Tuesday, June 23, 2015

[Fur Fiction] Train to Roskilde!

"This is prime napping time." Mick grumbled. Midnight. His human had gone to bed before midnight. Speedy told him to visit his pet viking. Mick had tried pointing out how grumpy vikings got when you visited them at 0630. Speedy had pointed out weren't vikings the most fun when they were at their most grumpy? While the British bunny may have had a point, Mick felt plenty grumpy himself.

He came out of the closet to find the viking already awake and not in the bedroom. He smelled a conspiracy. He'd smell a conspiracy even if he had a sinus infection. On the other paw, he also smelled oats coming from the messenger bag sitting on the floor by the viking's bed. Couldn't hurt to look, could it?

Rabbits could be very sneaky when they wanted. Mick didn't much care about being silent right now though, The Viking was humming to himself. He probably couldn't hear a rabbit at full speed on bubble wrap. Mick paused, the humming sounded suspiciously like Ozzy Fudd's Wabbit Slayer. He'd have to pee in The Viking's shoes later.

He flipped back the flap of the bag and stuck his head in. The messenger bag opened up into bunny space. Inside was a litter box full of fresh timothy hay, a bowl of oats, a water bottle, tossy things, and basically a bunny home away from home. Mick felt a foot on his butt and he was unceremoniously shoved into the bag. He turned around in the litter box, standing on his hind-feet with a thump of indignation. He put his front paws on the edge of the messenger bag and stuck his head back out.

"Road trip!" The Viking announced happily, chewing on what looked like the remains of a pastry.

"Are you allowed that? You'll get fat and sore foot." Mick grumped. He then thumped again for good measure. "Road trip?! I didn't agree to a road trip! A road trip where? And why? We can't just portal! Foo' humans."

The viking licked his fingers before wandering off into the bathroom to wash his hands.

"Ignoring me won't make me nicer!" Mick called after him. Seriously, was it backwards day where The Viking thought he had rights and commands?

"Talking to you doesn't either." the viking pointed out, coming back into the bedroom. He grabbed a jacket and swung it on. Picking up his shoes, he gave them a casual sniff before putting them by the bed to put on.

"I should have peed in them." Mick grumbled.

"That's what litter boxes are for. And here I thought you were a smart bunny."

"A VINDICTIVE bunny, I am a VINDICTIVE bunny." Mick corrected, removing his forepaws from the edge of the bag to sit on all fours in the litter box. "Where are we going and why can't we just portal?" he asked again.

"We can't bunny portal because you don't know where we're going." The viking happily pointed out.

"You could just TELL me." Mick retorted.

"Okay." The Viking picked up the strap of the bag and swung it over his shoulder. The outside of the bag shifted around, the inside didn't. Somebun had done some mighty pawsome engineering. The Viking walked out the door, locking it behind him. He looked at the horizon for a moment, then one way and then the other. He pointed off to the east. "We're going thatta way."

"Thank you Captain Helpful." Mick grumbled some more.

The Viking grinned and headed down the steps, stopped with a frown and started to head back up. "You locked it." Mr Mick said, sticking nose out of the bag once more.

"You sure?" The Viking asked, memory failing him and hesitant to trust Mickey's word. One never knew when the rabbit was playing Puck or playing straight.

"Yup." The nose wiggled.

He decided to trust the rabbit. It couldn't be THAT big a mistake, could it?

* * *

A short walk, a short wait, and a grumpy rabbit later and they were sitting on a train. It didn't take long for Mick to get bored and stick his head out of the messenger bag. "Am I allowed to be on here?"

"Sure. You're in a carrier like device." The Viking didn't look up from his tablet.

"Feh." Mick said, stretching up to look out the window. The station didn't look very exciting. "Bunny portal would be faster and cheaper."

"Uh huh."

"And have better snacks."

"There's carrots in the fridge." The Viking told him.

"There's a fridge in here?" Mick said with a large dose of skepticism.

"Sure. It's on the second floor." The Viking said with a yawn. Getting up early had seemed like such a good idea at the time.

"There's a second floor?!" Mr Mick dived back into the messenger bag and found a set of stairs hidden by the litterbox.

"Bring me a Fanta." Kim said to the bag.

"How am I supposed to carry that?!" Mick called up.

"Same way you carry a tablet." Kim replied. The doors thudded and eventually the train started to slowly roll down the tracks.

"Shaken." Mick grumbled to himself. After delivering his own refreshments to the floor beside the litter box, he dragged a bottle of Fanta up and threw it out of the bag. Unfortunately, it hit The Viking in the shoulder, rather than his head.

The Viking managed to catch the bottle before it bounced and opened it very cautiously. He was about to take a sip when a packet of trail mix bounced off the side of his face. "Thanks." He said dryly.

"Don't mention it." Mick said, flomping back onto the plush rug. Three seconds later he announced, "I'm bored."

With a sigh Kim passed his tablet into the bag.

"I better not find any freaky panda porn on here." Mick said, nudging it with his nose. He might be able to think-talk at certain Danes, but he couldn't read Danish. Whatever book The Viking was reading was quickly replaced by Sports Report.

