

"It IS a pretty colour." Hannah said brightly, grabbing a colour in her teeth and scrambling out of the box. She dropped the thread she wanted on the floor and grabbed the rejects to toss them back in. Momma would sort them all out when she came in, momma was always doing that sort of thing. She nudged the box back and fought the lid back on - one had to be neat and tidy, after all! "You're a genius, Harrington!" she declared as she lined up the colours with approval.

"I know." He said humbly, getting to his feet. "Can we go have second breakfast now?"

"Oh! That would explain why my stomach is all huggy on my backbone! I think its almost time for human breakfast!" She tossed the thread up on the chair before giving a mighty leap up onto it, unable to resist a 'wheeee!' as it spun. She let it revolve a couple of times before grabbing the desk with her teeth to stop it and tossed the threads up beside the mouse. "THERE!" she declared before hopping off, "Now momma can't complain we don't do anything around here but look good!"

Harrington watched his wife hop back off the chair, thinking the spinning did look fun, but momma always got so excited when he tried. Girls got to have ALL the fun. It wasn't fair.

Hannah stopped her hopping to turn over her shoulder to look at Harrington who seemed lost in a daze. "Aren't you coming?" She asked. Sheesh, boys. Couldn't let them alone for a minute!

Bunny Jumping

We can sign Mr Mick, Speedy and Mario for next year's, right?? :)

[Bunny Fiction] Speedy Rabbit and the abandoned house!

It's Speedy Bunny!

Speedy Rabbit and Mr Mick had a bro-date. Speedy had managed to get a copy of the schedule of the Olympics and the two were going to sit down and plan out what they wanted to see and when. The tricky bit was fitting in nap times, food times, and show up so your human see's you just often enough not to be suspicious times.

Making sure him Mum was busy with the dishes, he ducked into the linen closet. He thought very strongly of Mr Mick's place but was interupted just before transport with a mighty sneeze. He landed in a very dusty closet and sneezed again. And again. Shaking his head, his ears brushed old cobwebs. "Gah!" squeaked Speedy with a sideways hop.

Curious as to where he was he nosed open the closet door. It seemed he was in a very old house of some sort. Perhaps it was a Victorian mansion he had heard about? He'd heard they had all sorts of secrets that women bought and men appreciated. Humans were strange. It smelled very musty and the air was still. He could hear the strangest thump-thump noise coming from deeper in the house, followed by very high pitched squeaks.

The windows were boarded up, but enough light snuck in through the slats to give one sharp-eyed rabbit a navigatable route. (Okay, so it really was only one eye that was sharp, since the other had been misbehaving lately, but Speedy wasn't letting that slow him down!) He found himself navigating around some twisty stairs, heading down into murky below. The stairs had once had carpet on them, but now the carpet was dusty and rotted and mostly gone. He could just about see that maybe they'd been a royal red with some sort of border. Maybe this was a lost royal's house? That would be one heck of a secret!

Reaching the floor below, he hopped along the old, bleached, half-varnished floor boards. Some bits were slick, some were rough. Time hadn't been kind to the wood. There were piles of things that might once have been furniture. The strange thump-thump, squeak-squeak was getting louder as he slowed down to make sure he didn't fall into any holes or get eaten by any grues.

Whiskers twitching, trails of cobwebs hanging off them, Speedy snuck around a corner. He was beyond stealthy, a white ninja in a dark world.. right up until rapid fire sneezes gave him away!

The thumping and squeaking stopped. Speedy froze, not moving. Silence ruled over the house. "Hello?" a high pitched voice asked tremulously.

"Hello?" Speedy echoed, peering around the gloom and finally spotting the owner of the voice, a small rodenty creature with large skin wings. Was that a BAT? "Are you a Bat?" Speedy asked with more curiosity than tact.

"Uh huh." The little fellow dropped from where he'd been beating against some of the wooden boards to the sill to look down upon Speedy. "You're a funny colour for a rabbit." He said, peering short-sightedly.

"I'm a house rabbit!" Speedy said proudly, puffing up his chest. He hopped over. "What're you trying to do?"

"GET OUT!" The bat wailed, "I'm STUCK. And I'm HUNGRY!"

Speedy back peddled, "You're not a vampire are you?!" He'd heard about vampires. He didn't believe the latest public relations attempt that vampires were pretty and good and sparkly. EVERYONE knew that vampires were scary and turned into bats and things.

"No!" He squeaked, "I eat bugs and stuff, not rabbits!"

"Oh. Phew." Speedy hopped forward again, front paws reaching up to the sill in a long rabbit stretch along the wall. "I'm Speedy!"

