[Bunny / Star Wars Fiction] Some quick silliness.

Sleep dep may have been making me .. silly.

* * *

Speedy hopped up the long path into the cave. He wasn't quite sure what to expect, but a softly glowing forcefield that gave way to a very luxurious warren wasn't it. There was carpet, and lots of fluffy things to lounge on, and chewy things every which way, and herbs dangling all over from the ceiling!

"You have come, seeker?" Said an older, deeper, voice from the back.

"Er. Yes?" Speedy said, looking about, trying to find the teacher he was looking for.

A shape formed out of the shadows at the back of the cave and a fuzzy, clouded eyed, rabbit came forward at a slow, careful, hop. "And what is it you seek?"

"I want to learn how to use a light sabre!" Speedy said with excitement.

"Ah." Said the other bunny, wandering to a fuzzy thing, settling down in it carefully. "And what makes you think I can teach you?"

"All the bucks in the cantina say if you can sense the life force of the forest, you can use a light sabre." Speedy tilted his head to one side, "Though, I'm not quite sure what the two have in common. I mean, if you're using a light sabre, aren't you harming stuff?"

"You have to understand what you are destroying or that destruction destroys you." The blind bunny said wisely.

"What's that mean?" Speedy asked, thoroughly confused.

"I have no idea kid, that's just what my mentor said to me." He sighed and shook out his fur, "Fifty credits an hour, kale isn't cheap y'know."

"And you'll teach me how to be a mighty, noble knight, defender of the weak, helper of the helpless?" Speedy asked eagerly.

"Yup." The sage looked at him with an uncanny gaze. "Though, all things have cost. I gave up my sight to save some kits years back.. and while you don't need outer vision to use the force, you do trip over a lot of furniture."

Speedy stood tall. "I'm not afraid!"

"Great. Your first task is to fetch me a bowl's worth of water from the stream at the back of the cave. Its only a few minutes hop." The older bun stretched out as Speedy looked about. "If you're looking for a bucket.. there isn't one."

"But.."

"Use your brain, use the force, clock's ticking!"

"Uhm.." Speedy turned and hopped down towards the back of the cave, the glow of the force field gave way to small little LED lights imbedded high up on the wall, making it look like stars in the stone.

Weasley yawned and stretched out, he was pretty sure he'd just made 150 credits easy and quick, time for a nice nap.

* * *

It had taken Speedy a good chunk of time to figure out how to carry a bowl of water with no container. It had taken longer to convince his brain that he COULD carry the water by will alone. He'd found it easier to do it with his eyes closed.

Getting back to his new teacher wasn't too tricky. The tricky bit was avoiding the furniture. He realized he probably should have paid more attention to what was where when he'd arrived. He thought about opening his eyes, surely he'd keep control of the big blob of water for that long, right?

He was still debating it, hopping along slowly and carefully when he hit a stool, tripped whiskers over tail and lost control of his water. The truly unfortunate thing was where the water landed. Right on his teacher.

"AGHEAH!" Weasley bellowed, awoken by the dousing of cold water. "GAH!" He added as he shook, sending water every which way.

"I .. er.. Got the water, master?" Speedy said hopefully.

A dripping Weasley looked at him with clouded eyes that somehow still managed to project metaphorical bale fire. "So I .. feel." Weasley replied sarcasticly.

"Uhm." Speedy wondered if burying his head under the carpet would help.

Weasley sighed. "Your second lesson.."

"Yes, master?" Speedy asked, wincing.

"The finding and fetching of the towels and the third lesson is the drying of the master." Weasley said, poking at his fluffy, fuzzy, lounging spot. The fuzzy squelched under paw. Speedy winced all over again.

"And hang this up to dry outside." Weasley added, clambering off.

"Yes, master." Speedy started to grab it in his teeth.

"Use your brain!" Weasley ordered. "Or I'll go find an X-Wing for you to carry!"

"Er, yes master." Speedy said, concentrating very hard, eyes scrunched closed. It was all going quite well until he forgot about how narrow the ledge outside was and he went tumbling down to the switch back underneath.

Weasley sighed the sigh of the truly long suffering. "I suppose I'll go find the first aid kit. Sounds like I'll need it.."  He stopped and turned, before yelling out the cave door, "And force users don't swear like that!" Weasley shook his head. That Mr. Mick, give the bun a blaster and he turned into a bad influence on the entire universe!

[Star Wars : TOR Fanfiction] Two redheads and a minor battle.

This is the sort of thing I write when I'm not writing about bunnies. :)

Leonna stepped out of the shuttle, swinging gun onto her back, "Hurry up." She ordered. Not that it was necessary, but because it was one of the orders an officer gave to say 'I'm alert, I'm paying attention and lets go out there and do our jobs.'  Considering that job would probably be written on her tombstone in one to five years, she wasn't quite sure why anyone would follow her fast or slow. Perhaps her squad was as crazy as she would.

"You heard the major!" Alric, her second in command ordered. She managed to keep her eye rolling to herself as they double timed it into the base.

The base, mostly ice and stone, shook around them, she grabbed the nearest native soldier. "Corporal. What the hell's going on?"

"Who're you, then?" He growled back, trying to rip his uniform out of her grasp.

"Major Leonna Majors, Havoc Squad CO. Now answer, soldier!" She barked.

"That'd be the Impys letting us know they don't want us on Hoth." He said back, with obvious disdain.

"Guess the suspected attack got confirmed, sir." Alric told her with some sarcasm.

"Ah the wonders of military communication - six steps behind reality at the best of times." Leonna fired back, dryly, letting go of the corporal. "C'mon men, lets go make friends." She turned back to the corporal, "Who's in command?"

