Saturday, October 18, 2014

[Bunny Pirate Fiction] The Rumrabbit, a Captain, and a lot of flaming poop.

"Tracy!" Cap'n Renee bellowed, ducking the flying, flaming, poop, that went by her head. "You get on the flags and ask Mister Captain Jack Sparrow that the flippin' fuckin' hell he's gotten us into!" The ship was attempting to navigate the shallows to get close enough to the island to disembark.

Tracy had grabbed the flags and was about to head foredeck but stopped halfway through the rant. "I'm not sure I know how to flag that." She ducked a rather large glob of on fire excrement. The monkeys had impressive throwing arms.

"Can you flag 'I'm going to take one of those hell infested monkeys and shove them where the --" there was a pause as the Captain had to navigate both through coral and avoid more flaming poop. " -- sun doesn't shine?"

"Newfoundland?" Tracy asked a little too innocently.

"TRACY!" Cap'n Ren barked.

The first mate of the Rumrabbit sighed, stepped aside to avoid more firey crap, and started towards the forecastle. "You sure I can't just make you some coffee? You seem awfully stressed."

Thor, T-Dog to his friends, nodded his little bunny head.

"Oh don't you start." Grumbled Ren. "How come none of you are hoppin' to, eh mate?"

The rabbit his head to one side, seemed to consider her words, then started grooming his hind leg.

"I should be on a nice little island, on a hammock, drinkin' copious amounts of rum." She leaned left to avoid the latest projectile. "But no, have a job for you, says Cap'n Sparrow, lots of loot says the Cap'n. So here I am," she stepped backwards, hands still on wheel, "avoiding fuckin' MONKEY POOP!"

"Flaming monkey poop, which smells most delightful," said a pleasantly calm voice. Pearl appeared with a mug which she passed to her Captain. Her path had been one of grace, it didn't seem she went out of her way to avoid any of the projectiles at all, even though they were getting more frequent as they approached the island.

Ren sniffed the cup and smiled, coffee with rum. "Thanks luv, remind me to promote you."

Pearl smiled amiably, "I'll just take my share." She patted her cutlass. "Do we get to slice and dice some monkeys soon?"

"Shoulda let that bloody Sparrow go first. But no, me ship is more manoeuvrable and all that rot." Ren growled then took a swig of her doctored coffee and sighed. "Y'know what? Get out the cannons, explosive blasts, we'll turn and blow the damn monkeys and their trees to splinters."

"Aye aye, Cap'n!" Pearl replied happily, descending to pass on the Captain's orders.

The rabbits did binkies of joy. For supposed prey animals they took entirely too much delight in blowing things up. They then scrambled to helped the Flint, new master of the cannons.

"And then, God help Captain Jack Sparrow when I get my hands on him!" Captain Ren vowed.