"I'm Fredrico." The bat said, holding out a little wing hand to shake Speedy's paw.

"Back up a lil!" Speed said and as Fredrico did so he gave a mighty heave of his back paws and leapt up onto the sill with only a little scrabbling necessary. He sniffed at the boards on the window. "Well, this should be no problem!"

"No problem?" The bat asked.

"Well, sure. Just a nibble here.." Speedy demonstatrated what a rabbit's powerful teeth could do, "And a nibble there.." he added as he moved. "And maybe a little over here.. And.." he turned around and applied a mule kick to the boards, splitting one of the broad boards in half, the bits spiralling to the vegetaion down below, sun streaming in. "There!" Speedy said happily.

Fredrico flapped up and flew out the window and back in with several loop de loops. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He landed with more flap than grace, "Anything I can do in return?"

"Er.. well.. find me a closet?" Speedy asked. He should probably be getting home, Mr Mick and he would have to plan another day. His Mum would probably be looking for him soon!

The bat blinked a few times at the strange request. "Well, I think I know just about the whole house four times over now.." He shifted from foot to foot and then launched into the air, "I know! This way!"

Speedy launched off the sill to run after the bat. He found himself having to slow down a bit from his usual mad hatter pace but soon enough he was in what had probably once been a kitchen.

"Is this a closet?" Fredrico asked, landing on the doorknob of a half opened door that started to swing at his weight. The bat flapped his wings several times and had to take flight to land on what was once a counter of some sort.

"Yes!" Well, it was a pantry, but the principal was the same, right? "Thank you!"

"No, thank *you!*" Said the bat.

Speedy gave a bunny giggle and waved a paw to his new friend as he darted into the pantry. "Can you give the door a shove?" He asked.

Fredrico launched in another batter of wings and thumped against the door, causing it to creek closed.

Speedy took a deep breath and scrunched up his eyes. He'd get it right this time, he knew he would!

Opening his eyes he found himself in a garden shed. He shook his head in irritation. NOW where was he? Nosing out the door he found himself in his grandma's garden. Oh, fine, close enough! He'd just stay here till his Mum came and found him! Obviously the bunny portal was being affected by sun spots or something.

He flomped in the grass. He sure hoped his Mum wouldn't take long, he was kind of hungry after his busy day!

Star Wars and Bunnies.

I was going to do a post here about how if Darth Vader had a bunny..  (Segwaying off my previous post) ..but, I think Kelly Kerrigan has done a better job of it that I can ever do! She's painted Star Wars characters and bunnies together.

What more could the world possibly want?

..Well, besides trying to get that light sabre away from the Hotot above..

(And good luck with THAT!)

International Binky Day (2012 edition)

I know I'm (mostly) preaching to the choir here -- but pass the word to friends, family, coworkers.. heck, innocent bystanders on the street..

So often we just sigh when we hear the "Oh, we used to have rabbits.." stories. We twitch and debate the argument and information session, but we're busy, we have places to be, rabbits to feed.. We don't want to rock the boat.. We don't want to offend someone by getting on our soapbox..  It's hard, I know it is.

That's why today on National Binky Day (International, in my opinion, since the poster is from Great Britain, land of Speedy Rabbit and Whisky rabbit and.. and I'm in Canada. :) ) find one person who doesn't know better and explain to them the wonders of pet rabbits. Explain to them that even er.. not-pet rabbits.. deserve room to run, play, and live. (Just like chickens, and cows, and pigs, and..)

I had a rather one sided debate with a poor innocent gent last night in Star Wars : The Old Republic. It's an Online Video Game.. One of them MMO things. Yes, I'm a geek AND a crazy bunny lady. The two aren't mutually exclusive brands of insanity. (If Lord Vader had had a pet bunny he probably wouldn't have screwed up so badly. That bunny would have been a smarter overlord than that silly Emperor.) I let it drop eventually when he tried to convince me that even though this bunnies were kept 2 or 3 to a hutch they had plenty of room.

Now, in my opinion, a bunny needs 10' x 10' at the minimum for its personal space and plenty of run room for a couple hours a day to kick up his hocks and bounce around. I can't decide if a second bunny needs just as much room or just another 5' x 5'. I know Scout and Sage used to "Bunny 500" together, but it was typically one chasing the other rather than side by side. Of course, they had the whole length of my trailer to get going in.

If you can't think of a non-bunny to pounce on and educate, well, you'll just have to binky. This means, you get to bounce up in spot like a piece of popcorn and shake your head about. (The hip twist is optional, I don't want to be responsible for damaged humans -- salads may be late!)

I think all great bunny education starts with a very cute picture.. :)