Friday, October 31, 2014
As a black bunny Umbra took her job as Hallowe'en rabbit very seriously. It was her job to gnaw the Hallowe'en pumpkin, it was her job to set up the candles (this year she didn't singe her whiskers,) it was her job to make sure everyone got spooky invitations and it was her job to tell the Hallowe'en stories. It hadn't been her job to make the food since the first year; everyone was quite grateful when Speedy generously took over the job on top of his own party. Everyone agreed, Umbra included!, that Speedy made the best snacks ever.
There was pure white Buttercup and light brown splotted over white fur Jensen, buff lop eared Mr Mick (although he insisted he was orange. Maybe it was a Hallowe'en thing) and dark helicoptered ear Harrington and the brown, star-nosed Hannah, and creamy Speedy with his brown smudged nose with his brown ears, of course. New comers tanned dwarf Thor and lopped eared, English spot, Don Pedro were cautiously drinking the pink ginger ale and wondering if the bubbles were supposed to go up their noses.
Umbra sat herself between two candles in the dark and shadowed room, the fan on across the room to cause them to flicker and dance. Ambiance was everything, after all. She'd drawn the line at the pumpkin spice incense that had caused her to sneeze half the night away last year. Some sacrifices even she wasn't ready to make!
"It was a dark and stormy night -- " she began.
"Isn't it always?" Mick whispered.
"IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT!" Umbra repeated, forcefully, just daring Mr Mick, snot of the north-east to interrupt her again. She'd nip his tail into next week if he did.
"Hmph." Mick may have added something about foo' does, but Umbra decided it was probably best to ignore him or he'd be on about a sore tail all night.
* * *
Buttercup and Jenson had been taking the closet portal to Speedy's Hallowe'en party when they got dumped out unexpectedly. It wasn't a nice warm closet, freshly organized and tidy in expectation of kitty and bunny visitors but a nasty cold ditch with slimy grass sludged at the bottom of it. It was drizzly and dark and storm clouds were gathering over the head.
"I told you to concentrate!" Buttercup snapped.
"I *was* concentrating! Something went wrong with the bunny tunnel! It just burped and here we are!" He looked around, "Where is here?"
"Lost is where we are, so here must be lost!" Buttercup told him, scrambling up the steep side of the bank. She ignored Jensen putting his nose against her butt to give her a shove up and over. He gave a leap and then scampered up behind her. She periscoped one way while he periscoped the other. It was muddy and miserable. The road had probably been fresh tarmac and useful, but now it was full of puddly potholes and was more cracked than smooth. The paint lines were faded to near non-existence. The bushes on the other side of the ditches were rustling as the wind picked up to a brisk pace. None of which was particularly pleasant when you fur was getting sodden.
"I don't even know what *country* we're in." grumbled Jensen.
Buttercup sighed, "Me neither. We could be *anywhere.* We could get lost in time or something!" The TARDIS traveled bunny tunnels didn't it? It could go anywhen. She didn't want to be stuck in some barbaric time where they ate bunnies! What horror that would be!
Jensen sniffed about, "I don't think so. I mean, it's a tar road. That's fairly new, right?"
Buttercup looked mollified, "Good thinking!"
Jensen offered a smile, "I think I see a steeple or something over that way. Maybe they have a closet?"
"*Anything* is better than sitting here in the muck!" Buttercup replied, turning in the direction he indicated and started hopping down the road. While it would be warmer and far less mucky to hop up the road, neither of them wanted to take a chance with cars. At least from here they could jump back into the ditch if absolutely necessary. Some humans had truly dreadful ideas of things that were funny.
The grey mess of rain slowly revealed an old mansion house. Well, that meant they were probably somewhere in either Old England or New England. Maybe if they were in Old England they could still get to Speedy's even if the closet system was broken. Of course, considering how wet and muddy they were, it might be better to just get home and make a mess of their own carpets instead of Speedy's nice mummy's.
