[WoW Fanfiction] So long, Farewell, auf Wiedersehen, Goodbye

(Listening to Zoot Zoot Riot while reading is optional.)

It was cold in Frostwall. It was always cold in Frostwall. No matter how many times she'd had fire mages insulate her robes, give her warming stones, or other tricks, she still felt the biting of the cold wind. Trying to enter her garrison , Tanla Crystaltear, arcane mage supreme, found herself standing in front of two rather burly orc warriors. Their arms were crossed, axes clenched, frowns quite prominent. Gazlowe, goblin architect and general money finder, stood between them, trying to look disapproving himself. Mostly he looked like something she'd shove out of her way in the marketplace to buy the fabulous material for a new dress.

"Look, dollface, you're banned. Fired. Canned. Shitkicked. You'll find your stuff in Warspear. Not allowed in at all." Gazlowe said with a smirk.

"What?! This is ridiculous! Why?!" Tanla crossed her own arms, trying to resist a good arcane bolt or sixteen to blow them up.

"Sexual harassment, toots." Gazlowe said. "Vol'jin doesn't like that in his Horde!"

"Sexual harassment?! I haven't harassed anyone! This is beyond absurd!" Small sparks of blue were dancing along her fingers.

Gazlowe moved back a bit, to be closer to the guards, and pulled out a scroll. "Did you, or did you not, say to Smith Kerosin 'Nice buns, wanna go bake some more?'"

Tanla threw up her hands in bafflement, "Well, sure. But that's not harassment! That's a friendly invitation for a good time!"

"Did you, or did you not, say to Smith Harlisinian 'You're hot, let's go burn together'?'" Gazlowe continued reading down the list.

"Well, sure, but he didn't seem to mind at all!" Tanla said, hands gesturing and eyes rolling. "It was a COMPLIMENT."

"Did you, or did you not, say to Smith Lohhaen 'Can I run my tongue along your curves?'" Gazlowe said with raised eyeridges.

"That's not harassment at all, that's just a friendly request for consent!" Tanla sounded as bewildered as she felt. No one had ever complained before!

"Look, I could read this all day, but the fact is, sweets, you got busted and you're banned. Shoulda been nicer to the musclebound." Gazlowe told her, rolling up the scroll.

"If they didn't want to be drooled over, they should have been wearing shirts! They were showing of, obviously they wanted to be appreciated! That's all I was doing, I was appreciating.. okay, and maybe a little inviting, but that's hardly a crime!"

Gazlowe sighed. The orcs looked most unimpressed. "What they are, or aren't, wearing is irrelevant!"

"They would dump water over their hair and their hair about! If that's not an invitation, what is?!"

Gazlowe actually facepalmed. "I think you need a lesson or two here, but I ain't the goblin to be doin' it! Now get lost. Shoo. Scram. Scat."

Tanla opened her mouth and then closed it. "Fine!" she turned on her heel and stomped off down the path that was starting to be covered in snow once more. Idiot orcs. Stupid trolls. Poopyhead smiths. Smart ass goblins. She should blow them and their stupid garrison up. One good arcane explosion would teach them! But, who needed them anyway? She hadn't wanted to be the leader of the Garrison on this time warped world. She had just wanted to sit in her tower and make spells and read books.

She stopped. She smiled. She felt a large weight drop off her shoulders. She could go back to Silvermoon. She could catcall the yummies and not get hate for it. She could shop. She could explore. She could experiment. She could burn effigies of Garrosh with glee. She could stick a Thrall doll on a rope and use him for a batting practice. She could write letters to Jaina Whineyass and explain all the spells she was using wrong. She could be warm! She was FREE!

Tanla started casting the portal to her home before the Horde could change its mind.

[WoW fanfiction] Laresa the Goblin.

Lareasa still wasn't sure how she ended up in charge of a garrison in the middle of an infested land. Too many trees, not enough explosives. It was a short rylak ride to the main garrison. Which had a lot of shirtless blood elves wandering around. Tanla Crystalsong always did know how to decorate. The goblin couldn't say she'd be snuggling one of the tall muscle bound boys any time soon, but they weren't bad to look at.

