Animal stories/fiction.

If you want a tail tale about your fuzzy, feathered or scaled furkid, send me a link to your blog (comment below or lappleby@backtalk.org) or a picture, with their name and a bit of their history, or personality, or whatever you like.

Warning, I will probably get their personality wrong and make them be nice to a gerbil. :)

[Bunny Fiction] Short and Silly.

Speedy Rabbit   &   Freddie Gerbil


"Ready?" Asked Speedy.

"Yup!" Chirped Freddie, triple checking his seat on Speedy's neck, paws holding a hunk of fur each.

"Steady?" Asked Speedy.

"Yup!" Freddie said as Speedy's bum started to wiggle in warm up and glee.

"GO!" Speedy yelled and took off, going from a full stop to a full speed run in betweenst two heartbeats, Freedie whooping in delight as Speedy navigated turn from hallway to lounge, lounge to dining room, looped under the chairs, into the kitchen and out into the backyard.

His Mummy had been very nicely holding the door for him. Or maybe herself since she had gardening tools in hand.

As Speedy started the first loop of the yard, unable to resist the odd binky that caused the gerbil to yip like he'd fall off (Like Speedy'd let THAT happen!), he heard his Mummy call to his Dad. "Does Speedy have a mouse on his head?"

"Yes, dear." came the distracted reply.

Speedy could just picture his Mum rolling her eyes as she put things down to go see what Dad was up to.

Around the roses bushes, past the daisies, nom a bite of wisteria on the way past, and skid into the shade by the door, panting. "PHEW!"

Freddie had to slowly peel his paws open from where Speedy flomped. He blinked, whiskers and nose twitching rapidly. "That was FUN!"

Speedy grinned, panting. "Twice a day, every day, Speedy special express!"

Freddie scarpered off the rabbit and up into the house where he came out dragging a bowl of water. It took careful manuevering to get it down the step, but he got it over to a grateful Speedy who took a long drink.

"NOW, what's this game called Blackjack you were talking about?" Speedy asked.

Freddie grinned, "Glad you asked! Because I like you, and you're new, we'll just play for sunflower seeds, k?"

"Er.. sure." Speedy said, game enough but slightly suspicious already.

"Okay, it all starts with a deck of cards!" Freddie declared, pulling a rabbit sized deck of cards from his magical bag. Speedy got a little more suspicious.

"You can count to twenty-one right? Oh, well, don't worry about it, it's easy.." Freddie said, managing to shuffle the cards by counting them into random piles a few times.

Speedy lowered his head to look at Freddie in the eye, "You wouldn't cheat your friend who just gave you a high speed chase, would you?"

"Er, y'know what? Let's just play for blades of grass.." Freddie said, "Who needs sunflower seeds anyway?"

Speedy snorted, "And yes, I can count to twenty-one! Mum taught me lots of stuff!"

Freddie paused, trying to imagine the scene of a human teaching a rabbit how to count and couldn't quite wrap his rodenty brain around it and decided instead to just work on keeping his cards unnibbled. Mick, in particular, was bad for wanting  to nom them instead of playing with them!

[Bunny Fiction] Mr Mick vs Cabana Boy.

Mr Mick    &   Freddie Gerbil

For the new(er) readers: 

Bunnies travel the world by "bunny portal". This is a magical device that enables them to go from any one closet to any other. The smaller the closet the better the accuracy of the transportation. (Yes, bunnies have mastered worm hole transportation. You can be concerned.)

Animals converse in a frequence beyond the range of any human above the age of about seven. Kids can hear and converse with bunnies, cats, dogs, etc, but the adults and teens will just think they're crazy.

* * *

Mr Mick sneezed and flopped his head about, flapping his ears. Pure coincedence one of those ears hit his companion. Freddie turned and glared up at the rabbit. "I could let you do this on your own, you know."

"Oh no, how ever will I survive without a rodent guide." Mr Mick said, paw to chest, fluttering his eyes.

Freddie sat up on his hind paws and continued to glare.

"Oh lighten up." Mickey muttered as he nosed open the closet door. It was always a challenge to portal into a closet that hadn't been used outgoing before. Which was about why he'd sent the gerbil first. "But not too much, you don't have much weight to lose."

"Unlike some!" Freddie countered, poking Mick's side. 

Mick peered out into the hallway, "I am a perfectly healthy weight for a rabbit!"

"Yeah, a Flemish Giant." Freddie said giving his best sweet mousie smile.

Mr Mick scowled, "When did you grow a backbone? I liked servile gerbil better."