The house was dark, with wooden siding that looked like it was slipping in places. The windows all had dark drapes covering them from the inside. The shutters weren't latched and bounced around banging in the rising wind. The rain was starting to turn from drizzle to fat rain drops. One plunked right between Buttercup's ears and she jumped a mile and growled in complaint.
The two hurried up the stairs to the large wooden double doors. There was an old fashioned knocker on each door, but no sign of a doorbell.
"Don't go in there!" a voice called from down bellow. The two bunny's stopped in mid-about-to-thump. They scurried to lean over the stone wall on either side of the wooden, creaky, steps. Looking up at them was a scary black cat with orange eyes that seemed to glow in the faint light. "The master's gone crazy, or something's eaten him, or something!" The head disappeared, "Come in here!" the cat said, muffled.
The bunnies hopped down the stairs and scurried around to find a hole in the stones that made up the side of the steps. They wiggled in to find dark plastic sheeting with some tatty towels plopped about randomly. The cat sat in the corner, a flash of lightning making his eyes seem to snap. Both rabbits started and then jumped up a mile when the thunder sounded so very close. They both landed with a thumps of displeasure at the sudden bright lights and loud noises.
"That's just Thor having a party." The cat said. His voice was growly and low. He shuddered, shaking off fur that looked brittle and spiky. "Don't mind him, they never last long."
The Thor THEY knew was a very nice little Dwarf who wouldn't go throwing lightning about just to scare people! He'd been a bit cannon happy, of course, but weren't all pirates whether they hopped on four feet or walked on two or less?
"So, uhm, what happened with the house?" Buttercup ventured, not sure what to say to the cat. Speedy had warned them that not all cats were nice and friends, that something of them were quite nutty and tried to *hurt* bunnies!
"I don't know!" He protested. "One day I'm napping and I was woken up by the doors. Master went to answer it and he came in with a wonderful box." Jensen and Buttercup exchanged a look, cats were very silly about boxes. "He unpacked something all that plasticy bubble stuff and gave me the box. I had a wonderful time playing in the box and eventually took my pre-supper nap. I woke up to the most dreadful howling coming from the attic and master was nowhere to be found! My food bowl was really quite empty, and there was nothing to eat *anywhere*." The cat stopped to lick his tail and Buttercup just wanted to tell him to get on with it! "I listened to the howling for *hours* and it finally stopped, I thought, great master would come down and feed me now. But then the worst screaming started up and I just couldn't take it anymore! I took out my special door and came down here. I've been here since. Sometimes when the wind is right, you can still hear the screaming!"
The bunnies weren't very happy at the news. "We need a closet." Jensen finally said. "We could.. maybe.. go inside and look?"
Buttercup wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea, but they could hardly just hide under the steps of some haunted house for who knew how long. There may be plenty of grass to eat, but they had a human and a dog to take care of!
The lightning crashed and boomed again. Both bunnies had been half-expecting it this time.
"It's your funeral." The cat finally said with a sniff and went back to licking his tail. "My door is around back."
Jensen gave a shiver and Buttercup followed him out into the rain.
They made their way through grass that probably could have used mowing a few months back, getting wet all over. "I wanna go home." Buttercup didn't quite cry.
"Me too." Jensen reassured her. He'd had enough of rain and misery and scary thunder and haunted houses and creepy cats and muddy ditches.
The back steps were far less fancy than the front, they were also in less repair. With a shake of fur and ears, Jensen hopped up and stuck his nose in the flapped door. He didn't hear any noise coming from within. He hopped inside, Buttercup crowding against him.
The kitchen was kind of dark. Contrary to the outside of the house, the kitchen was kind of modern. Jensen saw a clock that was flashing midnight and he wished that it was telling the proper time. With time zones and silly things, who knew how long they'd been running around in the rain? He couldn't even tell if it was afternoon or night!
Buttercup stood up on her hind legs, peering about. "I can't see a plugin!"