"In here, its Lieutenant Fields, out there, there's some Jedi giving orders." was the reply as he hauled butt away from them.

"A Jedi? Frekking wonderful." Leo growled and put boot to pavement as they continued they double time out of the port.

She ignored yells and questions, giving "Havoc Squad!" as her only reply. If they didn't get out of her way, Alric or M1 helped them do so.

The weather outside was typical Hoth. The blizzard was howling, the snow was piled deep wherever it hadn't been recently cleaned from, and there was live fire every which way. "Take cover!" She bellowed, "Support the locals!"

M1 cheerfully whirred to stand in the middle of the drive and opened up fire on any imp insignia he could see. Yuun disappeared into the snow, probably heading for the nearest depot. It took her half a moment to figure out the numbers Tanno was yelling out at M1 wasn't coordinates but competing numbers of destruction. She mentally shook her head and grabbed the scanner. "Found the idiot Jedi yet?" she asked Alric.

"Thatta way!" he pointed with his gun, giving some cover fire as Leo headed in the direction he'd indicated.

It didn't take too many moments before she saw the shimmer of a light sabre, the hum and swerves of its passing lost in the howling wind. The Jedi formed into the image of a crazy, redheaded woman, with two green light sabres flashing. What made her crazy was she was barely wearing clothes. What little she was wearing looked like a scarf loin cloth and bra. Leo was in full winter gear and felt like she could shiver at any moment. Every rumour about the absurdity of the priest warriors suddenly seemed true.

Her scanner beeped madly. "JEDI! MOVE! INCOMING!" She yelled, her tech armour amplifying her voice over the wind and sounds of combat.

"I can sense the incoming fire just fine, solider!" The Jedi said back. She didn't raise her voice, but Leo heard her clearly.

Leo didn't feel like arguing. She hit a burst of rockets and launched through the air, hitting full power into her shields as she crashed into the Jedi and the three injured men she was defending. She had the pleasure of hearing a Jedi swear right before the incoming missile hit, the concussive blast sending all five in the shielding flying. She blessed the creative bastards at HQ-research who made the shield a sphere as soon as it had the access to be so. They rolled and bounced several times. Leo tried her best not to land her few hundred pounds of self and armour on the injured or the Jedi. The Jedi, a few moments after they were sent flying, had thrown up her own shield, a force thing that only vaguely shimmered in the viewable spectrum. It seemed to protect the injured, but not the Jedi, so Leo was giving her bruises every time they smacked into each other.

They eventually came to a stop in the snow, the only sounds the moans of the injured and the heavy breathing of Leo and the Jedi. "Sorry sir," Leo said, "But I didn't think your range enough to detect the ASM. Or at least, not in time."

The Jedi groaned and rubbed her head, sitting up. "You were right. I had thought you meant the SSM that was being loaded." The woman rolled to her feet, "Speaking of which.."

Leo nodded and grabbed one of the men and threw him into a fireman's carry. "Can you load..?" she nodded to the other man.

"You can carry both?" The Jedi asked, eyes wide.

"I'm a farm girl and I have good armour." Leo said with a half-smile. She knelt slightly to help the shorter woman get the other man over her shoulder. The Jedi then raised the third and the two women hauled back towards the base.

After they got the men into the hands of medics, they turned back towards the battle field.

"You've worked with Jedi before." The woman said, eyes closed as she faced the mess.

"No, sir." Leo replied honestly, "Just read some really good reports on what one can expect."

"Yeah? What's that?" The Jedi asked absently.

"Suicidal tendencies and a belief you're immortal, that the force can protect you from everything." Leo answered sardonically, firing a burst into a group of imps that were trying to move up.

"Ah, so like soldiers and their armour, then." The Jedi replied, suddenly running back into the swirling snow.

Leo cursed at the hasty exit and followed, tagging the Jedi on her scanner to keep track of her. Jedi were supposed to be worth six squads, but so far she hadn't seen it. She reached the mostly naked mystic just in time for whatever Yuun had in mind to bear fruition as the whole valley rocked and a loud boom soon followed, sending everyone to their knees.

As they picked themselves up and the scanners cleared from interference, the only life signs left were republic tagged and the Jedi. Leo found herself standing beside the woman.

"I'm Yevett, by the way." The woman said.

"Nice uniform." Leonna observed.

Yevett glared up at her. "I was in my bunk when they attacked."

"Ah." Leo tried to hide her smirk. "Major Leonna Majors, by the way."

Yevett raised an eyebrow, "You'd think someone who is in desperate need of a new rank wouldn't be trying to mock others." She turned on her heel and marched back towards the base.

Leo jogged to catch up to the woman's surprisingly quick pace, "So that means you won't accept if I offered to buy you a drink?" Leo asked.

Yevett stopped, turning, a cold look in her eyes. "Jedi do not .. accept such drinks."

"Well, Jedi need some laxatives then." Leo replied with surprising good humour. Before Yevett could counter back Leo whistled piercingly, "Boys! Lets get into the base and see what mess they have for us to clean up. I'm sure HQ will let us know two days after we've done it." She bowed her head sideways to Yevett, "A pleasure, Jedi. And I'm sorry you don't allow yourself to have pleasures."

Leo ignored the reply as she found Alric and started comparing notes of what they'd both scanned in the mayhem.

The Jedi watched them go with narrowing eyes and a growling stomach. Pushing the cold away took a lot of energy, it was definitely time to find clothes and have food.

