[Gerbil PoV] Freddie Squeaks.. er, Speaks.

 

 

I'm moving in wif Speedy!!!!111!!oneonone!

 

THE HUMAN FORGOT TO PUT MY FOOD BOWL IN MY CAGE!!

 

Oh, sure, she left the yucky "all in one" pellets she leaves hidden about for me to dig for and find and gnaw on .. but those don't count! They're bland and boring and tough and don't taste sunflowery AT ALL.

 

I could have STARVED.

 

First its pick me up, put me in the carry cage. Then its pick me up and put me back in my house. Then its all, pick me up AGAIN to put me in my carry cage ..a nd guess what? Repeats it AGAIN. THEN.. THEN!! she gives me subpar litter that doesn't fluff up AT ALL for building holes and hidies in!

 

To top it all off.. She left my bowl OF FOOD sitting on the ground under the table my house sits on!!

 

I bet SPEEDY would never, ever, EVER forget to let me gnaw from his bowl!

 

Humans. HMPH.

 

-Freddie Da Gerbil. The Starving.

 

(I would move in with Mick, but uh.. after the whole finking to Aunty Jade thing this morning, I'd probably best avoids him for a while.. Ooo.. Wait, Maddy has all that lovely fur to nest in.. Maybe I'll go visit her..)



[Gerbil Anger] I'm in the doghouse!

"I gots my eye on you, hooman!"

Mr Freddie doesn't like being picked up. He doesn't mind being held. He doesn't mind being put on shoulder and running around till he's tired and eventually just curls up in my hair to sleep. He just doesn't like being picked up.  I can't say I rightly blame him. I don't know how thrilled *I'D* be if this giant hand came out of nowhere and tried to catch me and then scooped me up. Poor little guy is half the size of my hand. He has the right to not like it!

Unfortunately for him, he got picked up *FOUR* times tonight. FOUR. That's beyond a sunflower fixable offence here, folks. That's straight to a pumpkin seed and a drop of apple juice just to get something other than a tail waved in my general direction.

I'd purposefully left half a bag of Carefresh litter at my parents place for my next visit. I forgot this when I cleared out his cage this evening and found myself without litter for him. Ruh-oh. So it was an emergency run to the stores. Of course, being 7.30pm on a Saturday evening, not much was open. I *normally* buy his Carefresh in Petsmart, but they close at 6pm on a Saturday as far as I recall. So I started searching for a store that was A) Open and B) Had Carefresh. It took me a few tries, but I ended up at Petcetra.

Some may remember Petcetra is on my no-shop list because they sell bunnies. Not even just that they sell bunnies for a horrifically overpriced amount, but they keep all their animals in nasty conditions. Their bunnies almost all have some sort of respiratory infection (they sneeze), no hay, and are on pine or cedar shavings. (Which also may be the cause of the sneezing.) Countless peeps have reported individual stores *and* the chain itself. Not much has happened because of it. Now we just hope we can drive them out of business due to lack of customers. But, the only other choice was Walmart.  So, I had to choose between a Canadian evil and an American evil. Both are on my no-shop list, but in the end, Walmart may not have had Carefresh, its on the other side of town AND it's not Canadian.

Of course, Petcetra don't actually carry Carefresh either, they carry a subpar clone for more money. Freddie gave me a "What is this sh!t?!" look when I put him back in his cage. I didn't know gerbils could even MAKE that look. He spent a good couple of hours giving me the "talk to the tail!" expression and sulks. He never chews on the bars.. but tonight, he'd chew on th ebars to get my attention and then turn his back on me. Oh, he wanted me to know how much scum I was in his world!

Fortunately, like human, like gerbil.. He has the attention span of a squirrel on crack.. so a few sunflower seeds over the evening and he's mostly forgiven me. The new litter doesn't fluff as well as the old, so he's having trouble building himself a burrow. I'll probably just give him extra newspaper and cardboard to chomp up.

But tonight, Freddie has whole new sympathy for bunnies and the trouble they have finding good help!

I am scum.

[Merry Christmas!] Look, one of Speedy's cousins is helping celebrate! :)

[Merry Christmas] Lorna gets mushy.

Merry Christmas to everyone and everybun from Me'n'Freddie!

I just want to say thank you to all my friends who have shared their stories and love through out the year and may the next year be even better than the one we're finished. May your days be filled with love, laughter, hugs, and happiness!

May you always find your family and home - just like Joey Kangaroo! ;)

[Bunny Art] Kartz from deviantART

I was looking for bunny pirate pics (for obvious reasons ;) ) and I found Kartz's gallery. Here's a few of my favourites.