She hopped off the rylak, handing the reigns over to the bored looking Tauren and headed into the garrison. It was no fair that some bimbo mage got a better headquarters than she did. On the flipside, it didn't look like Tanla had a bed. Maybe she slept on the ops table.  The goblin she was looking for wasn't hard to find. He was in a side office that was piled with scrolls and debris.

"Gazlowe, I needs a favour." Lareasa said without preamble. He was her third cousin or something, what was family for but exploiting?

Gazlowe didn't even look up. "No."

"It's not a big favor." she said in her most winning tone.

He flipped the page on the stack of blueprints he was looking at. "No."

"It won't cost ya a thing!" Well, it might, but why bring little details into the matter?

"No. Wait - what?" He actually looked up at her.

"Just a little time, a word in the right ear.." She wheedled, leaning across the desk to try and make cleavage impressive.

The architect was definitely distracted, but not fooled. "Whad'ya want?"

"A portal to Stormshield. This riding a rylak thing every time Thrall coughs is gettin' a tad tedious." She tried wiggling a bit.

"You're a warlock. Do a portal thing." He went back to his papers. "I build things. I blow things up. Portals ain't my thing, doll."

"Oh I know," she said batting her eyelashes, "But you're so powerful and know all the right people! I figured that you could order one of those silly mages to do it. Bein' so high up in rank and stuff and all."

Gazlowe sighed. "What's in it for me, darlin'?"

"I'll get your Aunt Merzlon off yer back about gettin' married."

"DEAL." Gazlowe grabbed her hand and shook it before she could possibly retract the offer. "One portal, I'm assumin' from your fort, to Stormshield. In return one aunt stops naggin' me about dames. Got it."

Lareasa managed not to roll her eyes. "Perfect. Happy to do business with you."

"One question." The elder goblin said, eying her.

"What?"

"How'd you end up with such a goofy name?"

Lareasa sighed, it was probably the most ungoblin name a goblin could be named. "Mum named me after the first person she swindled. Happened to be a night elf. Lucky me."

Gazlowe laughed. "I'll get on that portal."

"And I'll get to Orgrimmar and distract your aunt."

"See ya, sweetheart."

Lareasa sighed. She wondered if she could make a certain imp just blow up a certain aunt..

[WoW/Animal Fanfiction] When the humans are away..

Imogen, Protection Paladin (tank). Speedy, Holy Paladin (healer). Mr Mick, Frost Death Knight (DPS), Princess Sammy, Restoration Shaman (healer), Bibi, Feral Druid (DPS), Handsome Jack, Markmanship Hunter (DPS).

* * *

Imogen tried not to sigh into the mic. It was like herding cats. Well, she supposed since there WERE two cats in the group, it was exactly like herding cats, and rabbits, and did she have to herd herself? The Australian Shepherd cross gave it a moments thought. "Is everyone ready?" she asked into the relative silence, starting a ready check.

"Yup!" said Speedy, always the quickest. He was a well named Himalayan Rex bunny.

"I guess." grumped Mick. The light brown lop always sounded like he had better things to be doing.

"Of course!" Sammy, black cat and princess, replied with the general disdain she held the world in.

Jack failed the check. There was silence in voice chat.

"Jack?" Immi asked.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Sammy growled. "Where's he gone now?"

"Foo' cat." Mick grumbled.

"Watch it, long ears!" Sammy snapped.

"QUIT IT!" Imogen snapped. "We'll just wait for him to get back. Have some patience."

"Patience? How long does that take to learn?" Speedy asked, innocently.

"Longer than the salad takes to be delivered" Bibi offered, chiming in. The lop was more interested in cleaning her ears than where silly cats had disappeared to.

Imogen resisted the urge to whap her forehead against the desk while the others squabbled.

"Sorry! What'd I miss?" Jack asked, reappearing.

"Where WERE you?" Sammy demanded. "We've been WAITING FOREVER."

The handsome long haired grey just sniffed, "I had to use the litter box."

