Tuesday, May 28, 2013

[Gerbil Video] Freddie is a Sailor.

video

Sorry for the wobbles, bit that the ferry crossing was rough, bit that my hands shake. But this is Freddie travelling, as you can see, he's completely bothered by car rides, ferry rides, etc etc. Actually the only time I've seen him upset while travelling is when I dared to eat a cheeseburger (with lettuce instead of the bun :P ) for lunch. I'm not sure if he was upset because I wasn't sharing or because I was eating meat. I lean towards the former theory though.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

[Not Quite So Random Anymore Story] No Stampeding Cows.


So, let's talk about something that isn't Goat. Because, I'll tell you right now, while we were sitting in Cowtown (Calgary to you non-western Canadians) airport, I was doing my best to ignore his existence right off the planet. Tim Hortons can fix many ills, but it can't fix a man with funky eyes staring at you flatly trying to make you answer questions he hadn't gotten around to asking yet. I'm going to do my psychic bird routine and guess what questions you have, because I sure as heck wasn't wasting the effort on one of Cougar's friends.

Let's see, first up, if the avatars of beings of powers exist what else exists is probably top of the list. You probably want to know about werewolves and vampires and stuff like that. Werewolves, yup, met a few, they're cranky ass bastards, but then, they're Wolf's warriors. He imbibes worthy beings with his spirit and they go fight his cause. Or just fight. A lot. Can any of us do that? Sure, in theory, if we have the power to spare. But seriously, what am I going to create? Thieves who can't fly because they're too big? Please. It's be just a giant waste. I have no idea about the vampires, that's a European thing, and as you can guess, I don't get over the Atlantic much. Actually, its kind of an Asian thing to, I'd believe it more likely over there, they have strong beliefs.

I have met ghosts. They're really not much fun at all. Totally depressing, either they're all in your face about them being dead, or how they died, or they want to kill you so you can keep them company in their misery. I may not be able to leave a ghost, or at least I don't think I can, but dying hurts and I don't want to do it.

What else? Uh, is there God? Sure. Possibly several, possibly one who has a thousand faces, possibly a guy who controls all our actions and makes it look like free will, or maybe a girl who sparked life to the universe and went on vacation. I'm just a power brought about by imagination and faith, I can't say any great being has hopped over and said "Hey, Magpie, we should totally do lunch." Besides, I'd not trust anyone who claims to be that powerful, I'd think they're just selling something. Everyone's selling something, hell, I'm hoping this'll make for a great book thought fictional and make me thousands. If you bought this copy instead of pirating it, be nice and buy a copy for your aunt's gerbil or something. If you pirated it, well, I'd be choked, but I'm more happy of proof that I made it through all this.

Yes, I eat, drink, pee and poop. See memo up there about dying hurting. No one enjoys it. Well, okay, I don't know for a fact that NO ONE enjoys it, but anyone who does is too sick a kitty for me to want to hang around with.

I don't know if every being has a purpose, but I can tell you every being has a favourite song and some even have the same favourite song for more than a day. Having a singular favourite book is like having a singular favourite flavour of ice cream. Sure, you might blurt 'strawberry' but if someone hands you a bowl of 'maple walnut' you'll be all 'Oh! Yum! I love this!' It's the same for books. Movies, I don't watch a lot of. I don't know why, I guess I just have trouble sitting still for that long unless I"m with someone else and the fidgeting would drive them bug nut crazy.

Bunnies are awesome. Yes, I got paid to say that. It doesn't make it any less true though.

Do other places have avatars of their own? Sure! Why not? Do humans stop imagining and believing and whatevering just because they're not on the North American tectonic plate? Please. I wouldn't be surprised if you find a guy sitting on an ice shelf with a cigar, gnawing on a raw fish and trying to explain the language barrier between penguin breeds if you went down to Antarctica. Actually, sign me up for that vacation, it could be a fun lecture.

Do I know Coyote? Not personally, don't have his phone number, he's been running around in eastern Washington state lately, and I don't cross the 49th as often as I used to. Climate change is a bitch.