[Bunny Fiction] HBS Lagomorph

I had a story request about bunny pirates.. :)  I haven't forgotten Umbra or any others, there's a list.. :)

Speedy was paying very careful attention as Cindy was explaining how exactly one ran a pirate ship without two foots about to do the stinky work. Mr Mick was much more interested in finding out when he'd get to play with the wheel. Weasley was up front on the bow, nose to the wind twitching five thousand twitches a minute, clouded eyes mostly closed over in delight.

Maddy bounced up onto the deck, having been helped into costume by one Princess Ivy. Her ears poked up through a pink bandana, mane fluttered in the sea breeze. Ivy, slightly smaller than the lionhead, was perfectly happy to show the younger rabbit how one scurried up and down the rigging.

Speedy finally gathered his crew on the main deck, "Okay, I think we've got it all." He gave his best salute to Sage and Scout, Cindy and Smokey, Ivy and Sir Gregory and the other lagomorphs lurking. "Well, except the rum. Mick, can you find rum?"

"Aye, Aye, Cap'n!" Mickey declared and hopped down the Rum Rabbit's gang plank to head up to one of the many dockside taverns.

* * *

They all stared up at their ship with awe. Cindy had said, in her best 'I'm a diva and you should know it' tone, if you wanted a ship, you just had to want it enough.

"What are we going to call it?" Maddy asked, getting right down to business. "Angel of the Waves is my suggestion."

"That's not very bunny." said Weasley.

"Does it have to be bunny?" Maddy said with a sniff.

"Well, it should.. shouldn't it?" Weasley asked, suddenly unsure. He didn't like to rock the boat. So to speak.

The debate was broken up by Hannah and Harrington's arrival. "Sorry! Sorry! Mamma was all busy late, we couldn't escape!"

"She kept petting us, it was *horrible*" Harrington said with absolutely no protest in his voice.

"Blech!" Maddy said.

Speedy was still staring up at his ship. "Hare today." he declared.

"What, dear?" Hannah said, turning to look at him.

"The ship, we should call it 'Hare today.'" He said, looking over at them.

Glances were exchanged. "Er.. well.."

Speedy sighed, "You don't like it."

"Er.." Hannah suddenly had inspiration, "Well, isn't it supposed to be Racer's ship? Shouldn't HE get to name it?"

"OH!" Speedy exclaimed, "Yes, that only sounds fair."

The girls exchanged a 'phew!' look.

A thump garnered there attention. "Just how far am I supposed to drag all this without help?" Mr Mick called, sounding quite put out. He sat beside a net bag of several bottles.

Speedy quickly put truth to his name and pounded up to help Mick with his haul.

"I'll go get Racer!" Maddy declared and hopped off to the nearest closet.

* * *

She came out almost on top of Princess, she back peddled quickly as the ruler of the roost gave her a dirty look. "Couldn't you have KNOCKED?" Princess asked, eye ridge raised.

"Er.." Maddy scratched under her chin and looked up at the ceiling, "Sorry?" She offered. It seemed awfully silly to her to knock on a closet door, but the old fuddy duddy rabbits had all sorts of strange ideas.

"What do you want?" Princess asked. She felt no need to be polite when the visitor was making absolutely no effort.

"Racer!" Maddy said, bouncing up. "We've got a ship!"

Princess looked for a moment like someone had dropped a rock in her water. "You have a what now?"

"A ship! For Salty Racer to sail!" Maddy tilted her head to one side, "Though, I'm not sure he can sail it to visit Speedy, since Speedy'll be the first mate.."

"Oh this I have to see." Princess said, "Let's round up the boys.." She started to hop towards the patio door.

"Wonderful." Maddy muttered at the thought of the bossy boots coming to.

Princess stopped and looked over her shoulder. "Excuse me?"

Maddy put on her best fake happy look. "Wonderful!" she said and tried to look enthusiastically sincere.

Princess snorted and turned back. "BOYS!" She bellowed, "Get over here, we're going on a field trip. Goldie, Zoey, you two come too!"

There was some scrambling, some mutterings of not having time to pack, groom, eat mid-afternoon-snacks, and worries about being missed. "Don't worry, I've got that totally covered!" Maddy said, patting her magical bunny bag. (Weasley had a roaring trade with the making and selling of them.)

Soon eight bunnies were cramming into a closet to head off to the beach.

All they left behind was one confused cat and seven plush toy rabbits in various states of repose. Humans were pretty slow upstairs, they'd never notice.

* * *

Racer bounced up the gang plank were the rest of the rabbits waited. "A ship! A SHIP!"

"Happy birthday!" Speedy declared.

Racer stopped, "It's not my birthday.."

"We're pretending it is." Weasley said.

"Oh!" Racer bounced and charged around, running up to Benji. "I have a ship!"

"You have a ship," Benji agreed amiably. "What're you calling it?"

"The Lagomorph, of course!" Racer said, running back down the beach and up the gang plank.

"The Lagomorph?" Benji said doubtfully, looking to wear his warrent mates were ambling along, Maddy had hopped ahead to try and get a groom in on Speedy. Speedy, being as nimble as Racer, had quickly dashed up the gang plank after the black lop.

"Its a good name." Hannah said, eyeing Princess. Princess was eyeing her right back. Neutral territory and all, the two alpha female were deciding whether they would get along. Oh, Maddy THOUGHT she was an alpha, but really, she was a hyperactive dustball. Harrington licked his mate's cheek. Hannah nodded to Princess, who nodded back and the two proceeded up the gang plank side by side, Harrington taking the rear.

"Why does no one ever worry about me getting cranky?" Goldie asked Weasley, who happened to be standing there.