"Well, next time let us know before you just disappear please." Imogen slid in before anyone else could grump. "NOW! If we're all ready?" She ran a ready check. This time everyone passed. "Okay! Pulling this stupid ogre in 10!"

"I think he's an orc." Speedy pointed out.

"I don't care if he's Captain Picard of the Starship Enterprise, he's got my helm and he's going down!" Sammy exclaimed, planting totems.

Imogen winged off her shield at Kargoth before anyone else could get too enthusiastic. There was a reason they didn't let any of the pick-up raid members into chat. Well, the lack of organization, general bickering and the fact the average WoW player would only hear wuffs, meows, grunts and other animal noises. She wondered where they could find a bird. They needed a bird. Or another dog. Another dog would be really nice.

"I wish Jensen were here," Imogen said a wee while later. "This PuG sucks as an off tank. OH MY FUCKING GOD, TAUNT YOU STUPID..!"

"Does your mother know you use that kind of language?" Mick asked sweetly.

"Who do you think taught it to me?" She growled back. "Yes, get up on the chain, good druid." she added to her monitor with sarcasm.

*Do you think we should have played on a European server?* Speedy typed to Bibi, rather naughtily.

*What? And miss this entertainment of Yanks losing their minds?* she replied with a winky face.

"Mick?! What're you doing?! Kite him into the fire!" Imogen was wondering if the rabbit had fallen asleep.

"Yeah MICK." Sammy chimmed in.

"Not needed, Sammy!" Imogen said.

"Hmph."

"IF I could get a word in edgewise around some chatty-cathies, I was trying but I got lagged."

"Likely story." Sammy said with a sniff.

"Wanna come here and say that, cat?"

"Stop it! DPS! Concentrate!" Imogen scolded.

"But I'm a healer," Sammy said sweetly.

There was a dull thump as Imogen thumped her head against the side of the desk.

"Couldn't tell by those numbers!" Jack, hunter extraordinaire and current top of the DPS charts, pointed out.

"Oh stick it up your tail pipe!" Sammy replied. "No more heals for you."

"Speedy'll heal me. Nyah." Jack told her.

"I will?" Speedy said with the voice of an angel. "I might. If you're nicer to everyone."

The reply was, fortunately, cut off.

"And Bibi the awesome gets the killshot! Loot time! Loot time!" Bibi druid didn't quite pounce on the corpse.

"Speedy's loot dealer." Imogen announced. "I'm taking an afk. Y'know, when you do that, Jack, you TELL PEOPLE?"

Silence from Jack's side.

"Oh for the love of walks." She growled, he was gone already. She pulled off the headset to let herself out into the backyard. Cats were so impossible!

"Do you think she's snapped her leash yet?" Mick asked into his headset.

Sammy shook her head, "Nah. She's good for at least another two bosses before she starts threatening to chase us all up trees."

"She couldn't catch Bibi and I. She'd need a ride from the airport." Speedy giggled.

Bibi snickered. "But she's not that far from you is she Mick?"

"Hmph. Closer to Sammy!"

"I'd just let Cho sit on her, problem solved."

They all agreed letting a 20 pound black lab in a cat's body deal with it was probably the best measure.

Imogen came back into chat. "Okay, is Jack back?"

"Of course not." Sammy said with a sniff. "He's as useless as balls on a Christmas tree."

Silence greeted that comparison.

"Right then, Butcher.. Do you think we can all manage to stand in the right places this time?"

"Pfffft." Mick said. "Why start now?"

Imogen didn't quite whimper.

[WoW/Bunny Fanfiction] Following Mick was probably their first mistake.

"So where are we?" Jensen asked, sniffing around.

 

"Nagrand." came the answer from the periscoping lop.

 

"Thank you Captain Pedantic." Buttercup said with an eye roll. It was a very impressive sight seeing a small white rabbit do an eyeroll. "A little more guidance please?"

 

Mr Mick landed back onto all fours with a sigh. "Azeroth. Well, not really, It's Draenor before the Orcs invaded Azeroth. Which had something to do with demons and ore and blowing their own planet up, which was Draenor, which is where we are, it just hasn't blown up yet."