I think that's the major points. Or at least, the ones I can think of for now. I'm sure once people figure out my Twitter I'll get a bunch more. Of course, that'll be a bit late for this story, but hey, I have dreams of sitting on my ass, fondling a keyboard and making millions. It won't happen, but a girl's gotta have dreams. Or boy, if I die between now and then, I never quite know what I'll come back as.  But me, I"m gonna continue ignoring Goat, get on a plane and wonder why the hell I ever agreed to go to Toronto in the first place. I mean, its not like Bear's THAT persuasive. Why couldn't Horse go to Toronto and I could go back to bed?

If Goat didn't believe in hell before this, three hours on a plane with me, heading to Toronto, should pretty much convince him it not only exists but he signed his own name onto the transfer slip. I'm almost cheerful about getting on that plane. Y'know, if almost were the bowling distance between Yellowknife and Iqaluit.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

[Bunny Stories] Maddy, Umbra, The Doctor and Wonderland.




Umbra peered over Maddy's shoulder at the slightly nibbled around the edges paper. The mixture of colours, lines and arrows probably made sense to someone, but she was more of a live it, see it, learn it type navigator. She didn't think Maddy was having much better luck.  They'd come out of a rabbit hole in the side of a large, grass covered, hill. It was nothing like the closet it was supposed to have been.

"You probably should have taken a left at Albuquerque." A voice told them as a shadow loomed over them. The two does barely had time to do more than turn before a humanoid in a strange British uniform crouched down behind them. "Or maybe that was a right. It depends on where you're going, I suppose."

The two rabbits wriggled noses at each other rapidly, both prepared to bolt. "He has a stick of celery." Maddy pointed out as they eyed the rather monochrome outfit.

"He smells like Mickey's Doctor." Umbra sniffed at the man who was looking rather amused. "Well, sort of half like Mickey's Doctor."

"I don't have a Mickey, perhaps I'm only half the Doctor you're looking for?" He said with a smile and a tilt of his head. "Did you want the celery?" He took it off his coat and offered it to Maddy.

She made a quick snatch to start munching on the leaves.

Umbra, having had a handful of oats before she left only made a polite nibble before turning back to the stranger. "Thank you," she said politely. It didn't appear Maddy was about to thank him for the snack! "Are you the Doctor? Or maybe one of the Doctors? Are there more than one?" She sat up on her haunches so she could peer at him better.

"There are several and they are all me." He replied, shifting to sit cross-legged on the ground. "But the important thing is.. where is it you're trying to go? Perhaps I can help you get there, as long as it's not Heathrow, it shouldn't be a problem." He grinned as if she were supposed to understand that.

"Disneyland!" Umbra replied, grabbing the map to turn it about for him.

"Well," Maddy said between chews, "Actually," she swallowed, "We want to go to Wonderland. Disneyland just happens to have the tunnel into Wonderland."

"Ah." He said as if this explained it all. "And getting all turned about in the portals are we?"

"Portals?" Maddy asked.

"I think that's British for 'door'" Umbra said in a stage whisper. "Speedy'd know!"

"Those too." The man agreed.

"I wish Hannah were here!" Maddy said with a thump, "She'd understand all this is the Doctor, isn't the Doctor, tunnels, portals and celery stuff! She's all nerdy scientific!"

"Well, I think I can manage the scientific." He said, "And I am, indeed, The Doctor. Perhaps not the Doctor you will know, but I am still the Doctor."

The girls exchanged another look. Umbra shuffled up to him and peered up with her widest eyed look, "Uhm.. So you have a TARDIS?"

The Doctor looked at her suspiciously, smile failing to falter, "I do indeed have a TARDIS. I'm not sure it'll get you to Wonderland, however."

"Does your TARDIS really have a garden in it?" Maddy asked, leaving the stalk of celery unchewed, grooming her mouth in appreciation for the yummy celery leaves.

"It has everything it wants to have," He replied. "So I suspect, if the TARDIS wants a garden, the TARDIS will have a garden."

Noses wriggled. "We did promise Hannah we'd try and get that watch for her Mom." Umbra said.

"But.." Maddy scritched a hind foot to the base of her ear, "Mickey told us all about the garden!"

"Mickey tells a thousand tales. I'm sure some of them are even true!" Umbra pointed out.

