Imogen's remedial raiding class
The Australian Shepherd walked into the classroom with a disdainful flicking of her tail as she propped her forepaws up on the desk, dropping the remote for the projector. "You all know why you're here."
"Yes Imogen."
"That's PROFESSOR Imogen or RAID LEADER Imogen."
"Yes ma'am."
"I see why you're here. You can't follow basic instructions." Seh slapped a paw down on the desk. Toe beans, unfortunately, prevented any particularly impressive noise. It was a dull thump and a clicking of claws.
She thumped her chin down on a remote control, bringing up a display on a stickman with a sword in one hand. "Rule one, BUFF. If you're missing a buff, ask the relevant class. Get lock rocks. Eat food. If it's a prog boss, use vantus and augment runes."
"Aren't they called --" one voice started.
"Quiet!" She barked. "If you're gonna be a nitty picky picker when you know what's MEANT, you will be BENCHED!"
"Yes Professor." came the now small voice.
"You will watch the videos of the fight. You will learn the order of the spells, attacks, and movements. You'll get raid guidance but if you're gonna run around in a little circle flailing, you're not good to anyone. PLAN HOW YOU WILL DO THE FIGHT as an individual and as a group!"
Another thump onto the remote of a stick figure lying down with x's for eyes.
"Dead DPS do no DPS!" Thump. "Dead healers can't heal." Thump. "Dead tanks are because of dead dps, healers, or RNG. Tanks are perfect and without flaw." She stared out at class, then chuffed, "Just kidding, dead tanks are dead because they made poor life choices."
"Heal yourself, use your defensives, do less DPS in the short term to survive and do more in the long term. Healers, ALWAYS heal yourself first. Tanks, watch your aggro meters!"
Another chin thump for the remote to a blank white background with red swirls scrawled over it. "STAY OUT OF BAD STUFF."
"If you have a choice between something bad on the ground, or something bad hitting you, avoid both! Know what to look for, know where to be, and if push comes to shove, use your immunity and F everyone else.
"Also, don't dump bad on your friends if you can,. but if you get a big circle mechanic, it's THEIR job to get out of YOUR way. You go where you're supposed to and let THEM figure it out.
"Tho, if you drop it in the middle of a whole lot of bad, your friends may let you die as a matter of principal.
She sighed. "Fire does not increase heals, dps, or armour. STAY THE @#!$% out of it."
The class was suitably impressed she could actually make @#!$% sound like @#!$%.
Finally, "KILL THE ADDS. Cleave is your friend, cleave is fun, but have your primary target BE THE ADDS NOT THE BOSS. I don't care about your epeen dps meter. If adds don't die, your friends do and we need them to kill the boss."
"If its not a stack mechanic, dump it away and BEHIND the raid."
"Kill the boss, get the loot, and rinse repeat every week."
She glared out at the class, "Any questions? No? Good."
"But --"
"READ A GUIDE ONLINE. I'm not doing all your work for you!" Imogen picked the remote up in her mouth, hopped down from the desk, "If you don't smarten up, I'll eat your dinner!" she declared before walking out.