 

Buttercup and Jensen stared at him.

 

Mick groomed himself defensively. "I wasn't paying much attention, okay? But don't worry, this world won't blow up because Khadgar and some stinky Orcs showed up to save it."

 

Jensen nibbled on some grass, it tasted like normal grass. The sun was nice and warm. Almost a perfect spring day. "How do we know this Khadgar guy and his Orcs aren't the ones who blow up the planet in the first place?"

 

"Er." Mick managed.

 

Buttercup huffed, "You're impossible. Let's get a long boat. Let's go bug elves. Let's get in a TARDIS. You never think of the .. oooh, are those dandelions?" She hopped off mid-rant.

 

Jensen sighed, "Does."

 

Mick nodded. He was glad he didn't have some female bossing him around. "Wait, what's wrong with TARDISs and Elves? And I still want that boat.." He hopped after Buttercup, "And Disneyworld was fun, even with a wet Viking."

 

"Poor Viking." Jensen mumbled. "Trying to keep up with you and Speedy."

 

"Oh he did fine," Mick huffed, "We just made him carry us most of the time, that way he kept up."

 

Buttercup stopped on top of a tree stump, looking around, idly chewing on a the last bits of a dandelion flower. The grasslands spread out around them, a decent sized river ahead of them. There looked to be some sort of spikey fort off to their right before the plains ended to plateaus and hills. "Uh, Mick?"

 

"Yes?" He said with a very 'what now' attitude.

 

"You didn't say there were wolves here." Buttercup said, not moving a whisker.

 

"Of course there's wolves in Nagrand. There's Orcs, where there's Orcs there's wolves." He said as if this was all obvious.

 

"No. There are wolves HERE." She said, grabbing a frighteningly large hammer out of bunspace to swing into the face of the wolf that pounced at her. It went flipping away, landing with a thud and a yelp. The other two wolves halted their progress and started to circle.

 

"Get us out of here!" she ordered, dropping the hammer back into bunspace.

 

"Oh sure, just summon out of nowhere a .." He stopped as a maniac on some sort of very large goat came charging out of the hills, screaming and waving a staff. The Tauren, with gold tipped horns, gestured towards the wolves and lightning came from the clear skies, scorching the wolves. A warcry got the wolves turning towards her and away from the rabbits.

 

Mick, at this point, decided discretion was the better part of valour, "Best part of Azeroth, well, Draenor, is that.."

 

Buttercup nipped his tail and dashed past, away from the maniac Tauren and wolves, Jensen falling in behind her as the two raced.

 

"Wait up!" Mick yelped ,"I can open a portal home, but you guys gotta STOP." He chased after and found himself following Buttercup into a small cave. He panted.

 

"Get us out of here!" Buttercup repeated. "Nice place for a graze and a snooze you said. You didn't mention THE WOLVES!"

 

"Well, I thought all the orcs had the wolves and there were no orcs, just a Tauren.. and she saved us.. so uhm.."

 

Buttercup just glared at him, ears flat.

 

"Right. Portal." He cleared his throat, stood on his backpaws and waved his forepaws around. It took great concentration and suddenly a blue oval hung in the air in front of him. "There. Home. Happy?"

 

"Hmph." Buttercup said, shoving Jensen through. "The TARDIS is better. Swimming pool and NO WOLVES." She hopped through.

 

Mick let the portal closed, he had no interest in following an angry Buttercup who'd probably just blame everything on him. It's not like he controlled the wolves, was it?

 

He was pretty sure the portal had sent them home, anyway. Maybe it sent them to Stormwind. Or Wonderland. Eh. They'd find a closet if he'd sent them to the wrong place. He couldn't do EVERYTHING after all, could he?

[WoW Story] A druid and a shaman walk into a forest..

There was scarce findings for Iron Orcs. Apparently the grunts had been sent out on some task and as soon as they spotted a fire wielding shaman and a very large Tauren with a very big stick, they high tailed it the other direction. Raska was disappointed she didn't get to slaughter things, the most she got to do was suppress fires.