"Heat must have addled my brain." Freddie said with that sunflower seeds wouldn't disappear down his gullet look.

"What brain?" Mickey grumbled and decided the coast was clear and hopped out and down around the corner. He then backpeddled right back into the closet. "CAT!"

"ACK!" Freddie yelped and dived under Mick.

"What're you doing?! Heee, hee, that tickles! Stop that!" Mick thumped.

"Cat's eat guys like me!"

"Maybe they're not so bad after all.." Mick mused. He sighed, Naw, he'd miss the little irritant if he got eaten. And he'd feel bad. And would have to explain to his Mom how he let a friend's furkid get splatted. "Maybe you should head home, I've got it from here."

Freddie would normally argue in the sake of friendship and curiousity, but he could hear a second cat join the first. "I'm so outta here!" He squeeked and dived into the portal they'd left a little open in case of emergency.. and cats were definitely an emergency in Freddie's world.

Mick shook his head and sighed. He'd have to be .. what was that word? Oh, yeah, diplomatic. Where was Hannah when you needed her? Or Maddy, he could toss Maddy at them and they'd flee in terror as soon as she started talking. 

"So, intruder, what are you?" A feline voice asked.

From its height, Mick could only assume it had sat up by the door. He sighed, "*I*, Sir Mickey, Mr Mick, am a rabbit extrodinaire. I am ruler of the Kingdom of Jade, protector of the throne and handsomest boy in the entire land. My Momma says so."

There was a silence on the other side.

"Really!" He added when the silence had dragged on. 

"And what do you want er, sir rabbit knight?"

Was there laughter in that cat's voice? Hmph. Cats. No respect for perfectly respectable lagomorphs who could chomp cat tails if they weren't careful. Maybe he should go get Katie. She could probably teach these louts what for. (He'd been learning English from Speedy and was quite proud of his vocabulary increase.) He cleared his voice, "I'm here to poop in the Cabana Boy's shoes and snip a few computer wires."

There was a buzz of feline communication. They debated who 'Cabana Boy' was and whether they cared about his shoes. The conversation turned past the point where even Mick's sensitive ears could pick it up, and he tried! "You may pass." the cat finally said.

"Really?" Mick blurted.

"He pays too much attention to that computer. He pets it, he talks to it, he spends HOURS at it. He should be paying attention to ME, er, us."

Mick nudged the door open once more to look up at the cat. "I know that song, brother. My humom hogs the computer all the time!" He stepped out to look at the, gulp, three cats. Well, he might be able to kick one cat's tail, two if he really tried, but three was out of his league, not that he'd admit it outloud.

"Computer's thatta way." The furthest back cat said, nodding in one direction, "Continue through and shoes'n'stuff are on the right."

"Thank you, good felines." He said, "I'll send you some .. " He paused, well, he couldn't send salmon because he'd given the last of that to Katie. "Do cats like tuna?" he asked.

"Yes please." the so far quiet one said. All three had sat up with interest.

"Oh we have cans of the stuff. I'll send it with a gerbil who can open the cans.. so please don't eat the gerbil." Mickey replied.

"What's a gerbil?"

"Small mouse, fuzzy tail." Mickey replied. He wasn't actually quite sure on the differences between gerbils and mice, but he didn't really care either.

"Don't eat the mouse. Check." The first cat said.

"Nono, don't eat the mouse with the tuna!" The second cat corrected.

All three thought that was a much better plan.

Refraining from rolling his eyes, Mr Mick hopped down the hallway to where he could hear the familiar buzz of computer works. It sounded like the TV was on, and he could smell a human in there, but since there was no clatter of keys, he was fairly confident the TV was busy hypnotizing whoever was watching it and they wouldn't notice him. He crept along the wall until he got to the desk where he dashed around.

He sat back on his haunches, eyes wide, saliva pooling in his mouth. He had found nirvana! Look at all these wonderful unprotected roots to nom on! His humom had said he only needed to nom on *one* wire, but geez.. it would be a crime to leave so many unchomped where anyone could just trip over them when they were in a hurry to escape the room! Why, even cats needed escape routes, right?

He rubbed his paws together in glee, giving his muzzle a quick wash. He wasn't even quite sure where to start! So much wonderful choice. Bum wiggling in glee, he chomped  the biggest, fattest one first. Pzzzt. Oooh, that'd been a live one. He shook his head to distribute the zaps out of the bottom of his furry feet. Good thing he was well insulated! The next cord he nibbled at to make a hole in the protecter so he could pull bits down and toss them aside when they came off. Soon he had a very colourful bundle of wires to choose from. He pulled them apart one at a time, chew, chomp, nom. 