"Because you're too nice to be cranky?" Weasley asked hopefully. He really didn't know the pacific north-wet crew beyond Racer and Benji.

"I guess." Goldie huffed and turned to where Benji and Winston were digging madly in the sand. If they weren't careful they were going to get a double nip when they caught Zoey and Chico in the spray of silica. "Did you need a paw up?" She asked Weasley.

"Naw. I sound map pretty good. I'm just waiting for Mickey to get back. He said he had to get something we couldn't sail without.

"Hay?" Zoey asked, coming within range of the conversation. Chico was giving Benji and Winston dirty looks as they continued to send sand every which way with their digging.

"Nono, we have lots of hay, and craisins, and pellets, and salad stuff, and water, and rum.." Weasley shrugged, "I don't know what he's gone for, in all honesty."

Racer appeared at the top of the gang plank. "Guys! This is great! Get up here!" He disappeared again.

"You heard our captain!" Zoey said with amusement, scarpering up the plank with Chico close behind.

Benji sighed and gave up on the digging, Winston started to put the sand back where they'd found it. "Oh leave off, tide's coming in, the sea'll do that." Benji said.

"Still seems a bit rude.." Winston said doubtfully, looking over his shoulder as he hopped towards the ship. "We made a mess, shouldn't we clean it?" he wondered.

Benji did a half-hop-binky, "Its the same as the two feet and litterboxes. Its its job to clean up after us."

Winston still didn't look convinced but followed his friend up the gang plank.

Zoey and Chico stood and waited with Weasley, they didn't want the old fella falling off the plank. While they could all swim, none of them liked it.. and getting their fur dry, not to mention getting the salt out, would be a right pain in the tail!

Mickey finally showed up with a pile of black material in his mouth. "Mffff grft drrr fwrrg!"

Zoey looked at Chico, Chico shrugged at Zoey.

"He got a flag." Weasley said, quite apt at translating his best friend's "talking with mouth full" to comprehensible words.

"A flag of what?" Zoey asked.

"A jolly roger!" Chico exclaimed.

Mick nodded, almost tripping over the flag. The two younger fuzzies ran up to help him and all three made extra noisy hops for Weasley to follow.

* * *

It had taken them a while for everyone to get sorted and everyone in place and in job. Well, everyone except Weasley. He was at the front of the boat scenting the wind. Zoey and Maddy had settled up in the bun's nest, Mr Mick was at the wheel with Racer watching (claiming he was learning how it was done, but really he was just enjoying his friend's fun too much to interupt), Goldie was nibbling and braiding line (rope, to the landlubbers, she'd explained to Princess.) Princess was lounging in a hammock with Hannah while Harrington was going over the sea charts with Mr Mick. The rest were doing whatever sea duties Captain Racer could think of. Some of them were a bit silly.

"I smell cat," Weasley said, awfully confused. He turned to call up to the quarterdeck. "I smell cat!"

"Cat?!" Racer repeated.

"His nose is never wrong." Mr Mick said firmly, though he was wondering about his friend's sanity. Maybe all the salt and water and seaweed had rotted his nose?

"SAIL HO!" Maddy called from the bun's nest.

"Let's go talk to them!" Racer said.

"DID YOU HEAR ME?" Maddy yelled.

"YEAH, WE HEARD YOU!" Princess called back before muttering in a rather unladylike manner, "Half the ocean the freaking ocean heard you."

"We're pirates! Do we really go chat up with the neighbours?" Mickey asked.

Racer shrugged, "We're friendly pirates!"

Mickey wasn't quite sure such things had existed, but there was always time to introduce such.

"Maybe it's your friends from the Rum Rabbit?" Winston said, coming up to join the other two.

"Naw. They were waiting on their two foots to come into dock. There's two Rum Rabbit ships." Mickey said, eyes scanning the horizon, finally seeing the fuzzy grey blob the girls had spotted. He turned the wheel to send the ship thatta way.

"Two?! Doesn't that get confusing?" Racer asked.

Mickey rolled his eyes, "Only one's a ghost ship, how confusing can it be?"

"Gh-Gh-Ghost ship?" Racer asked, wide-eyed.

"Sure. All those buns have been to the rainbow bridge." Mickey wasn't quite sure what the big deal was. Everyone knew you couldn't keep a rabbit somewhere they didn't want to be. "Which is why they have rum and dandelions but no bad hay." He shrugged, "How else would Cindy keep stealing Captain Jack's hat? Well, sometimes she hires ninja mice and gerbils, but for the most part.."

Racer and Winston exchanged a look and shuddered in unison.

The ship sailed closer and closer to the sails they'd spotted on the horizon. As they got within distance to read the name (a practise not actually practiced in the pirate era, Maddy was happy to point out knowingly) they saw it was called "The Lollipop" and was manned by .. cats.

"Cats don't like water!" Mick said with a thump.

Cat hearing being every bit as good as rabbit, got him a bit of a hiss snarl back. "We like FISH just fine!"

The two ships pulled up broadsides and the two Captains approached their respective gunwales to chat.  They were discussing what goods they had they could share or swape when a cry came up from the Lollipop. ("It's a good ship!" Captain Katie had said defensively.) "THAT'S the rabbit who chewed our daddy's cords!" A black cat was pointing straight at Mr Mick.

"What?!" Katie cried, turning to glare at Mick. "You better have a lot of salmon, mister! Er, I mean, mate!"

"Er.." Mick looked about. The rabbit crew looked torn; on the one paw cords were meant for chewing, on the other.. shouldn't they punish someone who committed a crime? But what if it wasn't a crime? Apparently, the cats thought it was, but everyone knew cats weren't sensible creatures!