Beautiful, no?

[Bunny Pirate Stories] Captain Jack's Missing Balls.

Captain Ren was leaning on the gunwale looking up the beach thinking palm trees with tinsel looked very silly. Fortunately, this year the island's council had decided that after the candle disaster of last year they weren't putting 'coloured lights' in them. She rather missed the shade of the six palms by tailor's. Actually, she rather missed the tailor, come to think of it. But, all in all, a beautiful day in the French Carribean.

She looked down, Houdini was still hiding behind her legs. Mr Mick, new recruit, was trying to lure the shy white bun out to play tag with him and Speedy. Ren was fairly confident that Mr Mick was tired and wanted a nap and Speedy was still raring to go and so the lop was looking for a replacement. Watching Speedy 'sit and wait' was making her tired, did that rabbit ever just *stop* and rest? The latest recruits and part of her regular crew of the human sort were busy patching together material, grommetings and basically being good sailors as they replaced the torn and abused white sail with thick, pink, sheets to catch the wind. At least her ship would look pretty, she supposed. She couldn't help but wonder if people would run screaming from the colour of her sails or the colour of her flag.

"Permission to come aboard!" A cheerful, if slightly intoxicated voice called, "Permission never needed, ye handsome devil! I'm always be happy to see ye!" The same voice replied as he bounced up the last few feet of the gangplank and gave Captain Ren his most winsome smile.

"Jack.." Ren said, wondering if the island had any willow bark. She'd rather emptied the ship's stock the last time he'd been here. If he wasn't so *yummy* .. why, she'd just toss him right overboard, she would!

"*Captain* Jack!" He corrected happily.

"You only come here when Barbarosa's stolen your ship.. no ship, no Captain." She smiled sweetly. Houdini tilted an ear and peered around her leg up at the pirate. Mr Mick periscoped up and seemed to be taking notes.

"AH! But no, y'see, I went and bought meself a commission. Very kind of the King of Norway to be sellin' it so cheap. But, so I be being a Captain of RANK as well of ship!" He beamed happily. He ignored Ren's eye roll and looked about the Rumrabbit. "Ey, where's yer hat stealin' mate?"

Captain Ren shook her head, a little sadly, a lot proudly. "She and some of the other angel pirates decided to steal their own ship -- fortunately, not MINE this time -- and are up in Quebec trying to teach the fur traders how to catch catfish."

Even Captain Jack, captain of the non-sequitor, master of mayhem and nonsense had to blink a bit at that. Even he knew there were no catfish in Quebec. "Bloody rabbits." He finally muttered.

Ren couldn't help but agree with him. It had to be mighty chilly up in the northern colonies, no way they'd get her up there! Even if Cindy left half a rabbit's worth of fur behind daily post morning snuggle, it still wasn't warm enough!

"Anyway, Captain Ren, oh beautiful .. er, most beautiful of stars in the sky.."

"It's day."

"..The orb in which the universe resolves.."

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"..The calm wave in the storm of chaos.."

"Oh, so now I"m a becalmed ship."

"..The apple of the barrel who is the sweetest.."

"Because it's rotting and worm infested, generally."

"..The cool breeze on a hot day.."

"Oh, so I'm frigid?"

"Yes, but I loves ye anyway, darlin'" Captain Jack flashed her a gold capped tooth grin.

Ren rolled her eyes, not quite sure how she walked into that one. "What do you want Jack?" She finally asked.

"Ah, well, y'see, Barbarossa stole me balls."

A crew full of women turned to stare at Captain Jack. Even the rabbits looked rather jaw dropped.

"Your .. balls?" Captain Ren repeated, dubiously.

Speedy whisker-whispered to Mr Mick "See! Even humans get dragged to the vet!"

"Aye! Me brass balls!"

Janice snorted, "Mate, I've kicked your missin' knackers, and I be tellin' ye, they were never made of brass."

Jack spun in spot to stare at her and the yards and yards of pink would-be-sail. "Aye.. What.. Uh." He decided some things were beyond his universe and spun back to Ren. "Nono, me MONKEY's brass balls!"

"I've met that monkey, it tried to bite me!" Pearl scowled at him. "Damn zombie monkey."

Barb smiled to herself as she stitched, "Always treated me just fine."

"Nono, not Monkey-Jack!" He sighed the sigh of the hard pressed and misunderstood. "Look, Governor of Saint-Domingue's been busy sellin' stuff to raise money fer troops to deal with their latest slave revolt. One of them thingys was a brass monkey of treasure findin'. Not that he knew what it was o'course, and I wasn't about to be tellin' him.."