By the time he'd finished the cable-chomp-a-thon he was starting to get tired and yawned. Sticking his head out from under the desk, it seemed that the TV watching human was still absorbed so not much stealth was required to find the shoes. Actually, it was probably a good thing he found the shoes, he was starting to need a litterbox and no way was he using one of those foul cat things, he'd rather piddle in the woods! He nudged the shoes into perfect alignment and left a small pile of pellets in one, and then made the other rather soggy. That'd teach the human not to .. do whatever it was he was supposed to have done. Or not do whatever it was he did do. Really, he was a rabbit, it was hard to keep track of human silliness.

Shaking his head he put on bunny ninja mode to get back to the closet. There was another couple two foots coming in to the warren and he wanted out before the computer was found. Bonus, he knew the cats were about to get very blamed and he didn't want to be a pin cushion target either. 

Mick managed to dive into the closet as a human female came around the corner. He widened the portal and jumped back through to find himself home. By the smell of it, Freddie had opened a second portal to get back to his own warren.

Mick yawned and stretched and hopped back to his den. This had better be worth an extra helping of salad, is all he had to say!

[Doggie & Bunny Fiction] Helping with the laundry.

(Sorry! I couldn't resist this photo of Hef of the Bunny Lounge and .. Big B, I think.)

Little B yawned and rolled over. "Was Momma talkin'?"

Shadow rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to pay attention to the humans!"

"Why?" Asked Little Bandit.

"Yeah, why?" asked Hef.

"They have the treats!" Carrot said.

"That's a good reason, but not THE reason." Shadow said with a long suffering sigh. Really, rabbits and puppies, was this what she had to live with?

"Well, what's THE reason then Oh Old Woman of Wisdom?" Hef asked with no little disdain and sarcasm.

Shadow gave a mock snap in his general direction. "You're outnumbered three females to one, do you REALLY want to get in a pissing contest little snack?"

"'Specially with a lady whose bladder is about the same size as you!" Little B pointed out. She couldn't help it, the bitches had to stick together!

"HMPH!" Hef turned tail and showed them his butt as he decided grooming his whiskers was very important.

"No," Shadow continued, "The reason is love."

She got three sets of eyes staring at her before Hef remembered he was giving the big black dog The Butt.

"Love?" Carrot asked.

"We love the humans so we listen to the humans and we obey the humans and we love them back." Shadow said simply. 

Carrot and Hef exchanged a look before both of them fell over busting a gut laughing, Hef rolling around on the couch, while Carrot almost fell off the arm chair.

Shadow grow-grumbled as she flomped onto her stomach. Rabbits! No respect.

Little B padded over to give Shadow a lick. "I think you're crazy, but I agree. Well, about the love stuff. And obeying. I dunno about listening to them ALL the time though, they get kinda boring."

Shadow sighed. "Anyway." she said, talking over the bunny giggles and guffaws that were continuing unabated, "To answer your question, yes, Momma was talking. She asked you to do the laundry."

Little Bandit sat back on her haunches, astonished. 

"Hee hee, listen and obey!" Hef said, setting off a whole new peel of laughter. Shadow's ears flicked around while she pretended to ignore the rabbits.

"How do you do that?" Little B asked.

"I don't know. Something to do with taking the clothes from the pile on the floor, muttering about 'men' and then shoving them in the basket in the bathroom, then dragging that down to the whirly-water-noisey-vibrating machine and shoving them in there with the sickly-sweet liquid stuff that tastes worse than blue toilet water, and close the top and hit some buttons." Shadow couldn't say she'd paid much attention.

"That doesn't sound too hard." Little Bandit decided and got up to trot off to the bedroom, ignoring all barriers that should have stopped her.

"Er." Shadow wasn't quite sure this could possibly end well.

There was all sorts of noises from the bedroom, Shadow put her front paws over her nose while Carrot hopped over to Hef's couch to shove him with her nose and say "Love!" and he'd giggle and shove her with his nose and say "Obey!" and then howl some more. Shadow wondered why she bothered.

Little Bandit reappeared dragging the basket behind her with her teeth, tail wagging madly as she went through the room, barely missing some knick-knacks. The sound of her going through the house was easily followed, thump, scrape, squoooosh, thump, bump, thump, "Ow!"