Well, that would tell them, at least, what continent they were on! "Does it matter?" Jensen finally asked, heading towards the door from the kitchen. He gave a glance up to see that there were in fact overhead lights powered by electricity. He wondered if they were turned off or if the power was out in the storm.
Buttercup sighed, "I guess not." She didn't follow Jensen. "This is the kitchen, shouldn't we just use the pantry?"
"We should at least see what happened to the cat's human, shouldn't we?" Jensen said, nudging the door open.
Buttercup muttered an impolite negative about that idea, but followed him out into a living room.
The furniture was shabby and overstuffed but looked serviceable enough. It all centered on an HD TV with a dizzying area of electronics underneath. There weren't any pictures on the walls and the large bay window was covered by dark drapes. The flash of lightning could be seen against the ceiling, but the curtains fell all the way to the floor, creating patterns in the dust on the hardwood floor. It was cooler out here than in the kitchen.
"I wonder if he knows what a heater is." grumbled Jensen. He was cold, he was muddy, he was wet and now he was traipsing through a strange house. it seemed like a good idea at the time.
"Oh he's a flintscape." Buttercup offered.
Jensen didn't think that was quite the word she wanted but instead decided to go up the stairs that were near the front door to the second floor.
There wasn't much to see on the second floor. A room full of cat furniture with a stinky litter box and a non-bubbling water fountain. Another room with a large bed and a dresser with a long mirror propped up against the wall. The bathroom looked archiac. They found the stairs up to the attack behind the fourth door.
"You sure about this?" Buttercup asked.
"No, but let's go anyway." Jensen replied, starting the hop up the stairs. It was gloomy in the attic but they could almost see due to high in the wall windows. The windows were small and round but uncovered, showing the rain outside.
A human lay sprawled in a plush chair. He was balding, with a fringe of frazzled grey hair. His shirt had food splotches on it and his jeans looked very ill fitting.
"Is he dead?" Jensen whispered quietly.
"I don't know!" Buttercup replied. She crept forward, the floor unsanded and a bit rough under paw. She tried not to breath to deeply since it was even dustier up here than it had been in the living room. She was almost within peering range when she stepped on a dark lump, it let out a wheezing moan and Buttercup turned tail and ran back towards the door.
Jensen quickly dived in front of her so she whumped into his side. They tumbled a bit. The human half-woke with a snortled snore before settling back down. "I know what this is!" hissed Jensen. "It's not a howling monster!" He paused and groomed Buttercup's nose. "Well, it IS, but it's not alive." he walked across the floor to the mysterious lump, Buttercup following very carefully. Jensen leaned down and put powerful rabbit jaws to work on the rubbery surface. "It's called a bag of pipes! Speedy showed me a TV show with them once. Air gets in here.." he nudged the bit he'd just chomped a hole into. ".. and then it escapes screaming from there!" He pointed with his nose. "But now the air will escape from here and it won't scream. C'mon, let's go find a closet." He turned towards the door.
"What about the cat?" Buttercup asked, following once more.
"What about him?" Jensen let out a little snort, "He's a scardy cat! He gets what he deserves! The human will come looking for him or he'll get hungry sooner or later."
More lightning blinked through the sky, thunder rumbling after him. "Thor's still having a party." Buttercup said. "Do you think Speedy's still having his?" she asked, hopping past Jensen to scurry down onto the second floor. "We *do* have a Hallowe'en story to tell.."
Jensen found a closet and opened the door. "Well, let's see where the closet takes us!"
Sunday, October 26, 2014
(Special thanks to Mike Donovan for pirate gun assistance :) )
The bunny swung on the rope from ship to shore, doing a flip to land on the sand, in a perfect, if showy, display. He periscoped up as if expecting applause.
Captain Ren, leader of misfit rabbits and humans alike, eyed the rabbit, and watched the rope swing back towards the ship. "You'll be braiding that back together, savvy?"
