Wednesday, August 15, 2012

[Bunny Fiction] Mr Mick vs Cabana Boy.

Mr Mick    &   Freddie Gerbil

For the new(er) readers: 

Bunnies travel the world by "bunny portal". This is a magical device that enables them to go from any one closet to any other. The smaller the closet the better the accuracy of the transportation. (Yes, bunnies have mastered worm hole transportation. You can be concerned.)

Animals converse in a frequence beyond the range of any human above the age of about seven. Kids can hear and converse with bunnies, cats, dogs, etc, but the adults and teens will just think they're crazy.

* * *

Mr Mick sneezed and flopped his head about, flapping his ears. Pure coincedence one of those ears hit his companion. Freddie turned and glared up at the rabbit. "I could let you do this on your own, you know."

"Oh no, how ever will I survive without a rodent guide." Mr Mick said, paw to chest, fluttering his eyes.

Freddie sat up on his hind paws and continued to glare.

"Oh lighten up." Mickey muttered as he nosed open the closet door. It was always a challenge to portal into a closet that hadn't been used outgoing before. Which was about why he'd sent the gerbil first. "But not too much, you don't have much weight to lose."

"Unlike some!" Freddie countered, poking Mick's side. 

Mick peered out into the hallway, "I am a perfectly healthy weight for a rabbit!"

"Yeah, a Flemish Giant." Freddie said giving his best sweet mousie smile.

Mr Mick scowled, "When did you grow a backbone? I liked servile gerbil better."

"Heat must have addled my brain." Freddie said with that sunflower seeds wouldn't disappear down his gullet look.

"What brain?" Mickey grumbled and decided the coast was clear and hopped out and down around the corner. He then backpeddled right back into the closet. "CAT!"

"ACK!" Freddie yelped and dived under Mick.

"What're you doing?! Heee, hee, that tickles! Stop that!" Mick thumped.

"Cat's eat guys like me!"

"Maybe they're not so bad after all.." Mick mused. He sighed, Naw, he'd miss the little irritant if he got eaten. And he'd feel bad. And would have to explain to his Mom how he let a friend's furkid get splatted. "Maybe you should head home, I've got it from here."

Freddie would normally argue in the sake of friendship and curiousity, but he could hear a second cat join the first. "I'm so outta here!" He squeeked and dived into the portal they'd left a little open in case of emergency.. and cats were definitely an emergency in Freddie's world.

Mick shook his head and sighed. He'd have to be .. what was that word? Oh, yeah, diplomatic. Where was Hannah when you needed her? Or Maddy, he could toss Maddy at them and they'd flee in terror as soon as she started talking. 

"So, intruder, what are you?" A feline voice asked.

From its height, Mick could only assume it had sat up by the door. He sighed, "*I*, Sir Mickey, Mr Mick, am a rabbit extrodinaire. I am ruler of the Kingdom of Jade, protector of the throne and handsomest boy in the entire land. My Momma says so."

There was a silence on the other side.

"Really!" He added when the silence had dragged on. 

"And what do you want er, sir rabbit knight?"

Was there laughter in that cat's voice? Hmph. Cats. No respect for perfectly respectable lagomorphs who could chomp cat tails if they weren't careful. Maybe he should go get Katie. She could probably teach these louts what for. (He'd been learning English from Speedy and was quite proud of his vocabulary increase.) He cleared his voice, "I'm here to poop in the Cabana Boy's shoes and snip a few computer wires."

There was a buzz of feline communication. They debated who 'Cabana Boy' was and whether they cared about his shoes. The conversation turned past the point where even Mick's sensitive ears could pick it up, and he tried! "You may pass." the cat finally said.

"Really?" Mick blurted.

"He pays too much attention to that computer. He pets it, he talks to it, he spends HOURS at it. He should be paying attention to ME, er, us."

Mick nudged the door open once more to look up at the cat. "I know that song, brother. My humom hogs the computer all the time!" He stepped out to look at the, gulp, three cats. Well, he might be able to kick one cat's tail, two if he really tried, but three was out of his league, not that he'd admit it outloud.