"Hand him over!" Cried another black cat, "We'll only chew on HIM a bit!"

Speedy thumped. "No bun chewing! BAD CATS!"

Maddy nodded, running down the ratlines to Speedy's side. "YEAH! We don't hand our friends over to stinky cats!"

Katie drew herself up to her full height, tail lashing. "Stinky?! I bathed just an hour ago! YOU'RE the stinkies!"

"Uh.. guys.." Mick was thinking this may be a good time to just hide or something. He really didn't want to get chewed on by cats, but he also didn't want to get all his friends in trouble.

"You're a CAT!" Racer replied. He wasn't quite sure why this would be an insult, but KB always got very offended when Princess said it like that.

Katie looked startled, "Of course I am. Cats are the greatest creatures to ever paw the planet!"

A shipload of rabbits stared at her. "You're crazy." Hannah finally said. Everyone knew rabbits were better than CATS!

"Uhm, they have the better ship.. for combat, anyway." Benji said very quietly. "We're faster, but they have more guns.."

"We don't need no stinkin' more guns." Chico said, earning him a confused look from some.

"This means WAR!" Captain Katie declared. "Well, in the beat them up a bit and let them get away sense, no one wants to actually SINK anything." She added as an afterthought. "You guys don't like swimming either do you?"

"Not in the least," Racer agreed.

"NO WAY!" Sammy, one of the black cats, protested. "Dunk the wire chewer in the drink!"

"Actually.." Katie said, "That might be a fair way to sort this out. Give whatshistail a dunk in the ocean, make him shiver for a while? Wouldn't that be fair?"

"NO!" Yelled Mick. Didn't that silly cat realize how long it took to dry a thick coat like his?

Racer sighed, "You heard my first mate."

"I thought Speedy was his first mate," Harrington whispered to his mate.

"We're all his first mate." Hannah whispered back.

"FINE! To the dunking!" Captain Katie declared. "Hoist the main sail, man the guns, load the cannons.. put DOWN that halibut, 'Bob! There'll be time for noms after!"  None of the cats really knew what she meant, which was fine, she didn't really know herself, but they all managed to scramble to prepare the ship for battle.

Over on the Lagomorph the buns scrambled too, Princess issuing orders. ("To save Racer the stress. A Captain shouldn't be stressed!")  Hannah and Harrington loaded the cannons.

The cats were faster on the draw and cat litter, used apparently, sprayed across the ship.

"EWWWWWWW!!! Its in my mane!!" Zoey protested, shaking.

"Ack!" Chico said, running up the lines to save his bondmate, trailing falling litter out of his own thick, long, fur.

Goldie let out a wail as she got hit broadside, Mick ducking behind the podium the wheel sat on was the only rabbit spared.

"FIRE!" Princess yelled.

Benji, Winston and Speedy fired their cannons, sending balls of embroidery thread flying to the other ship. ("I always keep a few in my bag in case of emergency!" Hannah had explained.)

The cats immediately forgot what they were doing to go chasing after the balls of thread. "Furl to the main sail!" Princess yelled, "Or whatever the 'drop it to the wind' command is!"

The bunnies ran to and fro catching sail to wind and lurching away from the cats.

"Dangit! GUYS!" Captain Katie pounces on the nearest cat to chomp their ear. "Forget the string!"

"Forget the string?!" Keisha protested loudly.

"Er.. well.." Katie pawsed. The rabbits were getting away. "You know, you could just use the closety system thing to go visit that rabbit later." She pointed out to Sassy. "They did teach me how to use it.."

"Ooooh." Sassy said, already seeing the possibilities.

"Okay crew! Back to fishing!" Captain Katie ordered as the rabbit vessel sped away.

* * *

It seemed hours before the cat ship was lost to the horizon and they were safe in the deep blue once more. "Hey guys, sorry about all that.." Mick toed at the deck.

"Pffft. Cats are crazy." Racer said, "Every bun knows that!"

Weasley said, "Yeah, crazier than females." He then jumped with an "OW!" as Princess bit his tail.

"Blind or not, old fart, show some respect." She said primly.

"Yes ma'am." Weasley said quietly, deciding now would be an excellent time to clean his face.

"Break out the cranberry cider and the oat hay!" Captain Racer declared, "Its a victory over the feline menace!"

"Yay for Captain Racer!" His crew cheered.

In fact, they were so busy cheering, he ended up having to go get it himself.

Animal stories/fiction.

If you want a tail tale about your fuzzy, feathered or scaled furkid, send me a link to your blog (comment below or lappleby@backtalk.org) or a picture, with their name and a bit of their history, or personality, or whatever you like.

Warning, I will probably get their personality wrong and make them be nice to a gerbil. :)

[Bunny Fiction] Short and Silly.

Speedy Rabbit   &   Freddie Gerbil


"Ready?" Asked Speedy.

"Yup!" Chirped Freddie, triple checking his seat on Speedy's neck, paws holding a hunk of fur each.

"Steady?" Asked Speedy.

"Yup!" Freddie said as Speedy's bum started to wiggle in warm up and glee.

"GO!" Speedy yelled and took off, going from a full stop to a full speed run in betweenst two heartbeats, Freedie whooping in delight as Speedy navigated turn from hallway to lounge, lounge to dining room, looped under the chairs, into the kitchen and out into the backyard.

His Mummy had been very nicely holding the door for him. Or maybe herself since she had gardening tools in hand.

As Speedy started the first loop of the yard, unable to resist the odd binky that caused the gerbil to yip like he'd fall off (Like Speedy'd let THAT happen!), he heard his Mummy call to his Dad. "Does Speedy have a mouse on his head?"