* * *

Mick had eventually grown bored of surfing the web, especially since Speedy wouldn't tell him where The Viking was taking him. Cooper had been waxing about Texan storms. So, the lop eared rabbit was currently sitting with his chin on the edge of the messenger bag, watching Denmark go by. "Shoulda brought the laptop so I could play WoW."

"You play WoW?" The Viking asked with raised brows. He shouldn't be surprised, he knew, but somehow..

"Doesn't everyone?" Mick asked rhetorically.

"What a cute bunny!" a female voice exclaimed. Mick looked over his shoulder as The Viking looked up. She was cute, redheaded, and was leaning to look at Mick. Mick wondered if the cleavage shot was intentional.

"I'm not cute, I'm adorable." Mick corrected her, unfortunately, she couldn't hear him.

"Is he yours?" She asked.

"I'm more his," The Viking replied with a wry grin.

"His indeed." Mick grunted. "Put your tongue back in your mouth."

"Can I pet him?" She asked.

Mick sighed.

*BE NICE!* The Viking thought quite loudly.

Mick sighed again and leaned over so she could stroke his soft ears. The fact it put her chest right in front of the Viking's nose wasn't lost on him. "If you're using me to pick up chicks.."

"I'm actually just watching him for a friend. Don't mind his lack of manners, he's an American rabbit."

She giggled, "His fur is so soft!"

"Seriously, you can do better than this female." Mick told The Viking. Then thought about it, "Well, maybe you can't."

"Here," The Viking said, ignoring Mick. He picked up the bag and switched seats so she could sit down. "He's not big on being held, but it's okay if he's in the bag."

Mick rolled his eyes and ignored the flirting humans, if that's what you wanted to call it. It was as subtle as a sledge hammer to a plate glass window. As long as the two foot kept petting, he supposed he'd put up with it.

The Viking decided, if you could ignore the sarcasm, the rabbit wasn't the world's worst wingman.

* * *

A rabbit in a bag on his shoulder, a wave to Emma, and The Viking was on his way, an email address burning in his pocket.

"Does this entire country smell like fish?" asked Mick, sticking his nose out of the messenger bag and handing over a snack bag.

"No. Some bits smell like urine and fish." He took a handful of the mix and lightly bonked Mick on the top of his head, "Of course it doesn't."

"I see SOMEONE'S in a good mood," Mick grumbled, turning to look at the seagulls wheeling in the late morning breeze.

"My foot's not hurting, the bunny is not threatening to pee in my shoes, and it's not raining. What's not to enjoy?" The Viking asked.

Mick just let out a very long suffering sigh as they found their next train.

* * *

"Any more trains?" Mick asked. While he was enjoying the novel method of transportation, and watching the world click by, he was getting tired of the endless travel. As comfortable as the mini-condo was, he was sick of the same four walls.

"That was the last one." He had two more email addresses and a phone number in his pocket. He wondered if he could find a more agreeable traveling companion for future ventures. Speedy seemed to be the sort who'd like the rails..

"Oh good. Now what?" Mick sniffed the air. Still smelled like fish to him.

"Now we walk." The Viking shrugged the shoulder that didn't have a messenger bag on it. "Well, I walk, you complain."

"As long as we have an equitable work plan." Mick agreed. "What's with all the bicycles?"

"Have you seen the price of gas?" The Viking asked, "Bikes are cheaper!"

"And here I thought I was going to get a lecture on environmentalism." He sniffed and ducked back into the condo. "Wake me when we get wherever."

"I'll drop you on your head upon arrival." The Viking promised.


* * *

A finger poked Mick in the head. "Wake up."

"I'm awake. I'm just doing my taxes." Mick said, stretching with a yawn, sending hay every which way. Fortunately humans were good maids. He stuck his head out of the bag and his eyes widened. "Is that.."

"It is." The Viking said proudly.

"So pretty!" Mick instantly scrambled out of the bag and hopped down onto the wooden pier of the Viking Ship Museum. He sped down the dock to periscope at one longboat after another. Five stood in various stages of construction.

The Viking strolled after him, ignoring the children giggling over a rabbit being loose. Mick would only be seen by adults if he wanted to be. The air smelled like tar, salt water, and freshly cut wood. Seagulls mine'd overhead.  Mr Mick was practically dancing in front of one of the ships.  "Well?" he asked.

"THAT ONE! I want that one!" Mr Mick said happily, bouncing up and down on his hind feet, seemingly having no balance problems even though he was in mid-periscope.

"All yours." The Viking said smugly. "What're you going to do with it?"

Mick waved a paw, "Don't bother me with details, I've gotta go get Speedy! I've got my very own longboat at last!" He scurried down the plans and for a moment The Viking had the thought he was about to be abandoned, "C'mon! We've gotta closet to England!"

He HAD planned to visit Roskilde while they were here, but, a free trip to England? What the hell.

Soon enough he was sitting in a closet with a very bouncy bunny. He was quite amused that Mick still had delusions he would be able to move a ship and/or sail the thing.

Mr Mick stopped mid-bounce and turned to The Viking to lick his cheek. "Thank you for my birthday present. Now all I need is a crew!"

Uh oh.

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