"So you stole it." Ren broke in.

"Aye, of course! Wouldn't be much of a pirate if I just went around payin' for things, would I?" He gave the Captain a dubious look before crouching down to look at the large white bunny behind her. Houdini shrunk back so only his ears and whiskers were visible on either side of her leg. "Ey there, matey. You the new cabin boy, then?"

Whiskers twitched and an ear cupped towards Jack's voice.

"Ye aren't about stealin' hats, are ye?" The pirate continued.

Houdini peeked around Ren's leg and shook his head.

"Well, there's a good lad then." Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out a small white cube and blew fluff, fuzz and bits off it. "Sorry mate, no carrots, but ruin yer teeth on this, savvy?" He offered the bit abused sugar cube to Houdini who took it politely, if dubiously, before dropping it on the deck to lick at it.

"Where did you get a sugar cube?" Ren asked, boggled.

"Oh, well, the Governor had a daughter, didn't he?" Jack gave her another beaming grin as he stood up, hand to chest to proclaim his innocence. "Not that I, Captain Jack, swarthiest of swarthy, most noble of noble, must uh.. something of something.. would take advantage of a fair maid o'course." He paused dramatically, "Good thing she hadn't been a maid since she turned fourteen I be supposing."

Ren's eye twitched.

"Right then!" He clapped his head, startling half a dozen rabbits and getting glared at all around. "Whoops, sorry 'bout that mateys." He said to the rabbits. You'd apologize to any being that could gnaw wood and line as fast as they could, too! Besided, he never liked to find rabbit poop in his boots. "So, what do ye say we set sail and chase down that blackguard Barbarossa? Ye'matey Barb can go for dinner, I steal back me balls and we go find treasure and infamy!"

Ren licked her lips and thought of how to phrase the answer.

"I know y've always wanted to play with me balls.." He said, leaning in, trying for charming. Captain Ren couldn't identify which snickers and snorts came from which of her crew.  Even the ever polite Speedy ducked his head to hide a bunny smirk.

"Maybe after you've learnt how to bathe." Ren replied, primly. "There are a few problems with your plan."

"Aye?" Jack asked.

She stepped forward, Houdini hopping after her, putting her arm around Jack's shoulders to turn him to face the empty rigging. "See something missing?"

"They're on yer deck, mate." Captain Jack replied, giving her a look.

"And they're not done yet!"

"Oh. Well, hop to it, then."

"You think you're clever, don't you?" Ren muttered. She turned Jack around and guided him to look down in the hold. "See anything else missing?"

"No rum!" He replied in aghast at the mostly empty hold.

"Right. Its almost as if our Supercargo is above negotiating payment so we can have stock and supply to sail .. when we have sails once more!"

"But there's no rum!" He repeated.

"Yes, yes, the rum's gone. We drank it all. Pay attention, will you?" Captain Ren resisted smacking him.

"Right." Jack nodded, rubbing his finger and thumb along his chin before getting distracted to play with his moustache. "So what's the problem then? Besides the lack of rum, ye savvy?"

Ren couldn't help smacking the palm of her hand to her forehead. Some things were just automatic reactions.

"Look, the girls who aren't sewin' go get supplies on promise of credit.."

Ren smacked him upside the back of his head, sending hat and bandana askew. "I don't HAVE credit, after a certain someone claimed to be from my ship to outfit his own." She glared up at him. "THEN that certain someone didn't pay his bills!"

"That was right dastardly of that fellow!" Jack replied, looking properly aghast at that such could happen to the fair captain of the Rumrabbit.

Ren closed her eyes and took a deep, calming, breath.

She was more than slightly shocked when she felt Jack kiss her, rather roughly. "Tell ya what, love, I'll go find ye some cargo, you finish them sails and do yer nails or whatever it tis ye do, and we'll go find me balls, savvy?" Ren opened her mouth to formulate a reply, but was too late because the rogue had already bounced to the gang plank. "See ye in a few hours, then!" He disappeared down the wood.

Houdini gave his human an apologetic glance and scrambled after the pirate captain, obviously fascinated with the flamboyant, in slightly insane, man. Mr Mick and Speedy exchanged glances and went chasing after. Obviously the fun followed the trouble maker!

[Bunny Silliness] The Doctor has spoken!

Too bad he didn't get Mr Mick's name right.. :)

[Christmas] Speedy Christmas Pics.

Speedy Rabbit asked for pictures of our trees and us if possible. Getting Me, a tree AND Freddie in a shot proved impossible so I wore my "Swiss Cheese" shirt and stood by the tree.