"Yes, dear." came the distracted reply.

Speedy could just picture his Mum rolling her eyes as she put things down to go see what Dad was up to.

Around the roses bushes, past the daisies, nom a bite of wisteria on the way past, and skid into the shade by the door, panting. "PHEW!"

Freddie had to slowly peel his paws open from where Speedy flomped. He blinked, whiskers and nose twitching rapidly. "That was FUN!"

Speedy grinned, panting. "Twice a day, every day, Speedy special express!"

Freddie scarpered off the rabbit and up into the house where he came out dragging a bowl of water. It took careful manuevering to get it down the step, but he got it over to a grateful Speedy who took a long drink.

"NOW, what's this game called Blackjack you were talking about?" Speedy asked.

Freddie grinned, "Glad you asked! Because I like you, and you're new, we'll just play for sunflower seeds, k?"

"Er.. sure." Speedy said, game enough but slightly suspicious already.

"Okay, it all starts with a deck of cards!" Freddie declared, pulling a rabbit sized deck of cards from his magical bag. Speedy got a little more suspicious.

"You can count to twenty-one right? Oh, well, don't worry about it, it's easy.." Freddie said, managing to shuffle the cards by counting them into random piles a few times.

Speedy lowered his head to look at Freddie in the eye, "You wouldn't cheat your friend who just gave you a high speed chase, would you?"

"Er, y'know what? Let's just play for blades of grass.." Freddie said, "Who needs sunflower seeds anyway?"

Speedy snorted, "And yes, I can count to twenty-one! Mum taught me lots of stuff!"

Freddie paused, trying to imagine the scene of a human teaching a rabbit how to count and couldn't quite wrap his rodenty brain around it and decided instead to just work on keeping his cards unnibbled. Mick, in particular, was bad for wanting  to nom them instead of playing with them!

[Bunny Fiction] Mr Mick vs Cabana Boy.

Mr Mick    &   Freddie Gerbil

For the new(er) readers: 

Bunnies travel the world by "bunny portal". This is a magical device that enables them to go from any one closet to any other. The smaller the closet the better the accuracy of the transportation. (Yes, bunnies have mastered worm hole transportation. You can be concerned.)

Animals converse in a frequence beyond the range of any human above the age of about seven. Kids can hear and converse with bunnies, cats, dogs, etc, but the adults and teens will just think they're crazy.

* * *

Mr Mick sneezed and flopped his head about, flapping his ears. Pure coincedence one of those ears hit his companion. Freddie turned and glared up at the rabbit. "I could let you do this on your own, you know."

"Oh no, how ever will I survive without a rodent guide." Mr Mick said, paw to chest, fluttering his eyes.

Freddie sat up on his hind paws and continued to glare.

"Oh lighten up." Mickey muttered as he nosed open the closet door. It was always a challenge to portal into a closet that hadn't been used outgoing before. Which was about why he'd sent the gerbil first. "But not too much, you don't have much weight to lose."

"Unlike some!" Freddie countered, poking Mick's side. 

Mick peered out into the hallway, "I am a perfectly healthy weight for a rabbit!"

"Yeah, a Flemish Giant." Freddie said giving his best sweet mousie smile.

Mr Mick scowled, "When did you grow a backbone? I liked servile gerbil better."

"Heat must have addled my brain." Freddie said with that sunflower seeds wouldn't disappear down his gullet look.

"What brain?" Mickey grumbled and decided the coast was clear and hopped out and down around the corner. He then backpeddled right back into the closet. "CAT!"

"ACK!" Freddie yelped and dived under Mick.

"What're you doing?! Heee, hee, that tickles! Stop that!" Mick thumped.

"Cat's eat guys like me!"

"Maybe they're not so bad after all.." Mick mused. He sighed, Naw, he'd miss the little irritant if he got eaten. And he'd feel bad. And would have to explain to his Mom how he let a friend's furkid get splatted. "Maybe you should head home, I've got it from here."

Freddie would normally argue in the sake of friendship and curiousity, but he could hear a second cat join the first. "I'm so outta here!" He squeeked and dived into the portal they'd left a little open in case of emergency.. and cats were definitely an emergency in Freddie's world.

Mick shook his head and sighed. He'd have to be .. what was that word? Oh, yeah, diplomatic. Where was Hannah when you needed her? Or Maddy, he could toss Maddy at them and they'd flee in terror as soon as she started talking. 

"So, intruder, what are you?" A feline voice asked.

From its height, Mick could only assume it had sat up by the door. He sighed, "*I*, Sir Mickey, Mr Mick, am a rabbit extrodinaire. I am ruler of the Kingdom of Jade, protector of the throne and handsomest boy in the entire land. My Momma says so."

There was a silence on the other side.

"Really!" He added when the silence had dragged on. 

"And what do you want er, sir rabbit knight?"

Was there laughter in that cat's voice? Hmph. Cats. No respect for perfectly respectable lagomorphs who could chomp cat tails if they weren't careful. Maybe he should go get Katie. She could probably teach these louts what for. (He'd been learning English from Speedy and was quite proud of his vocabulary increase.) He cleared his voice, "I'm here to poop in the Cabana Boy's shoes and snip a few computer wires."

There was a buzz of feline communication. They debated who 'Cabana Boy' was and whether they cared about his shoes. The conversation turned past the point where even Mick's sensitive ears could pick it up, and he tried! "You may pass." the cat finally said.

"Really?" Mick blurted.

"He pays too much attention to that computer. He pets it, he talks to it, he spends HOURS at it. He should be paying attention to ME, er, us."

