Tuesday, May 14, 2013

[Not Quite So Random Anymore Story] No Stampeding Cows.

So, let's talk about something that isn't Goat. Because, I'll tell you right now, while we were sitting in Cowtown (Calgary to you non-western Canadians) airport, I was doing my best to ignore his existence right off the planet. Tim Hortons can fix many ills, but it can't fix a man with funky eyes staring at you flatly trying to make you answer questions he hadn't gotten around to asking yet. I'm going to do my psychic bird routine and guess what questions you have, because I sure as heck wasn't wasting the effort on one of Cougar's friends.

Let's see, first up, if the avatars of beings of powers exist what else exists is probably top of the list. You probably want to know about werewolves and vampires and stuff like that. Werewolves, yup, met a few, they're cranky ass bastards, but then, they're Wolf's warriors. He imbibes worthy beings with his spirit and they go fight his cause. Or just fight. A lot. Can any of us do that? Sure, in theory, if we have the power to spare. But seriously, what am I going to create? Thieves who can't fly because they're too big? Please. It's be just a giant waste. I have no idea about the vampires, that's a European thing, and as you can guess, I don't get over the Atlantic much. Actually, its kind of an Asian thing to, I'd believe it more likely over there, they have strong beliefs.

I have met ghosts. They're really not much fun at all. Totally depressing, either they're all in your face about them being dead, or how they died, or they want to kill you so you can keep them company in their misery. I may not be able to leave a ghost, or at least I don't think I can, but dying hurts and I don't want to do it.

What else? Uh, is there God? Sure. Possibly several, possibly one who has a thousand faces, possibly a guy who controls all our actions and makes it look like free will, or maybe a girl who sparked life to the universe and went on vacation. I'm just a power brought about by imagination and faith, I can't say any great being has hopped over and said "Hey, Magpie, we should totally do lunch." Besides, I'd not trust anyone who claims to be that powerful, I'd think they're just selling something. Everyone's selling something, hell, I'm hoping this'll make for a great book thought fictional and make me thousands. If you bought this copy instead of pirating it, be nice and buy a copy for your aunt's gerbil or something. If you pirated it, well, I'd be choked, but I'm more happy of proof that I made it through all this.

Yes, I eat, drink, pee and poop. See memo up there about dying hurting. No one enjoys it. Well, okay, I don't know for a fact that NO ONE enjoys it, but anyone who does is too sick a kitty for me to want to hang around with.

I don't know if every being has a purpose, but I can tell you every being has a favourite song and some even have the same favourite song for more than a day. Having a singular favourite book is like having a singular favourite flavour of ice cream. Sure, you might blurt 'strawberry' but if someone hands you a bowl of 'maple walnut' you'll be all 'Oh! Yum! I love this!' It's the same for books. Movies, I don't watch a lot of. I don't know why, I guess I just have trouble sitting still for that long unless I"m with someone else and the fidgeting would drive them bug nut crazy.

Bunnies are awesome. Yes, I got paid to say that. It doesn't make it any less true though.

Do other places have avatars of their own? Sure! Why not? Do humans stop imagining and believing and whatevering just because they're not on the North American tectonic plate? Please. I wouldn't be surprised if you find a guy sitting on an ice shelf with a cigar, gnawing on a raw fish and trying to explain the language barrier between penguin breeds if you went down to Antarctica. Actually, sign me up for that vacation, it could be a fun lecture.

Do I know Coyote? Not personally, don't have his phone number, he's been running around in eastern Washington state lately, and I don't cross the 49th as often as I used to. Climate change is a bitch.

I think that's the major points. Or at least, the ones I can think of for now. I'm sure once people figure out my Twitter I'll get a bunch more. Of course, that'll be a bit late for this story, but hey, I have dreams of sitting on my ass, fondling a keyboard and making millions. It won't happen, but a girl's gotta have dreams. Or boy, if I die between now and then, I never quite know what I'll come back as.  But me, I"m gonna continue ignoring Goat, get on a plane and wonder why the hell I ever agreed to go to Toronto in the first place. I mean, its not like Bear's THAT persuasive. Why couldn't Horse go to Toronto and I could go back to bed?

If Goat didn't believe in hell before this, three hours on a plane with me, heading to Toronto, should pretty much convince him it not only exists but he signed his own name onto the transfer slip. I'm almost cheerful about getting on that plane. Y'know, if almost were the bowling distance between Yellowknife and Iqaluit.

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