"Computer's thatta way." The furthest back cat said, nodding in one direction, "Continue through and shoes'n'stuff are on the right."

"Thank you, good felines." He said, "I'll send you some .. " He paused, well, he couldn't send salmon because he'd given the last of that to Katie. "Do cats like tuna?" he asked.

"Yes please." the so far quiet one said. All three had sat up with interest.

"Oh we have cans of the stuff. I'll send it with a gerbil who can open the cans.. so please don't eat the gerbil." Mickey replied.

"What's a gerbil?"

"Small mouse, fuzzy tail." Mickey replied. He wasn't actually quite sure on the differences between gerbils and mice, but he didn't really care either.

"Don't eat the mouse. Check." The first cat said.

"Nono, don't eat the mouse with the tuna!" The second cat corrected.

All three thought that was a much better plan.

Refraining from rolling his eyes, Mr Mick hopped down the hallway to where he could hear the familiar buzz of computer works. It sounded like the TV was on, and he could smell a human in there, but since there was no clatter of keys, he was fairly confident the TV was busy hypnotizing whoever was watching it and they wouldn't notice him. He crept along the wall until he got to the desk where he dashed around.

He sat back on his haunches, eyes wide, saliva pooling in his mouth. He had found nirvana! Look at all these wonderful unprotected roots to nom on! His humom had said he only needed to nom on *one* wire, but geez.. it would be a crime to leave so many unchomped where anyone could just trip over them when they were in a hurry to escape the room! Why, even cats needed escape routes, right?

He rubbed his paws together in glee, giving his muzzle a quick wash. He wasn't even quite sure where to start! So much wonderful choice. Bum wiggling in glee, he chomped  the biggest, fattest one first. Pzzzt. Oooh, that'd been a live one. He shook his head to distribute the zaps out of the bottom of his furry feet. Good thing he was well insulated! The next cord he nibbled at to make a hole in the protecter so he could pull bits down and toss them aside when they came off. Soon he had a very colourful bundle of wires to choose from. He pulled them apart one at a time, chew, chomp, nom. 

By the time he'd finished the cable-chomp-a-thon he was starting to get tired and yawned. Sticking his head out from under the desk, it seemed that the TV watching human was still absorbed so not much stealth was required to find the shoes. Actually, it was probably a good thing he found the shoes, he was starting to need a litterbox and no way was he using one of those foul cat things, he'd rather piddle in the woods! He nudged the shoes into perfect alignment and left a small pile of pellets in one, and then made the other rather soggy. That'd teach the human not to .. do whatever it was he was supposed to have done. Or not do whatever it was he did do. Really, he was a rabbit, it was hard to keep track of human silliness.

Shaking his head he put on bunny ninja mode to get back to the closet. There was another couple two foots coming in to the warren and he wanted out before the computer was found. Bonus, he knew the cats were about to get very blamed and he didn't want to be a pin cushion target either. 

Mick managed to dive into the closet as a human female came around the corner. He widened the portal and jumped back through to find himself home. By the smell of it, Freddie had opened a second portal to get back to his own warren.

Mick yawned and stretched and hopped back to his den. This had better be worth an extra helping of salad, is all he had to say!


  1. Ah, so THAT'S where my tuna went! Lucky for Freddie that I bought tuna in the vac-sealed pouches this week--even a cat can open them.

    1. Wait - you mean you buy these things for YOURSELF? .. That seems awfully shortsighted.. :)

  2. well that was a job well done by Mickey,but Speedy is miffed at being left out,as he's always up for a adventure and when its for Lorna his adoptive Godmother well thats a given,Speedy would do any thing for her,Oh well theres always next time.I hope the cats enjoyed the tuna.xo Rach

    1. Aww.. I didn't want to inflict cats on Speedy just yet.. I have a plan.. :)

      My poor BF, at this rate he's going to have a small army of furry animals out to get him.. :D

    2. Oh no godmum I wouldn't let anything happen to Freddie he can sit on the back of my neck and I'll sprint us out of trouble!bunny hugs Speedy!