"Do you know you have a rabbit following you?" Tsunderebear asked, tilting his head to where the brown lop eared rabbit sat.

"Oh, that's Mick. He comes and goes." Raska turned to eye the hill. It seemed to have more enraged Bontani, plant people, than it did Iron Horde Orcs.

"Well, hello Mick." Tsunderebear told the rabbit with some amusement.

"Feh." Mick replied. "Why're we hanging out in a burning forest?"

Tsunderebear was startled by the rabbit's command of the Orcish language and caught Raska's wicked grin that said 'You started it.' "Well," Tsunderebear started, "We're trying to stop the burning."

"You'd be better off with a fire extinguisher or a fire truck, if you ask me." Mick sniffed and turned to lick his side, "But you didn't, so you'll probably go do something foolish like attack that group of Orcs around the corner. I can smell them from here." Mick flicked his paws together, "Here's an idea Orcish empire, Horde, whatever, bathtubs and showers. Improve morale of your allies, Orcs stink." He gave Raska a stern look, even though she was well bathed, and hopped off into the near by brush.

"That's his magic trick, disappear when danger is near." Raska said rolling her eyed, "Let's go find those Orcs."

Tsunderebear shook his head in bewildered amusement, while he was in touch with most of nature and her children, he'd never met so grumpy or sassy a rabbit before. It was an easy lope to keep up with the shaman, he was almost two feet taller than her, after all.

They turned the corner and immediately ducked back as an Iron Orc warrior went flying through the air past where they'd been and into a tree, neck broken.

Raska called upon the fire elements to her fist, ready to apply as another warrior came their way, this one running for all he's worth.

"GET BACK HERE!" A voice called. Female, accented, and angry. Before Raska could release fire or Tsunderebear could release fury, a Pandarian came flying through the air and landed on the Iron Orc where she applied axe to head. The Orc lay dead underneath her as she picked herself up to look at the two staring at her. "Hi. I'm Yaks." she said, plunking axe into her belt. She dusted off her paws, seemingly ignoring the blood on her fur. She flicked a lock of green hair and said "If you're looking for Orcs, I'm afraid I axed 'em all already."

"Well, actually," Raska said, letting go the flame, "We're looking for an enraged and corrupted tree."

"I am Tsunderebear." The druid introduced himself, "That is Raska."

"THAT?" Raska protested, "I am not a THING."

"No, you're an Orc." Yaks agreed. "Same difference really."

"What?!" Raska growled, flame creeping around her fist.

"Anyway. The tree's this way. I kind of went wide, it's a bit angry and my axe isn't THAT big. But I guess you two could tip the scales. I mean, as long as you're not scrubs."

"What's a scrub?" Tsunderebear asked, falling into step with the Pandarian.

"Newb. Scrub. Useless. Fuck up. Y'know." Yaks sort of explained as she kicked aside brush to scramble through bushes.

"There's a path." Raska grumbled as another branch was whapped into her face. You'd think a person the size of a mountain in front of her would prevent the foliage attacking her not encourage it. She stopped and looked at the back of the druid suspiciously. The branches were definitely moving out of his way and back again. That bloody cheater!   Yaks just seemed happy to crawl and scramble through the brush. The maniac.

The end of the trip through the thicket ended with a sharp scramble down a medium sized cliff. Yaks just rolled down it, flipped, and landed on her feet. Tsunderebear skidded down on his hooves, using his staff as a mix of rudder and balancer. Raska took one look at it and summoned an earth elemental to carry her down. The rocks formed into a shape, seemed a bit surprised by the request and easily carried her down.

"Really?" said Yaks. "That's a bit of a waste."

"*I* don't have stone chips in my hair." Raska said, resisting sticking out her tongue.

Tsunderebear wasn't quite sure if he should step in the middle and try to intervene the growing cat fight or if he should stand back, way back.

"You don't have any hair! Just a braid thing!" Yaks replied with a sniff, running fingers through her own hair.

"It's a style of status and --" She was interrupted by Tsunderebear.

"Is that the tree we're here to see?" he asked mildly. Of course, mildly from an 8'4 bovinoid was still rather conversation stopping.