Don Pedro, Prince of Aragon, Rabbit of Awesome and suaver than shampoo, sighed. He was so hard done by. No appreciation to be found anywhere. Didn't she even appreciate how long it had taken to gnaw through the rope?
* * *
Captain Ren was more than happy to let Jack and the few crewman he'd brought with him go first. Let him argue with the jungle. It was dark and humid under the trees. The underbrush was thick and persistent. The bugs were biting. It was sweat inducing and a long walk for an unknown prize. Captain Jack Sparrow had been rather sparse on details beyond 'lots of shinies, luv!'. She'd been tempted to kick him in the shin again, she instead followed, staring at his butt.
She watched Thor and Mick jump over logs, seeming to be making bunny plots. They seemed to have no problems with running around in a jungle. Bloomin' rabbits. She wasn't even quite sure how many had decided to come play and cause mayhem. Captain Jack seemed pretty enthusiastic at their presence. Speedy zipped by and then back again. He'd probably clocked four times the miles of anyone else. Some buns just wanted to run. She'd left Tracy with the ship, but a claymore clad Lorna and an enthusiastic cutlass wielding Pearl followed her.
"How much further, Papa Smurf?" called Lorna. Captain Ren didn't quite understand the Canadian's humour at the best of times but the query was clear.
"Not far now." Came the reply from Captain Jack. He stopped, playing with mustache. "Question." He stated.
"Yes?" Ren responded, warily.
"How do we feel about giant, possibly rabid, probably poop wielding, gorilla guard?"
Ren considered shooting Jack.
"You didn't tell us to bring cannons." Pearl said conversationally. "I suggest we throw a few men at it and while it's busy eating, we kill it."
"Gorillas are vegetarians, luv." Captain Jack said.
"They'll eat insects." Pearl pointed out. "How big is this gorilla compared to us?"
The mustache twirling paused before Jack spun on his foot to look back through the leaves. He turned back, hand up as if he had an idea and then dropped it.
Ren rolled her eyes. "When it naps we sneak up on it and tie it up. We can release it on our way out."
"Soft heart, luv. What can contain a gorilla that size?" Jack asked.
"Well, I don't hear you coming up with any brilliant ideas!" Ren stepped forward, shoving Jack aside. She looked at the very small mountain that was the gorilla. She let out a low whistle. "Big."
"Very." Jack agreed. "Not the sort you just tie up, savvy?"
Thor rolled his eyes and headbutted Ren. "What?"
He nodded towards the other rabbits and they conferred, nodded, and Speedy jumped through the bushes. Ren almost yelped out a 'wait!' but didn't want to draw that much attention.
Speedy hopped up to the gorilla who was currently sitting and gnawing on banana leaves. He gave a bunny bow and licked the gorilla's ankle.
The gorilla looked down at the very small rabbit and grunted. Speedy grunted back and added a thump. The gorilla rumbled. Speedy tilted his head to one side and trilled. The gorilla sighed and looked towards the group of humans and other rabbits. Speedy trilled again and gave another lick. The gorilla brought down one very large finger to pat Speedy on the back. Well, front, back and tail all in one touch. Speedy licked the finger and the gorilla grunted again before getting to feet and knuckles to walk off into the jungle, revealing a hole in the actual mountain behind where the gorilla had been.
Speedy periscoped up and stuck out his tongue.
"Well, that was easy." Jack said with some satisfaction. "We should celebrate. Who has the rum?"
"I do, but it was my rabbit, so my celebration which doesn't include giving rum to poor planning pirates!" Ren told him.
"You can own rabbits now? Do they know this?" Jack asked conversationally.
"They're my crew, they're my rabbits." Ren replied, refusing to be drawn into Jack's strange world view. She shoved through the brush and into the clearing to give Speedy head pats and a blueberry. This led to her giving all the buns blueberries and oats as they demanded. The crew got rum, which somehow led to Jack getting rum, which Ren decided to ignore. Once everyone was satisfied, "Now what?"