I would like to add, the bunny does NOT have a branch up her butt as Cabana Boy would try and tell you. She has a branch up the back of her skirt. Much more ladylike!

And there we go, Me'n'Freddie!

We shall ignore the acne, shan't we? (cough)

I have a very bad habit that the more pain I've been dealing with due to back/leg, the more I pick at my skin. In winter all you'll see is the damage I do to my face, but in summer, you can see it on my legs, face, neck/upper chest. I'm TRYING to stop with support from Cabana Boy, it's really hard. It's basically my brain saying "This is something I CAN control." .. Irony at its best, really.. since, if I can't stop, obviously I can't control it..

Anyway! Hoppy Holidays from me and the gerbil :) Freddie says he got fed lots of sunflower seeds yesterday and more today for being a good boy and he's not nearly as abused as he tries to make out. :)

[A Challenge!] Saving Money.

The "Piggy Bank"

Blog friend Sue over at "Our New Life in the Country" had a brilliant post about how she and hubby (who has swanky taste in dressing gowns, don't let Sue fool you!) saved their coins for a year and then counted it up. I wandered over to the hostess of the challenge SFT's Blog and read about it.

Those who know me know I'm the world's WORST saver. I am horrible. Money burns holes in my pocket! I have so many wants! Alas, a limited income from disability means I often have to choose between doing without things like food or doing without the fun things. Of course, if I just saved X per month.. problem is, of course, I can SEE it sitting in the savings' account, so I end up transferring it out and spending it.

The magic here is I have to remove duct tape and admit I broke into the 'piggy bank' (aka the marge tub). So, I'm hoping to save up for a trip to Omaha. If for whatever reason Cabana Boy and I break up, then.. uh, I'll come up with a plan b. :D It's a year away, I'm sure I'll change my mind on what I want it for 500 times!

Right now I'm planning to toss all Canadian coins in there. That's twonies ($2), loonies ($1), quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies. (Not that pennies are being made anymore.) Right now that change typically gets splurged on a Tim Hortons extra large coffee. Time to put it to a less ephemeral use, right?

Freddie says I should spend it on an extra deluxe gerbil friendly running system. I told him to get a job.

[Bunny/Gerbil Stories] Lost, One Human.

(I'm not actually sure I got the scale right..)

Speedy Rabbit was zipping between the bushes, hopping over the much slower moving Mr Mick Rabbit, kicking his heels up in the air and having a grand ole time when he suddenly skidded to a stop, his ears pivoting one way and then the other. Freddie Gerbil, was sitting up between Speedy's ears and peering around. 

"Do you hear that?" Speedy asked. 

"I hear traffic, and wind, and.." He paused, "I think a dog, somewhere.."

Mickey caught up and periscoped, his loppy ears lifting to try and catch what Speedy was hearing. "I hear it too. It sounds like a little two foot, crying." 

"I don't hear or smell a big two foot." Speedy said, periscoping up carefully not to dislodge his passenger. "I think its coming from that field!"

Mick hopped in the direction Speedy indicated, Speedy catching up and keeping pace with his friend. The trio soon came upon a human toddler sitting in the middle of the long grass, crying.  

"Why would someone abandon their two foot here? There's nothing for it to eat.. and they're helpless! They're not like the wild apes, they can't take care of themselves!" Mick thumped a foot in disgust.

Speedy chewed on his lip as he approached the two foot. "Well, even the apes' kids get taken care of till they can swing, don't they? I think its the same for humans.." 

"BUNNY!" The toddler suddenly exclaimed before stuffing two fingers in its mouth.

"Yes, bunny." Speedy agreed.

"You hug me kid, and you'll get a foot tattoo on your forehead." Mick grumbled.. He didn't have much use for grabby, sticky, hands.

"Where Mummy?" The toddler asked.

The two bunnies exchanged looks, Freddie cleared his throat. "Maybe it just got lost? We should take it home to your hu-Mum, Speedy, and she can put up those lost posters you see all over the place for dogs, cats and teenagers and stuff."

Speedy sighed, "You might wanna move to Mick."

"No way!" Said Mick. "I'm not having that foo' gerbil on me!"

"Its that or the baby.." Speedy said, trying to look like kale wouldn't disappear in his mouth.

Mick looked between Speedy, the baby and Freddie before lowering his head in defeat. "Fine, foo' gerbil can get a ride. This time only! And no fur pulling!"