The two women turned to where he was looking. The tree was larger than the forest, it carried the torso of a treant in one hand as some sort of weapon, and was busy smashing everythinga round it. It sent a Botani flying against the cliff.

"Uh. Yes." Raska confirmed unnecessarily.

"Great! Let's trim it's branches!" Yaks said with enthusiasm and charged. "Just call me a lumberjack!" she yelled as she jumped onto the enraged giant.

"What the .. I can't.. Oh..!" Raska spluttered and then chased after the insane warrior. She threw a fire totem to the feet of the giant tree and called upon fire to burn it from within as she threw balls of fire at the torso, careful to not hit the reckless Pandarian busy hacking at it with an axe.

Tsunderebear, who until this part had been using the powers of moon and sun, turned into a very large bear and roared loud enough to send rocks tumbling down their cliff sides. The tree, even under attack, paused. The druid raised up on his back paws, roared again, and then charged the tree, claws mauling and flaying.

"Everyone is insane." Raska muttered, standing back to throw healing energy at Yaks. The warrior was being beaten by the corpse of the treant and she didn't much seem to care.

Calling on the power of the elements, burning the inner rage, she cause their powers to grow and their actions to hasten.

The tree was moaning and growling in anger, Tsunderebear was growling better. Yaks had carved chunks out of it when it finally managed to pick her up and throw her halfway across the canyon. The Pandarian landed rolling and jumped to her feet with a flourish.

Raska called lightning down on the tree, striking from top to bottom, bolt after bolt.

Tsunderebear, on hind legs gave the tree a mighty shove as Yaks bounded back with her axe. Raska called the best of her fire and managed to light the remains into a blaze.

The trio stood back and watched the enraged tree perish. Raska let out a sigh and leaned against her staff, exhausted. She needed some food and drink desperately. Tsunderebear, still a bear, flumped at her feet. If it could be said a being she could ride could flump at her feet. Yaks stretched, turned at the waist a few times and looked around. "Okay, so what's next?"

[WoW Fanfiction] Raska & a Moo-bear.

Raska looked around in frustration. She looked at the lousy map she'd been given and surveyed the area once more. She growled under her breath and crumpled the map up and tossed it towards a nearby pond.

 

"Excuse me," a deep voice said from up and behind her. Raska turned and looked way up. While she was tall for a female Orc, she felt rather small. A rather tall Tauren looked down at her with furrowed brows. "It would have been no effort to put that in your pack instead of littering the wildlife."

 

She opened her mouth to say her opinion of his 'littering' and then decided discretion was the better part of valour. "My apologies." She muttered and stomped to the bush and picked up the lousy map and shoved it in her pocket. "Happy?" she asked.

 

"Of course." He replied and smiled. A shrug adjusted a pack almost as large as she was. "I am here seeking to destroy corruption of the balance."

 

Raska eyed him, "You're doing the druid shtick just to try and piss me off, aren't you?"

 

The Tauren gave her a toothy grin. "Maaaybe."

 

Raska growled under her breath and tossed her long purple braid over one shoulder. "Congratulations, it worked."

 

He dropped the formal and drawling tone, "What're you looking for?"

 

"An ancient tree that's been corrupted by dark spirits. It's supposedly larger and angrier than the treants of the woods." She sighed and pulled out the abused map and straightened it out enough to show the Tauren. "This is supposedly where I can find it."

 

The Tauren squinted at the map. "Whoever drew that should go back to map school."

 

"A goblin. Who I shall be testing his own rockets on when I get home." Raska replied. She looked up at the Tauren, "I'm Raska, of the Frostwolf clan."

 

"I am Tsunderebear." He said, offering a rather large hand for her to shake. Raska took it and gave as firm a grip as he.  "Looks like we have the same quest, we should do it together."

 

"Sounds good to me. Any idea where we're going?"

 

Another grin. "Well, if we want a large angry tree, I think we look for lumberjacks. And the Iron Horde has been active to the south-west."