"Well, now is why we wanted the rabbits." Jack said happily. "It's a maze in there, savvy? Traps and mayhem!"
"And you want my rabbits to go through all THAT?!" Ren asked, hand going to the butt of one of the two flintlocks on her belt.
"Aye. They're much better suited to it than we!" Jack said, which received many lagomorphic smug nods. It was well known that bunnies were better at EVERYTHING that just let humans do stuff to feel useful.
There was another conference and Mick led Thor and Speedy in. The humans followed a short distance later.
Winding tunnels with Captain Sparrow provided torches for light, ceilings that suddenly lowered with little warning, twists and turns with no real purpose and tunnels that branched off every which way. It smelled of mold and wet rock. They eventually found themselves in a huge natural cavern that had a treasure trove that was unbelievable, loot galore. All of the pirates, and even two of the rabbits, gasped with awe.
"Stand steady." Captain Jack ordered as he walked along the cave wall and messed around with some rubble. The loot disappeared to reveal a grotto with a small rocky island in the near middle. A small chest with a sword driven into the top rested in the center of it. "AH!" Jack said happily.
"What is that?" Ren asked warily. She didn't much like magic other than the rabbit kind, and even then she was suspicious.
"Sword of Darsus. It will always find the nearest keg of rum. Ye can have the chest." He magnanimity offered. Jack then eyed the deep water warily. "Mr Gibbs, have you learned to swim yet?"
"Uh, no Captain."
"Fat lot of use you are." Jack grumbled.
The rabbits rolled their eyes. Speedy and Thor hopped into the water and swam across to the island. Mick stayed behind, refusing to spend six hours waiting for his fur to dry. The duo scrambled up the chest and gave the sword some dugs with teeth and scrambling paws. Thor gave a mighty grunt and the dwarf bun hauled the sword out.
"Oats for all!" Jack cheered.
The two buns ignored him, dropping the sword to the rocks beside the chest, they then started shoving the chest over. Then peered in the hole and pondered.
Pearl rolled her eyes, "C'mon." She said to Lorna. "What is it with sailors not swimming?"
"Men are idiots." Lorna grumbled as she handed her sword belt to her Captain. Ren did her best not to drop the four foot sword. Pearl didn't seem bothered to be wearing leather armour and carrying weaponry as she shallow dived into the water. Lorna waded in after her and swam when she could no longer feel bottom. The two joined the rabbits. The women tested the weight of the chest and Lorna grunted. It was heavy enough. Pearl lifted the lid and peered inside and nodded to Lorna. Lorna sighed. The lid was closed and Lorna went back into the water, rolling onto her back. Pearl lifted the chest and put it onto Lorna. Pearl then got into the water and started to tow her fellow pirate back to the group. The rabbits very helpfully hopped onto the chest for a free ride back.
"But the sword!" Jack protested. "My sword!"
"Your sword, you go get it!" Ren told him, quite aware he could swim. It was his own bloody problem if he didn't want to give up "Captain nobility" in front of his men. Her crew scrambled up and presented her the chest. It was probably only a quarter full, but it was full of all sorts of gems. "Well, this should pay for my troubles nicely." Ren declared.
"You know, we could trade. Finding rum could be awfully useful, you know how your furry crew love the rum.." Jack started to wheedle.
Ren passed the claymore back to the dripping Lorna. Pearl was using her shawl to dry off Speedy and Thor. The Canadian didn't seem to be bothered she was dripping wet. The Captain of the Rumrabbit held up a flintlock, and pointed it at Captain Jack Sparrow, "Don't you try to con me. You made your deal, you live with it."
"Now luv.." He started, taking a step towards her, stopping when the gun pressed up against his shoulder. He put his hand over her's, which was gripping the trigger, "You wouldn't be doing that to ole Jack.."
