Saturday, August 6, 2016

[WoW Fiction] Three Tauren and two Elves walk into a dungeon..

Shevaun was sitting in The Legerdemain Lounge, drinking coffee, and doing a watercolour of a goblin's best invention - the coffee press.  There was a high elf in the corner butchering something on the harp. She was pretty sure it'd be more enjoyable if he knew what rhythm was. His knowing how to tune his harp would probably also help the matter. She winced as he hit a sour note. Perhaps Elves liked that sort of thing, although there didn't seem to be another one in the cafĂ© at the moment. Early afternoon was typically the slow time, which was why she was here.

Her musing was disrupted by a bunny grabbing her pant leg and tugging.

Shevaun looked down to see a mid-sized white rabbit with chocolate frosting on ears and nose trying to get her attention. "Yes, Speedy?" Now that she brought her attention around from trying to ignore the unmusic and focus on painting, there did seem to be some excitement going on in Dalaran east.

"The Kirin Tor requests your assistance with a break-out from the Violet Citadel."

"Again?" Shevaun asked, eye-ridges raising.

"Well, there may have been some discussion that since you and your troops settled the matter last time.." Speedy scratched his chin bone with the claws of his hindfoot.

Shevaun sighed, standing. She picked up her paints and pad and handed them over to the barista. "Hang onto those for me, please!"

"Do I even have any troops available?" Shevaun asked Speedy. The rabbits, the best messenger and courier service of the realms, always knew where everyone was.

"Well, yes and no. Sort of." Speedy skirted around the answer.

The druidess and leader of mavericks winced.

* * *

The trio of trouble, as Leensa had started calling the group, were standing on the landing platform watching the Kirin Tor guards rush about like their hair was on fire. "Why are they all human?" Chewie asked.

"There're a few high elves," Raelanaa replied as she made a face at the mention of the idiot high elves. That lot were more concerned with their boots than their brains. "But once the Horde got tossed from Dalaran, a lot of the regulars hightailed it off to other positions. They didn't want to associate with a supposedly neutral organization that was no longer neutral." The paladin finished up.

Leensa nodded, "Jaina kinda shot an arrow into her own knee with that one."

"Morons." agreed Raelanna.

"Idiots." replied Leensa.

It devolved from there.

"Jerk faces."

"Empty heads."

"Pudding brains."


Chewie was saved from the sisters' contest on who could come up with the better description of the Kirin Tor's policies by their fearless leader pounding up the stairs. "You're still here, good. Violet Citadel is under attack."

"Wat?" said Chewie.

"Again?" Leensa asked.

"That's what I said," Shevaun grumbled, tossing her mane in irritation.

"Who puts a jail in the middle of their city??" Rae asked, readying weaponry.

"The Kirin Tor, that's who. Don't look at me; I'm just a bear, not an architect." Shevaun replied before turning to run back the way she'd come up. The trio quickly followed suit.  After the stairs, she skittered around a pillar and onto the street. Cobblestones and hooves did not mix. She shifted to cat form as Chewie became a wolf. They high-tailed it towards the hold, leaving the paladins trying to catch up.

"When I figure out who convinced the light that paladins don't need to occasionally run faster, I will stab them in the eye with a fork," Rae grumbled as she put forth her best speed.

Leensa wasn't as fast as her sister, possibly all the extra armour. "Why a fork, sister?"

"Because it'll hurt more." Rae snapped.

* * *

Shev came to a skidding stop next to a large Tauren who was busy talking to two Tauren ladies. The topic of discussion seemed to be the difference between the elementals mages summoned and those shaman communed with.  All of them seemed completely oblivious to the chaos around them. People were rushing this way and that, there was fel explosions against the shield that had been cast over the citadel, and there was just general noise and mayhem coming from the prison.

The druid and the shaman shifted back to their true forms in sync, each grabbing an arm of the large male Tauren, and lifted their compatriot off the ground to start hauling him to the hold. "Write him a letter!" Shevuan told the mystified ladies.

"Write him two!" Chewie called with a jaunty wave of his free hand.

"Uh." Grunto managed, trying to peer over his shoulder to see where he was going.

"Some shmoe named Lord Malgrath has decided to break the prisoners out of the hold. The guard has managed to lock them in, but it won't last. We're going in to clean up the mess."

"Again?" Grunto asked with mild amusement.

The two paladins caught up at this point. "That's what I said!" Rae declared.

"Did you get anywhere with those two?" Leensa asked, gesturing over her shoulder at the ladies in question.

"Possibly." He answered with a slight smile.

"You weight a ton. "Chewie said, dropping his half of Grunto, causing Shevaun to stumble and shoot the shaman a death look. Chewie gave their leader his best winning smile as they arrived into the courtyard of the citadel.

"Well. Bugger." Raelanaa said succinctly as they watched the guard and mages run around like a bunch of headless chickens.

"This is why they outsource," Leensa observed.

"Thank the light for us!" Rae agreed.

Shevaun sighed again and ignored the sisters. Really, it was just for the best that she did.

Marching up to Lieutenant Sinclari, the druid let her know they were ready to assist. The mage seemed more than happy to dump the circus of monkeys into Shevaun's lap.

"So, uh, what's the plan?" Grunto asked.

"We hit things until they apologize and go back to their cells," Chewie replied.

"Good plan." Grunto agreed.

Sinclari opened the massive doors, "Hurry, I can't hold open the way for long!" The doors opened to reveal a typical Kirin Tor purple magic shield.

They dashed through, Sinclari close on their heels, the shield closing up behind them. "My men are within. I need to get them out. Hold off the demons and Lord Malgath as long as you can!"

"Hold him off?" Rae scoffed, "We're going to send him back to the nether realm in bits."

"Small, small, battered bits," Leensa added.

"So he's a fish?" Rae asked her sister, nose wrinkled.

"Wat?" Chewie asked, wondering if the blood elves had finally lost their remaining marbles.

"Focus, people!" Shevaun said, shifting into an enormous and well-armoured bear.

"Where does the armour come from?"

"How do you gain mass?"

"If you lose fur, do you lose skin when you change back or do you lose some of your mane?"

Shevaun ignored them and chose to wade into a group of demons as the safer option. Grunto and Chewie weren't far behind.

"Some people have no appreciation for inquiring minds." Leensa huffed.

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