 

Raska's hand went to the staff on her back involuntary before she pulled it back. "I wouldn't mind kicking some Iron Horde butt."

 

The grin grew wider, "Sounds like fun. Maybe we'll even find the tree after a pile of Evil Orc butt."

 

Raska tilted her head to one side. It was an interesting mental picture. She pulled her staff off her back and tapped the butt of it on the ground twice. "Shall we?"

 

Tsunderebear snorted in amusement, "Oh yes, let's."

 

The two scrambled down from the collection of rocks their griffons had dumped them on and onto the soft loom of the twisted forest. The sound of a lumber machine could be faintly heard to their south-west, the duo turned with smirks and headed towards mayhem.

 

 

 

 

[WoW Fanfiction] Tanla tormenting Orcs.

Tanla Crystalsong, high mage, garrison commander, a war leader of the Horde, stopped on the steps of the war mill and admired the blood elf smith who walked past. He smiled and gave her a 'Ma'am'. Well, what the hell, her husband was long gone. She smiled back and gave him a longer look up and down, "Smith." she replied with an appreciative smile. He gave her a grin and kept going.

She stifled a sigh and continued down the steps and back towards the hall. The orcs insisted on calling it the 'great hall' but she was pretty sure they would agree with her it wasn't so great if they'd ever been to Silvermoon. She did so get tired of orc architecture.  So many spikes and horns. The furs were nice, but did they always have to have the heads on them? And the beds, lord, hadn't they ever heard of silk sheets? Or soft mattresses? Good thing she could portal to Silvermoon any time she wanted to get sensible things. The less said about orc rations the better. Indoor plumbing would also be a treat.

Tanla stopped at Sergeant Grimjaw. "Hello Sergeant."

"Blood and thunder!"

"Uh, sure." She said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "So, how goes things?" It seemed a commandery thing to ask. She still wasn't quite sure what Vol'jin was thinking putting her in charge of the main garrison. Sure, she was perfectly good at blowing things up and was talented at inspiring orcs in battle (You ran in, blew things up, they'd follow) but leader? Was he smoking .. oh, well, he was a troll.

"Resources are overflowing thanks to your efforts, Commander!" Grimjaw reported proudly, "No further hints of incursions since you blew the shadow council a new one!"

"Well, they rather deserved it, coming in so rudely." She replied. Tanla looked around, "You know what we need?"

"No commander." The mighty orc warrior looked wary. He was never quite sure what to expect from the blood elf. Last week, he could have sworn she was trying to flirt with him. There was a rumour that she'd been married to an Orc years before, but he found it hard to believe. What orc could be so desperate that they'd marry an ELF?

"We need a hair dresser." She said, as seriously as she could. "It would certainly spruce up the troops. Good for morale. Cheer everyone right up." She hid her smile inwards. Orcs were so fun and easy to make uncomfortable.

"Uh, yes sir." The orc paused waiting to see if this was some sort of elven joke, but she just looked at him expectantly. He wondered if he could get an early retirement or a transfer. He was proud to serve, of course, but he was pretty sure this elf didn't care much about honour and was more about destruction. She was obviously insane. "I do not think we could convince a talented barber to move to Frostfire, ma'am."

"Ohh. Good point." She sighed, "Then I'm off to Orgrimmar for a primp. Do try to keep the garrison upright while I'm not about."

"Uh, yes ma'am. Sir. Tanla, ma'am." He sighed. Things were easier in the orc army, everyone was sir or grunt.

Tanla reached over and patted him on the head, "It's okay Sergeant, you just be an orc, I'll be an elf, and it'll all work out in the end. What you call me doesn't matter."

He blinked, "Uh, I'm not sure an orc commander would like being patted on the head, sir."

She grinned, "I like you, Grimjaw. We should get you a promotion."

"Uh, yes sir. The raise would be nice."

"You get a pay cheque? Hmph. I need to have a chat with Vol'jin while I'm in Orgrimmar.."

Grimjaw wasn't quite sure what to say about that and was grateful she just started to create a portal to Orgrimmar.

He had to say he did like a commander who stayed in the field most of the time and left him the hell alone.