She started to reply but his hand twitched and she'd never bothered to fix the sensitive trigger, after all, who would be using her guns but her? Jack swore as the bullet went into his flesh and surprisingly out the other side. It didn't even bleed particularly much, being more toasted than anything else. "What did you expect you flamin' idiot?!" Ren swore at him as she shoved him to sit down. Pearl pulled off the Captain's shirt.
The crew from the Black Pearl weren't quite sure what they should do, on the one hand the Captain of the Rumrabbit had shot their Captain, or possibly he'd shot himself, but on the other, they were busy undressing him and Captain Jack probably wouldn't be happy if they interrupted a group of woman busy removing his clothing.
Both Captains were growling and spitting at each other. Lorna ignored everyone and took on her job as the Rumrabbit's medic. She poked, prodded, and then handed Captain Jack a bottle.
"What's this for, then?" He grumbled.
"Rum, you can drink it, or you can pour it over yourself to prevent wound rot. Your choice." She tossed his abused shirt at him before turning to Ren. "Shall we?"
"We shall." Ren agreed, tucking flintlock back into belt, having been waving it all about while telling Jack what flavours of idiot he was. The buns frolicked as Pearl and Lorna picked up the chest and the crew of the Rumrabbit returned the way they'd entered.
"Cap'n." Mr Gibbs said after a long silence.
"Yes Mr Gibbs?" Captain Jack Sparrow was still eyeing the bottle of rum and trying to decide it's fate.
"She shot you."
"Yes, she did." Jack agreed.
"And then left us here." Mr Gibbs continued.
"Yes, they did." Jack said amiably, despite screaming sore shoulder with a hole in it, and a decision on how much rum to pour over the wound. The bottle wasn't near full enough for both.
"And we haven't got the sword." Mr Gibbs added.
"An excellent point. Mr Gibbs, Mr Pintel, Mr Ragetti, go fetch the sword."
"Cap'n!" "But Cap'n" "I ken't swim!" were the immediate protests.
"I suggest you learn then. It can't be hard if the wenches of the rumrabbit can do it, carrying a bloody chest back!"
"They do have nice chests." Ragetti offered.
Jack sighed, Gibbs smacked the back of Ragetti's head and the three shuffled off towards the island.
Captain Jack sighed, stood up and dumped the bottle of rum over his front and then over his back with gritted teeth. He then held up the bottle with a sigh, "And now, the rum is gone. Why is the rum always gone?" He turned to the dog paddling pirates. "Get me that sword! We need the rum!"
Saturday, October 18, 2014
It was a beautiful day in the south Caribbean. The sand glistened in the bright sunshine, the surf was calm against the beach, and bunnies frolicked amongst all the splinters, rescuing blasted bananas from rotting.
"Do you think we'll have trouble finding firewood?" Tracy asked.
Captain Ren sighed, concentrating on crossing sand in high heeled boots. There was a definite art to not sinking.
"Or dinner, if you like bananas or roasted monkey." Tracy continued, following her Captain across the beach.
"They had it coming." Ren grumbled. There were scorch marks across the deck and hull.
They reached where Jack Sparrow, Captain of the Black Pearl stood surveying the land. He turned as Ren came into view. "Ah! Welcome to Monkey Skull Island!" he said cheerfully, turning with arms outstretched.
Ren gave him a hairy eyed look.
"I didn't know about the monkeys!" he protested.
"It's CALLED Monkey skull island!" She said, poking him in the stomach. Even with high heels, there was inches of difference in their heights.
"Aye well. I thought they'd all be skulls, luv." He gave her his most charming smile.
"What about the mermaids?" Ren asked pointedly.
"Rather lovely, they were, till you dumped all those onions overboard to scare them off." Jack nodded absently.
"And did you know about the mermaids?" She asked through clenched teeth.
"Oh. Right. I may have, indeed, known about the mermaids. But I didn't want you to worry, savvy?" He took a step back.
Ren took a step forward, poking him in the stomach again. "I almost lost Flint and three rabbits!"