Shadow sighed and got to her feet and padded off to find out what her much younger (and quite adopted, thankyouverymuch) sister had done now.  Appearing in the laundry room, she found Little B sitting in a half-overturned basket, with a pair of Daddy's under shorts half on her head, looking quite guilty cat like. "I thought if I stood on the basket I could get up on the machiney thing and put the clothes in without having to jump."

Shadow sighed again. "How well did laziness work for you?"

Little B hung her head. "Not very well. Work works better." She repeated the well known canine saying.

"Exactly. Now get up there and I'll toss the clothes to you. But I insist this is still a bad idea!"

"But Momma ASKED *ME* to do this!" Little B said, looking very sad faced at her older sis.

"I don't think she was serious.." Shadow muttered, giving B a nose up as the german shepherd scrambled at the dryer. "Because if she was, she'd have asked Dadda first, it could only be safer.."

"HA! Dad would blow up a fondo pot before it was warmed!" Little B protested.

The black dog had to admit she was a bit surprised by Little B's having heard THAT story.. and decided to change the subject by starting to throw up the clothes. Fortunately for B, Momma had left the lid open so no wrestling was required.

"GAH!" Little B spat out an item of clothing into the washer. "What in a flat cat's mouth was THAT?"

Shadow hang out her own tongue and scrapped her paws along her tongue, "Dadda's.. and best not to ask."

"GAH!" Little B repeated, shaking her head to a jingle of collar and licenses. Shadow's next throw hit her in the side and she had to be nimble to grab it in her teeth. "Why does Momma have all these frilly lacey things? She never wears them!"

"She's gotta, I don't think she'd just wash them every week for no reason.." Shadow offered doubtfully.

Little B dropped it in with the rest, the white bra landing on one of "Dadda's" red shirts. "Humans do lots of things for no reason."

Shadow shrugged and tossed up the last of the clothes, a balled pair of socks that must have been momma's because they didn't make her nose try to curl up inside her head. Little B caught them in her mouth before dropping them in the washer.

The german shepherd turned on her tail to reach up to the shelf to get the jug. "Vis Shtuff?" she asked around it.

"Yeah, the light grey one!" Shadow agreed.

Little B carefully put it on the dryer between her front paws and had to dig in her teeth to twist the top off. "Glarrrrgh!" She moaned, "That's HORRIBLE." she wiped her tongue on the dryer, on the outside of the jug, on her legs, and then again on the dryer. "That's almost as bad as Dadda's unmentioneds!"

Shadow shuddered. She'd accidentally tasted that stuff once before too. Blech. No thank you! She'd rather eat hay than have that taste in her mouth again!

Little B grabbed the jug by the handle and poured some in the washer. "Howf musch?"

"Dunno, that much?" Shadow offered after a few moments.

Little Bandit put the jug back down and eyed the cap with a sigh before she carefully picked it up and put it on the jug before putting said jug back up on the shelf. No way was she turning that cap and risking that taste again!

Knocking the lid of the washer down was easy, though the resounding crash made both dogs jump. Little B eyed the buttons and dials and batted at a few with her paws, nosed a few others and then scratched at the dial again. Finally the machine kicked in, starting the sounds of water dumping in. "Yay!"  Little B jumped off the washer and onto the ground to prance around in a circle! "I helpeded Momma! I did the laundry!" She was momentary distracted by her tail and had to do a quick tail chase before wondering if she should be seeing those little white bubbles already.

Shadow was eyeing the washing machine herself. "You know, if we get out of here before anything goes wrong, its not our fault."

"Its the Dadda's fault, right?" Little B said, backing away from the machine that was making an odd gurgling sound.

"Right!"

The two dogs spun on spot and dashed back through the house to the living room where the rabbits were apparently all worn out from the gigglefest and snoozing.

"How come nothin's ever THEIR fault?" Little B asked.

"Because they're small, cute, and helpless." Shadow said with an almost teenage eyeroll.

"Since when?!" Little B demanded. 

Shadow sighed and lay down.

"Really! When did they become helpless?" Little B asked, nudging Shadow with her nose.

Shadow let out a long sigh and closed her eyes.

"Shaaadow!! When did .." she stopped as she heard her Momma come in from the yard.

"What's all that noise?" She asked as she came in.

Little B immediately lay down beside Shadow and tried to put on the best "halo look" she had. 

The human glanced at the animals, with a frown and then headed off to find the source of the strange noises..

* * *

Disclaimer : The Momma would never ACTUALLY leave dogs alone with bunnies. But in story time land, its all good and safe. Well, until The Momma discovers what's been done to her washing machine.. and clothes .. :)