Freddie scurried from Speedy to Mick and got comfortable on the lop's head. While there weren't ears to use for balance (and emergency hand holds), there was a more pronounced bump on Mick's head for him to sit between. Mick's fur was also more plush and softer to snurgle against.

"Hee, Hee!" Mick giggled as he got tickled, "Stop that!" He squirmed

Freddie looked up from where he'd been trying to burrow into the fuzzy fur and sighed. "Sorry! Force of habit!"

"Foo' gerbil." Mick muttered.

Speedy carefully approached the toddler. "Bunny!" He said.

"Oh great, now he's talking like one." Mick grumbled. 

Speedy ignored him. "Follow bunny!" He said, trying to think very loudly at the baby human. He wasn't quite sure if it was old enough to be in the day dreamer's scape yet. You had to be able to dream to hear rabbits.

"Fowwo!" The toddler said.

Speedy hopped a few feet away and looked back over his shoulder.

"Fumper!" The toddler cried and stumbled to its feet and tottered after Speedy.

Speedy continued the process, leading the toddler back towards his warren when the toddler sat down with a howl. "TI-ERD!"

Mick put his paws over his ears. "GAH!"

Speedy did similar. "Agree!"

"Now what?!" Mick didn't quite yell. He didn't even protest a gerbil ducking under one ear to muffle the howls.

"Now I get my Mum!" Speedy said, turning on his heel and dashing off.

"HEY! WAIT!" Mick called after him with no results. He thumped both back feet in irritation. "Great, I get stuck with the stinky human and the foo' gerbil." He then had to scratch at his ear because the hiding rodent was tickling the heck out of him. "Get outta there!" he finally said.

Freddie scrambled up onto Mick's back, settling between his shoulders.

Mick muttered and grumbled as he moved towards the furless two foot. "I can't believe I'm doing this. Foo' human. Foo' Speedy. Foo' idiots who release their pets in the wild instead of takin' them to shelters." Mick grumbled up at the toddler. "An' I know they have human kit shelters! I saw Oliver and Company!"

The toddler stopped howling to look at Mick with wide eyes. It stuffed a fist half in its mouth.

"Hey kid." Mick said and head butted the toddler lightly. "I am a bunny. I am cute. You want to pet me." He tried to sound more charming that put out, but he didn't really manage it.

"Bunny?" The toddler said around its fist.

"Yeah, bunny." Mick agreed.

The toddler did its best to pet Mick's head. "Pet nice!" it said. 

Mick tried not to squirm, apparently petting nice was enthusiastic. The kid was a most attractive sight with snot all down its lower face, red cheeks, tear tracts. At least its fingers weren't sticky. They were kind of slimy though, and he just wasn't going to think about that.

It seemed forever before Freddie and Mick heard a "Speedy! Stop it!" 

"Oh hallelujah!" Mick muttered, the kid had gone to stroking him from head to tail, dislodging Freddie. Maybe the kid wasn't all bad..

"Get back here you brat!" Speedy's Hu-mum called as Speedy burst into the grass.

"C'mon! You're not supposed to be here!" Speedy said, looking over his shoulder to see his Mum's progress before disappearing further into the grass, Mick stumbling to run after him.

"BUNNY!" The toddler protested and started to let up another howl.

"Speedy you.." His Mum broke off, "What the..? Now how did you get out here?"

From between the blades of grass of their hidey spot, they watched Speedy's Mum kneel down before the toddler and talk nonsense words at it. All she got for her efforts was "Bunny!" a few times over. With a sigh, Speedy's Mum picked up the toddler.

"I swear, its almost like Speedy led me to you. Good thing that brat is so fond of tall grass!" She turned back towards the house. "Well, lets just call the police and find out who's missing one child."

Freddie popped out of the grass between Mick and Speedy and scrambled up to Speedy's head once more. "Y'know," he said, "You'd think if they can't take care of babies, they'd get themselves spayed or neutered. Humans sure can multiple if they're not fixed!"

Mick shook his head, "Its not their fault they're just not as smart as us." He then looked at Freddie, "And by "us" I mean rabbits. You are further down the thought chain!"

"There's a thought chain?" Speedy asked, rather amused.

"Yeah, as in I don't think of gerbils much at all!" Mick stuck his tongue out and hopped back towards Speedy's, "C'mon, lets go have second lunch and see what rescue your Mum calls. I've never seen a domesticated human caught from the wild before!"

Speedy couldn't help the yawn, he'd done a lot of running! "They have all sorts of TV shows about it. Maybe they'll be flashing lights on the police cars and everything!"

If there was one thing boys liked, no matter the species, was fast cars and flashing lights. The trio hurried on home.