"Hmph." Maddy said, all fours back on the ground.  "Well Mister, possibly a doctor, probably The Doctor, if you would be so kind as to give us invite onto your TARDIS, I'm sure she would be feeling kind enough to send us on our way. She's very smart."

"She?" he queried, brow furrowed.

"The TARDIS!" Maddy exclaimed, rather indignant.

"AH." He replied without further observation. He stood up and dusted off his cream coloured trousers. "Well, I suppose we can ask .. her." He said with bemusement, "The worst that can happen is we end up a thousand years in the future, looking for a good book." He turned back the way he'd apparently come from, "Come along, then."

Umbra grabbed the map and stuffed it in a bunny sack before joining Maddy in hopping after him.

"But if we go a thousand years in the future, won't you meet your future self? I mean, the one Mickey knows? 'Cause if you don't know Mickey.. its either because you haven't met him or you haven't met him yet, or maybe you won't meet him because you're not his Doctor, or.." Maddy trailed off and shook her head, "I'm getting a brain ache."

"Takes a real problem with time for someone to meet themselves," the Doctor told her as they rounded a corner and gestured to the blue box resting almost against the hill. "Don't mind Tegan, she's a bit cranky." He warned as he opened the door. "It's hard to resist asking you a thousand questions about my future self. I wonder how far down the line he is."

Umbra looked up at him as she followed Maddy into the TARDIS. "You're making about as much sense as people who drink poisoned water." Her humom had been watching a show all about it before Umbra'd snuck out.

"Poisoned water?" A female voice said from inside. "Who's drinking poisoned water? And what's this Doctor? Rabbits? What's next? A Cheshire Cat?"

"Oh, I hope so!" Maddy interjected.

"Yes.. Poisoned water!" Umbra said looking up at the woman, "You know, take perfectly good water, heat it until it bursts, then stick foul tasting leaves in it until it turns an awful shade of brown!"

The woman raised an eyebrow at the rabbits and looked at the Doctor who was closing the door, "They're complaining about tea."

"Then we best not serve them any." The Doctor replied. He strode across to the console and started playing with settings.

"It's very white in here," Maddy said, looking about.

"Yes, well, don't leave any brown!" Tegan ordered.

The girls rolled their eyes. "It's just Mickey was bragging about all the bits and bobs."

"Who's a Mickey and why do we care?" Tegan asked.

"He's a boy - and .." Maddy trailed off, "I don't know."

Umbra hopped over to the Doctor. "Maybe you could ask her nicely to take us to Disneyland?"

The Doctor smiled and winked to Tegan. "Dear TARDIS, please take us, and the rabbits, to Disneyland." He then threw a button.

There were all sorts of things moving and whirring for several minutes before all became quiet again.

"Just a short hop, I see." The Doctor said before pulling up a view screen. 

"Don't mind him, he thinks he's funny." Tegan told the rabbits.

Upon the screen was a twisty turny forest, and on a low lying branch was a low lying cat with a mile-wide smile on its face. It waved a paw to them.

"Bloody --" Tegan stopped herself before she finished the profanity, "That's a Cheshire Cat!"

"So it is." The Doctor said, rather nonplussed.

"Oh, even better! Thank you TARDIS!" Maddy gave the bottom of the console a quick groom before dashing to the door, Umbra following suit. The small lionhead thumped a foot. "Well? Are you going to open the door or not?"

Tegan grinned, "Yes Doctor, are you going to open the door for the rabbit, who is apparently in quite the hurry. Perhaps she's late?"

The Doctor shook his head and opened the door, the two girls disappearing down the path, shouting back their thanks and appreciation.  He turned to Tegan, "Did you want to go explore Wonderland?"

"No, I want to go to Heathrow." She replied and then sighed, "But as that seems to be impossible, let's go find a tea party. I could use a cuppa.. no matter how 'poisoned' a bunny may think it may be!" The stewardess picked up her handbag from beside the door and marched out.

The Doctor looked at the console and patted it a little self-consciously, "Thank you," He said after a quick look about to see everyone was out of ear shot. He then tilted his head to one side, studying the monitor that the cat had disappeared from, "I think."