Mick nudged the door open once more to look up at the cat. "I know that song, brother. My humom hogs the computer all the time!" He stepped out to look at the, gulp, three cats. Well, he might be able to kick one cat's tail, two if he really tried, but three was out of his league, not that he'd admit it outloud.

"Computer's thatta way." The furthest back cat said, nodding in one direction, "Continue through and shoes'n'stuff are on the right."

"Thank you, good felines." He said, "I'll send you some .. " He paused, well, he couldn't send salmon because he'd given the last of that to Katie. "Do cats like tuna?" he asked.

"Yes please." the so far quiet one said. All three had sat up with interest.

"Oh we have cans of the stuff. I'll send it with a gerbil who can open the cans.. so please don't eat the gerbil." Mickey replied.

"What's a gerbil?"

"Small mouse, fuzzy tail." Mickey replied. He wasn't actually quite sure on the differences between gerbils and mice, but he didn't really care either.

"Don't eat the mouse. Check." The first cat said.

"Nono, don't eat the mouse with the tuna!" The second cat corrected.

All three thought that was a much better plan.

Refraining from rolling his eyes, Mr Mick hopped down the hallway to where he could hear the familiar buzz of computer works. It sounded like the TV was on, and he could smell a human in there, but since there was no clatter of keys, he was fairly confident the TV was busy hypnotizing whoever was watching it and they wouldn't notice him. He crept along the wall until he got to the desk where he dashed around.

He sat back on his haunches, eyes wide, saliva pooling in his mouth. He had found nirvana! Look at all these wonderful unprotected roots to nom on! His humom had said he only needed to nom on *one* wire, but geez.. it would be a crime to leave so many unchomped where anyone could just trip over them when they were in a hurry to escape the room! Why, even cats needed escape routes, right?

He rubbed his paws together in glee, giving his muzzle a quick wash. He wasn't even quite sure where to start! So much wonderful choice. Bum wiggling in glee, he chomped  the biggest, fattest one first. Pzzzt. Oooh, that'd been a live one. He shook his head to distribute the zaps out of the bottom of his furry feet. Good thing he was well insulated! The next cord he nibbled at to make a hole in the protecter so he could pull bits down and toss them aside when they came off. Soon he had a very colourful bundle of wires to choose from. He pulled them apart one at a time, chew, chomp, nom. 

By the time he'd finished the cable-chomp-a-thon he was starting to get tired and yawned. Sticking his head out from under the desk, it seemed that the TV watching human was still absorbed so not much stealth was required to find the shoes. Actually, it was probably a good thing he found the shoes, he was starting to need a litterbox and no way was he using one of those foul cat things, he'd rather piddle in the woods! He nudged the shoes into perfect alignment and left a small pile of pellets in one, and then made the other rather soggy. That'd teach the human not to .. do whatever it was he was supposed to have done. Or not do whatever it was he did do. Really, he was a rabbit, it was hard to keep track of human silliness.

Shaking his head he put on bunny ninja mode to get back to the closet. There was another couple two foots coming in to the warren and he wanted out before the computer was found. Bonus, he knew the cats were about to get very blamed and he didn't want to be a pin cushion target either. 

Mick managed to dive into the closet as a human female came around the corner. He widened the portal and jumped back through to find himself home. By the smell of it, Freddie had opened a second portal to get back to his own warren.

Mick yawned and stretched and hopped back to his den. This had better be worth an extra helping of salad, is all he had to say!

[Doggie & Bunny Fiction] Helping with the laundry.

(Sorry! I couldn't resist this photo of Hef of the Bunny Lounge and .. Big B, I think.)

Little B yawned and rolled over. "Was Momma talkin'?"

Shadow rolled her eyes. "You're supposed to pay attention to the humans!"

"Why?" Asked Little Bandit.

"Yeah, why?" asked Hef.

"They have the treats!" Carrot said.

"That's a good reason, but not THE reason." Shadow said with a long suffering sigh. Really, rabbits and puppies, was this what she had to live with?

"Well, what's THE reason then Oh Old Woman of Wisdom?" Hef asked with no little disdain and sarcasm.

Shadow gave a mock snap in his general direction. "You're outnumbered three females to one, do you REALLY want to get in a pissing contest little snack?"

"'Specially with a lady whose bladder is about the same size as you!" Little B pointed out. She couldn't help it, the bitches had to stick together!

"HMPH!" Hef turned tail and showed them his butt as he decided grooming his whiskers was very important.

"No," Shadow continued, "The reason is love."

She got three sets of eyes staring at her before Hef remembered he was giving the big black dog The Butt.

"Love?" Carrot asked.

"We love the humans so we listen to the humans and we obey the humans and we love them back." Shadow said simply. 

Carrot and Hef exchanged a look before both of them fell over busting a gut laughing, Hef rolling around on the couch, while Carrot almost fell off the arm chair.

Shadow grow-grumbled as she flomped onto her stomach. Rabbits! No respect.

Little B padded over to give Shadow a lick. "I think you're crazy, but I agree. Well, about the love stuff. And obeying. I dunno about listening to them ALL the time though, they get kinda boring."

Shadow sighed. "Anyway." she said, talking over the bunny giggles and guffaws that were continuing unabated, "To answer your question, yes, Momma was talking. She asked you to do the laundry."

Little Bandit sat back on her haunches, astonished. 

"Hee hee, listen and obey!" Hef said, setting off a whole new peel of laughter. Shadow's ears flicked around while she pretended to ignore the rabbits.

"How do you do that?" Little B asked.