"Are the rabbits alright then?" Jack asked with genuine concern.
"They're fine! So's Flint, thanks for asking!"
"Yer welcome." He nodded, "Right then.. I'm thinkin', we camp on the beach tonight and make inland in the light tomorrow."
"Fine." Ren agreed. She then kicked Captain Jack Sparrow swiftly and with enthusiastic force, in the shin.
He let out a bellow and leaned down to rub his shin. "What was that for, mate?!"
"This." She leaned forward and plucked his hat off his head and plunked it on her own. "That's for the flaming monkey poop, mate. You savvy?" She asked, hand on sword.
"Aye," He said, still rubbing shin, eyes revealing a thousand thoughts he wasn't expressing.
"Good." She turned on her heel and marched back across the sand.
Jack watched her go with a gleam in his eye.
"Pardon the Captain." Gibbs said from where he'd stood to the Captain's side, watching the conversation.
"Yes Mr Gibbs?" Captain Jack asked, turning to him.
"It just seems, Captain, you put up with a lot of guff from the ladies."
"Ah, there's good reason for that Mr Gibbs." Jack said, turning and heading back towards his beloved Pearl.
"Aye, Captain?" Gibbs asked.
"They don't always slap you." Jack said with a maniacal grin.
"Tracy!" Cap'n Renee bellowed, ducking the flying, flaming, poop, that went by her head. "You get on the flags and ask Mister Captain Jack Sparrow that the flippin' fuckin' hell he's gotten us into!" The ship was attempting to navigate the shallows to get close enough to the island to disembark.
Tracy had grabbed the flags and was about to head foredeck but stopped halfway through the rant. "I'm not sure I know how to flag that." She ducked a rather large glob of on fire excrement. The monkeys had impressive throwing arms.
"Can you flag 'I'm going to take one of those hell infested monkeys and shove them where the --" there was a pause as the Captain had to navigate both through coral and avoid more flaming poop. " -- sun doesn't shine?"
"Newfoundland?" Tracy asked a little too innocently.
"TRACY!" Cap'n Ren barked.
The first mate of the Rumrabbit sighed, stepped aside to avoid more firey crap, and started towards the forecastle. "You sure I can't just make you some coffee? You seem awfully stressed."
Thor, T-Dog to his friends, nodded his little bunny head.
"Oh don't you start." Grumbled Ren. "How come none of you are hoppin' to, eh mate?"
The rabbit his head to one side, seemed to consider her words, then started grooming his hind leg.
"I should be on a nice little island, on a hammock, drinkin' copious amounts of rum." She leaned left to avoid the latest projectile. "But no, have a job for you, says Cap'n Sparrow, lots of loot says the Cap'n. So here I am," she stepped backwards, hands still on wheel, "avoiding fuckin' MONKEY POOP!"
"Flaming monkey poop, which smells most delightful," said a pleasantly calm voice. Pearl appeared with a mug which she passed to her Captain. Her path had been one of grace, it didn't seem she went out of her way to avoid any of the projectiles at all, even though they were getting more frequent as they approached the island.
Ren sniffed the cup and smiled, coffee with rum. "Thanks luv, remind me to promote you."
Pearl smiled amiably, "I'll just take my share." She patted her cutlass. "Do we get to slice and dice some monkeys soon?"
"Shoulda let that bloody Sparrow go first. But no, me ship is more manoeuvrable and all that rot." Ren growled then took a swig of her doctored coffee and sighed. "Y'know what? Get out the cannons, explosive blasts, we'll turn and blow the damn monkeys and their trees to splinters."
"Aye aye, Cap'n!" Pearl replied happily, descending to pass on the Captain's orders.
The rabbits did binkies of joy. For supposed prey animals they took entirely too much delight in blowing things up. They then scrambled to helped the Flint, new master of the cannons.
"And then, God help Captain Jack Sparrow when I get my hands on him!" Captain Ren vowed.