Her gloriousness, high majesty, empress of all she surveyed and goddess of a small but growing church, let out a victorious "BOOM! HEADSHOT!"
Really, humans were so silly. Their reaction speed was terrible.
"Dude, did you just meow into your mic?"
Boobins paused her character's tea bagging to hit a macro. "Meowing for victory!" said the text to voice.
"That's weird." came the reply.
Tap, tap, tap. "You're weird and slow." was her computer's reply. "I don't even have thumbs, and I'm outscoring you fifteen kills to none."
"Uh, he's a healer." another voice protested.
"FINE!" She went back to start and switched to a healer. Really, who used such stupid excuses for incompetence?
One of the neighbours was listening to Beastie Boys rather loudly. She kind of liked it, so she decided not to short out their power. Not like the one who had yodelled whenever he got laid, like he was thanking the powers for someone actually wanting to touch his unwashed self. Maybe he paid well, she offered sympathy to the local sex workers and sent a minor blessing their way.
Once back onto the field of play, she hip shot one of her opponents into a hole and laughed as their character screamed to their deaths. She then healed herself, which had the side bonus of healing those who happened to be near. If they weren't near the healer, it was their own stupid fault and the monkeys deserved to die.
Right, humans. Her humom got upset when she called them apes. She tended to forget by halfway through a game.
"Was that a yowl? Is your cat okay?" The first voice again. The claimed to be healer.
"My cat is sad at how badly you play." was the macroed reply. Really, the ape - humans - were so predictable.
"You may be a good player, but man, are you a jerk!" The second voice. Probably a Canadian or other type of bleeding heart.
"SUCK IT." another macroed reply, this one a custom voice.
She murdered several more humans characters before the timer wore out. Sure, she didn't help much with the mission's goal, but murdering was more fun anyway.
Tap, tap, tap.
"Healer kills, nine. You guys suck." she let the insult fly before leaving the game and queued up for another. She then sent a power surge to the bleeding heart's house. He could think about being a tree hugger while waiting for his power company to figure out what happened. He should be grateful she didn't curdle his maple syrup.
She could get a few more games in before nap time. Murdering the silly humans always gave her good dreams, and her good dreams meant good fortune for the ones she blessed. If she felt like it. Sometimes it was hard to decide if she felt benevolent or not after a long day.