"I don't know. Something to do with taking the clothes from the pile on the floor, muttering about 'men' and then shoving them in the basket in the bathroom, then dragging that down to the whirly-water-noisey-vibrating machine and shoving them in there with the sickly-sweet liquid stuff that tastes worse than blue toilet water, and close the top and hit some buttons." Shadow couldn't say she'd paid much attention.

"That doesn't sound too hard." Little Bandit decided and got up to trot off to the bedroom, ignoring all barriers that should have stopped her.

"Er." Shadow wasn't quite sure this could possibly end well.

There was all sorts of noises from the bedroom, Shadow put her front paws over her nose while Carrot hopped over to Hef's couch to shove him with her nose and say "Love!" and he'd giggle and shove her with his nose and say "Obey!" and then howl some more. Shadow wondered why she bothered.

Little Bandit reappeared dragging the basket behind her with her teeth, tail wagging madly as she went through the room, barely missing some knick-knacks. The sound of her going through the house was easily followed, thump, scrape, squoooosh, thump, bump, thump, "Ow!"

Shadow sighed and got to her feet and padded off to find out what her much younger (and quite adopted, thankyouverymuch) sister had done now.  Appearing in the laundry room, she found Little B sitting in a half-overturned basket, with a pair of Daddy's under shorts half on her head, looking quite guilty cat like. "I thought if I stood on the basket I could get up on the machiney thing and put the clothes in without having to jump."

Shadow sighed again. "How well did laziness work for you?"

Little B hung her head. "Not very well. Work works better." She repeated the well known canine saying.

"Exactly. Now get up there and I'll toss the clothes to you. But I insist this is still a bad idea!"

"But Momma ASKED *ME* to do this!" Little B said, looking very sad faced at her older sis.

"I don't think she was serious.." Shadow muttered, giving B a nose up as the german shepherd scrambled at the dryer. "Because if she was, she'd have asked Dadda first, it could only be safer.."

"HA! Dad would blow up a fondo pot before it was warmed!" Little B protested.

The black dog had to admit she was a bit surprised by Little B's having heard THAT story.. and decided to change the subject by starting to throw up the clothes. Fortunately for B, Momma had left the lid open so no wrestling was required.

"GAH!" Little B spat out an item of clothing into the washer. "What in a flat cat's mouth was THAT?"

Shadow hang out her own tongue and scrapped her paws along her tongue, "Dadda's.. and best not to ask."

"GAH!" Little B repeated, shaking her head to a jingle of collar and licenses. Shadow's next throw hit her in the side and she had to be nimble to grab it in her teeth. "Why does Momma have all these frilly lacey things? She never wears them!"

"She's gotta, I don't think she'd just wash them every week for no reason.." Shadow offered doubtfully.

Little B dropped it in with the rest, the white bra landing on one of "Dadda's" red shirts. "Humans do lots of things for no reason."

Shadow shrugged and tossed up the last of the clothes, a balled pair of socks that must have been momma's because they didn't make her nose try to curl up inside her head. Little B caught them in her mouth before dropping them in the washer.

The german shepherd turned on her tail to reach up to the shelf to get the jug. "Vis Shtuff?" she asked around it.

"Yeah, the light grey one!" Shadow agreed.

Little B carefully put it on the dryer between her front paws and had to dig in her teeth to twist the top off. "Glarrrrgh!" She moaned, "That's HORRIBLE." she wiped her tongue on the dryer, on the outside of the jug, on her legs, and then again on the dryer. "That's almost as bad as Dadda's unmentioneds!"

Shadow shuddered. She'd accidentally tasted that stuff once before too. Blech. No thank you! She'd rather eat hay than have that taste in her mouth again!

Little B grabbed the jug by the handle and poured some in the washer. "Howf musch?"

"Dunno, that much?" Shadow offered after a few moments.

Little Bandit put the jug back down and eyed the cap with a sigh before she carefully picked it up and put it on the jug before putting said jug back up on the shelf. No way was she turning that cap and risking that taste again!

Knocking the lid of the washer down was easy, though the resounding crash made both dogs jump. Little B eyed the buttons and dials and batted at a few with her paws, nosed a few others and then scratched at the dial again. Finally the machine kicked in, starting the sounds of water dumping in. "Yay!"  Little B jumped off the washer and onto the ground to prance around in a circle! "I helpeded Momma! I did the laundry!" She was momentary distracted by her tail and had to do a quick tail chase before wondering if she should be seeing those little white bubbles already.

Shadow was eyeing the washing machine herself. "You know, if we get out of here before anything goes wrong, its not our fault."

"Its the Dadda's fault, right?" Little B said, backing away from the machine that was making an odd gurgling sound.

"Right!"

The two dogs spun on spot and dashed back through the house to the living room where the rabbits were apparently all worn out from the gigglefest and snoozing.

"How come nothin's ever THEIR fault?" Little B asked.

"Because they're small, cute, and helpless." Shadow said with an almost teenage eyeroll.

"Since when?!" Little B demanded. 

Shadow sighed and lay down.

"Really! When did they become helpless?" Little B asked, nudging Shadow with her nose.

Shadow let out a long sigh and closed her eyes.

"Shaaadow!! When did .." she stopped as she heard her Momma come in from the yard.

"What's all that noise?" She asked as she came in.

Little B immediately lay down beside Shadow and tried to put on the best "halo look" she had. 

The human glanced at the animals, with a frown and then headed off to find the source of the strange noises..

* * *

Disclaimer : The Momma would never ACTUALLY leave dogs alone with bunnies. But in story time land, its all good and safe. Well, until The Momma discovers what's been done to her washing machine.. and clothes .. :)